


Much ado about nothing

by numot94 (futureplans)



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2019-10-04 18:51:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 163,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17310011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futureplans/pseuds/numot94
Summary: Seungwan's front-door neighbour is the most beautiful woman she's ever seen, and one day she'll definitely work up the courage to ask her out. In the meantime, though, she'd be happy to get through a conversation without embarrassing herself.





	1. Act 1 Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another wenrene story, this one a bit longer than what I've published so far. Updates will come every saturday and I hope you enjoy it!

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die alone with cats. She loved cats. Sure, she would sleep alone in a cold and empty bed for the rest of her life, but still. Cats. Those guys sure know how to warm you up. She just had to focus on the bright side: if she resigned herself to her lonely fate, she would never again lose sleep over her inability to ask a girl out. Because she would never ask a girl out and she would live her entire life alone and then die. Alone.

Seungwan sighed, willing the word “alone” to stop echoing in her mind. This always happened when she forgot her headphones at home and her brain was given free rein to just think. Sometimes the thoughts were a little more fun though, featuring fun activities with attractive people that tinted her cheeks red and caused her to lose track of her surroundings. The fun thoughts led to a lot of bumping into the corners of furniture. Then there were the more neutral thoughts, like “how much does a donut have to be altered in order to no longer be recognized as a donut” or “what is «are we humans or are we dancers» supposed to mean”.

On this particular day, as Seungwan returned from the supermarket weighed down by a few bags of groceries, her brain was occupied by the decision to give up on her love life, which seemed increasingly alluring now that she was trying to hype herself up to ask a girl out. On the one hand, a cold and empty existence. On the other, the possibility of failure and humiliation. It was a tough one.

Finally, she arrived at her building. She balanced her bags awkwardly while fumbling with her keys, trying to open the front door without dropping anything. A figure in the entrance hall stepped forward to spare her the effort, silently letting her in. Seungwan thanked her and quickly walked inside, then scrambled to a stop, trying and probably failing to look casual.

It was her. Her neighbour. Her super pretty, super probably-uninterested neighbour. Her neighbour who was very nicely dressed and clearly waiting for someone to pick her up. Just like the previous day. Of course it was just her luck that as soon as Seungwan seriously considered asking someone out they found someone else. And yes, she had been “seriously” considering it for a month, but still. The principle of the thing. And Seungwan had just walked in looking like a sack of potatoes in an old college hoodie and a messy ponytail, which was just. Great.

She walked over to her mailbox and put down her bags, searching for the key in her pockets. She wasn't even sure why she was trying to prolong their time together. So she could get a glimpse of the mysterious date and confirm that they were better than her in every way? Sure, sounded fun enough. She noticed the neighbour looking at her.

“Just, uh, checking my mail before I go up.” She chuckled awkwardly, immediately feeling like an idiot. The other woman simply quirked an eyebrow, as if to point out that not much mail would be arriving on a Sunday evening. “...I forgot to check yesterday. Or today before I left for my groceries.”

She chuckled again and made a mental note to stop chuckling forever starting immediately. She finally managed to open her mailbox, which was unsurprisingly empty. The appeal of dying alone with cats increased with each passing moment. She gathered up her bags then spoke up again, because she was an idiot with no self-control.

“So, you're going on a date? Just, because you're all dressed up and...” She let her sentence trail off and cleared her throat. A few moments of silence stretched on as her neighbour tried to determine whether she was going to say anything else. As it became clear that Seungwan was done, she responded.

“I'm going out for dinner with my parents. They're in town for the weekend so I've been keeping them company.”

Seungwan nodded to make time for her brain to decode what the woman had just said, a bit distracted at finally hearing her voice saying something longer than “good morning”. It was a really nice voice. Matched her face. Then the meaning of the words hit her. Parents, not date. Parents! Not date!

“Oh, so that's why you -” She stopped halfway through her relieved exclamation. It was probably rude to say “that's why you actually left your home on a weekend”, right? Even if it was true. She paused awkwardly, then continued with “Er, why you were dressed so nice. Because, your parents. Dinner.” She chuckled nervously. She should have known she couldn't adhere to a chuckle ban.

“Yes,” her neighbour drawled slowly. She looked at her watch, then outside, like she was willing her parents to materialize and save her from the world's least articulate person. Seungwan carried her bags over to the elevator to grant the woman the small mercy of leaving, then turned around to say goodbye.

“So, speaking of weekends and doing things on them.” That was not goodbye, not even close. That was bad idea territory. “Are you... doing anything? On the next one, that's coming, after this one.” Seungwan's brain had abandoned all logical processes and was now just shouting out a continuous “no”. The woman looked at the empty street again and Seungwan turned away to push the elevator button. She wondered if she could get away with just pretending she hadn't said anything and leaving and then moving to a different apartment in a different continent.

Suddenly, an idea. “Because I am.” Seungwan, you genius. “Next weekend, I'm going out of town with friends. I need someone to feed my cat while I'm gone.” Amazing. A fool-proof save and a ticket to at least one more social interaction with her pretty neighbour. Sometimes, she really outdid herself. “I would ask my friends, but they won't be here. Because I'm going out of town with them.” Okay, so maybe not a genius. Still having a little trouble with the talking.

“Oh, okay. I can do that.” The neighbour sounded relieved, but maybe that was just her imagination. Seungwan was too embarrassed to turn back around and check. Finally, the elevator arrived and she started placing her bags inside.

“So, I'll talk to you later? To give you my apartment keys and stuff.”

“Yes, you can come by any day after 7.”

She attempted an awkward smile, but the other woman was once again peering outside. A car had just pulled up. Sticking an arm out to keep the elevator doors from closing, Seungwan called out “I'm Seungwan, by the way.”

“Oh, I'm Joohyun. Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

She saw her walk out the building as the elevator doors closed. Seungwan leaned against the wall, feeling her heart pound in her ears. She took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm it, then immediately grabbed her phone to text Seulgi.

«Hey, got any plans for next weekend? I kind of need a place to crash»

A fool-proof plan.

(…)

Maybe it wasn’t such a good plan. Sure, it was quick thinking, and saved her and Joohyun from the experience of receiving and delivering a humiliating rejection, respectively, but beyond that... Not her finest. And when she dropped off her spare keys, Joohyun just nodded at her instructions and didn't even want to come over and meet Mr. Fluffers, so that interaction lasted about 10 seconds.

And now here she was, at Seulgi's place, having a sleepover for no reason except that she was terrible at talking to girls. She sighed and gripped her pillow tighter. Seulgi poked her side gently.

“You can still talk to her when you pick up your keys next week,” she offered optimistically, easily able to guess at Seungwan's train of thought. “Trust me, this is just the start, now it's going to be much easier to approach her.”

Seungwan sighed again and dropped sideways on the couch. “I'm never going to be able to talk to her ever again. This is the end for me and love.”

Seulgi laughed and poked her again, this time on her legs. “Come on, it's going to be fine. And it's not the end for anything.” Seungwan groaned, but didn't move. “Look, even if it doesn't work out -”

“So you don't think it's going to work out!” Seungwan exclaimed, interrupting her and launching herself up to face her. Seulgi sighed.

“I didn't say that. I think it's going to go great. But even if it didn't, you'd be fine. Plenty of fish in the sea,” Seulgi concluded with a smile, patting Seungwan's knee.

“But she's the prettiest fish, Seulgi. She's just so pretty.” Seungwan shook her head slowly “And I'm one of the really ugly ones. With two eyes on the same side of my face.”

Seulgi frowned at Seungwan's words. “That's not true, Wannie, you're really pretty. You're like a...” she paused for a moment. “I can't think of any pretty fish, they all just kind of look like fish, I guess. But you're definitely not an ugly fish.”

Seungwan laughed at Seulgi's words, then let her head fall on her shoulder. “Okay, fine, I'm not the ugliest. If you insist.” She stretched her arms to reach around Seulgi and pull her into a side-hug. “Seulgi, you're such a good and supportive friend. You really know how to make me feel better.” She couldn't see Seulgi's face, but she could imagine her eyebrows raising warily. “You know what would really make me feel happy right now?”

Seulgi paused for a moment, then sighed. “No, you can't have the bed.”

She pulled away with a pout. “I thought I was your best friend. But I see you value your own comfort more than our friendship. I never expected this from you.”

Seulgi's brow furrowed as she seemed to struggle with some inner conflict. Then she sighed in resignation and turned to Seungwan. Before she could open her mouth, Seungwan spoke up. “I'll take the couch, don't worry. You're too nice and you make me feel bad for taking advantage of it.” She rolled her eyes and settled further down the couch, reaching back for her pillow.

Seulgi quirked up an eyebrow and smirked. “Maybe that was my plan all along.”

Seungwan snorted. “No, it really wasn’t.”

(…)

It was Sunday afternoon and Seungwan was on her way home. After her initial dramatic mood, the night with Seulgi ended up being pretty fun. She wasn't sure how she'd got it into her head that a weekend with her best friend would be some kind of punishment. Instead, they watched a bad movie, had a few beers, shared some fun work stories and stayed up well past Seungwan's typical weekend bed-time. Not that she'd admit that she had one, or just how early it was.

Walking into her building, Seungwan remembered the awkward conversation she'd had there almost a week ago. Maybe Seulgi was right and this was just a rocky start. She just had to play her cards right and mention something that could lead to further contact. Maybe find a common interest, or some neighbourly activity they could do together. She took the stairs to the second floor and started looking for her keys in her bag. Maybe she could take Joohyun out to lunch or something to thank her for her cat-sitting. Yes, that would be perfect! This hadn't been a bad idea at all, she thought as she opened her apartment door.

This was the worst idea she'd ever had, she corrected as she walked into her apartment to find a strange woman sitting on her couch and watching TV. She had long dark hair and thick lips and the way her legs stretched out in front of her suggested that she was much taller than Seungwan. Not that that was a rare occurrence.

“Of course. I gave my apartment keys to a woman I barely know and she gave them to a robber and now she's robbing me.” Seungwan nodded as though it made perfect sense. She'd brought it on herself, honestly. “Yep, did not think that one through.”

The woman on the couch looked up at her, then back at the TV. She seemed bored, but that might just be what her face looked like naturally. “Hey,” she said flatly. “I'm not robbing your apartment.” She paused, then added “I did consider snooping through your stuff, though. But I didn't.”

On second glance, her clothes were a little colourful for a robbery. She was wearing jeans and a red top with a heart on it, not exactly discreet. Seungwan looked at her expectantly. The woman continued watching TV for a while, then turned to her with a curious “What?”

“Who are you?” Seungwan yelled at the stranger. “Why are you in my apartment?”

The woman turned down the volume on the TV, although she didn't seem to get the hint that she should turn it off altogether. And leave. “I'm Sooyoung, I came to feed your cat,” she explained, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. As an afterthought, she added “Joohyun said you have to hang around while he eats, so I was watching TV.”

It all sounded so logical. Sooyoung and Joohyun were friends, they’d probably met at some convention for beautiful people, and now Joohyun had delegated the task of watching her weird neighbour's cat to her younger friend. Seungwan stood at the entrance to the apartment for a moment, feeling like she'd lost her grip on reality just a little bit. Finally, she endeavoured to ask just one more question. “So, why are you here instead of Joohyun, the person that I asked to come here?”

“Oh, she's terrified of cats.” Seungwan gave up on trying to interpret the information coming out of Sooyoung's mouth. Sooyoung leaned back in the couch and looked at the TV. “Do you mind if I finish watching my show? Since I'm already here.”

“Yeah, sure, knock yourself out.” Giving up on the conversation with Sooyoung, Seungwan decided to go to the source. She dropped her bag and immediately walked back out, marching to the other side of the corridor to knock on Joohyun's door. She waited a moment in silence, then knocked again.

Finally, the door opened, revealing Joohyun. In her bra. She looked at Seungwan, seemingly unconcerned. “Oh, Seungwan, you're back.”

Seungwan's eyes travelled at record speed from Joohyun's face to her cleavage to the apartment door, where they rested stubbornly. She felt her cheeks growing red and cleared her throat. “You're, um, not wearing a shirt or anything.”

From her peripheral vision, she saw Joohyun glance down. “Oh, I was ironing. It gets really hot,” she stated, like it explained why she would open the door like that.

“Right, so do you want to maybe put on a top or, uh, so I could stop pretending to be so interested in the door? What is that, oak?” She leaned closer to the door, feeling her face get hotter and hotter.

Joohyun gazed at it herself, then pondered distractedly “I don't know, I suppose it's the same material as yours.” She reached out to rub at it, like that would help decipher the mystery. Then she shrugged and moved out of sight, returning with a shirt. She put it on and turned back to Seungwan expectantly.

She slowly moved her eyes back to her neighbour. Then to a point vaguely to the right of her head. “You're not going to close it or... That's fine too, your body your choices.” She had the feeling the conversation would go a lot better if Joohyun's bra weren't showing but then again, she couldn't trust herself to sound human on the best of days. She cleared her throat. “So, your friend is in my living room.”

“Oh yes, she's feeding Mr. Fluffers.”

“Yes, I got that part from her, but I was under the impression that you would be the one to do it. You know, the person I asked and whom I actually know.” Who knew, maybe she was the one making no sense. Maybe it was perfectly normal to send your friends to strangers' apartments and she'd just missed the memo.

“Right, that's because I'm slightly... Afraid of cats. Didn't Sooyoung tell you?”

“Yes, but I just assumed she was making fun of me, it sounds so...” Joohyun raised a defensive eyebrow. “Legitimate. Super legitimate and reasonable. But a little unexpected. You know, that you would agree to feed my cat under those circumstances. And not say anything.”

“It slipped my mind at the time.” Joohyun began to toy with the bottom of her shirt. Now if only she'd button it up, so Seungwan could get a grip on this conversation. Not that she wouldn't mind getting a grip on some other things. What were they talking about again? “Seungwan?” Joohyun looked vaguely concerned. “I apologize for sending my friend to your apartment. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want your cat to starve. I'm not sure how long cats live without food.”

“Probably more than one day,” Seungwan mused, then tried to pull herself together. She brought her gaze experimentally to Joohyun's face, locking eyes for only a moment before she was looking away again, dazed by those inscrutable depths. “It's, uh, it's fine though. Thanks anyway.”

Joohyun flashed her a quick smile, which could be genuine appreciation as easily as polite acknowledgment. They faced each other in silence for a moment. Seungwan started to wonder if she'd overstayed her welcome, which on second thought was a bit unfair considering she'd come to complain. Then she remembered she was supposed to use this conversation to get closer to Joohyun, not antagonize her. Great. When would she learn to accept dying alone with cats and stop all this getting to know people nonsense that she was clearly terrible at?

Joohyun leaned against the door frame, probably wondering whether the conversation was over and she could go back to ironing. Seungwan made a split-second decision. “So, you're afraid of cats, huh? Are you afraid of all animals? Or just... Cats?” It was a bad split-second decision. It was dumb, she sounded dumb, she needed to leave right away.

“All animals,” she replied simply, with a small nod. Yep, conversation over, time to leave.

“Cool, cool. I mean, not cool. You would probably prefer not to be afraid of animals and all. But you're not missing much.” Babbling Seungwan was bad Seungwan. She needed to leave and start working on faking her death. Would Seulgi run away with her or would she have to find a new best friend? They'd never be as good as Seulgi, Seungwan hated this plan already. “I guess you can't go to the zoo. But it's like, super expensive anyway so... Yeah.”

As Seungwan spoke, Joohyun focused somewhere behind her, then looked down. She quirked an eyebrow and slowly started buttoning up her shirt, finishing just as Seungwan lamely presented her opinion on zoos. Then she looked back up, squinting confusedly before her face lit up in understanding. She turned to Seungwan and politely asked “Did you have a good weekend?” So, that was pretty suspicious.

Seungwan turned around to see Sooyoung standing by her apartment door in the middle of a thumbs-up. She didn't seem embarrassed to have been caught and simply walked up to them. She stood next to Joohyun, patting her shoulder. “She forgets to be polite,” she offered as explanation. Joohyun elbowed her half-heartedly.

Standing next to them, Sooyoung really seemed as tall as Seungwan as expected, but she also seemed a lot younger, probably younger than her. Her bored expression had vanished and she was now wearing an amused smile.

“I... had a nice weekend, yes.” This was getting weird and she was a little bit afraid of Sooyoung, so she should probably just go home now. But Joohyun's face suddenly looked soft and relaxed, bringing into relief just how closed off and distant it had been when it was just the two of them. Now her eyes looked bright and animated, which curiously made them even more distracting. Joohyun looked at Sooyoung, obviously expecting her to carry on the conversation from there. This was less good.

“So, where did you go? Not too far out if you're already home, huh?” Yes, Sooyoung was dangerous and asked dangerous questions. Well, not so much dangerous as regular polite questions that people ask each other when they're making conversation. Not dangerous at all if Seungwan had actually gone anywhere. Reformulation: Sooyoung was dangerous for people who had invented flimsy excuses and never bothered to flesh them out. Like, for example, Seungwan the genius.

“Oh, you know, just...” She coughed into her hand and mumbled something indistinct while determinedly avoiding eye contact. “Then my friend had a thing that she had to do, so we left a little early.”

A complaining meow sounded from her apartment, causing Joohyun to flinch and step closer to Sooyoung, who giggled. Mr. Fluffers must have finished digesting his meal and was now indignant that his mother hadn't come to greet him. Seungwan inwardly thanked his spoiled butt. “I should go check on Mr. Fluffers, I think he missed me.”

She made her goodbyes and quickly retreated into the apartment before the two women had a chance to respond. Inside, she scooped Fluffers up into her arms and petted his soft belly as his purrs died out and he nibbled at her hand, clearly displeased. “Who saved his mommy from being exposed? It's my fluffy boy, yes it is!”


	2. Act 1 Part 2

Life was full of crazy turns. Sometimes you spent so long trying to ask someone out and then you ended up on a date with someone else entirely. A date set up by your best friend because she'd finally given up on you finding love on your own, but still a date.

Seungwan sighed and pulled her bag strap up on her shoulder. The stupid fancy handbag kept slipping down and nearly dropping to her elbow. At least she was almost home, finally. She'd be able to drop the bag, step off her heels and into something comfortably flat and maybe go out for a taco or something, if she was fast enough.

It was a terrible date. The guy ordered a salad for her before she could even look at the menu, then launched into a 20-minute monologue about investment banking. He was so wrapped up in it that he didn't notice Seungwan picking up her phone to text Seulgi under the table.

Seungwan: «How did you find him??? »

Seulgi: «A friend of a friend said he was really nice. Are those question marks excited or upset? :D »

Seungwan: «He's the worst. Save me »

Her phone immediately started ringing and she answered it with an apologetic grimace aimed at her date. “Mom? Why are you calling this late? Is everything alright?”

“Okay, so it's a bad date,” Seulgi replied without hesitation, obviously catching on to Seungwan’s plan. “That's an experience too. I'm sure the next one will be better and -”

Seungwan interrupted her friend with a surprised gasp, her free hand shooting to grab the table cloth. “Oh no, and at dad's age! Is it serious? What do the doctors say?”

Seulgi sighed. “All I'm saying is, I still think it's a good idea to have some dates. You might meet someone you like and even if you don't, you'll -”

“Surgery? But that sounds so dangerous! Hold on, I'm coming over. What hospital did you say you were at?” She started gathering her things and pushing her chair back. She covered the phone with her hand and whispered to her date “I'm so sorry, I'm going to have to leave early and deal with this. I am so sorry.”

He muttered some words of assent, but she was already walking off. Seulgi continued to speak. “You'll be less nervous around the idea of dating,” she finished quickly, before Seungwan had a chance to end the call. Seungwan scoffed as she exited the restaurant.

“I've dated before, you know?” she pointed out sarcastically, since they were both well aware of her romantic past. She was on her way to the subway, which wasn't ideal, but she had to get home somehow.

“Yeah, in college. This is adult dating. It's different”

“Wait, I'm getting into the subway, I'm losing you.” Seungwan walked down the steps carefully, trying not to fall and break a leg on those stupid heels. She faked some crackling noises then hung up on Seulgi with a sigh.

And now she was finally home and still coping with the tragedy of all the time she'd wasted on her make-up. She stepped into the elevator and watched the doors close just as someone walked into the building holding a couple of pizza boxes. Out of reflex, she quickly reached out to hold the elevator, her gaze lingering jealously on the pizza.

As the pizza stranger entered the elevator, she realized with a start that it was Joohyun. She simply hadn't recognized her in her distracted mood because her neighbour was wearing a pair of oversized glasses she'd never seen before. That and her large sweater that half covered her hands made her look ridiculously cute. Seungwan's heels generated a height difference, so that she found herself looking down at that perfect face as she mumbled a greeting.

“You look nice,” commented Joohyun. Suddenly, her make-up didn't feel like a waste of time anymore. She smiled nervously and looked at the elevator panel.

“I had a, um, date.” She gripped the strap of her handbag tighter. “It wasn't very good, so I faked a family emergency and left like 30 minutes in.” She shrugged and Joohyun raised an eyebrow wisely, as though they were acknowledging the inevitability of bad dates in this economy.

They rode the elevator in silence, until Joohyun seemed to suddenly recall something. “Oh, you must not have had dinner.” Seungwan nodded silently, trying to avoid looking too pointedly at the pizza, whose smell had already invaded the small compartment. “Would you like a slice of pizza? My friends and I won't eat it all anyway.”

Seungwan was about to politely refuse when her stomach growled, making its intentions clear. Before either of them could speak, the elevator doors opened on their floor and they both walked out. Joohyun stopped in front of her own door, putting down the pizza boxes to tug at Seungwan's arm before she could get away. “Hold on, I'll give you a slice before I walk in.”

Seungwan acquiesced silently, acutely aware of Joohyun's fingers wrapped around her arm, turning to stand awkwardly by the door while Joohyun opened a box and pulled a slice free. She gave it to Seungwan, then grabbed one for herself. She chewed a bite in silence, leaning against the wall, then finally asked “Are you... upset? That your date was disappointing?”

She took another bite as she waited for a response, then paused to push up her glasses with the back of her hand. It was absurdly adorable. “I've never felt better in my life,” Seungwan blurted out, immediately feeling like an idiot. “I mean, I don't mind, or whatever. It was just a blind date.”

“Why would you do that? Go on a blind date when you're barely invested.” That was a fair enough question, but Seungwan couldn't help but feel judged. Now Joohyun probably thought she was so desperate for love that she would subject herself to nights with absolute strangers just to avoid being home alone. It wasn't entirely untrue, but she felt the need to explain.

“My friend made me go. She says I have to start somewhere, but honestly it feels more like a punishment.”

“Punishment for what?” Joohyun asked distractedly, attempting to keep a piece of mushroom from falling off her slice of pizza.

“Oh, because I won't... Ask...” Great, she'd gotten carried away. Obviously she couldn't just blurt out the truth and tell Joohyun she wanted to ask her out while eating a slice of pizza in a hallway. In general terms, she couldn't ask her out anywhere at any time because she was too scared. But especially not at that moment. She had to improvise. “Ask this girl out. That I kind of like.”

So the number one rule of pursuing someone romantically was probably to not act like you were interested in someone else. Maybe not number one, it might be behind stuff like not cutting off your own ear, but it was definitely up there. But hey, Seungwan played by her own rules. Bad, terrible rules that would work out terribly for her.

Joohyun paused her chewing, looking thoughtful. “So, why not ask her out? It would save you a lot of trouble, wouldn't it?”

“Yeah, but what if she says no?” Seungwan retorted, only half joking. To her surprise, Joohyun simply nodded in agreement, apparently satisfied with this justification, and continued to eat.

Seungwan felt that this conversation was heading towards an opportunity that she had to seize. Not asking Joohyun out, no, that was ridiculous. But she could inquire into her love life without seeming too obvious. “So, what about you?” she asked, trying to seem casual. “Do you usually go on dates? Like, with a boyfriend or...”

Once again, Joohyun waited in silence for a few moments just in case Seungwan intended to finish her sentence. Then she replied simply “I've never been on a date.” She continued to eat, almost at the end of her slice now.

Seungwan was jealous of the ease with which she said it, like it didn't make her feel insecure at all. She couldn't even imagine that kind of confidence. But most of all, she was surprised by the statement itself. “Why's that?” she asked, curious.

Joohyun shrugged “Oh, nobody ever asked.” She'd finished her slice and was wiping her fingers on a napkin which she then stuffed in her pocket.

Seungwan was speaking before she had time to filter her thoughts. “How is that even possible? You're the prettiest person I know.” She paused in horror at her own words, but then Joohyun smiled shily, looking down while she tucked her hair behind her ear with her right hand. Suddenly, they were the best words Seungwan had ever said.

“I doubt that very much.” Joohyun laughed a little, then pushed her glasses back up. “But whatever the reason, I really haven't been asked.”

Seungwan tried to control her smile, which was a little embarrassing with its persistence. She was already done with her slice and it didn't escape her notice that now they were simply chatting for no reason while Joohyun's friends awaited her. “So... Why don't you ask someone out?”

Joohyun smiled mysteriously. “Because they might say no.” Then she giggled conspiratorially. Seungwan felt warmth blooming in her chest. Were they really joking around so easily? Maybe Seulgi had been right and their previous conversations were the start of something more. Maybe she still had a chance.

Joohyun's apartment door opened suddenly, startling them. Out peeked a familiar head wearing a look of concern that quickly turned to amusement. Sooyoung stepped out to poke at Joohyun's side, teasingly calling out “Did you get lost on your way home, little girl?”

Joohyun looked confused for a moment, then she exclaimed “Right, my friends!” She leant down for the pizza boxes, which Sooyoung quickly snatched out of her hands.

“We have to get some slices for ourselves before you eat it all.” She turned to Seungwan then. “Oh, the neighbour. You look... less short.” Seungwan narrowed her eyes, but Sooyoung was beaming brightly before she could be offended. “Was our drunk little Joohyun keeping you from a date?”

“No, I'm already back actually.” Right. Drunk. She looked closer at Joohyun, noticing her slightly flushed cheeks for the first time. Not blackout drunk or anything, but definitely drunk enough to become chatty. That... actually made a lot more sense than sudden friendship. She glanced awkwardly between Joohyun and Sooyoung. “I should get home. Don't want to hold up your party any longer.”

Someone called Joohyun from inside and she walked off with a wave and a dazzling smile. Sooyoung lingered behind. “It's not really a party, you're not interrupting anything. I'd invite you in but she gets a little clingy when she's had a few. Probably not how she'd want to make a first impression.” She flashed a conciliatory smile, then glanced at the pizzas. “Do you want a slice? We won't eat it all.”

“I'm good, thanks. Have a nice not-party.” She smiled back at Sooyoung and walked to her own apartment, stepping in with a sigh of relief. She took off her heels and flopped onto the couch, followed moments later by a purring ball of fur. In the silence of the apartment, she suddenly heard a buzzing. Taking her phone out of her handbag, she noticed the missed calls from Seulgi.

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” she quickly said into the receiver, cutting off Seulgi's concerned questioning. “And forget about the date, I'm over that. So…” She readjusted herself until she was sitting in a comfortable position with Mr. Fluffers on her lap. “I ran into Joohyun just now and she was a little drunk but she was super nice and gave me a slice of pizza and I told her she was pretty and she smiled. It was amazing.”

There was a moment of silence then some muffled sounds of movement. “Okay, I'm sitting down. Now tell me everything that happened.”

(…)

Seungwan sat on her couch, willing herself to get up and walk out the door. Everything had been fine while she dragged herself from bed to breakfast to bathroom, but she'd blown it when she’d decided to sit down to put on her shoes. Now she wasn't sure any force in the world could pull her back up. Mr. Fluffers watched from the corner in silent judgment. “Shut up, Fluffers, remember who buys your food.” He blinked slowly, then turned around so he was no longer facing her. “I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean that. I'm just grumpy because it's so early.”

She took a deep breath and lifted herself up, groaning. Then she gave Mr. Fluffers a quick apologetic pet before grabbing her coat and finally stepping out. It was all Seulgi's fault, of course. She wanted to go to a friend's concert later that day so they'd rearranged their work schedules to get in earlier and leave in time for the concert. Unfortunately, that involved leaving the house at an ungodly hour, which was firmly against Seungwan's life philosophy. But letting down her best friend was even more against it, so here she was, bumping into the door frame and wearily shrugging into her coat.

At that moment, the door across the hallway opened and Joohyun stepped out in athletic gear. Seungwan stopped in her tracks, then headed uncertainly towards her neighbour. They hadn't spoken since her failed date and she wasn't sure whether she should pretend it hadn't happened, given Sooyoung's words about first impressions. Still, the memory of Joohyun's smile pushed her forward.

“Hi, neighbour.” Joohyun looked up with a start, only then noticing Seungwan. After she’d recovered, she nodded in acknowledgment and ran her fingers through her hair to catch it in a ponytail. Seungwan tried not to stare at her exposed neck, which seemed almost sculpted.

“You're up quite early,” Joohyun remarked, stretching one leg behind her, then the other, maintaining perfect balance. “I don't usually run into anyone at this hour.”

“It's definitely a one-time thing. I tend to avoid being up at dawn.” Joohyun had begun to stretch her arms over her head, to one side and the other. She didn't seem interested in eye contact and Seungwan lingered uncertainly, wondering if she should just go. “So, you're going running?”

“Yes, I try to go before work. Gives me energy for the day.” Seungwan tried to imagine running before work and the thought alone made her exhausted. Or maybe it was just the current lack of sleep. She wondered if she could sneak in a nap at work. Maybe if she ate fast enough on her lunch hour.

“I think I'd die if I tried to do that,” Seungwan admitted with a chuckle. Joohyun finished stretching, which Seungwan took as a cue to stop pretending not to stare and walk to the stairs. They walked in silence, as her usual urge to babble uncontrollably appeared to be suppressed by the early hour and Joohyun herself seemed uninterested in conversation.

Downstairs, she prepared to walk out when Joohyun called her name. “Seungwan, I'd like to... apologize for my behaviour the other night. I worry I might have made you uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to... impose,” she ended gravely. She looked very serious, giving her a strangely severe aura for such a petite woman. It made Seungwan feel like she was the one who should be apologizing.

She shrugged with one shoulder, unsure how she should respond. “It's, uh, really fine. And, you know, you gave me pizza, so...”

Joohyun furrowed her brow. “I apologize for the pizza as well,” she added hastily. Her furrowed brow and tiny clenched fists made Joohyun look more cute than serious, but Seungwan couldn't help but feel like she was being blown off.

“I meant, the pizza was good.” She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Probably Seulgi making sure she hadn't fallen back asleep. She had to go or she'd be late. “I really have to get going now, but it's totally fine. Don't worry about it.” She tried to smile reassuringly but it probably just looked awkward. That was the general direction all her gestures tended to go. Then she waved at Joohyun and hurried off.

She managed to stay awake all day, although she did take that lunch-time nap she'd hoped for. Seulgi showed up just as she was getting off work, beaming brightly and looking as energetic as ever. Seungwan needed a post-work coffee to get there, but Seulgi provided it helpfully. Then they hurried off to the concert, which was followed by a few rounds with the band that left Seungwan just a little past tipsy. She giggled her way through the goodbyes, then was guided to a taxi by Seulgi, who got in beside her. On the way home, she finally described the events of that morning to her best friend, ending with a careless “So maybe she never wants to talk to me again or whatever,” and another giggle. Seulgi patted her back and assured her that it probably wasn't the case, but Seungwan was just too euphoric on the heels of a great night out to really care either way.

Seulgi escorted her all the way to her apartment door, like the chivalrous little bear she was. Seungwan wrapped her in a tight hug, then turned her around and pointed at the door across the hallway.  “That's where Joohyun lives,” she whispered with a giggle, her chin resting on Seulgi's shoulder. “She's the prettiest fish,” she added with a dreamy smile. Then she gasped slightly. “Oh no, what if she never wants to talk to me again?”

Seulgi patted her back some more and made sure she got in safely, taking the opportunity to greet Mr. Fluffers, who had deigned to make an appearance by the door. Then she left for home and Seungwan returned to her long-awaited bed. As soon as Seulgi texted that she'd arrived home safely, she tucked herself in and fell asleep.

(…)

The next time she met Joohyun, she was coming back from taking out the trash just as her neighbour stepped out of the apartment. Once more, Seungwan was wearing old, shapeless clothes and no make-up while the already beautiful Joohyun glowed in a simple ensemble of jeans and a shirt. Seungwan waited while she locked the door behind herself, hoping for at least a short exchange of words before she left. Joohyun turned around, then promptly released a small yelp of surprise at the sight of Seungwan.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” Seungwan said, smiling apologetically. Joohyun's face was already back to its neutral state and she waved her hand dismissively. “I was just going to say hi. Since we're both in the hallway.”

Joohyun nodded thoughtfully, as though she was absorbing her words. Then she turned her gaze to Seungwan for a second and flashed a polite smile. “Hi.”

Seungwan jerked her thumb towards her apartment “I was on my way back home. Just taking out the trash.” She smiled nervously, a bit unsettled by Joohyun's passive expression. “But you're going out, huh? Anything special?”

“A friend's party,” Joohyun replied after a short pause. She stood in place, eyes lazily scanning the region around Seungwan and occasionally landing on her face. Seungwan suddenly felt cold sweat run down her spine at the strange atmosphere. Should she try to say something else or just let the woman go?

“A party, cool.” She nodded for emphasis, feeling a little idiotic. “Cool, cool.” Maybe more than a little. “Sooyoung or... another friend?”

“Another friend.” Okay, no, this was definitely the time to abort the conversation and go home.

She nodded again, muttered “cool” a few more times like a complete ass then pointed at her apartment door once more. “So, I should probably go and check on some stuff. At home. Have a nice party.”

Joohyun smiled stiffly for a fraction of a second, then headed to the stairs. Seungwan leaned against the wall to watch her leave, shoving her hands deep in her hoodie pocket with a sigh. At this rate, they'd be on speaking terms by the end of the century. Maybe it was time for her to get a crush on someone who was at least interested in talking to her. The only conversation when she hadn't felt like Joohyun just wanted her to leave was when her neighbour had probably been too drunk to remember she hated her. Seungwan peeled herself off the wall and walked home, once more debating the merits of dying alone with cats.

(…)

As much as Seulgi wanted to convince her otherwise, Seungwan was increasingly certain that her neighbour hated her. She understood why Seulgi would want to give it the benefit of the doubt, but she hadn't seen the way Joohyun looked at her, and Seungwan was pretty sure Seulgi thought she was exaggerating when she described her curtness. It wasn’t like Joohyun was being rude or anything, she was prompt enough to answer any questions Seungwan asked. She just didn't volunteer any information whatsoever and always seemed ready to end their conversations and leave. Every time they crossed each other in the hallway, Seungwan would make increasingly feeble attempts at chatting until they reached the inevitable awkward pause, followed by a strained goodbye as she made her escape. One time, when she was listening to music loudly on her headphones, she pretended not to notice Joohyun leaving her apartment, just to avoid another embarrassing encounter. It wasn't her finest moment, but she figured Joohyun would be relieved to escape the interaction. Seulgi wasn't pleased with that, but she did agree that if they were having such trouble talking, regardless of whose fault it was - “Joohyun's,” Seungwan muttered sullenly –, it might be for the best not to push it.

“Don't ignore her,” she added in a warning voice, “but maybe stop trying to make small talk, for now. Let her do the talking.”

Seungwan huffed, her small frame sunk deep in Seulgi's sofa and her arms crossed. “There won’t be any talking.”

Seulgi shrugged next to her, shoulders brushing hers. “There’ll be as much as she's comfortable with. Then you can build up from that,” she concluded, trying to sound optimistic. Seungwan sank a little deeper, becoming one with the pillows around her as her head fell back to look at the ceiling. She opened her mouth to speak, but Seulgi cut her off, turning her body to lay her head on Seungwan's lap. “You'll get your pretty fish. Nobody can resist my cute Wannie. Look at those cheeks.” She raised her hand to poke at Seungwan's face, grinning up at her. Seungwan swatted her hand away with an exaggerated grimace, but there was no force behind it and she eventually gave up, letting her cheeks be prodded by Seulgi's finger.

“Stop,” she drawled out with a whine, trying to hide her smile behind a hand. Seulgi giggled and withdrew her hand, rolling around to reach for the remote.

“I'll let you pick what we watch if you cook dinner.”

“Deal.”

It wasn't often that she was right and Seulgi was wrong, so it felt like a personal affront that it happened exactly when she didn't even want to be right. As soon as she let Joohyun guide their conversations they shrank to greetings and goodbyes. It barely gave her the time to sneak a glance at Joohyun's pretty face. She had the consolatory satisfaction of saying “I told you so” to Seulgi but, well... Overrated, really. It wasn’t like confirming that her neighbour hated her was a great victory. And it honestly wasn't very fun to dread meeting the person who lived across from her.

So all that made it a little awkward that she now had to go knock on Joohyun's door. She really didn't want to, but it had been over an hour and the loud music emanating from the apartment didn't show any signs of stopping. It wasn't exactly the neighbour's fault, as it wasn't that late for a Saturday, and usually Seungwan wouldn't want to spoil the party, but she'd left her work reports until the absolute last minute and now she really had to get them done before Monday. And that meant she needed some peace and quiet or she'd never get rid of the headache that she already felt forming.

She rose from her kitchen table uncertainly, hovering between the kitchen and the apartment door. She really didn't want to annoy Joohyun even more, or she might have to start looking into moving in with Seulgi. She fidgeted with the end of her sweater and looked fearfully at the door. Maybe she shouldn't. Maybe she could just take some aspirin and power through it.

A new song started, the bass reverberating in Seungwan's chest. Okay, she had to go over there before she lost her mind. She took a deep breath and headed out the door, after swapping her slippers for more outside-appropriate shoes.

She was across the corridor in two steps. She stood in front of the menacing door, then raised her hand resolutely to knock. Once, then twice. Finally, the music stopped and it was only a moment before someone was at the door, then opening it. Seungwan looked up at her, steeling herself for the conversation ahead. Then it hit her. Up?

“Sooyoung?” It was her, looking slightly out of breath, perhaps from dancing. Her expression was solicitous, but quickly became amused when she recognized Seungwan at the door. “Oh, thank god.”

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow, a bit taken aback, though that didn't last long. “Oh, Seungwan, I'm flattered.” She grinned evilly at Seungwan's confusion, raising her hand to cup the side of her face. “But I'm like, Joohyun's only straight friend. I'm so sorry.”

Seungwan resisted the urge to sputter in response and attempted an eye-roll. Sooyoung giggled and patted her cheek once before pulling away. “Well, excuse me for assuming, but why else would you be so happy to see someone you barely know?”

“Well, uh... Honestly, I came over because your music is a little loud and...”

“And you're glad it was me at the door because you're afraid of Joohyun.” Sooyoung nodded as though it made perfect sense. “You've got good instincts. Stay on her good side.”

“I'm not afraid of her!” Seungwan contested instinctively, as though the concept made no sense, though on second thought she might have been a bit hasty to deny it. There was definitely something imposing about her. “Is she... here, though?”

Sooyoung chuckled. “No, it's just me. She had a thing, won't come back until later.” She raised an eyebrow at Seungwan, watching her pointedly. “So you're not afraid of her, huh?” she asked sceptically. “Then what's with all the...” she moved her hand in the air, encompassing Seungwan's entire frame. “Fear-like attitude you've got going on?”

Seungwan shrugged, a little embarrassed. “I'm just... pretty sure she hates me.”

She wasn't sure why that was so amusing, yet clearly it was, since Sooyoung's pretty lips were now open in silent laughter. Was she mocking her people skills? Seungwan was the first to admit they might be lacking, but she thought it was unfair that befriending Joohyun would be the standard. “What?” she asked, a little defensive.

Sooyoung studied her for a second. “Normally I wouldn't expose her like this, but you're so small and awkward and I feel sad for you.” She raised a hand to silence Seungwan's protests, then continued with a giggle “She thinks you hate her.”

For a moment, she was stunned into silence. Then her mouth suddenly decided to open and pour out her thought process unfiltered “I – What – But – The –“ She paused, took a breath, then proceeded incredulously “Why?”

“She says ever since that time she was drunk, you've been looking at her like she's weird whenever you meet. Then a while ago you stopped talking to her and now you just say hi and leave. Also, one time you pretended like you didn't see her? That one might just be her projecting, though.”

Seungwan looked away guiltily. In retrospect, she could see how her actions could give a specific impression. But it had been Joohyun's attitude that led her to it! It was only because she thought Joohyun didn't want to talk to her in the first place. She pinched her nose in confusion and tried to think of something to say. “I thought she hated me first,” she offered lamely.

Sooyoung laughed again, but Seungwan found that it suddenly didn't bother her at all. It might have something to do with the dawning realization that yes, she'd managed to give Joohyun the absolute opposite impression to the truth, but at least she hadn't blown it. Joohyun didn't hate her. Somehow.

“Look, I know what you're thinking,” Sooyoung said, startling Seungwan away from her reverie. “Joohyun probably gave you the impression that she hated you because she's so closed off, but I promise that she's just naturally like that.” Apparently Sooyoung gave Seungwan more credit than she deserved, because her brain was still too busy with the beautiful discovery to even start on the logistics. But she did raise a fair point.

“Is she really like that all the time? The only time she even smiled at me was when she was drunk,” Seungwan replied, more out of hope for further reassurance than actual doubt.

“Honestly? She's worse. She must have a soft spot for you, because she was just neutral. Usually, she's downright scary.” Sooyoung snorted, then looked thoughtful for a moment. “Hold on, I've got proof.” She disappeared inside the apartment, then returned moments later holding a cell phone. “One time I was visiting her at work and I took a little video.”

Seungwan leaned forward to look at the phone's screen. For a moment, she was frozen on the spot. A cold chill ran down her spine. Joohyun's face on the video, while still as beautiful as ever, seemed to be iced over, from the set of her eyebrows to the turn of her lips. When a colleague approached her with a question, the look she sent him would have made Seungwan quit her job on the spot. She seemed to go over the issue with him quite thoroughly, probably being very helpful, but her cold aura never dissipated.

“That's what she normally looks like? How does anyone ever talk to her?” Compared to this, her awkwardly stiff conversations with Joohyun seemed almost pleasant. Well, they'd always been pleasant because they included the most beautiful woman in the world, but now looking at it from the objective point of view of someone who wasn't a useless bisexual.

“Well, not everyone is as spineless as you, for starters.”

“Easy for you to say, whenever she's around you she smiles and probably talks enough to keep a conversation going,” Seungwan grumbled, feeling like Sooyoung was making a very unfair comparison.

“Not going to lie, it helps that the topic of conversation isn't your opinion on zoos.”

Sooyoung snorted at her involuntary grimace. Sure, that one had been kind of hard to work up from, but she'd only arrived at it because Joohyun had that difficult habit of not offering up a single word that wasn't in response to a direct question. She opened her mouth to point it out, but Sooyoung motioned her into silence.

“Okay, okay, it's hard to talk to Joohyun, I get it.” She sighed and inspected Seungwan closely. There was a moment of silence as she seemed to consider something carefully. Then she suddenly spoke up, startling Seungwan. “Alright, I'll help you. But only because I am 100% sure I could physically overpower you and I can let that threat hang over you.” Sooyoung waited for Seungwan's protests, but she was too wise by now to offer any. Also, it was probably true. “I'll let Joohyun know you don't hate her and maybe get her to talk to you actively rather than passively. I can't make any promises on that one. Meanwhile, you,” she poked Seungwan's collarbone with her finger “stop being a baby and start talking to her again.”

“Fine. Thank you. And I'm not a baby.” Seungwan crossed her arms, feeling like a petulant child. “But also seriously, thank you,” she added, because she was well aware that she'd be doomed without Sooyoung.

Sooyoung regarded her in amusement for a moment. “Want to know a secret? I'm mostly helping you because I'm hoping you'll join our circle of friends. Your whole awkward thing is really funny and kind of cute.” Seungwan perked up at Sooyoung's words, feeling strangely proud to have made a good impression on one of Joohyun's close friends. Maybe that meant that Joohyun herself wouldn't find her entirely off-putting. “I'm still straight, though. So sorry.”

She didn't even bother to deny the accusation and simply shrugged casually. “I'll try to live through the disappointment.” Sooyoung smiled, clearly pleased that she was playing along. “Anyway, I have to go back to my work now. Could you maybe turn down the music?”

“Yeah, sure, I was going to turn it off soon anyway, got some work stuff myself.”

Seungwan thanked her and headed back home, relieved at the promise of silence but mostly distracted by thoughts of Joohyun and the new possibilities that lay ahead of her. Suddenly, a reality where they were more than neighbours and actually spent time together outside the hallway seemed to grow clearer, almost tangible. Almost within her reach.

As she stepped into her apartment, she stopped in her tracks as a sudden realization hit her. “Dammit,” she grumbled, reaching for her phone to text Seulgi.

Seungwan: « So you were right and I was wrong »

Seulgi: « :D »


	3. Act 1 Part 3

Talking to Joohyun became marginally easier. It didn’t become quite as easy as talking to regular people who were used to volunteering personal information and contributing to the conversation, but Seungwan would have been a fool to expect otherwise.

She had expected otherwise, a little bit. She liked to think she was an optimist. But even Sooyoung couldn’t perform miracles, so instead she got a Joohyun who stopped and made moderate eye contact and asked how her day had been. She always asked only that, so it was definitely Sooyoung’s work. Seungwan was grateful for her dedication to such a thankless task.

In fact, once she’d adjusted her expectations, Seungwan found that her relationship with her neighbour was about as good as she could hope for. They talked long enough for her to commit a fresh image of Joohyun’s face to memory, the awkward silences had suffered a definite reduction, and sometimes Joohyun smiled for more than a millisecond. She still knew approximately zero things about her neighbour, but hey, progress.

Of course, that wasn’t enough for Seulgi, who continued to make inhuman demands of Seungwan. Apparently, she was expected to take the reins of the conversation, learn more about Joohyun, become closer to her and then eventually ask her out. Ridiculous. Seungwan scoffed at Seulgi’s reassurances that they’d never go out if she didn’t ask her out. Clearly she wasn’t aware of the plan to die alone with cats.

“But you don’t have to do the cat thing! Things are going great,” Seulgi insisted, clearly exasperated and a little confused at Seungwan’s reasoning.

“Of course I don’t _have_ to, dying alone with cats isn’t a necessity. It’s a privilege,” she declared, smirking slightly at Seulgi’s eyeroll. The smirk was short-lived, as a dishcloth suddenly hit her in the face then flopped to the floor. “I’m not picking that up.”

“You can pick that up or you can go visit Joohyun and make a human connection,” Seulgi said, then darted forward to reach for the cloth. “And would you look at that, you didn’t pick it up.”

Seungwan crossed her arms, unimpressed. “You can’t make me talk to Joohyun, you know? I’m an adult.”

“I shouldn’t have to make you, talking to the person you like isn’t a punishment,” Seulgi said, slapping her arm weakly with the dishcloth she was still holding. “I seem to remember a time when you were sad that you weren’t talking.”

“Maybe I’m not very reasonable and never satisfied. Every thought of that, Seulgi?” Seungwan threw out dramatically. Seulgi simply sighed in reply, turning around to hang the cloth in its place. “Human beings are complex creatures. We can’t be reduced to your clean logic.”

Her performance was received with another eyeroll. “Maybe you’re scared,” Seulgi deadpanned, stepping closer to look into her eyes. Then she poked her cheek. “Go talk to her.”

“You’re mean.”

“Tough love, Wannie.”

Seulgi left soon afterwards, not without berating her a few more times. Tough love Seulgi was kind of scary, especially because it made such a contrast with usual soft Seulgi. Seungwan liked soft Seulgi better.

She knew Seulgi was right. She was very scared. In her defence, talking to Joohyun would have been scary for anyone, she just had the added bonus of having a crush on her. So things just stayed the way they were and the days passed by with Seulgi occasionally dropping by to judge her – “encourage you,” Seulgi would correct - and eventually one of them would move away and the problem would solve itself.

 Seungwan sighed, awakening from her reverie to finally pay attention to her kitchen. She’d been baking away her worries all Saturday and might have gotten the slightest bit carried away. Suddenly, trays and plates of cookies covered every flat surface in the room, and there was an extra batch still in the oven. It looked like she’d be offering cookies to every single co-worker on Monday. Not that they’d complain, there was always a great turnout.

She leaned against the kitchen wall, studying the baked goods. She knew what Seulgi would say. She couldn’t claim the same dumb idea hadn’t crossed her mind as well. Her apartment had an excess of homemade cookies. The apartment across from her had, presumably, no homemade cookies, which in her opinion translated into a deficit. The most logical course of action would be to act as an agent of diffusion, bringing the two apartments back into cookie equilibrium.

Seungwan pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. She absolutely would not go visit her neighbour if weird chemistry jokes were planning on escaping her mouth at any point during the encounter. In fact, she wouldn’t visit her at all. She couldn’t bring the cookies to work either, because Seulgi would immediately identify the wasted opportunity and berate her. She just had to eat all the cookies by herself. This was fine. Totally doable.

She opened one eye and peeked at her kitchen. It wasn’t doable at all. She was doomed.

She blew out a breath, letting her shoulders sag. Groaning loudly, she stomped around in search of a nice plate to bring across the hallway.

“I’ll do it, but I won’t enjoy it,” she announced petulantly to the empty room. Mr. Fluffers poked his head into the kitchen, roused by her voice, then sat in the doorway to watch her erratic movements.

Five minutes later, she was standing at the door to her apartment, shoes already on and a plate stacked high with cookies in her hands. She stared stubbornly at the door, making no movement to open it. Mr. Fluffers judged her from his spot on the couch. Finally, she balanced the plate on one hand and reached for the knob with the other.

“She’s probably not even home,” she mumbled to herself, forcing her legs forward as she clung to this final hope. She stepped across the hallway on wobbly legs, trying to soothe her nerves. This was dumb, she was dumb.

She raised a hand to knock on Joohyun’s door. She shifted from leg to leg, holding her dumb plate of cookies. She heard noises from within the apartment, simultaneously cursing her luck and fighting off a grin. Then the door swung open, once more revealing not Joohyun.

This time it was a girl, even younger than Sooyoung but of a more human height, with shoulder-length brown hair. She looked at Seungwan with mild curiosity, before simply commenting “You’re a little old for a girl scout.”

Seungwan glanced at the cookies cradled in her hands and chuckled in acknowledgment of the joke.

“Might look good in the uniform,” the girl added, her lips splitting in an amused smirk at Seungwan’s immediate sputtering. She felt a blush creeping up her neck and desperately willed it away. Why were Joohyun’s friends all so weird and invasive? “Relax, I was just checking.”

Before Seungwan could ask what she meant, the girl turned to the inside of the apartment. “Joohyun, it’s your neighbour,” she announced. Then she turned back around to face Seungwan. “Sooyoung told me about you,” she said, still smirking. “You’re just like she described.”

That was definitely not a compliment. But hey, Sooyoung had bothered to tell Joohyun’s friend about her. That spelled out some confidence in her ability to remain in their lives. Or maybe Sooyoung just thought her weirdness was funny enough to share.

Before she could analyse this further, Joohyun appeared from behind the door, moving to stand beside the young girl. Her arm looped around her waist protectively, but her face showed only slight curiosity. “Oh, hello Seungwan,” she said mildly.

Despite knowing that this was Joohyun’s apartment, Seungwan still managed to be blindsided at her sudden appearance. She kept forgetting how pretty she was. The previously suppressed blush came back in full force and she felt her cheeks heat up as she sputtered out a semi-coherent greeting. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the young girl smirk again. She pretended not to notice.

“So, how is your day going?” Joohyun asked cheerily. Good old Sooyoung had really drilled it into her. No, not good, Seungwan might be mad at her. She wasn’t sure about that yet.

“It’s good. Going good.” She stubbornly refused to acknowledge the amusement in Joohyun’s friend’s face at her inarticulate speech. “I’ve been baking,” she added as an afterthought, raising her arms to bring the plate of cookies to attention.

Joohyun noticed the cookies for the first time, looking over them for a moment. “That’s nice,” she replied after a short pause.

The girl’s amusement was now directed at Joohyun. That was a relief. But not long-lived. “So then you decided to take your cookies for a walk?” she asked Seungwan. She blinked in confusion.

“Uh, no, they’re for you,” she explained, though she’d thought it would be obvious. Joohyun’s friend immediately reached for a cookie, then let her hand hover halfway to her mouth.

“They’re not raisin cookies or something, right?” she asked suspiciously.

“No, regular old chocolate chip,” Seungwan reassured her. She bit into the cookie quickly, seeming pleased. Seungwan wished she’d made raisin cookies, just a little bit. She turned to Joohyun as her friend relieved her of the full plate, already stuffing a second cookie into her mouth. Now was the part where she was supposed to talk to her neighbour. If only the younger girl would leave.

Instead, the girl elbowed Joohyun softly, rolling her eyes as this only resulted in Joohyun looking at her in confusion. “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

Joohyun seemed startled by this breach of etiquette and hurriedly spoke up. “Oh, this is my friend, Yerim. Yerim, this is my neighbour Seungwan.” She frowned slightly. “But you already knew that, I didn’t have to say that part.”

Yerim patted her arm reassuringly, then reached for another cookie. Suddenly, a new face popped up from behind the door. “Did someone mention cookies?” Sooyoung asked cheerfully. She reached for a cookie over Yerim’s shoulder, who shrugged it in displeasure, making a weak attempt to push her away. Sooyoung giggled and ruffled Yerim’s hair. Still holding the cookie plate, the younger girl only had one hand to retaliate. She seemed to consider it for a moment, before deciding that the hand was better used in eating cookies.

Joohyun glanced at them with affection. Seungwan looked at them with just a little bit of annoyance. As they happily munched away – but not Joohyun, Seungwan noticed with dismay -, she studied the three friends. Joohyun was, of course, beyond beautiful. She looked like the result of an experiment in distilling pure beauty into human form. But standing right behind her, Sooyoung also shone in her own way. She was tall but well proportioned, with a radiant smile that peeked out often and a sweet face. And even the little devil Yerim. There were still some traces of childhood in her face but her beauty was already evident. And she was undeniably charming, her mischievous grins making it easy to forgive the jokes at your expense. Not that Seungwan entirely forgave. The girl was still a little devil.

The three of them together looked like something out of a painting, almost absurd to look at in real life. She couldn’t fathom how they’d come together without a conscious effort to group all the world’s beauty in a single circle of friends. Maybe she hadn’t been so far off with the convention of beautiful people.

“Do you only surround yourself with beautiful children?” she wondered aloud, before she could stop herself. Sooyoung was already walking away after having picked up a handful of cookies, but Yerim was still standing in front of her and immediately narrowed her eyes.

“I’m 19,” she replied drily, tightening her hold around the now half-empty plate and turning to walk away. Great, she’d made a mortal enemy of the devil. “I’ll leave you two alone,” Yerim threw over her shoulder in a displeased tone, effect somewhat ruined by the fact that her mouth was full of half-chewed cookies.

Seungwan shifted her weight nervously, following Yerim with her eyes to avoid looking at Joohyun. Which, to be fair, was kind of a dumb thing to do, since the whole point of coming over had been to see her neighbour. She risked a glance at Joohyun, immediately losing herself in those eyes, which were lit up with a rare warmth and affection that seemed reserved for her friends. Every single internal organ Seungwan had seemed to jump in a different direction.

Joohyun’s eyes slowly shifted back to their neutral state with Yerim’s disappearance, which almost made Seungwan sad to see her go. Almost. Then Joohyun quirked her lips up in a slight smile and leaned forward. “You hit a nerve with Yerim,” she said in a low tone, probably to avoid being overheard by the younger girl. “You’ll have to make it up to her. Maybe more cookies,” she added thoughtfully.

Seungwan’s heart skipped happily at the suggestion implicit in Joohyun’s words, that she expected Seungwan to befriend her friends, that she had a place waiting for her in their lives. But Seungwan’s brain had backflipped right out of her head at Joohyun’s proximity and low voice. It was not acceptable for such an attractive human being to do such attractive things. Or maybe they were just ordinary things, made attractive by the fact that it was Joohyun doing them. She vaguely registered that she was probably supposed to respond, but how was she supposed to words when Joohyun?

“That’s, uh, bad,” she ventured. It was hard to tell whether she sounded weird, because Joohyun’s face had gone back to its neutral state. “And I’ll do that, what you said.” Now she didn’t need Joohyun’s face to tell she sounded weird. “More cookies,” she finished, then leaned against the door casually, hiding her suddenly very warm face by pretending to cough into her hand.

Silence settled between them. Seungwan determinedly avoided Joohyun’s eyes until she could feel her blush receding and her brain shuffling back into place. When she looked up, she noticed how Joohyun’s brow was slightly furrowed, as though something was troubling her. Probably her neighbour standing silently at her door while her friends waited inside, now that Seungwan thought about it.

“Would you… like to come in?” Joohyun offered uncertainly. Her voice had a fragile edge and it reminded Seungwan of Sooyoung’s comment, how Joohyun forgot to be polite. Was that what she was doing? Trying to find the correct response to her neighbour lingering by her apartment door? Or did she actually want her to join her friends inside? Seungwan hesitated, running her hand through her hair to buy some time. She didn’t know if she could risk bothering Joohyun like that. It felt like a sure-fire way to become that annoying pushy neighbour who couldn’t tell when she wasn’t wanted.

Seulgi could never know about this.

“Oh, I’d love to, but uh…” She smiled apologetically while she tried to think of a reasonable excuse to reject the invitation. “I still have to take care of all the cookies I left at home. Otherwise Mr. Fluffers will make a mess.” Joohyun’s expression was too neutral to decode. There was a twitch at the corner of her lips, but too slight to tell whether they were relaxing out of relief or bending into a frown. Oh well, better safe than sorry, right? “Plus,” Seungwan decided to add, also leaning forward and lowering her voice, “I’m a little scared of Yerim now. Maybe I should give her some time to cool off.”

She risked a smile, which Joohyun returned for a moment. “That’s probably wise,” she mused, before they lapsed back into silence.

Sooyoung’s voice suddenly sounded from inside the apartment, startling them both. “Joohyun, if you don’t come now, Yerim will eat all the cookies!”

“No, I won’t!” Yerim yelled out in a muffled voice, probably because her mouth was full. There were sounds of a silent struggle, like they were trying to slap away each other’s arms, before Sooyoung bounced back into view, carrying a couple of cookies protectively.

“I saved these for you at great personal danger,” she said proudly, dropping one of them in Joohyun’s hand. Then she started munching on the other one. Seungwan watched Joohyun expectantly as she took a bite. She seemed to like it. It was hard to tell with Joohyun.

“You’re so lucky your neighbour bakes, mine just has sex really loudly,” Sooyoung commented as an afterthought, causing Seungwan to choke on air. Joohyun hummed in agreement, which somehow made Seungwan even more flustered. Sooyoung grinned behind her half-eaten cookie, clearly amused by her reaction.

Seungwan attempted to catch her breath. “Well, I should go take care of the cookies now,” she wheezed out, trying to sound casual and like someone who wasn’t thinking about sex.

“Have fun,” Sooyoung said simply, still grinning smugly. Seungwan waved at them and Joohyun waved back with her cookie-holding hand, looking ridiculously adorable. Then Seungwan walked back to her own apartment before Yerim could come and join Sooyoung in her teasing.

As expected, Mr. Fluffers was still on the couch, completely uninterested in anything going on in the kitchen. Not when there was a perfectly comfortable and warm surface to nap on that didn’t require any demanding jumps. He opened his eyes slowly when Seungwan sat next to him, then stood with a long stretch before stepping into her lap and settling down again. He purred softly at her touch.

She reached inside her pocket with her free hand and pulled out her phone.

Seungwan: «I visited Joohyun, now you can stop bugging me »

She set it down next to her and leaned back, focusing her attention on the purring ball of fur while she waited for Seulgi’s response. It only took about 15 minutes.

Seulgi: «Did you make a human connection? Learn anything about her? »

Seungwan: «Ugh, you’re so demanding. I learned that she… Won’t refuse to eat chocolate chip cookies »

Seulgi: «Weak »

Seungwan: «Also that she has a friend named Yerim who is a child but very touchy about it. And she has pretty eyes » She gazed at the message for a few seconds, then sent another one.

Seungwan: «Joohyun, not the child »

There was a pause before Seulgi’s response, probably as she pondered over Seungwan’s offerings and made her judgment on their worth.

Seulgi: «Fine, I’ll take it »

Seungwan pumped up her fist in victory. Mr. Fluffers looked up, displeased at the sudden movement.

Seulgi: «So the next step is asking her out :D »

Seungwan: «>:( »

Seulgi: «>:D »

Clearly the inhuman demands continued.

(…)

Joohyun was nice. Sure, it was a bit redundant to mention it at this point. Seungwan’s opinion of Joohyun had already been well documented in about a thousand conversations with Seulgi and a million internal monologues. But still, it was true, so. Joohyun was nice. There.

Joohyun was especially nice when she greeted her and Seungwan heard her own name come out of those perfect lips, in a voice that held recognition. Like she wasn’t just the weird neighbour anymore. Like she was Seungwan. It never failed to make her heart flutter, just a little bit, before she managed to regain her composure and say something ridiculous like “That’s what they call me.”

She’d started experimenting with her work schedule, trying to come home at the same time as Joohyun, which totally wasn’t stalking, by the way, just a little calculated coincidence. She just wanted to bump into her in the hallway and say hi. If she timed it really well, they could even ride the elevator up together. It had been working pretty well and she’d finally hit on a 15-minute window that usually caught Joohyun on her way home, making sure her days ended on a high note.

Of course, sometimes there were delays, on one side or the other. This was one of those days. Seungwan arrived right on time, but Joohyun was nowhere to be seen. She hung around the mail boxes, peeking into an empty slot for an unreasonable amount of time, before she finally gave up and dragged her feet slowly towards the elevator. Upstairs, she unlocked her apartment door, shrugged out of her coat and threw her bag on the sofa.

The sofa yelped in surprise.

Seungwan was pretty sure sofas weren’t supposed to do that. She turned her head experimentally. Then she narrowed her eyes at the tall beauty holding her bag with an offended look on her face.

“How did you get in my house?” Seungwan asked in a frustrated tone, already stepping forward to pull her bag away from Sooyoung.

“You never asked for your keys back,” Sooyoung replied smugly, her attention already back to the TV. “I figured that was a standing invitation.”

“I clearly forgot,” Seungwan replied, a little loudly. Why were Joohyun’s friends so exasperating? Who walked into a stranger’s house and just sat down to watch TV?

“Well, Seungwan, not all of us are mind readers,” Sooyoung remarked simply.

Seungwan sat down next to her with a sigh. She felt that befriending Joohyun would probably require a slight adjustment in expectations of privacy. Like, she should start having none. “Okay, let me try again. _Why_ are you in my house?”

Sooyoung shrugged. “Joohyun’s not home. I guess she has a thing,” she explained in a neutral tone. Then she turned to Seungwan. “And unlike some people, she doesn’t just go around giving her apartment keys to everybody,” she quipped, raising an eyebrow in challenge. “So I came here.”

Seungwan sat next to her in silence for a moment. Her first instinct was to demand her keys back and swiftly kick the younger girl out. Her actual reaction was probably the result of too much time spent with Seulgi.

“So what, your neighbours were having loud sex again?” she asked casually. Sooyoung glanced at her in surprise, then turned back to the TV with a shrug. “You’re still in college, right?” she prodded further. Sooyoung didn’t turn to her, but only shrugged again, apparently a confirmation. “Yeah, I wouldn’t need much of an excuse to want to get out of my dorm room. No wonder you and Yerim are always at Joohyun’s.”

Sooyoung scoffed in response, clearly agreeing with the sentiment.

“Plus, I bet a broke college student wouldn’t have Netflix,” she added pointedly. She couldn’t lay on the empathy too thick, it scared away the youths. Sooyoung glanced at her looking vaguely sheepish, which was new.

“There was nothing good on TV,” she offered in lieu of an apology. Seungwan got up from the sofa to go put away her things, already resigned to her evening with Sooyoung.

“Just delete your watch history, it’ll mess up my recommendations,” she threw over her shoulder as she walked off to her bedroom. Mr. Fluffers awaited her on the bed. She was secretly pleased that he hadn’t betrayed her for another woman.

“Why don’t you get recommendations from live human beings, like normal people?” she heard Sooyoung yell out from the living room, just loud enough to reach her. She huffed even though she knew Sooyoung couldn’t see her.

She poked her head out of the bedroom. “Why don’t you pay for your own Netflix?” she asked in a warning tone, effectively silencing Sooyoung. She walked back in, wearing a fuzzy robe and her comfy slippers, and dropped Seulgi’s pair in front of Sooyoung. “You’ll get cold in just socks,” she explained with a shrug, then settled back into the sofa to catch the end of the show.

They sat in silence for the next 10 minutes, Sooyoung focused on the TV and Seungwan letting the comfort of the sofa seep into her body, slowly relaxing into the pillows. Mr. Fluffers quickly came to join them, pleased to lie down between them and receive twice as many pets as usual.

Sooyoung turned off the TV when the next episode started loading, getting to her feet and looking around uncertainly. Seungwan cut her off before she could speak. “Do you like Thai food? I have some leftovers. If you don’t, I can cook something else,” she said quickly as she got up from the sofa, heading for the kitchen.

Sooyoung padded after her in the furry slippers that, in retrospect, were probably too small for her if they fit Seulgi, and stood at the kitchen door. Seungwan turned around and caught the slight uncertainty in her eyes, so she repeated a little more forcefully “So? Do you like it or not?”

Sooyoung sighed, then dropped into a bench to watch her prepare their food. “It’s edible, I guess,” she replied in her usual playful tone. Seungwan only rolled her eyes and handed her a pile of dishes, cutlery and napkins, shooing her away to set the table. Moments later, she joined her with the heated leftovers.

They chatted casually about Sooyoung’s studies while they poked at the food. Apparently, she was studying graphic design, and already did some freelance work drawing logos for small businesses. Before Seungwan could inquire any further, they’d already finished their meal. Sooyoung sat silently, poking at bits of food with her chopsticks.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” she eventually said, her eyes uncharacteristically bright. “It was nice of you.” Seungwan was about to reassure her that it was fine when Sooyoung looked back up, the hint of tears now replaced with a mischievous glint that Seungwan didn’t like at all. “But really, you kind of owe me. You know, with all the hard work I’ve been putting into getting you and Joohyun to talk.” Seungwan choked on air at Sooyoung’s remarks, very displeased at her gloating face. “And it is hard work, you’re both stubborn and just… So bad at socializing,” Sooyoung finished with a sigh.

“Hey, I’m doing my best,” Seungwan retorted defensively, although she couldn’t quite meet Sooyoung’s eyes as she said it. Was she really? Seulgi might disagree.

“So why, when she invited you to come in, did you say no, you fool?” Sooyoung asked, clearly frustrated, punctuating her question with a swipe of her napkin at Seungwan’s arm, the part of her body nearest to her. Seungwan squeaked and twisted away. “You absolute buffoon,” Sooyoung added, with a hint of laughter in her voice. “Useless, both of you, just useless,” she finished with an undeniable smile. Then she got up and started gathering the dirty dishes.

Seungwan hovered behind her as she took them to the kitchen. “I thought she was just being polite, people do that,” she explained lamely, hearing the weakness of the excuse as she said it.

“Not Joohyun. She usually means what she says. When she remembers to say it,” Sooyoung chuckled, running tap water over the dishes before reaching for the dishwasher.

Seungwan forgot to respond in the sudden realization that Joohyun had actually wanted her in her house. She was so glad she hadn’t told Seulgi about the invitation, she’d never hear the end of it. She looked up to find Sooyoung staring at her quizzically, probably because she’d kept silent for so long.

“Oh my god, you’re disgusting,” Sooyoung suddenly blurted out. Seungwan stood in confused panic for a moment. Did she have something on her face? She experimentally wiped around her mouth. Sooyoung laughed at her confusion. “You’re like a teenager. Oh, I can’t believe Joohyun likes me, I have to write this in my diary right now!” she mimicked, taking on a ridiculous high-pitched voice that sounded nothing like Seungwan. Her voice returned to normal as she continued. “Why would she want to avoid you? You’re nice to her, you make an effort and you’re not some creeper. You need to chill out.”

“You sound like Seulgi,” Seungwan replied simply, a bit stunned at Sooyoung’s words. Her best friend also had the habit of telling her there was no reason for people to hate her.

“I don’t know who that is, obviously,” Sooyoung deadpanned. She leaned against the kitchen counter, then glanced at the clock, already ticking past 10 PM.

Seungwan followed her eyes, noticing the time as well. “Think your neighbour’s done having sex now?”

“I hope so, or she’s going to die pretty soon,” Sooyoung replied simply, bringing out a peal of laughter from Seungwan. She gazed at her for a moment. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh out of something other than awkwardness,” she commented with a grin.

 Seungwan blushed stupidly, not sure what to say. Sooyoung’s smile only widened as she reached to tap her cheek. “Ah, still got it,” she said mischievously. “I was worried my charm had already worn off.”

Seungwan stalked off with an eyeroll, heading to the apartment door. She stood there with arms crossed as Sooyoung stepped back into her shoes, blew her a kiss and walked off. It was only when she saw her disappear down the stairs that Seungwan remembered she hadn’t asked for her keys back.


	4. Act 1 Part 4

Seungwan was trying this new thing where she assumed she wasn’t bothering people unless it became overwhelmingly evident that she was. And by people, she meant Joohyun. It was very difficult to ignore her instincts yelling at her to shut up and go away, but Seulgi had talked her into it with her faultless logic.

It went a little like this: according to Seulgi – and Sooyoung, Seungwan added mentally in her moments of weakness -, Joohyun actually enjoyed her presence, or at least didn’t mind it. Then, either Seungwan was wrong in her assumption that she was bothering her neighbour, and she shouldn’t escape the conversation, or she was right and therefore Seulgi was wrong. But if she was wrong then she was giving bad advice and was, by extension, a bad friend.

“So do you really think I’m a bad friend?” Seulgi then asked, with tears twinkling in her eyes, threatening to spill. Seungwan knew she was doing it on purpose, but she couldn’t help her protective reaction and would rush to reassure her that no, she was the best friend a person could have.

Then Seulgi would smile widely and conclude simply “Then I’m right and she likes talking to you.”

Seungwan knew there had to be a fallacy somewhere in that argument, but she hadn’t managed to pinpoint it yet. Plus, it was kind of working out in her favour, so maybe she could just let the possibly faulty logic be for the moment.

These days, their hallway conversations lasted longer than before and, to Seungwan’s surprise, Joohyun would just announce it when she needed to go. She was almost convinced that the awkward silences were maybe just regular silences that Joohyun tended to lapse into, and not tense indications that Seungwan should stop talking to her.

All in all, things were going great, and it was with a sense of optimism that Seungwan greeted Joohyun on a Saturday afternoon. She’d just come back from lunch with Seulgi, which was followed by a walk in the park as usual, and Joohyun appeared to be returning from a grocery run, from the look of the plastic bags hanging from her hands. She was standing in front of her door as she shifted all the bags to one hand so she could use the other to fish for her keys. Seungwan stood silent for a moment, impressed at the feat, before she stepped forward to greet her with a cheery “Hi!”

Joohyun immediately yelped and dropped her keys. It was pretty cute how she was so easily startled. Seungwan stepped even closer, so she could bend down and grab the keys for her.

“Thank you,” Joohyun said, still slightly out of breath, and took the keys back gratefully. “Were you out?” she asked politely, turning to open the door.

“Yeah, I had lunch with a friend and then we just walked around,” Seungwan replied, proud of her normal and non-awkward response. “And you?”

“Grocery shopping,” Joohyun stated without elaborating. Seungwan suppressed the instinct to disengage. She knew by now that Joohyun was just terse, so instead she leaned against the wall and nodded, fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves.

“That’s cool. Any particular reason?” There was a slight pause, probably just because Joohyun was preoccupied with opening the door. If it was anything like Seungwan’s, you had to shimmy the key a little before it hit the right spot. “I mean, not that you’d need one. People go grocery shopping all the time. Otherwise you’d run out of food. And die.” She chuckled weakly, feeling the familiar warmth in her cheeks. This was her problem, really. She knew Joohyun didn’t talk much, but her brain seemed to interpret every silence as an opportunity to insert foot in mouth. She sagged ever so slightly against the wall.

“My friends are coming over later,” Joohyun explained with a small smile. Mercifully, she didn’t address Seungwan’s word vomit. “But some of it is also for me. So I don’t die,” she added, still wearing that smile. Seungwan expected to feel embarrassed, but she just felt warmth bloom in her chest instead. Joohyun’s tone hadn’t been mocking, more like she was playing along and turning Seungwan’s awkward stumbling into an inside joke.

Seungwan smiled to herself as Joohyun was already crossing the threshold and setting her bags down. “Good, don’t die,” she replied affectionately. Wow, she really hoped Joohyun hadn’t heard that. Sooyoung was right, she was like a teenager. Shaking her head, she stepped away from the wall and got ready to head home.

Joohyun’s head popped back out of her apartment. “Would you like to come in? Yerim isn’t here to scare you now,” she offered in a neutral tone. Seungwan honestly couldn’t tell if the Yerim thing was a joke. To be fair, she might truly be scared of Yerim.

She looked at the grocery bags still sitting right inside the apartment. Was Joohyun busy? She was clearly preparing for a party, or maybe one of their not-parties, she probably didn’t want the distraction. Seungwan considered a polite refusal, then remembered Sooyoung’s words. Joohyun usually meant what she said.

“Okay, yeah, sure,” she replied with excessive cheer, hoping her nerves didn’t show in her voice. She stepped into Joohyun’s apartment and bent down to help carry the bags to the kitchen.

The layout was similar to hers, except the kitchen was on the other side of the apartment, but Joohyun’s personal taste led to a completely different look. The decoration was sober and muted, leaning towards darker colours, with a wide sectional sofa in an L-shape set against the wall, turned towards the kitchen, encompassing a wooden coffee table. There was an old-looking television between the sofa and the kitchen, a bit to the side like it was rarely used, standing in contrast to the modern sound system in the corner. Then there was a pair of bookcases stacked full of books, one having found its way to the side table near the sofa. The whole place smelled flowery and soft. Whatever soft smelled liked.

Seungwan followed Joohyun to the kitchen, putting the bags down carefully and appraising the equipment with a critical eye. She spotted a toaster, a coffee maker and a stove. The basics. Joohyun probably didn’t even have a muffin tray, Seungwan thought to herself as Joohyun opened and closed cabinet doors to put away the food. Still, the toaster seemed in use, so at least she didn’t skip breakfast. The little victories.

Joohyun nearly bumped into her on her way to the fridge. Seungwan stepped back, suddenly aware that she wasn’t helping and was really just in the way. “Sorry, I just have to put these away,” Joohyun offered apologetically before Seungwan could speak. “Why don’t you go sit in the sofa and I’ll go meet you when I’m done?”

Seungwan nodded obediently and walked away, sitting down comfortably to wait. Across the room from her, she could see Joohyun flit around from side to side, seemingly putting things away in the most disorganized way possible. Not wanting to stare for too long, Seungwan directed her attention to her right, where two doors stood. Presumably, one led to the bedroom and the other to the bathroom. If it was like Seungwan’s apartment, the bedroom was to the left. If the layout was fully inverted, it was the bathroom. She pondered over it for a moment, wondering if there was a clever way to tell without opening the doors, when Joohyun called out from the kitchen.

“Do you want tea? I can make some.” Seungwan snapped around at her voice and smiled encouragingly.

“Uh, yeah, sounds good,” she replied, leaning forward in the sofa. “Do you want help?”

“No, that’s fine. Do you have any preference for the tea?” Joohyun asked, back turned to her as she rummaged through what Seungwan assumed was her collection of teas.

“No, anything’s good,” she answered truthfully. Tea was tea.

She watched Joohyun’s back as she reached for a kettle from one of the upper cupboards, filled it and plugged it in. While it heated the water, she pulled out two mugs from another cupboard. She turned around, causing Seungwan to whip her head to the side in alarm, to avoid being caught staring. She felt something crack in her neck and hoped she hadn’t given herself whiplash.

“Do you want anything in your tea? It’s chamomile.”

“No, just the tea is fine,” Seungwan replied, turning her head innocently to face Joohyun like she hadn’t been staring her way just a moment ago. She smiled at her politely to reinforce the impression. Joohyun returned her smile with a small one of her own and Seungwan was suddenly glad she was already sitting down. Joohyun’s beauty really slapped her in the face every once in a while.

She looked down, busying herself with her phone while she waited for the tea. She debated texting Seulgi to tell her where she was, but she didn’t want to be assaulted with a barrage of texts when she was supposed to be paying attention to Joohyun, so maybe it should wait. Instead, she fiddled around for a few moments, mostly just skipping from app to app and not actually doing anything.

She looked up to see Joohyun walking her way with two steaming mugs, which she set down on the coffee table in front of them before sitting down next to her. It was the first time they sat together, which was a weird first to focus on, but Seungwan’s mind lingered on it regardless. She felt the way the pillows dipped under Joohyun’s weight, the same flowery smell that invaded the apartment becoming stronger as she settled nearer. She turned slightly to the side and saw Joohyun impossibly close, her black hair falling like curtains around her face, framing a perfect nose and wide, beautiful eyes. Seungwan watched as her neighbour reached for the tea and her lips curled to blow cool air on the surface of the liquid. The steam twisted wildly as it flew off and vanished for an instant. Seungwan was tongue-tied, fascinated by the image, her own body vaguely reminiscent of the steam as she felt her insides twist and flutter every which way. She struggled for a breath which wouldn’t come. She turned away but the pressure against her lungs barely shifted. Coughing into her hand for relief, she lifted her own mug to her lips and promptly burned her tongue. Right. Tea hot.

She grimaced, trying her best not to signal her mistake, then put the tea back down. She studied Joohyun from the corner of her eye. She seemed to still be focused on her tea, so there was a chance she hadn’t noticed Seungwan being a mess. She wasn’t about to turn around and check, she wouldn’t make the mistake of gazing at Joohyun again.

“Your house is nice,” Seungwan commented, breaking the silence. Joohyun set down her cup of tea, which was clearly still too hot to drink – at least one of them had thought of that, Seungwan thought bitterly, nursing her throbbing tongue -, and turned towards her, as people do when engaging in conversation. Seungwan considered remaining stubbornly in place, but eventually relented and shifted towards Joohyun.

“Thank you,” Joohyun replied. Her cheeks were flushed from the warmth of the tea, making her look welcoming and homey. Seungwan fought back the silly urge to cup those warm cheeks. “Is it very different from yours?” Joohyun carried on, oblivious to Seungwan’s wandering mind.

Seungwan was slightly surprised. “Oh, you didn’t see it? I thought you’d at least peek inside when I asked you to take care of Mr. Fluffers.” Joohyun’s expression quickly tightened to her usual troubled look and Seungwan realized with a start that she probably felt guilty over the incident. “Out of curiosity, I mean! Not, like, obligation, there was no obligation,” she rushed to add. She felt a surge of relief as Joohyun’s face relaxed at her words.

They sat in silence for a moment, Seungwan once more lost in the curves of Joohyun’s face and Joohyun probably thinking of her tea. Seungwan honestly wasn’t sure what her neighbour thought about during those long silences. Then she remembered that she hadn’t answered Joohyun’s question.

“Oh, uh, about your question. My house is a little different, I guess. I have a bigger TV,” she pointed out with a grin, then lapsed into silence because she wasn’t sure what else to mention. “Oh, and the kitchen and the couch are the other way around. The kitchen’s here and the couch is… Over there,” she finished lamely.

“That’s interesting,” Joohyun remarked, which in Seungwan’s opinion couldn’t be farther from the truth. “I don’t really watch television. Hence the older model.”

Seungwan hummed against the tea mug, which she’d picked back up in the meantime. She took another sip experimentally, pleased with the temperature. Now at least she could rely on the tea to hide her face and provide convenient pauses.

“So what do you do if you don’t watch TV?” she asked curiously, genuinely wondering what people did with all the time saved from not sitting in front of the TV for an hour every evening.

Joohyun was quiet for a moment. She seemed to be pondering the question. “I’m not sure,” she finally said. “I drink my tea, sometimes I read. I enjoy the quiet.”

“Sounds nice,” Seungwan mused. “Peaceful.”

Joohyun took a sip of her tea, then held the mug between her hands to warm them. “And sometimes Sooyoung and Yerim come to visit.”

“Less peaceful,” Seungwan commented simply, chuckling into her tea.

Joohyun smiled softly in response, probably at the thought of her friends.

“They’re around pretty often, huh?” Seungwan smiled at Joohyun’s cute nod.

“They visit every weekend. Yerim brings me whatever book she’s been reading lately and I read while they do their school work. Sooyoung installed some program in my home computer so she mostly works there. Sometimes one of them sleeps over, the sofa is comfortable enough.” Joohyun paused to take a sip of tea. Seungwan watched in fascination, treasuring this glimpse into Joohyun’s life. She suddenly remembered her own tea and lifted it back to her lips.

“They also come during the week, sometimes. When something is on their mind or they want to talk,” Joohyun continued. “Sooyoung wanted to visit the other day, but I was away, working late. I hope it wasn’t anything important.”

Seungwan recalled Sooyoung’s unexpected visit, feeling glad that she hadn’t kicked her out. She figured it was better not to say anything about it, it could be their little secret. She suddenly felt giddy at the thought that she and Sooyoung shared a secret. It was like her world and Joohyun’s were coming together almost seamlessly. She hid her grin by taking another sip of her tea.

“And you? What do you do in your free time?” Joohyun asked.

She put down her mug before answering, trying to remember what it was she did exactly. “Well, uh, during the week I mostly just watch a little TV and have dinner and by then it’s pretty much bedtime.” She cleared her throat. So far, she was doing a great job at making herself sound like a boring old lady. “Then, on weekends, I hang around the house. Watch more TV, do some baking, sometimes I have some work stuff to take care of. Oh, and I go out with my friend. Friends. Plural. I have more than one friend, obviously.” She mentally apologized to Seulgi for making it seem like she wasn’t enough for her. But most normal adults had multiple friends, right? Joohyun had at least two.

Now she had to change the subject before Joohyun asked any questions. “So, your friends, uh, how did you meet?” This probably wasn’t the best course of action, because what if Joohyun asked her the same thing? Really, her curiosity had got the best of her caution. She drank some more of her tea and thought of a way to divert attention after Joohyun’s answer.

“Well, my parents and Yerim’s are friends, so when she came here to study they asked me to keep an eye on her. And Sooyoung attended a presentation I did at her university, on behalf of the company I work at. Something about it made her decide to befriend me and, well, Sooyoung is eerily skilled at getting her way.” She smiled broadly, her fondness for the younger girls evident in her voice and on her face. “And they have such a small age difference, they got along right away.”

Seungwan smiled at her, her brightness contagious. She took another drink, almost done with her tea now. She’d completely forgotten to think of something else to ask, she now realized, but before she had the chance to come up with something there was a knock at the door.

Joohyun jumped up, her mug left forgotten on the coffee table. In a few quick strides, she was at the door, opening it wide for her two young friends to step through. Sooyoung leaned down to hug Joohyun in greeting, but Yerim bounced by her into the apartment, talking animatedly about something or other. Before Seungwan could catch up to the topic, Yerim stopped abruptly, looking at her accusingly. “Why is she here?” she asked no one in particular.

“I invited her in,” Joohyun offered simply, leaving Sooyoung to go wrap her arms around Yerim in an affectionate back hug. She stepped back to tap a warning finger on her shoulder. “Now be nice.”

“Yeah, she scares easy,” Sooyoung volunteered helpfully, stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind herself.

“Good,” Yerim replied, fixing narrowed eyes on Seungwan. She gulped down the rest of her tea and got up from the sofa.

“So, I should probably… Go now,” she mumbled, already heading to the door. She took the longer route, the one that kept the largest distance between her and the little devil.

As she was reaching the door, she made eye contact with Sooyoung, who rolled her eyes like Seungwan was making her do all the hard work yet again. The taller girl was about to step in her way, to stop her from leaving so fast, when Joohyun spoke up. “You can stay, if you want.”

Sooyoung’s eyes grew wide for a moment, then she just raised her eyebrows in admiration. “Would you look at that, now you’re officially more useless than Joohyun,” she whispered so that only Seungwan could hear. Seungwan rubbed at her neck forcefully, to try to hide the blush that immediately rose at Sooyoung’s words. Then Sooyoung was grabbing her arms and pushing her back towards the centre of the room and its occupants. “Yay, Seungwan’s staying!” she exclaimed before Seungwan had even had a chance to give her opinion on the subject.

Seungwan cringed as she approached Yerim’s fiery eyes. Luckily, Sooyoung let go of her at a somewhat safe distance. She turned to the side to realize she was right beside Joohyun. She jumped slightly, frowning at Sooyoung’s giggles.

“Well, if Seungwan’s here, we can’t work,” Sooyoung started innocently. “It would be rude to our guest. We’ll just have to eat ice cream and watch Joohyun’s bad TV.” She clapped her hands excitedly. “Oh, we can have a dance party! I’ll connect my phone to the loudspeakers.” She skipped to her bag, but was stopped by a suddenly stern Joohyun, who had her hand gripped firmly around Sooyoung’s arm.

“You can do your work and Seungwan can choose how she’d like to spend her time,” she said firmly. Seungwan suddenly felt like she’d been dropped off at day care. Probably not a good thought to have about her crush. She scratched at the back of her head, trying to think of a better comparison. One that was a little more flattering.

Yerim interrupted her thought process with a “Fine, whatever,” before dragging her backpack to the sofa and settling down cross-legged with a large notebook and a highlighter pen. Sooyoung took her cue to stomp across the room to the door on the left, presumably where Joohyun’s desktop was. So it was an inverted layout, Seungwan thought distractedly.

Then it was just her and Joohyun, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Suddenly, her brain was completely void of any activities typically performed by human beings to pass the time. “I guess I can… read something,” she suggested before the atmosphere became even stranger. The silences that had begun to feel comfortable somehow went back to being entirely unbearable when there was someone else to witness them.

Joohyun assented silently and moved to the sofa, stopping to pick up the book on the side table and her own mug of tea, which still wasn’t entirely empty. “Take your pick,” she said as she gestured to the bookcases along the wall.

Seungwan studied the books uncertainly, a bit unnerved by the sudden silence that bespoke concentrated work. It felt strange for everyone else to be settled and focused while she hovered without purpose, like her aimless presence was a distracting force.

To be honest, she didn’t read much these days, and the only books she recognized in Joohyun’s shelves were ones she was sure she didn’t want to read. Mostly bulky classics or things she’d read in high school and didn’t feel like getting into again. She was about to pick something at random when she noticed a small pocket of science fiction at the bottom. She was somewhat partial to those. She reached for a book of short stories about robots and turned around to study the sofa. Yerim and Joohyun sat side by side in the middle, leaving the corner next to Joohyun or the edge next to Yerim for Seungwan to occupy. The choice was obvious, so she squeezed herself into her seat, trying to leave as much room as possible to let Joohyun sit comfortably and also so she would be able to actually focus on her book.

At first, she was actually paying attention to what she read, and she managed to get through a full story – it was mostly about how robots had to follow specific rules but they had a lot of loopholes that were interesting to explore. Pretty captivating stuff, really. But then she got to the end of the story and chanced to look around, her eyes immediately landing on Joohyun. She sat cross-legged like Yerim and she was looking down at her book with a concentrated face. Seungwan stopped reading for just a moment, gazing at Joohyun from the top of her book. When her face was aimed down at this angle, her lips drooped into a slight pout, which she sometimes chewed on absent-mindedly before releasing it again. Looking up a little, Seungwan could see her eyes flitting from left to right as she took in the book line by line. Sometimes they’d pause and go back, rereading what Seungwan assumed was a particularly interesting or difficult passage.

She had been watching Joohyun this way for a bit longer than she probably should, robot stories all but forgotten, when the older woman’s eyes suddenly widened in surprise. Afraid that she’d been caught, Seungwan quickly buried her nose back in her book, trying to act casual. Or read casual. Whatever that was. She chanced another peek at Joohyun, but she still seemed entirely focused on the book. Then she realized that she’d just been reacting to the story, which was just... Too much for Seungwan’s little bisexual heart to handle.

She never got past the first story, too enraptured by Joohyun’s silent reading – except for once, when she gasped very softly at something in her book that must have been outrageous. Seungwan wasn’t sure how such a simple and seemingly boring activity could hold such a wealth of entertainment for Joohyun. But she wasn’t complaining.

She suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable, without being able to pinpoint the reason. Slowly, she realized that she could see Yerim in her peripheral vision. Then she realized that Yerim was looking straight at her. Cold sweat sprouted on the back of her neck at Yerim’s narrowed eyes, burning with suspicion. She watched as Yerim’s hand reached out to clutch at Joohyun’s knee.

“Joohyun, I’m getting kind of hungry,” she said in a neutral tone, without breaking eye contact with Seungwan. “Maybe we should stop for dinner.”

Joohyun glanced at her watch, then put down her book. “You’re right, it’s getting late.” She got up, smoothing down the wrinkles in her pants. “I bought some food, I’ll go prepare it. You can continue your work for a little longer.” She turned to Seungwan, then. Seungwan felt oddly guilty for receiving her attention while she was still under Yerim’s close scrutiny. “Seungwan, maybe you can help me cook?”

She was about to agree, eager both to show off her cooking skills and to escape Yerim’s proximity, when the young girl raised her voice in a childish plea. “Can’t we just have pizza?” She tugged on Joohyun’s sleeve until she looked in her eyes, which she opened very wide in an attempt to look cute. It did kind of work, if you didn’t have the memory of her evil stare still branded in your memory. “Sooyoung wants pizza too,” she added, then she raised her voice to be heard in the bedroom “Sooyoung, do you want pizza?”

A muffled “Hell yeah” sounded from behind the bedroom door. Joohyun resisted for only the briefest of moments before she relented with a sigh.

“Alright, I’ll go get pizza.” She glanced at Seungwan, who was eager to volunteer to provide company, but Yerim was too fast.

“Great, meanwhile we’ll stay here and get to know Seungwan better,” she offered with an innocent smile. Sooyoung had already stepped back into the living room, her work immediately abandoned at the thought of dinner, and only raised her eyebrows curiously at Yerim’s change in attitude.

Seungwan wanted nothing less than to be alone with this terrifying duo, but she knew her fate was sealed as soon as she looked into Sooyoung’s eyes. They were glinting with mischief. She was doomed. “Yeah, sounds like a great idea,” Sooyoung chirped happily. “Go on, Joohyun, we’ll keep Seungwan company while you’re gone.” She stepped to Seungwan’s side and grasped her arm playfully, smiling reassuringly at the older woman.

Joohyun glanced at Seungwan for her opinion. It was sweet that she thought Seungwan had any choice in the matter. She simply nodded wearily and set Joohyun free, the regret pouring in before the door was even closed.

Yerim was by the door in two bounds, listening to Joohyun’s fading steps. After a moment of waiting, presumably when she was convinced that Joohyun was no longer within earshot of any cries for help Seungwan might attempt, she came back to the other two women, who were both sitting on the sofa. She sat on the edge of the L shape, trapping Seungwan in the corner between herself and Sooyoung. Her intense glare contrasted strangely with the careless curiosity in Sooyoung’s eyes.

“What are your intentions with Joohyun?” Yerim spat out, still scrutinizing her closely. Seungwan cringed further into the corner. She looked at Sooyoung for support, but she was just watching in amusement.

“I- I’m not – No intentions, uh, I don’t know,” she spluttered desperately. She clutched a pillow and hugged it defensively, holding it between her and the younger woman, who was much too close for comfort. The ideal distance would have been something like the Pacific Ocean. “She’s nice. Friendly intentions, I guess.” She heard Sooyoung’s derisive snort at her elaboration and resisted the urge to smack her with the pillow. She needed it for protection.

“A likely story,” Yerim replied in a tone that made it clear that it really wasn’t. She leaned forward, close enough to jab a finger in Seungwan’s sternum, just above the pillow. “As you might know, if you’ve actually talked to her and not just stared creepily,” she started in an accusing tone, causing Sooyoung’s eyebrows to raise in interest. “She’s never been in a relationship. And I won’t have some creep taking advantage of her inexperience.”

Seungwan reddened slightly, twisting away from Yerim’s finger. She wasn’t sure what exactly she meant by “taking advantage”, but the thoughts that came to mind were not what she should be focusing on when a scary child was threatening her.

“Then again, if Joohyun has never been interested in dating I doubt that it’d be this one that changes her mind on that,” Sooyoung weighed in with a helpful grin. Now Seungwan really did smack her with the pillow. It wasn’t like it was providing any real defence. Sooyoung took the pillow away from Seungwan easily, only snorting again. Then she patted her on the head.

Yerim watched this interaction with narrowed eyes. “What’s happening here? Fraternizing with the enemy?” she asked curtly. Seungwan wasn’t sure which one she was more offended at.

“I can’t help it, she’s so small and useless. It’s kind of endearing.” Sooyoung pulled her into a side hug as if to illustrate her point. “I’m just drawn to hopeless cases. It’s why I like you so much,” she added with an evil grin, one of her arms releasing Seungwan to reach out and pinch Yerim’s cheek.

Yerim swatted her hand away with a look of affront. “Shut up, you cry at dog videos.”

“Dogs are precious and sweet creatures who have done nothing wrong and deserve the world,” Sooyoung replied without hesitation. “Unlike you, you oversized gremlin. Terrorizing the children,” she added protectively, pulling Seungwan closer. The latter finally gathered herself enough to respond, and promptly pushed Sooyoung’s arms away, then stood up from the couch to put some distance between herself and those two.

She should have known there was no point, because Yerim was already getting up and stepping around the coffee table after her. She took another step back, trying to keep their distance.

“Let me just make one thing clear,” Yerim began menacingly, not breaking eye contact. She tripped against the corner of the table, which kind of ruined the effect, but Seungwan wasn’t about to point that out. “If you hurt Joohyun in any way, shape or form. I will hunt you down. And beat you up.”

“Yeah, I will definitely also do that,” Sooyoung chimed in from the couch, where she was now lying down, stretched along its length. “Not that I find the possibility very likely,” she added as an afterthought, shrugging carelessly.

“I’m not going to hurt anyone,” Seungwan squeaked desperately. She backed into the kitchen counter and was forced to stop her retreat.

“I know where you live,” Yerim pointed out, a bit redundantly.

Seungwan braced herself against the counter, her knuckles going white as she gripped tighter. “Listen, I don’t know what exactly you’re insinuating, but, uh, if I was going to, uh, sleep with someone and then dump them or something,” she began bravely, feeling her entire face burn up. She could only imagine how red she was right now. “Wouldn’t I, uh, pick someone who actually knows what they’re doing?”

Yerim stopped in her tracks. Her face was blank. Behind her, Sooyoung suddenly burst into laughter. Seungwan was glad someone was amused.

“What the hell was that?” Yerim finally exclaimed, her face incredulous. Then she turned back to Sooyoung. “You were right, she’s a mess.” Sooyoung was wiping her eyes, which had filled with tears of mirth, but she stopped long enough to nod at Yerim’s words. She then turned back to Seungwan. “I still don’t like you, but I can’t see how you’d be a threat with that smooth tongue,” she quipped. “So I guess you’re off the hook for now.”

Seungwan was relieved, or maybe embarrassed, most likely both. She sighed, letting her body deflate, but made no move to return to the sofa, unlike Yerim, who grabbed Sooyoung’s legs to drop them on the floor and occupy their place.

Before she could recover fully, Joohyun was back, carrying a stack of pizza boxes. She dropped them on the kitchen counter next to Seungwan, and gave her a small smile of greeting before walking inside to grab dishes and napkins.

“Seungwan, would you like a knife and fork or will you eat with your hands?” she asked as she rummaged through drawers and retrieved a pizza cutter.

“Uh, hands is fine,” she replied uncertainly. On the sofa, Sooyoung was waggling her eyebrows at her. She ignored her stoically.

“Wow, Joohyun, you’re such a good host,” Yerim broke in, with a bit of a weird statement in Seungwan’s opinion. “You really know what you’re doing,” she added with a smirk, watching Seungwan redden.

Joohyun’s face lit up with a genuine smile. “Thank you, Yerim,” she replied happily. “That’s very nice of you.” Maybe Seungwan didn’t mind being the butt of Yerim’s jokes all that much, not if they made Joohyun look like that.

The rest of the evening went by much faster than she could’ve expected. With Yerim and Sooyoung around, it was hard for her and Joohyun to get a word in, for her mostly because she was afraid of their teasing, for her neighbour probably because she just didn’t speak much. Instead, she watched as Yerim once more spoke animatedly about her work, something about Hermann Hesse and the Apollonian versus Dionysian and a lot of gay undertones. Maybe Seungwan should read Hermann Hesse.

Under Yerim’s scrutiny, she tried to keep her staring to a minimum, but it was so difficult when she saw for the first time the full glory of Joohyun around her friends. She was smiling widely, eyes sparkling with affection as she followed Yerim’s excited speech. Even when Sooyoung intervened to call Yerim boring, she would just slap her lightly on the arm, which Sooyoung invariably took as an opportunity to cling to her side before detaching to take another bite of her pizza.

After dinner, Yerim was quick to exclaim that she would be spending the night, aiming a look at Seungwan that clearly stated how much she didn’t want her to be alone with Joohyun. It was probably for the best, really, because Seungwan felt too dazed to have any kind of normal one-on-one conversation with her neighbour at the moment. So she excused herself soon afterwards and walked the short way home with an unwavering grin. Mr. Fluffers complained at her delay, but quickly hurried off indignantly when she tried to pick him up and rub her face on his belly.

She waited for his return on the sofa, then suddenly remembered her phone. She rummaged for it and immediately sent off a text to Seulgi.

Seungwan: «Guess where I had dinner~~ »

She was 30 minutes into some bad movie she’d found zapping through channels when Seulgi replied. She must be out with friends.

Seulgi: «Did you go back to that Nepalese place without me?? D: »

Seungwan: «Noooo, better :0 »

Seulgi: «You found a place better than the Nepalese restaurant and you went without me?? D: D: D: »

Seungwan: «It was~~ Joohyun’s place~~ »

5 seconds later, her phone was ringing in her hand.


	5. Act 1 Part 5

Seungwan dragged her legs down the stairs to the subway platform, looking forward with longing to the moment when she’d finally reach home, step into her comfy pyjamas and slip right into bed. She sighed with relief at the thought that the work week was finally over and that the only thing standing between her and Saturday was a good night’s sleep.

The platform was relatively empty, which made sense considering the rush hour had come and gone. At least there was some benefit to working late on a Friday. She swept her gaze up and down the platform, wondering if she should bother sitting down, when she noticed a small figure sitting alone on a bench. Her head was down, hair obscuring her face, and Seungwan wondered if the woman had fallen asleep until she noticed the slight shake in her shoulders. She instinctively walked closer to check if she was okay.

As she approached, she realized the woman’s brown hair was slightly familiar. She looked down at the backpack near her feet and recognized it immediately. So how was she supposed to react to Yerim crying alone on a subway platform?

She didn’t doubt that Yerim wouldn’t want her help. Despite having hung out together on a few more occasions, they really hadn’t become any closer. Seungwan had apparently been dismissed as any kind of threat to Joohyun, but now the younger girl amused herself by teasing her relentlessly about her supposed crush – actual crush, but she wouldn’t admit that to the little devil -, taking particular pleasure in doing it in front of Joohyun.

But she was crying alone on a subway platform. Seungwan had to do something, right?

She sat down besides Yerim, who immediately looked up in confusion. She narrowed her eyes when she recognized Seungwan, then turned away and started wiping off her tears with her jacket sleeve. “What are you doing?” she asked in a rough voice that gave her away just as much as puffy eyes.

“Waiting for the subway,” Seungwan replied simply, settling down more comfortably with her bag in her lap.

Yerim huffed, keeping her face forward and away from Seungwan. “There are empty seats everywhere.”

“I know, kind of scary, right?” Seungwan hugged herself, taking a look around the nearly empty platform. “Feels safer sitting together.” Yerim’s face was hiding under her hair, but Seungwan aimed a smile at her anyway.

“Scaredy cat,” Yerim mumbled, then sniffled. Seungwan rummaged in her bag for a moment to hand her a pack of tissues. She took one and blew her nose, then turned to Seungwan suspiciously. “I have allergies.”

That excuse only worked when you weren’t still crying, Seungwan thought to herself, but absolutely did not say out loud. She only shrugged and turned towards the tracks, to give Yerim some privacy.

They remained in silence, occasionally broken by Yerim’s sniffles, which at least seemed to be getting more spaced out.

“So…” Seungwan started cautiously, trying to keep her voice casual. “How’s school?”

“It’s fine, same as always,” Yerim replied in a disinterested tone, not bothering to elaborate.

“And your family?” she continued. Yerim turned to her suspiciously.

“Fine,” she drawled out slowly and cautiously. “Why are you talking like a distant aunt I meet once a year?” she added, though her face seemed to indicate that she expected nothing less from awkward Seungwan.

“Oh, you know, we never really talk,” she explained lightly. “Just thought we could bond a little.” She knew she sounded ridiculous, but for once it was somewhat on purpose. It wasn’t like she was trying to completely hide her intentions.

“I’m good,” Yerim mumbled gruffly. Seungwan waited for a moment, but the younger girl didn’t elaborate, so she settled for studying her, though Seungwan didn’t need much scrutiny to know what was wrong. If Yerim wasn’t crying over school or family stuff, there was really only one thing left. Still, she looked over the young girl, noticing how she was uncharacteristically well-dressed. And her makeup, although it was now completely ruined, did seem to have once been particularly meticulous.

“Did you come from a party?” she probed, not needing much confirmation. Yerim sniffled at her words and quickly raised her sleeve to her eyes again.

“Yeah, obviously. It’s Friday night and I have a life,” she retorted. That jab was clearly aimed at Seungwan, but it was fair enough, so she just shrugged.

“So, did you confess at the party or did you just see them kissing someone else?” Seungwan asked casually. Yerim’s head whipped towards her in surprise. A new torrent of tears built up in her eyes and as she blinked two broke free and streamed down her face. Seungwan wasn’t sure if she should reach out to her or not, so she settled for a small poke at her side. Yerim leaned into it and she wrapped her arm more fully around her to let her wipe her tears on her shirt.

They only sat like that for a second before Yerim was pulling away, clearly embarrassed. She wiped at her eyes fiercely and looked away. “It’s whatever,” she croaked unsteadily, and Seungwan suppressed the urge to smile. “She doesn’t like me, big deal, life goes on. But now Joohyun’s going to be all worried when I show up and she’ll want to talk about it forever. Say I’m great and I deserve better or whatever.” She huffed in disagreement with Joohyun’s predicted sentiment.

“Sounds lame,” Seungwan offered. Yerim snorted.

“Not as lame as you.” Okay, yeah, that was expected.

The train finally arrived and they got on, sitting back down inside. They rode in silence, Yerim attempting to seem nonchalant about her tear-stained face and her previous outburst.

Seungwan was about to do something that was either really brave or really dumb.

“When I was in high school,” she started casually, keeping her eyes forward because she really couldn’t do this if she caught Yerim’s eye. “This guy started dating me because I had Evangelion on DVD. He dumped me when he was done watching it.”

“You have Evangelion on DVD?” Yerim asked incredulously, a hint of excitement in her voice.

“Not anymore, he never returned it.” Yerim snorted at her answer.

They rode in silence for a little longer.

“Once, in college,” Seungwan continued bravely, still staring straight ahead. “A guy pretended to be gay to get out of a second date with me. Then he started dating my roommate, like a week later.”

Yerim’s sniffles had stopped. She looked at Seungwan curiously, clearly waiting for more. Lucky for her, there was certainly more.

“One time I was dating this girl who started questioning her bisexuality, she thought she might be straight after all. I met her recently and she’s definitely bi, turns out she just felt no attraction for me specifically.”

Yerim snorted out something that sounded suspiciously like “relatable”. Seungwan pursed her lips. It was really hard to empathize with that devil.

“Are all your past relationships just a string of you getting dumped?” Yerim asked amusedly. At least the cheering up was working. If there was one thing Seungwan knew how to do, it was making people feel better at her expense.

She hummed as she thought of Yerim’s question. “No, one time I found out a guy was only dating me to get to my friend. I had to break up with him because he wanted us to keep going anyway, he thought it might still work.”

Yerim laughed openly, jabbing at Seungwan’s arm playfully. “Okay, enough, now you’re just making me feel sad for you.” The subway was almost at their stop, now. Seungwan gathered her things and prepared to get up. “I still don’t like you or whatever,” Yerim added after a too-long pause. Seungwan smiled inwardly.

As they stepped out of the train and up the stairs, Seungwan remembered what Joohyun had told her. She still had to make it up to Yerim. So she slowed down, waiting for Yerim to follow her lead, and cleared her throat.

“Listen, uh, earlier, when I called you a kid,” she started.

“A child. And it’s fine, I don’t care, I don’t even remember,” Yerim interrupted quickly, then fell back into silence. She brushed at something invisible on her sleeve.

“Right, well, it reminded me of when I was younger and everybody kept saying I was a kid like it meant I didn’t know what I was doing. Like it didn’t matter what I thought or how I felt.” She fiddled with the ends of her sleeves, thinking of those frustrating times in her adolescence, when people insisted that everything was just a phase. That she couldn’t be sure yet. “I ended up feeling really insecure, and maybe I got into a lot of situations that I would have left until later if it didn’t feel like I had to do it to prove I was an adult. If I wasn’t trying so hard to be taken seriously. Not that you’d do that, you’re probably way smarter than I was,” she hastily added, chuckling awkwardly. “I just… realized that stuff like that, calling someone a child, has a lot of baggage that you stop thinking about when it stops happening to you. So, you know. Sorry. For saying you were a child.”

They were almost at her building. She grabbed her keys from her bag while she waited for Yerim to say something in response. A few seconds of silence passed. They reached the door, which she opened. Yerim stood waiting while she checked the mail.

When she turned back, there was an inscrutable expression on Yerim’s face. She was clearly spending too much time with Joohyun. Then it was replaced by the usual petulant look that preceded her jabs. “I’ll forgive you if you don’t tell Joohyun I cried.”

“I’d rather be forgiven because of my apology, but I’ll take it,” she replied in relief. “Although, with your face like that, I think even Joohyun will notice,” she added, grinning as Yerim grimaced in realization. “You can wash your face in my apartment, come on.”

They were already in the hallway and Seungwan directed Yerim to her own door. Thankfully, Sooyoung had the music blaring at Joohyun’s and they weren’t heard coming in.

“Thanks,” Yerim offered shyly, entering Seungwan’s apartment. “And thanks for cheering me up, I guess. It’s easier to talk to you than Joohyun.”

Seungwan smiled proudly, glad she’d made the effort and hopefully reached a turning point in her turbulent relationship with Yerim. “Why? Because the age gap is smaller?”

“No, because you’re a human disaster and it’s easier to admit my failings to you,” Yerim replied casually, her back to Seungwan as she took off her shoes.

Seungwan cooed in response. “Aww, you’re trying to push me away because you’re embarrassed that I saw your vulnerable side.”

“No, I’m trying to push you away because you suck,” Yerim retorted sharply.

Seungwan smiled. “Cute.” She reached to pinch Yerim’s cheek, but the younger girl stepped out of her reach.

“This is really bringing down the value of your apology,” Yerim grumbled, only succeeding in looking cuter in a half-pout and crossed arms.

“I thought my apology didn’t matter and you were just forgiving me so I don’t tell Joohyun you were crying,” Seungwan pointed out gloatingly. They were still standing by the apartment door, so she headed to the bathroom, gesturing for Yerim to follow.

“I like you better when we’re around Joohyun and you get all stuttery and awkward,” she complained.

“I-I do not! I’m fine around her!”

Yerim’s lips curved at Seungwan’s flustered reply. “Cute,” she said with a grin. Then she stepped into the bathroom.

Seungwan sat on the sofa, debating whether to watch TV or go straight to bed once she was free of Yerim. She was sold on the latter option by the time the younger girl appeared, make-up freshly reapplied, so she quickly walked her to the door and towards Joohyun’s apartment. Just as she was going to make her escape, the door opened to reveal Joohyun herself.

“Oh, Yerim, there you are!” she exclaimed cheerfully. “And Seungwan, hello!” she added, turning to face her.

“Yeah, we ran into each other on the subway,” Seungwan hastily explained. She considered saying something else, then weighed the probability of that something being ridiculous and giving away her lie. Better keep it vague.

“And now here we are,” Yerim cut in, clearly worried about the same thing. “Okay, bye now!” She made to push Joohyun back into the apartment, but her effort was resisted.

“Seungwan, why don’t you join us? There’s no work tonight, I promise. Just fun.” Joohyun gave her a disarming smile and Seungwan felt all her self-control fade. It was only polite to do as the lady requested.

Yerim sent her a warning look, but she should have known who would win out. “Uh, yeah, sure,” Seungwan replied immediately, locking the door behind herself to join them in Joohyun’s apartment.

It was already late by the time they joined the other two, so it wasn’t long until all four of them were sitting down on the sofa, silenced under a blanket of sleepiness. Yerim tried unsuccessfully to hide a sequence of yawns, probably tired out from the evening’s emotions. As soon as she noticed, Joohyun marched her to her bedroom, throwing Sooyoung in there with her quickly against her protests.

In the meantime, Seungwan had gotten up to put on her jacket, as it seemed about time to leave. She was shrugging it into place when she felt a tight grip on her arm. She turned to see Joohyun’s eyes on her, strangely animated with a slightly terrifying fire. Scratch that, very terrifying.

She was half-dragged to the kitchen, where Joohyun suddenly stopped dangerously close to her. “What did you do to Yerim?” she hissed out. Suddenly, Seungwan wished they hadn’t just entered the room where knives were kept.

“I-I didn’t do anything. What are you talking about?” she asked defensively, knowing that she sounded suspicious. Her free hand gesticulated wildly like it would help reassure Joohyun of her innocence.

“Her make-up was fresh and her eyes were red. So what did you do to make her cry?” Joohyun insisted, stepping closer. Unfortunately, Seungwan was too distracted by fear to get lost in her beauty. Also by pain. She tried to prise Joohyun’s fingers open and relieve the pressure on her arm. Noticing her discomfort, Joohyun weakened her grip slightly.

“Wait, you’ve just been sitting on that all night?” Seungwan let slip before her brain caught up to her mouth. Joohyun’s eyes narrowed. “Fine, she was crying,” she relented with a sigh before her neighbour remembered the knives. “But it wasn’t me!”

The pressure on her arm weakened, but Joohyun’s hand remained in place. She narrowed her eyes, clearly waiting for further explanations.

“I found her crying on the subway. She was upset about some girl she likes, she asked me not to tell you because she’s embarrassed,” Seungwan explained. The hardness in Joohyun’s eyes faded away at her words, replaced by warmth. “I also said I was sorry about the child thing, hopefully she hates me less now,” Seungwan added, looking away in embarrassment. Now that the fear was gone, she was overwhelmed by their proximity in the empty apartment.

She could still feel Joohyun’s eyes on her face, her fingers around her arm. Suddenly, she was moving even closer, impossibly close, and Seungwan felt slim arms envelop her in a hug. Joohyun’s hair tickled her face, filling her nose with a familiar flowery scent. The warmth of Joohyun’s body against hers felt impossibly comforting, and she hesitatingly raised her arms to Joohyun’s waist, vaguely aware that the hug should probably be returned.

Joohyun’s mouth moved against her hair. She felt her voice buzz against her ear. “Thank you for taking care of my Yerim,” she whispered softly. “And I apologize for accusing you falsely,” she added. Then she rushed away from Seungwan, leaving her stumbling for support. “Oh, I didn’t even ask if it was alright to hug you,” she exclaimed with wide eyes, shocked at her own faux-pas.

“It’s fine,” Seungwan returned, urging her lungs to start working normally again. She could still smell the lingering scent of Joohyun’s shampoo. Joohyun smiled at Seungwan’s words, then the warmth in her eyes grew again.

“Thank you again. I’m glad that Yerim felt she could open up to you. I know that sometimes I can be a little too… Motherly with her, and she might feel uncomfortable discussing certain topics.” She smiled sheepishly and Seungwan’s heart swelled just a little in her chest. “To be honest… Yerim might seem carefree around us, but she’s very independent, almost to a fault. She insists on dealing with everything on her own.”

Joohyun glanced at the bedroom door, ensuring that no noises could be heard from inside. Then she continued in a low voice. “I mentioned that her parents asked me to take care of her. The truth is that they wanted me to encourage her to study engineering, like I had. But when I met her, it became clear that she would never be happy in that career. So, instead, I told her to follow her passion.” She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Seungwan watched her in fascination, drinking in her words. “As the eldest daughter, she was under significant pressure to follow her parents’ wishes and pursue a safe career. Her choice to study literature strained their relationship and put a great toll on her. But she insists on dealing with it alone. Sometimes I wish she’d let me help her.”

Seungwan felt a stupid urge to kiss Joohyun. In the solitude of the dim apartment, under the stark kitchen lights, Joohyun’s bright eyes seemed to shine their way right into her heart. There was something ethereal about her, Seungwan had always known that much, but she was growing to realize that it wasn’t just present in the perfect proportions of her face or her neck. It was her, all of her. Beautiful inside and out.

Joohyun reached for her hands, startling her out of dangerous thoughts, and held them in her own as she swung their arms excitedly. “I’m so glad we’re all friends now,” she said cheerfully.

Seungwan attempted to hide her surprise at the statement. Instead, she smiled in response. “I’m glad too.” They slowly let their arms fall, hands slipping apart to drop at their sides. This felt nice, comfortable. It might be the first time in her romantic life that she didn’t feel embarrassed.

Oh. Right. Her romantic life.

She raised her arm to scratch at the back at her head. That lack of embarrassment had definitely been short-lived. “Listen, uh… I told Yerim a few unflattering stories about me when I was trying to cheer her up,” she began. Joohyun smiled encouragingly, pleased at the initiative. “And, well, they were obviously a little exaggerated for comedic effect.” They absolutely were not. “But, just, I know that the girls like to make fun of me behind my back, so… Just a heads-up. Please don’t judge me for them.”

Joohyun smiled enigmatically. “I don’t think Yerim will be sharing those stories. She’s very protective of the people she cares about.”

Seungwan smiled stupidly. She knew she was smiling stupidly, she just couldn’t help it. She didn’t know what else to do in this situation, when Joohyun and her friends were clearly welcoming her into their lives with open arms. Maybe Seulgi was right and they really did like her. Not just Joohyun, but Sooyoung too. Even Yerim.

Joohyun yawned, catching both of them by surprise. Seungwan chuckled, shaking the haze from her head. “I should go home, huh?” she asked with a smile. She turned to leave, followed by Joohyun, who walked her to the door. “So, see you later.” She wanted to say goodnight, but suddenly felt too shy to force out the words.

Joohyun smiled sleepily at her. “Come by any time,” she said in lieu of goodbye, keeping the door open while Seungwan walked to her own apartment. Inside her mind, Joohyun’s last words ran on repeat like a mantra. She smiled to herself, thinking back to Sooyoung’s advice. Joohyun meant what she said.

(…)

Seungwan felt like she was walking on clouds. She knew the feeling might be a bit premature, but she justified herself with the thought that it was perfectly legitimate to be excited over a new friendship. So that was probably it. She was just super happy over her friendship with Joohyun. And Sooyoung and Yerim, those two as well. Super happy about all of it.

At the moment, she was happily on the way to her friend’s apartment – conveniently, right across the hallway from hers – to cook dinner for her, as a way of thanking her for hosting all their weekend gatherings. Not that they could be held anywhere else, since Joohyun, and apparently also Yerim, were terrified of Mr. Fluffers. The poor little spoiled baby would never stand to spend an evening locked in Seungwan’s bedroom, so her home was usually off the table. Of course, Sooyoung still dropped by every once in a while. Not only because of Seungwan’s Netflix, but also because she’d somehow found her gaming consoles when she’d finally decided to snoop around and now regularly stopped by after her classes to shoot people over the internet. She said it was very therapeutic.

Seungwan knocked on Joohyun’s door, one hand holding the few utensils she hadn’t trusted Joohyun to own. The door opened promptly, revealing her smiling neighbour. She let Seungwan in, then enveloped her in a quick hug. Seungwan still hadn’t gotten used to their new form of greeting and used her full hands as justification for completely forgetting to return the hug. It was just really hard to focus when she was surrounded by Joohyun’s presence and scent like that.

Attempting to ignore the fluttering in her chest, Seungwan moved her equipment to the kitchen, where she set about trying to figure out where everything was. This would be a lot easier if she could just cook in her own apartment. She was suddenly taken by the thought of Joohyun in her apartment, sitting on her sofa. Preparing tea in her kitchen. Settling down on her bed.

She nearly dropped an entire drawer of cutlery on the floor. Thankfully, Joohyun was standing right beside her and reached out a hand to steady it. Seungwan took a deep breath. She needed to focus or she’d burn her hand off soon enough.

“Sorry, I…” Joohyun was looking at her inquisitively but her mind was drawing a blank. “Got distracted,” she finished slowly. Might as well go with the truth. “Listen, you can go relax in the sofa or something, I’ve got this,” she offered with a smile.

Joohyun’s face fell. Seungwan immediately panicked. “I won’t be treating you to dinner if I make you cook it, will I?” she explained quickly. Joohyun seemed to accept this excuse and moved away with some reluctance. She settled down on the sofa and reached for her book.

“Please don’t burn yourself,” she requested from her seat when she heard Seungwan light the stove. “Don’t cut yourself either,” she added after a pause. Seungwan assented with a nod which she knew Joohyun could see from the sofa. Truthfully, her extremities were a lot safer now that Joohyun was far enough to be less distracting. Now if only she could get her mind away from Joohyun as easily as she’d gotten Joohyun away from the kitchen.

She managed to get through the preparation without hacking off any fingers, probably aided by enough practice to do most things on auto-pilot. She’d settled for a simple recipe of creamy pasta, since she didn’t want to keep Joohyun waiting for too long. Soon enough, she was joining Joohyun on the sofa, their plates in front of them on the coffee table.

They ate side by side in their usual silence, which Seungwan had more or less gotten used to, broken only by Joohyun’s occasional praise over the meal. She felt pleased that she’d managed to show off in one of the few areas where she was confident.

About halfway through her pasta, she started to notice Joohyun stealing glances her way, then quickly looking away when she turned towards her. She was also twisting her food around the plate more than eating it. Seungwan started to feel nervous herself, wondering what Joohyun could be mulling over.

“So, have you gone on that date yet?” Joohyun suddenly asked. Seungwan choked on a mouthful of pasta. She was almost thankful, as the coughing fit it elicited gave her a few moments to gather her thoughts.

“I, uh, what date now?” she asked in a raspy voice, wiping her teary eyes.

“You said you wanted to ask a girl out, when we spoke before. When I offered you a slice of pizza,” Joohyun provided helpfully, like Seungwan might not recall the only conversation about her love life she’d ever had with Joohyun. “Did you… do that?”

Seungwan abandoned her meal to study Joohyun, trying to get a grasp on their conversation, but her face was frustratingly neutral. Oh well, there they went then. She’d made her bed and now she’d lie in it. By talking about Joohyun in front of her in a way that wouldn’t make her realize it was her. The whole thing almost gave her a headache.

“Um, no, not yet,” she replied simply. She probably shouldn’t elaborate.

Joohyun hummed in response. “Will you?” she prodded further.

“Maybe?” she stabbed a piece of pasta with her fork, but she’d more or less lost her appetite. “Depends, I guess.”

Joohyun didn’t respond. Had she already learnt the effect long pauses had on Seungwan’s brain? That didn’t spell out good things for Seungwan’s future. This time, though, she was determined to remain silent. There was too much at stake.

“Depends?” Joohyun eventually questioned, apparently having decided that enough time had passed. Seungwan nodded silently. “On what?”

For once, Seungwan wished that Joohyun wasn’t so oblivious to polite cues. Like her cue that they should stop talking about this. She set down her fork and leaned back. “Well, she’s my friend. So it depends on whether I get any sign that she might like me back.”

“What kind of sign would that be?” Joohyun asked, sounding curious. Right, she didn’t have a lot of experience to draw from, so her curiosity was natural.

Seungwan frowned, lost in thought. She wasn’t quite sure herself. “I’ll know it when I see it?” she offered in a dubious tone, shrugging along with her answer. “I don’t really have a list or anything.”

Joohyun furrowed her brow, looking confused at Seungwan’s logic. It was probably because there was none. But she wouldn’t hear that from Seungwan. “Then how do you know if she hasn’t already given you a sign and you missed it?”

“I hope not,” Seungwan chuckled in response. “So, are you done with your food?” she asked quickly, trying to change the subject. She got up from the sofa and picked up the plates at Joohyun’s nod, but the older woman stopped her with a hand on her wrist.

“Please, you cooked, I’ll take care of the dishes,” she said, looking into Seungwan’s eyes. She got up and took them to the kitchen, leaving them to soak in the sink. “So, regarding this girl,” she started again, bringing Seungwan one step closer to a premature heart attack.

“Um, Joohyun, can we maybe talk about something else?” she spoke up, before Joohyun could continue her questioning. “I just don’t want to think about my inability to ask a girl out right now.”

“Oh, alright,” Joohyun replied in an uncertain tone. “I’m sorry if I bothered you, I’m not used to talking about these things.” She came back from the kitchen and stood awkwardly by Seungwan’s side, holding her hands together. “I just thought…”

Seungwan reached for her hands to separate them, then gently pulled her back down to sit beside her. She noticed with fascination that Joohyun didn’t bother to take her hand back, and their joined hands now sat between them on the sofa.

She bumped her shoulder into Joohyun’s softly, encouraging her to finish her sentence. “Well, I mentioned that girl to Sooyoung and she said that I should help you with that,” Joohyun concluded weakly.

There was an uncomfortable sensation in Seungwan’s chest and she realized with an unpleasant shock that it was disappointment. Apparently, her dumb brain had decided to entertain the possibility that Joohyun was so uncharacteristically interested in this hypothetical girl because she might have her own personal investment in Seungwan’s love life. That really was the only explanation for why Seungwan hadn’t immediately suspected the intervention of one of the younger women.

While her brain and her heart caught up with each other, her mouth decided to respond on auto-pilot, latching on to the obvious piece of information in Joohyun’s confession. “You told Sooyoung about that,” she stated more than asked. Joohyun studied her uncertainly. “That’s cool, I mean it’s not- Why wouldn’t I want them to know?” she continued in a cheery tone, masking her displeasure for Joohyun’s sake. “I assume she told Yerim.”

“Yes, she called her right away,” Joohyun replied helpfully.

Seungwan suppressed a groan. Amazing. Spending time with them had just become. So much more fun.

Her hand that still held Joohyun’s must have clenched involuntarily, because Joohyun squeezed back, then started to rub her thumb on Seungwan’s wrist soothingly. “Are you sure it’s alright?” she asked with a worried look.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking about my embarrassing crush. Really makes me cringe sometimes,” she explained lamely.

“I’m sorry I brought it up,” Joohyun said in a low voice. Her thumb continued its rhythmic motion left and right on Seungwan’s sensitive skin. She suppressed a shiver, trying to focus on the soothing intention rather than the nerve-fraying effect. After a while, she realized she hadn’t responded to Joohyun’s apology and scrambled out a quick “it’s fine”, which seemed to reassure her despite its delay.

They sat in silence for a bit longer, then Joohyun shuffled closer and let her head rest on Seungwan’s shoulder. Seungwan tapped against it softly with her own head, communicating acknowledgment and approval. She felt Joohyun’s warmth envelop her, bringing with it a sleepy haze that softened the chaos of sensations assaulting her brain. Joohyun’s thumb on her wrist, her shampoo, her hair so close that Seungwan could just turn her head and press her lips against it, all seemed to fade gently into the background.

“I hope things go better with your crush soon,” Joohyun mumbled against Seungwan’s shoulder. Her thumb stopped its motion and she pulled both their hands into her lap so she could shift closer.

“Yeah, me too,” Seungwan hummed in response. “She’s really nice.”


	6. Act 1 Part 6

Seulgi's arm was firmly locked around Seungwan's as they waited for their cab. Seungwan was vaguely aware that she was more or less leaning her entire weight on that poor arm, but when she tried to ease the pressure and stand on her own, she invariably started listing to one side and Seulgi had to scramble to pull her back upright.

It was Seulgi's fault, really. They were all aware that Seungwan was the world's biggest lightweight and yet her best friend still hadn’t stopped her from ordering all those beers. She was surrounded by traitors.

“I'm surrounded by traitors,” she repeated out loud, startling Seulgi. She wanted to raise an accusing finger for emphasis, but both her hands were currently occupied with hanging onto her friend.

Seulgi waited for an explanation, eyes slightly widened in confusion. “Not you, you're sweet and perfect and you've never done anything wrong,” Seungwan hastened to clarify. Seulgi was the best friend in the entire universe and she had to know that she was perfect, always. Seungwan squeezed her life-saving arm for reassurance. Why was she mad again?

“It's those demon children,” she realized with a gasp. “They're the traitors. Awful, awful, vicious people. So mean to me,” she confided in a sad voice, truly stricken by their cruelty. “I've done nothing to merit their attacks, their... vile, baseless accusations.”

Seulgi giggled at her side. Traitor.

“Joohyun told them about,” she started, then turned to whisper the rest of the sentence in Seulgi's ear, “my crush.” Seulgi nodded. Seungwan had already told her about that, maybe, probably. She carried on regardless. “You know, the one I told her about, but it's actually her, but she thinks it's someone else. But they know, the demons know it's her,” she hissed out. Seulgi pulled away with another giggle. She'd probably tickled her ear.

Just then, the cab arrived and they got inside. Seulgi leaned forward to give the driver the address. She looked back at Seungwan, dreamily slumped against the corner of the car, content with gazing silently out the window for the moment. She shrugged and turned to the driver, who was attempting to engage in some polite conversation with his passengers. He was in luck, because Seulgi was just the right person for polite conversation.

Seungwan snorted quietly as she thought of the two people who definitely weren't polite. The demons. The two women who haunted her every interaction with Joohyun.

“So Seungwan, Joohyun told me how you're friends with your crush now,” Sooyoung had said in a cheerful voice, some time ago as they all sat in Joohyun’s living room. Settled beside Seungwan, Joohyun nodded in validation.

Seungwan looked up from her food warily, then mumbled something noncommittal, unwilling to be caught in her own web of lies.

“Meaning you weren't friends before?” the younger woman retorted lightning-fast, while Seungwan nearly avoided choking on air. “Wow, you've made a lot of friends recently,” she added with fake admiration. That snake.

“I didn't,” Seungwan started, coughing into her hand, “say it was a new friend. Just that we're friends,” she explained in a weak voice.

“So you were friends before. Been friends for a long time?” Sooyoung prodded, studying her nails intently, like the topic of conversation was the furthest thing from her mind.

Seungwan poked at her food and stubbornly avoided all eye contact from any source. Namely, Yerim, who was staring at her in open amusement. “I, uh, didn't say that either,” she mumbled into her plate, incapable of stopping the warmth in her cheeks.

Curiously enough, it was Joohyun who saved her, by abruptly changing the topic of conversation with a stilted “So Yerim, how is your work going? Did you find any new gay undertones?” Once she'd gotten Yerim started on her rant, she leaned closer to Seungwan. “You seemed uncomfortable. I thought you might not want to talk about your embarrassing crush any longer,” she whispered in her ear. Seungwan's brain short-circuited for only the briefest of moments before she reached out to squeeze Joohyun’s hand gratefully.

The taxi screeched to a halt at a red light, interrupting Seungwan’s reminiscing. Seulgi was still talking animatedly with the driver. As expected, they'd found a common interest, and were now eagerly discussing soccer, or maybe another ball-involving sport. There were quite a lot of those. Come to think of it, what sports didn't involve balls? Well, hockey had more of a cylinder than a ball. And badminton, that one had a half-ball with feathers. Who had even come up with that? Seungwan racked her brain for more, but she didn't know much about sports on a good day, let alone a drunk day.

Of course, there were no more good days, not since the demons had caught onto her weakness. To be fair, they already knew before, but now they had proof. And they were really mean about it.

Whenever Joohyun hugged her in greeting, Yerim would waggle her eyebrows at her behind the older woman's back.

The only time Sooyoung had also stepped forward to hug her, she'd held her too tightly to escape then leaned to whisper in her ear “She's wearing a red bra today, hope you have fun with that,” pulling away to laugh at Seungwan's tomato-red face. “You've got to stop getting so flustered around me, it's just sad,” she'd concluded as she patted her cheek.

Seungwan didn't hug Sooyoung anymore.

Also, they kept trying to make Joohyun take her into her bedroom. Not in a sexy way, just physically take her there. Yerim had spilled her drink on Seungwan's shirt, according to her on accident, but very, very clearly on purpose, then insisted Seungwan should borrow one of Joohyun's shirts, and obviously she had to go with her and pick it herself.

It's true that Seungwan could have just gone next door to grab one of her own shirts, as Sooyoung pointed out to her immediately and on several occasions afterwards, but she was too flustered to think of that at the time, obviously, nothing else to it.

She still hadn't returned that shirt, now that she thought about it. She probably should. It didn't even smell like Joohyun anymore. Not that she'd noticed that. What did Joohyun even smell like? Who knew? Not her. She didn't memorize what people smelled like.

But she really should return the shirt.

Suddenly, the street they were driving down sparked Seungwan's mind with familiarity and she realized the next turn would leave them at her building just as the driver was turning the wheel. Home at last. A warm, comfy bed in her near future. She was living the dream.

She stepped out and wobbled on her unsteady legs for a moment before Seulgi was at her side and offering her arm once more.

“No, you'll lose your ride home,” Seungwan whined as she realized Seulgi had already paid the driver and he was getting ready to drive off.

Seulgi shrugged with her free shoulder. “Actually, I'm a little hungry. I was going to stop at that diner before I go home.”

“Waffles diner or pancakes diner?” Seungwan asked simply.

“Hmm, pancakes?” Seulgi offered thoughtfully.

“Good, that one's closer.” Seungwan relented then, clutching Seulgi's arm tightly. She turned on her heel, hopefully in the direction of pancakes diner. She was a little disoriented. “Okay, let's go.”

“No, you're going to bed,” Seulgi replied, poking her cheek with her free hand. “It's way past your bedtime, young lady,” she added with a giggle.

Seungwan grumbled, but didn't offer too much resistance. She did feel exhausted and wanted nothing more than to flop down onto a comfortable horizontal surface. Pillows would be a plus. “Okay, but call me when you get home. No, I'll be asleep, that's useless. Call one of your friends who's still awake,” she finished, feeling very proud of her reasoning. “But also text me, for when I wake up.” Yes, mind as sharp as ever.

Seulgi only nodded in silent agreement and walked into the building with her. While they waited for the elevator, Seungwan began sharing all the embarrassing events that had sprung in her memory on the drive home. Each story was punctuated by an exclamation of “demons” or “just mean” or “stupid beautiful children”. Seulgi hummed in validation, patting Seungwan's head for emotional support.

They stopped by her apartment door. She leaned against it, finishing her complaints. Seulgi alternated between squeezing her shoulder for comfort and bringing her finger to her own lips to remind her that she had neighbours and shouldn't be talking above a whisper at this time of night. In response, Seungwan's voice fluctuated between barely audible and a little too loud, as Seulgi's warnings were chased away by her growing indignation, in turn replaced by fresh warnings.

Her protests finally died down and she stood for a moment recovering her breath. She saw a glint of amusement in Seulgi's eyes and suddenly felt a little guilty. She pulled her into a tight hug, then stepped away and launched right into an apology. “Seulgi-bear, I'm sorry we never hang out and now all I talk about is Joohyun and her friends,” she began sadly.

Seulgi smiled widely in response. “You don't have to worry about that, Wannie. I know that you can't handle a lot of human interaction at once and with new people you have to spend more time with them, get to know them,” she responded in a reassuring tone. Well, Seulgi did know better than anyone how to make friends. “And best friends don't stop being best friends just because they don't see each other for a while. Plus, we text all the time,” she added. That was true, they did text a lot. Seungwan smiled slightly, feeling less worried.

She looked down and reached for the edge of Seulgi's jacket, fiddling with it for comfort. “I'm glad you have other friends and you don't have to hang out with me all the time,” she admitted in a whisper. “But I'm also... a little jealous that you have other friends and don't have to hang out with me all the time,” she added in an even lower tone. “It's dumb,” she continued, speaking up a little, “it's not like I feel neglected, or that we don't hang out enough, or that you're not there when I need you, it's just... I get a little worried that you'll notice all your other friends are cool and funny and great and I'm not and.. I don't know,” she finished awkwardly, trying to shrug away the insecurity.

Seulgi grabbed her hands and massaged them softly. She kept her eyes on Seungwan's, waiting for her to look up. “Wan-wan, do you think I'm a bad judge of character?” she asked with a smile.

“No,” Seungwan grumbled. She knew where this was going.

Seulgi gasped in fake surprise. “But I think you're the greatest and super funny and an awesome best friend,” she exclaimed like she'd made a sudden discovery. “So, if I'm a good judge of character then doesn't that mean that...” She gasped again. “You _must_ be awesome and just the best!” she finished happily.

Seungwan held back a smile and released one of her hands to poke at Seulgi's side. “Maybe I just tricked you. With my wiles.”

Seulgi snorted. “Oh yes, your wiles. All of those wiles that you have.”

She poked her again, now definitely smiling. “Then I bought your love with all those cakes I baked you.”

“I won't lie, the cakes are a plus,” Seulgi said with a giggle. “But the biggest plus is that smile,” she added, reaching out to pinch Seungwan's cheeks. Seungwan tried to evade her hands, backing into her apartment door, but she had nowhere to run.

She dragged out a whine until Seulgi released her, then turned around to open the door. “Now go away,” she threw over her shoulder in an affectionate tone. “Before the pancake diner closes. Hungry bears are dangerous.”

She stepped into her apartment just long enough to turn on the lights and take off her heels, then headed back out to throw herself into Seulgi's arms. She wrapped her in a tight hug. “I love you, Seulgi-bear,” she whispered in her ear.

“Love you too, Wan-Wan,” Seulgi replied happily. “Now go sleep.”

Seungwan stepped back inside, waving Seulgi away, then shut the door. She crossed the room quickly, heading straight for the bedroom, where she collapsed diagonally onto her bed, jostling poor Mr. Fluffers, who retired to the sofa in protest. She was probably going to regret not taking off her make-up in the morning. Oh well, that was a problem for future Seungwan. That and the hangover.

She thought of getting up for a glass of water. Instead, she rolled over and fell asleep almost instantly.

(…)

_(Joohyun POV)_

The apartment was quiet. In the silence and stillness of the room, Joohyun could even hear her own breathing. It was nice, comforting. Peaceful. She cradled her cup of tea between her hands, letting the warmth transfer from its surface to her palms and slowly travel up her arms. Wisps of steam rose from the hot liquid in shuddering shapes, twisting to form their own unique pattern, never to be repeated. Carefully, she brought the cup of tea closer to her lips. She watched as the movement displaced the steam, temporarily disturbing its elegant dance. As her hands stilled, it hesitantly reappeared, soothing in its regularity. She appreciated the balance of constancy and change, uniqueness and uniformity.

She blew softly on the hot tea, watching the clouds curl away and disappear. As she recovered her breath, the scent of wild berries filled her nostrils, almost overpowering in its intensity, and she closed her eyes to let it envelop her for a moment. She brought the cup to her lips and drank slowly, the scent growing stronger as the liquid entered her mouth and settled on her tongue. She swallowed and brought the cup back down to her lap, her hands still curled around it for warmth. A hint of wild berries lingered in the back of her tongue. A hum of satisfaction rose in her throat.

The sound of steps reached her through the wall, easily distinguishable in the silence that surrounded her. One of her neighbours must have been out. It was a Friday night, after all. The steps grew louder as they neared her apartment, then stopped outside its door. No, she corrected herself as she identified the voice that accompanied them. Outside her neighbour's door.

Seungwan spoke in an animated voice which modulated strangely in intensity. Regularly, her volume increased until it dropped and became inaudible for a moment. Then it increased again until, presumably, her partner in conversation convinced her to drop it back to a whisper. Joohyun's curiosity was piqued and she rose silently, leaving her cup on the coffee table. In a few careful steps, she was at the door.

Seungwan's voice was no longer animated and now she and her companion spoke in equally hushed tones, having apparently grown more cautious of disturbing the neighbours. On the other side of the door, Joohyun caught words too muffled to make sense of them. She hesitated only momentarily before standing on the tips of her toes to settle an eye against the door's peephole.

Seungwan stood against her own door, somewhat obscured by her companion, a woman, whose back was turned to Joohyun. She wore a worried expression, but it was strangely unfamiliar to Joohyun. The worried Seungwan she knew looked away, eyes darting around the room. She scratched the back of her neck and replied quickly, usually with a joking comment intended to change the subject. But the Seungwan she saw through the peephole looked fragile, her insecurity clear in the way she looked at her companion. The vulnerability etched so strongly into her face struck Joohyun almost violently.

Seungwan looked down and Joohyun followed the motion, her eyes landing on entwined fingers, hands which the strange woman was slowly swinging from side to side. Whatever she was saying, its effect on Seungwan was clear, as her features lifted slowly until she was fighting back a smile. Now the woman was giggling and Seungwan smiled widely in return. She suddenly surged to grasp Seungwan's face despite her protests. Joohyun could understand the urge. She looked radiant, not only from her dazzling smile but from the glow of happiness that had so easily overtaken the previous insecurity. Seungwan was adorable.

Her neighbour entered her apartment and Joohyun was about to step back and return to her tea when Seungwan suddenly burst back out and wrapped herself around the strange woman. She stumbled slightly under the sudden impact but quickly righted herself, clearly used to the occurrence. Seungwan's hands clenched tightly at the woman's back, her mouth moving against her ear. A moment later they were moving apart and Seungwan returned to her apartment with a final wave.

Joohyun's mind was racing. She thought of the way Seungwan reacted to her own touches, how she stiffened in her arms or merely accepted their joined hands with apparent indifference. She'd assumed she was uncomfortable with physical contact, but willing to make the effort, and her opinion had only been reinforced by the fact that Seungwan had seemed so ill-at-ease the only time she'd allowed Sooyoung to hug her. Yet clearly her assumption had been wrong, as evidenced by the ease and happiness with which Seungwan had melted into the arms of the woman that now stood alone in the hallway.

The vulnerability in Seungwan's face etched itself in her mind, revealing a simple truth. However guarded she might be in her daily life, reluctant to initiate physical contact or share her feelings, everything changed with this mysterious woman. With her, she couldn't help but bare her heart and soul, all painfully exposed in her eyes, her limbs. Her voice, Joohyun concluded, suddenly itching to know what words had been traded between them.

This was the friend Seungwan loved, Joohyun realized with a start. Her heart swelled with a rush of sudden pride at having made the discovery. She knew she sometimes missed things that were obvious to others, Sooyoung and Yerim had mentioned it to her before, but for once she had connected the dots and reached the inevitable conclusion on her own. She wouldn't have to describe the event to Sooyoung, who tapped her own arm patiently and walked Joohyun through the steps of logic that eventually led to the truth. Except when Yerim walked by them and swiftly expressed it with an unconcerned look before walking off to do something else. She could imagine it now.

Sooyoung, carefully disguised frustration in her brow, looking in Joohyun’s eyes. “So Seungwan, who never hugs anyone, just jumped into this woman's arms and didn't even forget to hug back,” she'd repeat slowly, while Joohyun nodded, possibly putting emphasis on one of the words like “never” or “anyone”, trying to guide her thoughts.

Then Yerim would pass by them with a heavily annotated book in her hand. “Okay, we get it, she's in love with her,” she'd throw out casually, then stop for a moment. “Joohyun, do you have any more chips?”

She smiled fondly at the thought of her caring friends, who never gave up on her. She didn't know how she'd been lucky enough to surround herself with such good people. She only wished she could do more to help them.

How could she help Seungwan with this strange woman?

She thought back to her conversation with Sooyoung. She'd told her of Seungwan's reluctance to discuss her feelings and Sooyoung had agreed that she shouldn't insist. She was relieved, because it was very difficult to think of what to say and she felt extremely ill at ease at Seungwan's discomfort, which was severe enough that even she could pick up on it.

Unfortunately, Sooyoung had other thoughts. “So if you can't talk to her about it, you'll just have to find another way to help,” she declared simply.

Joohyun was entirely at a loss, and a little downcast at the thought that she had to further entangle herself in the complicated web of subtle human interaction. “What way?” she asked fearfully.

“Oh, I don't know. I'm sure some opportunity will present itself,” Sooyoung replied, seeming to ponder the question herself. “You'll know it when you see it,” she added with a wise smile.

Joohyun really wished people would stop talking about knowing when she saw it. She much preferred knowing when it was explained to her thoroughly.

The woman still stood in the hallway, her fingers tapping rapidly on her phone. She gazed at it for a moment then, seemingly satisfied, placed it in her jacket pocket and turned on her heel.

Joohyun stepped away from the peephole, readjusting to binocular vision. For only a moment, she gazed around the apartment uncertainly. It was late, her tea still sat on the coffee table, she was terrible at conversations with strangers.

She reached for her coat, slipped into the nearest pair of shoes and dropped the house keys into her pocket. Then she walked out as silently as she could manage and made her way to the stairs.


	7. Act 1 Part 7

Joohyun had not thought this through. Looking back, she couldn't remember the last time she had voluntarily approached a stranger. Especially in the middle of the night, when the streets were almost empty and anyone who came too close was seen as a possible threat.

The further she got from her apartment building, the deeper her doubts, but also the feeling that it would be ridiculous to give up and turn back. So she walked on, attempting to keep a reasonable distance between herself and her target while she racked her brains for the step in her plan that came after “follow stranger through the streets at night”.

The woman disappeared behind a corner. Moments later, Joohyun reached the same corner and turned as the woman had done.

She nearly bumped into her, suddenly much closer and holding some sort of device in her hand.

“I'm sorry, but you've been following me for a really long time and it's really late and...” The woman paused mid-sentence. Joohyun finally identified the device as pepper spray. She most definitely had not thought this through. She cringed away, attempting to protect her eyes with her arms. The woman still hadn't sprayed her. She lowered her arms slowly to glance at her and saw a slight spark of recognition in her eyes. “Joohyun?” the woman finally exclaimed in amazement.

Joohyun studied the woman in surprise, wondering if they knew each other. She had a unique face, with high cheekbones and beautiful, captivating eyes which squeezed nearly shut when she smiled, as she did when she greeted Joohyun. She could see why Seungwan would fall for her.

But she did not look familiar at all. “How do you know me?” Joohyun asked, sighing in relief as the woman put away her pepper spray.

“Seungwan said you were really pretty,” the woman replied simply, smiling widely once more. “And you only showed up when I left her at home, so it makes sense,” she added.

“And who are you?” Joohyun asked quickly, before the conversation could return to the topic of people who might be following other people.

“I'm Seulgi,” the woman stated, extending a hand as if by reflex. “Her best friend,” she elaborated,

Joohyun shook her hand. “Yes, I think she's mentioned you,” she offered absent-mindedly. So Seungwan was in love with her best friend. That made things more difficult. What new perspective could she find that Seungwan wouldn't have seen already, if this was the person she was closest to?

They stood in silence. Joohyun wondered what she should say next. She needed to learn more about Seulgi, so she should begin some sort of personal conversation where the woman would volunteer information about herself that Joohyun could then discuss with Sooyoung. How did one start a personal conversation, again?

“So, uh...” Seulgi began uncertainly. “I do still need to ask why you were following me.”

Right. She'd already forgotten about that. She reached into her coat pocket, searching for something other than her keys. “You dropped this,” she said as she pulled out a hair tie. Seulgi looked at her strangely.

“Um, no, that's not mine,” she replied in a curious voice.

“Well, it was on the floor,” Joohyun deadpanned, before putting it back. “Might be Seungwan's then, I'll hold on to it.”

Seulgi watched her in silence for a moment. “Right, Seungwan said you were like this,” she said with a grin.

Seungwan had spoken about her? What did she think? “Like what?” she asked with curiosity.

“Very considerate,” Seulgi replied quickly, still smiling.

That was nice. What a nice thing to think about her. “Oh, I'm glad she feels that way,” Joohyun remarked with a small smile.

“Yeah, she really likes you,” Seulgi continued. Joohyun felt a pleased blush colour her cheeks. It was nice to know her friend felt that way.

But this wasn't about Seungwan's feelings for Joohyun, it was about her feelings for Seulgi. Joohyun needed to focus on the task at hand.

“Are you on your way home?” she asked, surprised for a moment at her ability to improvise. “I could accompany you,” she added. In two simple sentences, she'd already managed to extend their interaction for several minutes. She was doing much better than anticipated.

“I'm actually going for pancakes,” Seulgi replied. She pointed at a diner across the street. “It's right there.”

Oh. They'd already arrived at her destination. That threw a snag in Joohyun’s plans.

“Want something to eat? My treat,” Seulgi offered with a wide, inviting smile.

Joohyun assented happily and they crossed the street towards the diner. She couldn't believe how well things were going. It was almost as though Seulgi was going out of her way to be polite and welcoming. Joohyun could see why Seungwan would like her so much; even at first glance, she seemed to be the kind of warm person who immediately put others at ease. The kind of person that others immediately liked.

They sat at a booth by the window, neither of them glancing through the menu. Seulgi apparently had her order memorized and Joohyun would be happy with some tea, to make up for the one that sat half-drunk at home. She took a look around the place while she wondered what she should say next. Seulgi smiled at her reassuringly.

She thought back to a conversation she'd once had with Sooyoung. She'd casually remarked that she was surprised she'd managed to find such good friends and Sooyoung had replied with a sigh, like she was upset at her.

“Joohyun, you're the prettiest, nicest person I know. The only reason people don't flock to you is because they're all scared,” she stated with an eyeroll, as though she couldn't believe those people's stupidity. “You have kind of an RBF,” she added, like it explained anything.

“A what?”

“Nevermind. You just look a little unwelcoming, so it makes people more scared to reach out or open up or whatever.” Sooyoung shrugged at the inevitability of it all. “If you smiled, you could probably get them to do anything for you.”

Joohyun was surprised at the thought. It seemed unlikely enough. As Yerim was walking back from the kitchen, Joohyun stopped her. “Yerim, would you get me some tea?” she asked with a wide smile. Yerim stared at her for a moment.

“What's wrong with you?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “Did Sooyoung do something? Did she give you drugs?” She turned to Sooyoung. “Did you give Joohyun drugs?” she demanded in a recriminating tone.

Sooyoung rolled her eyes again. “I meant,” she started gently, “people who don't know what you're like.”

Well, Seulgi didn't know her.

She turned to Seulgi with a hopefully disarming smile. “So, how did you and Seungwan meet?” she asked pleasantly.

(…)

_(Seulgi POV)_

Seulgi couldn't believe how well things were going. When she'd discovered Joohyun was the one following her, she'd realized this was a precious opportunity and not to be wasted. Well, first she'd felt very relieved that she wouldn't have to pepper spray someone, but the realizing came right after.

But what was really surprising, even more than the fact that Joohyun had followed her to return a hair tie – side note, why would someone pick up a hair tie off the floor? -, was that she'd seemed genuinely eager to spend more time with Seulgi. It would make sense to want to know your new friend's best friend better, but not so much if you were Joohyun as Seungwan had described her.

To be honest, Seulgi had been waiting for Seungwan to introduce her to her new friends. She didn't want to pressure her, because she knew how nervous she got with new people, so she was patiently biding her time until Seungwan felt comfortable enough to have them meet. But the reason she was waiting in the first place was because she'd assumed she'd need Seungwan to mediate, since according to her, Joohyun was closed off, cold and scary to strangers.

But here Seulgi was sitting down at a diner with a smiling, friendly Joohyun who'd just asked her how she and Seungwan had met.

She was beyond confused, but she decided to just roll with it and see where things went. Plus, she'd soon have pancakes, which was always a comfort.

“Well, we went to college together and we took a lot of the same classes,” she started. “And now we're working at the same place, so it wasn't hard to keep in touch.” She was careful to keep the details of their work vague. She knew Seungwan was a bit sensitive about it and preferred to mention it herself.

“Oh, so you must have many common interests,” Joohyun commented. Thankfully, she seemed more interested in their relationship than anything else. Seungwan's secret was safe. “What... sort of things do you enjoy doing?”

Seulgi considered the question for a moment. “She really likes baking, I help her out sometimes. Then I help with the eating,” she added with a grin. Joohyun only nodded along. “We also go out to have lunch on the weekend,” she continued. She should probably mention something that didn't have to do with food. “I like parks and fresh air, so we also do that once in a while.” She wondered if there was something else. “Oh, and video games. We play at her place.”

She finished quickly because she could see the pancakes coming their way. The waitress set down her plate and a steaming mug, then she smiled and walked back to the kitchen. Seulgi attacked the pancakes at once, waiting for the next question from Joohyun. She wondered how she should guide the conversation towards how great Seungwan was.

Joohyun took a slow sip of her tea. Finally, she set it back on the table. “So, you've known Seungwan for a long time. Several years,” she remarked. “What made you become friends?”

As if by magic, the perfect opportunity fell on Seulgi’s lap. It was about time to hype Seungwan up. “She's a little shy, and I'm more outgoing, so it was mostly me bugging her a lot,” she said with a chuckle. “I was having some trouble with one of our classes and I asked her for help because she had the most elaborate notes I'd ever seen. Lots of colours and arrows and bullet points and diagrams.” She gestured as she spoke, animated at the memory of Seungwan's mythical notebooks. More than one teacher had complimented her on them. They were something else. “She was really nice and didn't tell me to buzz off and I ended up doing really well on that class.”

She smiled fondly, remembering the times before she knew Seungwan like the back of her hand. She'd been so reserved that Seulgi spent a long time wondering whether her new friend even enjoyed her presence. It was only when Seungwan had started relaxing and showing her more dorky side that Seulgi realized she'd been holding back out of fear of embarrassing herself. Nowadays, she seemed more comfortable with it. From their conversations, it seemed to Seulgi that she was opening up to her new friends a lot more easily than she had in college. She was really proud of her Wannie.

She realized she was smiling and looking into nowhere. She straightened her shoulders with a playful snort, acknowledging her own spacing out. “After that, we just started studying together for all our shared classes. It helps her understand things when she talks them through with other people,” she finished at last.

She returned her attention to her pancakes, which must have been getting lonely. Joohyun took another drink from her mug. She hadn't really hyped Seungwan much, unless Joohyun needed help with her homework.

“And then we stayed friends because she's super funny and nice, obviously,” she hastened to add. It was true, but it felt a little bare. Maybe she should have shared that through some heartfelt anecdotes or something.

Joohyun nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, she is funny and nice,” she replied matter-of-factly. She didn't elaborate, so Seulgi just went back to her pancakes, secretly rejoicing at the fact that she got to relate those words to Seungwan. Now she was 100% definitely convinced Joohyun didn't hate her friend and wouldn't have to worry when she argued it to Seungwan anymore.

She finished her pancakes while Joohyun remained in uncharacteristic silence. Seulgi wondered if it was her time to ask questions. Then Joohyun suddenly looked up from her drink. “What would you do if one of your friends was in love with you?”

She was glad she'd already finished eating or she might have choked on something. This was unexpected. Did Joohyun suspect Seungwan? Was she the one in love? Seulgi absolutely needed to figure this out, because she couldn't drop something like this on Seungwan without a plausible explanation.

“Oh, uh, well... I guess I... Would be sorry that I couldn't feel the same way. And I'd say that to them, and ask if they were okay with staying friends or if they wanted some space.” It wasn't the hardest question to answer, considering she'd already been in this exact situation. Being friendly and outgoing did have its downsides. “So, why do you ask?” she quickly interjected, hoping to get to the bottom of it.

“Curiosity,” Joohyun replied. She looked away. “I watched a movie about it and started wondering.”

“Seungwan said you didn't watch a lot of TV,” Seulgi commented innocently. She had to be careful not to spook her.

“Sooyoung made me watch it. She wouldn't go to the theatre alone because she said it made her look sad and lonely,” Joohyun elaborated.

It wasn't the likeliest story, but Seulgi couldn't be certain it was a lie. From what Seungwan had shared, it did seem like something Sooyoung would do. She might have taken Yerim, but if it was a cheesy romance, like it seemed to be given the major plot point, the younger woman would most likely refuse to go. Probably insult Sooyoung's taste over it.

Seulgi knew too much about Seungwan's friends.

Regardless, the food was gone and the check would be arriving soon and now she had this time bomb to dismantle. Seulgi clenched her jaw, trying to think of a plan of action. First, distract Joohyun.

“What about you? What would you do?” she returned casually, trying to buy some time. If she couldn't ask directly, she had to do it indirectly. She had to probe Joohyun's thoughts on Seungwan somehow.

“Well, the question can hardly be posed,” Joohyun answered with a small laugh. “Yerim and Sooyoung see me more as a bothersome parental figure, I doubt either of them would develop romantic feelings for me.”

“And Seungwan?” This was probably not the subtle indirect probing Seulgi was supposed to be going with.

Joohyun paused halfway through finishing her tea. She smiled mysteriously, her lips half-hidden behind the cup. “I don't think I need to worry about that.”

Joohyun had no idea. Seungwan was so lucky. Seulgi should probably keep the strange question to herself anyway, Seungwan would just obsess over it and assume Joohyun had some mysterious secret friend that she'd fallen for or something.

The waitress arrived with the check, which Seulgi paid right away. She saw Joohyun rummage through her pockets, then settle back in her chair looking flustered. She must have left her wallet at home.

She walked Joohyun home, obviously. When they got there, Seulgi called for a cab, which she waited for in Joohyun's company. She suggested exchanging numbers, but apparently Joohyun’s phone had also been left at home, so Seulgi simply scribbled down her own number on the back of the receipt from the diner and handed it over, urging Joohyun to call her if she ever needed anything. As she saw the cab approaching from down the street, she turned to Joohyun.

“Hey, I know I already said it, but Seungwan's pretty shy and she might not show it enough, so... She really likes you, okay? She's really glad you guys became friends,” she said earnestly. Joohyun received her words with a surprised smile. Her cheeks had a rosy tint, but it was hard to tell whether it was just from the night air. “She talks about you all the time,” Seulgi added, already stepping into the car. This time she was almost sure she'd seen the colour in Joohyun’s cheeks intensify.

They waved goodbye and Seulgi was off.

(…)

_(Seungwan POV)_

It was Saturday afternoon, Seungwan's head throbbed painfully every time she tried to get up, and Seulgi was standing in the middle of her living room sharing the most unbelievable story.

Seungwan pressed the cold compress harder against her forehead, the sensation helping slightly with the pain, but of course doing nothing for the nausea that also perked up every time she moved. She really should have had that glass of water.

“I must be more hungover than I thought, because I could swear you just told me Joohyun chased you down the street then had tea with you in the middle of the night,” she croaked. She had intended on chuckling, but the effort seemed untenable.

“No, that's pretty much what happened,” Seulgi confirmed. Seungwan had the sensation of having travelled to some alternate dimension with very different rules. It was becoming a familiar feeling.

“And she smiled and asked questions and never stared at you with what looks like simultaneous disgust and total indifference?” Seungwan questioned further, beyond bewildered.

“Yes, she did those two things and never did that last thing,” Seulgi reassured her with a nod.

Now her head was starting to hurt for an entirely different reason.

“Are you sure it was the same Joohyun?” Seungwan offered desperately.

“I doubt there's another beautiful Joohyun who lives in your building and knows your name,” Seulgi pointed out. She was right, of course. But that still somehow sounded more likely than this bizarre situation.

Unless.

Seungwan pinched the bridge of her nose, not so much angry at the universe as she was disappointed. “I know what happened here,” she sighed out. “This is what I was afraid of.”

Her hand covered her eyes, but she felt Seulgi's gaze on her, awaiting an explanation.

“She met you and now she's in love with you. It's the only explanation. You're too perfect and beautiful and nobody can resist you,” Seungwan declared dramatically. She heard Seulgi's giggles. “This is the nightmare scenario,” she added, slumping further into the sofa.

“That's obviously not true. You can resist me just fine,” Seulgi reminded her with a grin. She raised her foot and prodded at her leg. How mean, knowing Seungwan couldn't fight back.

“Yes, and that's why you like me so much. I keep you grounded, humble,” she explained. “But now you've met Joohyun and it's over for the rest of us.” She wanted to roll over onto her side and hide her face against the sofa pillows for emphasis, but she was afraid her stomach wouldn't agree with that course of action.

Seulgi prodded her leg again. “Wannie, nobody's in love with anyone.” She paused. “Well, I guess you're kind of in love with Joohyun. Or maybe just into her? I'm not sure how you'd describe it.” Seungwan laughed despite herself. “But Joohyun's definitely not in love with me. And you didn't even focus on the good part!”

Seungwan turned her eyes to Seulgi. “What good part?” she asked in a sombre voice, as though she doubted its very existence.

“Joohyun said you were funny and nice. And she was happy when I said you liked her,” Seulgi reminded her.

“Oh,” Seungwan replied simply. “I must have missed that amidst all my existential despair.”

“Well, there's no need for existential despair. Things are going great,” Seulgi insisted.

Seungwan grunted. “I will admit, under duress, that maybe things only seem so bad because I'm very hungover.” Seulgi was already nodding excitedly along. “So I'm going to ask you to bring me my cat and buy me a burger and by the end of the day I'll let you know how the situation develops.”

Seulgi was more than pleased to help. She disappeared from Seungwan's view for a moment then returned with an upset ball of fur, which Seungwan trapped against her side until he'd accepted his new life and settled down. Then she reached for Seungwan's keys and promised to be back quickly.

Lying on the sofa, Seungwan used one hand to keep the compress in place while the other petted Mr. Fluffers. “Did you hear that, Fluffy?” she asked the cat, who didn't seem to respond to the question. “Joohyun thinks I'm nice. And funny.” She continued petting Mr. Fluffers, pleased with his contented purring. “And she's glad I like her,” she whispered to the empty apartment.


	8. Act 1 Part 8

Seungwan was no stranger to things blowing up in her face. Relationships, conversations, her cooking on more than one occasion – she blamed unexpectedly small pots. She had more or less learnt to expect it but, unfortunately, was no closer to figuring out how to handle it. Usually she just shrugged, accepted that she was doomed to fail and tried to get it behind her with as much dignity as possible.

But sometimes, things happened that put everything into perspective. Sometimes, Seungwan pondered as she studied Yerim and Sooyoung's hungry expressions and knew she had nowhere to run, something blew up so tremendously that all the previous moments of mortification just felt like slightly off days. Sometimes doom took on a whole new meaning.

“No, no, no, we are not doing that,” she stuttered out desperately, already vaguely aware that it was pointless. “We are doing... something else,” she continued, refusing to accept the reality. “How about more studying? I really like those quiet study evenings, let's do more of that.” Joohyun nodded appreciatively at her words, which was nice and all, but she was really making no effort to change Sooyoung and Yerim's minds, so all her approval was useless to Seungwan.

It wasn't, she held it dear to her heart and would treasure it always. But honestly, she was fighting for her life here, was it too much to ask for a little support? And she really didn't understand how Joohyun could be so in favor of this. It was bad, it was childish, she had ardently avoided it for the entirety of her college experience and she didn't want to experience it now.

Seungwan knew what she was like. She was easily flustered in the best of days. She made an ass of herself with the regularity of a Swiss watch. She was so full of embarrassing secrets, she was like the world's saddest piñata. Sooyoung and Yerim's idea wasn't just the worst. It was her kryptonite.

“We are absolutely not playing truth or dare.” She tried to sound unshakeable, but it was hard to pull off while squeaking out words in a panic. “You can play that with your college friends,” she added helpfully.

Sooyoung smirked at her, more than pleased with the situation. “Would you prefer spin the bottle?” she suggested in a sultry tone. Apparently Seungwan had two kryptonites. Why were all college games so terrible?

“We're not playing spin the bottle,” Joohyun stated neutrally, her words carrying unquestionable finality.

“But we're playing truth or dare?” Seungwan asked in disbelief, turning to face her.

“It's a good game to get know people,” Joohyun replied simply, apparently unbothered. “As long as we're all reasonable about it.”

Sooyoung and Yerim exchanged glances, then turned their eyes back to Seungwan.

“We're reasonable,” Yerim remarked innocently.

“Super reasonable,” Sooyoung added. “What about you, Seungwan? Will you be reasonable?”

“Yes,” she answered defensively. “I mean, no. I mean, it's irrelevant because I'm not playing.”

The young women turned to Joohyun with sad, innocent expressions, trying to use her against Seungwan. They really stopped at nothing to get their way.

“Seungwan,” Joohyun began, clearly swayed. Seungwan was done for, she knew she was, she should just run for it, she should -

Joohyun looked into her eyes, her full attention on Seungwan as her lips moved to form words and probably a sentence, all of which Seungwan was having trouble decoding because Joohyun's eyes were just so close and fixed on hers and she couldn't look away or think or respond to what was probably a question, now that she thought about it.

Was Joohyun done talking? Was she supposed to say something now?

“I, uh...” she stammered out, fully aware that if she said the wrong thing she'd be dooming herself. “I don't...” she tried, and immediately realized her mistake once the side of the room containing the demon children erupted in cheers. Now that her treacherous brain finally decided to catch up, she could remember Joohyun asking if she truly minded playing truth or dare.

Wonderful. Just superb. Seungwan was about to play truth or dare for the first time in her life with her secret crush and two girls intent on ruining her life. It was pretty much the culmination of her life trajectory.

She sighed and dropped on the sofa. “Okay, let's get this over with,” she said glumly. Joohyun sat by her side and patted her back, but it didn't make up for the betrayal. That would require at least a comforting squeeze of her knee or the brushing of a lock of hair behind her ear.

Yerim quickly claimed first pick, something dark flashing in her eyes. “Sooyoung”, she declared to Seungwan's surprise. They were playing with their prey, getting it nice and scared before sinking their teeth. “Truth or dare?”

Sooyoung turned to face Seungwan. “Dare,” she enunciated slowly, without breaking eye contact. Oh, they weren't playing, they were teaming up against her. She was done for.

“I dare you to... undo a button on someone's shirt,” Yerim finished after some thought. Of course, Seungwan thought, the youngest was the only one not wearing a button-up. So would Sooyoung choose Seungwan, to embarrass her directly, or Joohyun, to have Seungwan flustered for the remainder of the game?

Sooyoung looked around the room thoughtfully, then shrugged and undid her own top button. She winked at Seungwan when she was done, making sure to open the collar wide.

“Joohyun, truth or dare?” she said suddenly, startling Seungwan. She definitely needed to relax a little. It would be a lot easier if they'd just get it over with and attack Seungwan already.

“Dare,” Joohyun replied happily, her carefree tone fully showing her confidence in her friends. Little did she know that a dare for Joohyun was just as much a dare for Seungwan, if the two pests had anything to say about it.

Sooyoung tapped a finger on her lips thoughtfully. She was dragging this out and enjoying it way too much. “I dare you to tell Seungwan something she doesn't know about you. But...” She paused with arched eyebrows. Seungwan hated her and she hated all of this. “You have to whisper it into her ear. Bonus points if you shock her,” she added playfully.

There was a moment of silence while Joohyun scanned her memories for something to share. Yerim took this time to raid the kitchen and return with chips and soft drinks. Finally, Joohyun's face lit up with a happy “Oh!” before she was leaning dangerously close to Seungwan. This was much too sudden. Seungwan felt like she was about to jump out of her skin.

Joohyun carefully brushed Seungwan's hair away from her ear, her mouth so close that Seungwan could feel the phantom sensation of lips brushing against skin. When she spoke, her warm breath caused every circuit in Seungwan's brain to shut down. She braced herself for Joohyun's words.

“I once received a lap dance,” she whispered softly, and Seungwan almost lost control of her limbs and rolled off the couch. She clung to reality, gripping the fabric tightly, well aware that her cheeks were on fire. To be fair, her entire body was on fire.

Instead of moving away, Joohyun settled herself more comfortably. “My company was entertaining a foreign client,” she began, still in a whisper. Oh god, was she going to explain the whole story? Seungwan was already struggling for air and the only reason her mind wasn't currently filled with images of Joohyun being slowly ground on while sultry music played in the background was because it was totally and entirely blank. All she could do was blink rapidly and will it to end. Or never end, some small part of her brain weighed in. “And we accompanied him to a... gentleman's club, where a young lady offered me a dance. I thought it might be impolite to decline. She didn't charge me, which was nice.”

As soon as Joohyun stopped talking and at least of one of the stimuli overloading Seungwan’s brain, namely the warmth of Joohyun’s breath against her ear, was removed from the equation, her mind valiantly rallied to make up for lost time. Her vision clouded over. Joohyun. A lap dance. A lap dance on Joohyun. The logistics. The visuals. The sensations. Joohyun's hand, which had just started squeezing her knee. Joohyun's face, which looked a little worried.

Something collided against her back with startling force. She realized it was Yerim slapping her back. “You were wheezing,” she explained with a bored look. “You told her about the lap dance, didn't you?” she asked Joohyun in a recriminating tone.

“I wanted the bonus points,” Joohyun replied defensively. “I'm sorry, Seungwan, I hope my story wasn't too shocking.”

“It's okay,” Seungwan gasped out. “I'm okay now. Everything's fine.” Thankfully, her vision was still too hazy to identify the look on Sooyoung's face, because she couldn't imagine how hard she was being judged right now.

Joohyun studied her dubiously, then decided to take pity on her. “Well then... Yerim, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Yerim said without much thought. She didn't seem very concerned.

“How is school going?” Joohyun asked cheerfully.

That was a nice approach. Couldn't everyone be more like Joohyun? “Fine, I guess, the usual,” Yerim answered with a shrug.

“That's good to know,” Joohyun said with a pleased smile.

“Seungwan,” Yerim declared immediately. Seungwan almost jumped in place. Barely recovered from the previous attack and already they were striking again. What had she even done to deserve this? “Truth or dare?”

Her mind worked quickly. Both options sounded terrible, obviously. But logically, and even if her brain loudly shouted the opposite, Yerim wouldn't just ask her something that exposed her to Joohyun. On the other hand, she would absolutely make her do something horrible and smile innocently about it. Seungwan hated this game so much.

“Truth,” she grumbled.

“What do you even do for a living?” Yerim asked casually.

Sitting beside her, Sooyoung rolled her eyes and muttered “You're so bad at this.”

“What?” Yerim retorted defensively. “It's weird that she's never mentioned it. We're getting to know each other,” she added with a petulant grin as Joohyun nodded in approval.

“I work at a hospital,” Seungwan intervened quickly before it became a whole thing. She hadn't mentioned it and she didn't want to mention it and hopefully things could remain pleasantly vague.

“How specific,” Yerim replied drily. “So are you a doctor, nurse, janitor? Clown for the children's ward?”

Sooyoung snorted. Seungwan ignored her resolutely. “I only had to answer one question,” she attempted.

“And you haven't,” Sooyoung immediately shut her down.

“Ugh, fine. I work at the morgue,” she admitted glumly. She slumped into the couch in defeat and avoided any and all eye contact.

Yerim let out a high-pitched giggle. Seungwan hated truth or dare. “That just... explains so much,” Sooyoung declared dreamily. Seungwan slumped further. She really hated truth or dare.

Joohyun patted her knee reassuringly, but it wasn't enough to cheer her up. “So you touch corpses all day? Gross,” Yerim exclaimed with excitement. “Is it all natural causes or have you had murder corpses?”

“It's mostly just paperwork.” Seungwan let out a sigh. “Now it's my turn, no more questions,” she added desperately. Yerim reluctantly quieted down and Seungwan wondered who she should choose. She had her pick of Joohyun or Sooyoung. She already knew Sooyoung would go for a dare but she had no idea regarding Joohyun.

Of course, if she picked Sooyoung then she couldn't pick her back.

“Sooyoung,” she said at once. Her target perked up.

“Dare, obviously.”

“Sounds like someone with a lot to hide,” she teased as a way to buy herself some time. She couldn't think of a single interesting dare besides ending the game and letting her go home.

“More like someone who's not afraid of any dare you can come up with,” Sooyoung replied, unbothered. Fair enough.

“Ok, uh... I dare you to kiss Yerim on the cheek.”

“See? Weak,” Sooyoung said simply.

“Yeah, but she'll hate it,” Seungwan explained with a grin. Sooyoung snorted in agreement and shifted in her seat until she was facing Yerim. She grabbed her face with both hands then kissed her cheek with a loud smacking sound. Yerim pushed her away immediately, rubbing at the spot.

“Ew, you got spit on my face!” she whined loudly. Sooyoung only waggled her eyebrows in return. Turning to Joohyun, Seungwan could see how she gazed at the two young women with affection, seemingly finding their squabble endearing. They were like a small, happy family, living out a scene of quiet domesticity, or at least as quiet as Sooyoung and Yerim would ever allow it to be.

And also Seungwan was there, she finished with a small inward sigh, feeling a little out of place. Sometimes she wondered if Sooyoung and Yerim’s apparent hostility really was an act to hide their affection or if they actually felt that she was forcing her way into a space where she wasn’t wanted. It was easier with people like Seulgi, who frequently and enthusiastically reiterated that they liked Seungwan and wanted her around. It made it harder to start second-guessing herself.

She noticed that Joohyun’s hand, which still rested on her knee, was now squeezing it gently, and realized that she must have looked far off in thought. She smiled reassuringly at the questioning glance sent her way and settled her attention back on the game just in time for Sooyoung to declare her next victim.

“Joohyun,” she called out.

Once again, her target didn’t seem very worried. “Truth,” she replied with a small smile, and patiently awaited questioning.

Sooyoung didn’t seem happy with the choice. Seungwan didn’t have to wonder why. She considered sending a gloating smirk her way, but decided not to push her luck while she was still trapped in the devil’s game.

Yerim refilled her glass while Sooyoung thought, muttering something that sounded like “by all means, take all day”. Seungwan reached for the bag of chips and took out a handful, which she put in her mouth one by one as they waited.

“Ugh, this sucks, you already tell us everything,” Sooyoung finally let out in frustration. “Can’t you just pick dare instead?”

“No take-backs,” Seungwan cut in before Joohyun could respond. Yerim snorted at her word choice, but it just made her choke on her drink so Seungwan felt immediately vindicated. Some quick work on karma’s part.

“Fine. Be boring,” Sooyoung relented with a huff. “Did you enjoy the lap dance?”

Seungwan narrowly avoided inhaling a mouthful of half-chewed chips, an achievement she was particularly proud of given Joohyun’s response. “Yes, it was quite nice. The dancer was very skilled,” she said without hesitation. She gave Seungwan’s knee another squeeze, probably to check that she was alright at the topic being brought up again. Seungwan carefully finished chewing, swallowed, then turned to Joohyun to show she was fine.

Joohyun was looking at her with a small smirk. “Seungwan,” she said at point blank range. For a moment, Seungwan just looked at her in confusion. Obviously she was Seungwan, why was this being pointed out? “Truth or dare?” Joohyun continued after a pause. Oh, right. The dumb game. Seungwan had almost managed to forget it for a blissful second.

This was a dangerous situation. Yerim and Sooyoung, with full knowledge of Seungwan’s feelings, would skirt the issue and ask harmless but nerve-wracking questions. Joohyun, with only a vague idea and too much interest for Seungwan’s peace of mind, was a loose cannon. Truth was out of the question.

“Dare,” she decided out loud, genuinely curious at what Joohyun would come up with. Hopefully nothing involving the other two, no good could come of it.

Joohyun smiled happily. “I dare you to,” she started, then paused for emphasis. It would be cute, if it weren’t a little stressful. “Call the person you are closest to and tell them you were thinking of them,” she finished proudly. That was… A strange one. Next, Seungwan would be calling her parents to tell them she loved them.

She took out her phone as Joohyun elaborated. “Of course, you can’t tell them that you’re doing it as a dare.” She nodded in compliance and picked Seulgi’s contact. On the couch next to her, Yerim was busy groaning and Sooyoung sat with her hand covering most of her face. They seemed particularly frustrated at Joohyun’s underwhelming dare.

Seungwan paced near the sofa as the phone rang for a while with no answer. Of course, Seulgi must be out with friends. She felt a little bad about bothering her friend for no reason like this, but she still hoped Seulgi would pick up, because she didn’t really want to have to leave a voice mail or whatever alternative dare Joohyun might think of.

“Seungwan?” a distorted voice cut through her thoughts. “I thought you were at Joohyun’s tonight, is everything okay?” Seulgi asked, sounding worried. Muffled music sounded in the distance, probably from whatever party she’d just left for Seungwan.

“Hi, Seulgi,” she answered quickly, trying to get this over with so Seulgi could go back to her fun. “Everything’s fine, don’t worry, I’m here with Joohyun, Sooyoung and Yerim.”

“Oh, say hi for me.”

Seungwan pulled the phone away from her mouth. “Seulgi says hi,” she declared to the room in general. “She’s my best friend,” she added as an afterthought, after considering that Joohyun might not know she knew about their diner encounter and that Sooyoung and Yerim could genuinely not know who Seulgi was. The three women waved with friendly smiles. “They say hi back,” she related to the phone.

“So, why did you call?”

“Oh, uh… I was just… Thinking about you. So I thought I’d call, see what you’re up to,” she stuttered out awkwardly. It felt weird to be talking in front of an audience like this. Joohyun seemed strangely interested, as though pleased by Seungwan’s display of affection. Meanwhile, Yerim and Sooyoung followed the conversation only casually, more interested in muttering to each other and reaching for chips.

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Seulgi chirped out. “But also kind of weird, did one of them make you do that?” she asked with a giggle.

Seungwan laughed like Seulgi had said something funny. “Yeah, I know, right?”, she replied nonsensically, confident that her friend would catch on.

“You really get bullied a lot on those evenings, Wannie,” Seulgi said, still giggling. “So, did you have to do anything else? Tell me I’m a great friend and I have a pretty smile, maybe?” she continued, teasingly.

“Well, if you want me to,” Seungwan replied quickly, smiling despite herself. “But it’s not mandatory.”

“I don’t know, it would be a nice gesture,” Seulgi pointed out. “The fact that it’s optional makes it even more meaningful.”

“But I’m in front of everyone,” Seungwan complained, her voice taking a whining tone. Her audience turned to her curiously. Right, she was in front of everyone. And had just embarrassed herself, probably.

“Oh, so your love for me can only be shown in private, I see how it is,” Seulgi teased lightly. “I’ll let it slide this time, mostly because I have to go back inside soon, but I want those compliments later.”

“Fine, I’ll call you later. Have fun!”

Seungwan waited for Seulgi’s goodbye, then hung up and shoved her phone back in her pocket. She ignored the redness she could feel creeping up her neck towards her face and sat back down next to Joohyun. Everyone remained silent.

“So, what couldn’t you do in front of everyone?” Yerim finally asked, the amusement clear in her voice. Sooyoung grinned, evidently approving this line of questioning, but didn’t bother looking up from her phone.

Seungwan knew better than to look for support in Joohyun, because she was still just smiling widely, apparently pleased at the execution of her dare. Instead, Seungwan focused on willing away the warmth in her cheeks.

“It was, uh… Seulgi wanted me to say some embarrassing stuff,” she managed, quite aware that it would just make the others more curious. “Personal stuff,” she added firmly, really not interested in further questioning.

Yerim shrugged and Seungwan was honestly surprised at the ease with which she’d got her off her back. “I’ll just ask you on my next turn,” the younger girl said casually. “You’ll have to answer then,” she added with a wicked smirk.

“Can’t we stop playing already?” Seungwan replied with a groan. She was getting really tired of this poor excuse for a game. “I’ve done a truth, I’ve done a dare, I feel like I’ve experienced all the game has to offer.”

Yerim seemed ready to protest, but Joohyun’s voice rose to cut her off. “Alright, Seungwan gave the game a chance and she didn’t enjoy it, I think stopping now would be a good compromise.” Yerim sent a quick glare her way but didn’t try to argue. Sooyoung was still on her phone and didn’t seem very bothered by the decision.

Seungwan sighed in relief, free at last. “Fine, I guess we’ll just talk,” Yerim relented with a shrug. She turned to Seungwan. “So, tell me more about this morgue of yours.”

Fighting off another groan, Seungwan slumped back into the couch, wishing she could be swallowed in between its pillows and rest in cosy nothingness. Were new friends really worth the excruciating experience of making new friends?

Sooyoung finally put her phone away and joined the conversation. “If you’re going to start asking gross corpse questions, I’m leaving,” she remarked casually. Then she looked over at Seungwan with a half-smile that she quickly hid away when Yerim turned to face her.

So maybe making friends wasn’t all bad.


	9. Act 1 Part 9

Seungwan liked to think she was a reasonable woman. While others aimed for the moon, she aimed for more achievable things, like a slice of the really good chocolate cake from that coffee place Seulgi had shown her. At the end of the day, the moon was still in the sky and she was pleasantly full of chocolatey goodness.

So of course she didn't expect to actually be with Joohyun in any romantic capacity. That was moon territory. To be honest, the chocolate cake in this analogy would be something like Joohyun looking at her neutrally. What they actually had – a tentative friendship, weekends at Joohyun’s place, smiles of recognition when they ran into each other after work – was already far beyond Seungwan’s expectations. If not quite the moon, it was still something impressive, like the top of the Eiffel tower.

These days, she wasn't sure whether she preferred the long Saturday afternoons at Joohyun's place or the shorter but more intimate encounters on weekdays, always shimmering with the possibility of being invited inside for a cup of tea or even dinner.

It felt somewhat contrary to her personality to be so happy with their time alone. Her reaction to lulls in a conversation had always been to panic and start spewing nonsense, and nearly half of her time with Joohyun was spent in silence, but somehow she'd reached a point where it just felt comfortable. Intimate, rather than nerve-wracking.

She waved goodbye to Joohyun at her door, then moved to her own as she rummaged in her bag to find the apartment key. She wore a wide smile, which she made no effort to suppress as she walked inside.

As no stranger to the law of equivalent exchange, Seungwan wasn't too surprised to find Sooyoung in her home, ready to balance out the happiness still showing on her face.

The taller woman was sitting on the sofa, with a controller and a headset, and gazing at the TV intensely. Seungwan followed her eyes to see what she'd decided to play today, but stopped halfway when she noticed someone behind her.

"You're both here?" she asked, aware that she sounded more defeated than incredulous at the sight of both the demon children in her home. Now it just felt like the universe was against her.

Sooyoung grunted in response, clearly focused on her game, while Yerim looked up from some papers scattered on her lap but didn't bother to say anything. Seungwan sighed and hung her coat by the door, leaving her bag on a nearby chair.

“Fine, just tell me if you're staying for dinner so I can organize myself,” she muttered sullenly. She stood awkwardly as she waited for the answer. There was no point in sitting down if she had to go cook.

“I already have dinner plans,” Yerim deigned to say at last, finally acknowledging her host. She didn't elaborate and just looked back down at what looked like handwritten notes. Seungwan took that as a cue to sit down next to her bag and wait for Sooyoung. After a few moments, the taller woman threw her controller on the pillow next to her and leaned back, removing the headset.

“We needed somewhere quiet to study,” she explained now that she was done with the game.

“You're playing video games,” Seungwan pointed out casually.

“Now I am,” she replied defensively. “We've been here since 3, I deserve a break.”

“You've been in my house all afternoon. That's…” Seungwan paused, because it felt a bit redundant to mention how she felt about that. They all knew and neither of the girls cared. “Yeah,” she finished with a sigh.

“Usually we study at Joohyun's place. We drop by her work at lunch time to get the keys,” Yerim added, probably wanting to make it clear that she'd never enter Seungwan's home if she had an alternative.

“But today you both tragically developed amnesia and forgot where she worked?” Seungwan offered, just in case she hadn't made her displeasure clear yet.

“Something like that,” Yerim replied with a smirk. Seungwan felt her frown deepen. She wasn't even sure when it had replaced her Joohyun-smile. Pausing to gather her thoughts, she finally noticed something.

“Where’s Mr Fluffers?”

“In the bedroom,” Sooyoung said. “I put him in there because Yerim’s afraid of cats. He just jumped on the bed and went to sleep. I don't think he's moved since then.” That did sound like Fluffy. “Anyway, this has been fun, but we have to go before Joohyun gets home.”

At her words, Yerim put down her pencil and started packing her notes into a neat pile to shove into a nearby backpack.

“Well, unless you have a time machine, that one's going to be tricky,” Seungwan began. Giving those two bad news was one of the few pleasures she could find in this situation. “She just got home, same time as me.”

Yerim glanced at her watch incredulously. “What?” she exclaimed. “She never gets home before seven,” she complained, turning to Sooyoung for assistance. The latter only shrugged.

“Why are you avoiding your friend, exactly?” Seungwan asked, a bit curious.

“I don't know, why don't you want your friends in your house?” Yerim spat back immediately.

“Well, first of all, I invited you for dinner so that doesn't even make sense. Second of all,” Seungwan added with a smirk, “so you're my friends?”

“Not if you're going to be all smug about it,” Yerim huffed out.

“Maybe we should just stay here for dinner,” Sooyoung mused, oblivious to the conversation going on around her. “If Joohyun's already home anyway.”

“I already said I have dinner plans,” Yerim reminded her with a slightly whiny voice.

“So reschedule your Buffy marathon. Seungwan's cooking is way better than whatever we'll eat at college.”

“It's not a Buffy marathon,” Yerim started, but Sooyoung interrupted her with a cheeky “this time” and a wink at Seungwan. Yerim pretended not to hear her. “I have plans with my friends.”

“But all your friends are in this building,” Sooyoung retorted, sounding innocently confused.

“If you were my only friends I wouldn't even show my face in public,” Yerim muttered, putting on her backpack.

“Ok, fine, go meet your _friends._ ” Sooyoung raised her hands to form finger quotes around the word, but Yerim only rolled her eyes in response. “I'll stay here and have dinner with Seungwan.”

“Oh, your first date, romantic,” Yerim said as she got up from the sofa. Sooyoung kicked her in the shin.

“Bye, I hope you get caught,” she said in a sing-song voice.

“If I do, I'm snitching on you,” Yerim replied simply.

“Same,” Sooyoung threw out with a shrug.

Seungwan watched the exchange silently. Finally, she found her voice. “Um, what's going on?” she asked in pure confusion.

The two women looked at her blankly. Then Sooyoung laughed. “Joohyun doesn't like it when we bicker, so we try not to do it in front of her,” she explained.

Seungwan nodded like it made sense. It didn't and they were terrifying, but she suspected that further explanations wouldn't make the relationship between those two any more logical.

“This is dumb,” Yerim said by her place at the door, where she stood ready to leave. “She's just going to hear us and catch us, her apartment is way too quiet. And we can blame each other all we want, she'll just end up thinking we don't want to spend time with her.”

Seungwan raised her hand to intervene, then immediately put it back down when she realized it probably made her look like a nerd. “Um, quick question, why are you avoiding Joohyun?”

Sooyoung studied her for a moment. Then she shrugged. “She's planning this thing and she's being really annoying about it.”

“What thing? She didn't mention anything just now,” Seungwan replied in surprise. Sooyoung and Yerim exchanged glances.

“It's kind of a party, like a get-together thing. It's this weekend,” Sooyoung explained. “I guess she's keeping it low-key for now, but don't worry, you're definitely part of it.”

Yerim snorted at her words, but Seungwan wasn't sure what was the funny part. Maybe that Joohyun hadn't told her anything? She sighed and slumped back in her chair. When she looked back around, both women were studying her closely.

“I have an idea,” Yerim said slowly.

“Same,” Sooyoung agreed as she got up from the sofa.

The two terrifying women converged towards her.

(...)

So now here she was. Knocking on Joohyun's apartment door like she hadn't dropped her off there less than an hour ago. Sooyoung and Yerim were still in her apartment, waiting for her to worm her way into Joohyun's home and distract her long enough for them to escape. She just hoped she could come up with a reasonable excuse to come in before Joohyun answered the door.

“Seungwan?” Well, that hope was gone.

“Oh, hi Joohyun,” she said cheerily. Her neighbor had changed from her work clothes into more casual jeans and a shirt, and she looked a little confused at seeing her again so soon.

“Is everything alright?” Joohyun asked with a little concern.

“Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. I was just, uh, sitting at home. Alone. And I thought, uh… Well, I was a little lonely, I guess, and since you're just across the hallway, I thought I'd drop by. If that's okay.” Seungwan clamped her mouth shut to keep it from rambling on eternally. She could almost imagine the snickers coming from behind her own door. She hoped her voice didn't carry that far.

Joohyun's face lit up in a wide smile. “Of course, come in,” she replied happily and stepped aside, opening the door widely to let Seungwan in. “Would you like something to drink? I was about to make some tea.”

“Yeah, thanks, I'll help,” she replied, a little awkward from the intrusion but mostly filled with happy surprise at Joohyun's apparent pleasure to have her company. They moved to the kitchen, where Joohyun set about preparing the tea while Seungwan hovered, since not much assistance was required for the task.

They stood in silence waiting for the water to boil. “I hope I'm not intruding or interrupting something or...” Seungwan mumbled, really wishing she'd stop trailing off in the middle of completely ordinary sentences.

Thankfully, by now Joohyun had more or less caught on to her confusing habit and needed only a moment to determine whether the pause was temporary or permanent. “Not at all, I'm happy to have your company,” she answered with a smile. “To be quite honest, the only reason I don't invite you inside more often is because you seem to value your time alone. I didn't want to keep you away from it.”

The happy surprise grew inside Seungwan's chest, making her feel giddy and causing another Joohyun-smile to plaster itself across her face. The thought that she probably looked weird made her cheeks grow warm and she tried to turn around casually to hide her embarrassment. Fortunately, the water was ready and Joohyun was too busy filling their cups to investigate.

As they moved to the sofa with their drinks, Seungwan continued the conversation. “I, uh, I do like being alone,” she started with a chuckle, to catch Joohyun's attention. “But that's because being with most people is worse than being alone. But, uh, with some people it's better,” she finished awkwardly, feeling the blush return in full force.

Joohyun's pleased expression made it all worth it, though. “So, am I one of those people?” she asked conspiratorially, bumping Seungwan's elbow with her own, lightly enough not to disturb the tea.

Seungwan nodded, then let out a small laugh. “Yeah, it's a pretty short list,” she admitted as they put down their cups and sat down. “Probably just you and Seulgi,” she added, scratching the back of her neck.

“And the girl you like?” Joohyun probed, more a statement than a question.

“Yeah, her too,” Seungwan added quickly, almost reaching for the tea before she remembered her burnt tongue from the last time she'd tried that. She settled back in the sofa instead, fighting the urge to cross her arms. It made her look defensive.

Joohyun only smiled enigmatically in return, then reached for her own cup to warm her hands and blow on the hot tea. “I noticed Sooyoung and Yerim weren't on that list,” she commented with amusement, seemingly dropping the previous subject. Seungwan was glad they weren't going to pursue that, for once.

“They're nice,” she replied in an uncertain voice, “but they're a little... exhausting.”

Joohyun chuckled and nodded in agreement. Seungwan couldn't help but ponder on how unfair it was that everyone else managed to chuckle without looking like an idiot. Joohyun even looked good. Pretty and approachable.

Her buzzing phone brought her back to reality with a start. She reached for it to read the message from Sooyoung.

Sooyoung: « We're off, you can go back »

She was about to put the phone down when it buzzed again.

Sooyoung: « Or don't ;) »

She tried not to blush at Sooyoung's words. Even at a distance, she was annoyingly skilled at getting Seungwan flustered. Sometimes it was hard to decide which of the two younger women was more dangerous to her peace of mind.

She looked back up to notice Joohyun studying her with curiosity. “That was, uh,” she started, with no idea how to finish. “Seulgi,” she finally mumbled, just trying to get a name out before the embarrassment developed.

Joohyun smiled knowingly, but made no comment. Seungwan decided to risk the tea. Thankfully, it had cooled down enough not to burn her again. Joohyun followed her lead and they both drank in silence, savoring the warmth as much as the taste. The pleasant quiet that enveloped them gradually soothed Seungwan's nerves in a way that was somehow familiar and thrilling at the same time.

It was the tea, the stillness, the fatigue of the day that rested gently on her bones to make her limbs heavier and her mind lighter. It was Joohyun.

It was like they clicked. She couldn't explain it, but she'd never felt what she did with Joohyun. It was almost ironic that the one thing keeping her from being completely at ease in Joohyun’s presence were her feelings for her. It was only that pesky detail that kept her stuttering, blushing and desperately shoving away poorly-hidden secrets.

She moved her cup in tiny circles and watched the tea swirl around inside. How cruel, to be constantly moving towards nowhere at the whim of an uncaring hand. But if she stopped, the liquid would just continue on its circular path, its trajectory becoming more and more erratic, meaningless, chaotic. There was no going back to its peaceful beginnings.

She sighed quietly and abandoned her thoughts. Instead, she looked up and studied the apartment she'd visited many times before. It looked the same as always, sober yet cozy. Just like Joohyun, when you got to know her.

“We should go somewhere one of these days. Outside,” Seungwan said, breaking the silence. Sooyoung, and maybe even Seulgi, would have scolded her for taking the perfect opportunity to ask Joohyun out and making it sound entirely like a friendly outing. In her defense, she never would have found the courage to ask otherwise.

Joohyun's face fell at her words. Oh god, had she made it sound like a date after all? She really only wanted to meet Joohyun in a different place, see the way she interacted with the world outside of her three friends. It wasn't supposed to sound like a date. How had she even managed to accidentally ask someone out?

“I'd love to, but I already have plans for this weekend,” Joohyun replied, sounding genuinely upset at the situation.

Seungwan felt a wave of relief wash over her. “We can do it some other time,” she said quickly. Joohyun smiled in response, evidently pleased. “So, what are your plans for this weekend, then?”

“Just... spending the afternoon here,” Joohyun supplied after a pause. Seungwan was a bit confused by the answer.

“That counts as plans?” she asked before her brain could catch up to her words. “I mean, uh, isn't that just a regular weekend?”

“Yes, but this one's special,” Joohyun said enigmatically. “It's Saturday, make sure to be there,” she added. Seungwan finally realized that this was probably the get-together Sooyoung and Yerim had mentioned. But why was it special? Was there a birthday she didn't know about?

“Okay then, I'll make sure not to miss it.” She returned Joohyun's excited smile, even though she wasn't entirely sure what the excitement was about. “But does that mean you only have plans for Saturday?”

“Oh! Yes, I suppose so,” Joohyun mused after a short pause.

“Then we can still do something on Sunday,” Seungwan offered. “If you want to,” she added quickly, not wanting to seem too pushy.

Joohyun smiled widely. “I do,” she said simply, then brought her cup of tea to her mouth to finish her drink.

“It's a plan, then,” Seungwan concluded with a fluttering heart, trying to remind herself that it wasn't a date. Looking at Joohyun, she suddenly realized she'd forgotten all about her own tea.


	10. Act 1 Part 10

The rest of the week passed by relatively quickly, between Seungwan's excitement at their Sunday plans and her apprehension at the mystery that was the Saturday get-together. She'd texted Sooyoung a few times, asking her about the reason behind the party, but every time her only response was a winky face emoji, so that was a dead end. As a result, Saturday came around and Seungwan’s worry only grew as the hours ticked by and the morning turned into lunch-time into afternoon.

Of course, when she called Seulgi for emotional support, her friend only told her that she was making a big deal out of nothing. She already knew that much, obviously. She'd just been hoping that Seulgi might let her escape the whole thing altogether, maybe even provide an excuse.

“Seungwan, she invited you personally. She told you to be there,” Seulgi reminded her over the phone. “You can't skip it for no reason,” she finished, sounding serious.

Seungwan sighed. “I know,” she whined as she eyed herself in the mirror. Maybe she should choose a different jacket. “But what if they're going to haze me? Or, like, sit me down and tell me I need to stop dropping by?”

“Why would they have a party to tell you they don't want you around?,” Seulgi asked, clearly laughing. “Sounds needlessly cruel.”

“You didn't say anything about the hazing,” Seungwan jumped in, suddenly convinced that that was exactly what was going to take place. Sooyoung and Yerim had gotten into Joohyun's head and now Seungwan was going to be humiliated in front of her and, well, hadn’t that already happened? Maybe she'd been getting hazed all this time.

“It's just a party, you'll find out more when you get there,” Seulgi offered simply. Seungwan remembered that the jacket she was looking for was in the laundry pile and gave up on changing her outfit.

“That's the point,” she retorted in exasperation. “I hate the mystery, why couldn't they just tell me?” she huffed out. She sat on her bed and considered just taking a nap instead of leaving. She could tell them she'd been sick. No, then she couldn't go out with Joohyun on Sunday. She was caught in a trap of her own making.

“Just go to the party, Wannie. If it's bad, you can say you told me so, I know how that always cheers you up.”

“Only because it's so rare,” she answered with an eyeroll. “And it won't cheer me up,” she added as an afterthought. “Nothing will cheer me up and I'll wallow all day.”

There was a brief silence. “What if I bring you ice cream?”

“Tiramisu?” she asked suspiciously.

“Obviously.”

She sighed and got back up. “Fine,” she muttered, dragging out the word. She stomped her way across the room, even though she knew Seulgi couldn't hear it. “I'm going, but only because you're making me, so if anything goes wrong it's your fault,” she informed her friend with finality.

“That's fair,” Seulgi replied with amusement. Seungwan could almost see the bright smile she knew was plastered on Seulgi's face. “Let me know how it goes.”

She hung up and walked out warily, waving goodbye at Mr. Fluffers, who didn't bother to get up from his place on the sofa. On the hallway, she took a deep breath and raised her hand. She stood frozen to the spot, well aware that this was the last chance for escape. Finally, she relaxed her tensed muscles and knocked.

The door opened after a moment and she was pulled into the apartment by an excited Joohyun, who quickly shut her only means of escape and turned to her with a bright smile on her face. “Surprise!” her neighbour exclaimed with enthusiasm. “It's an intervention!”

“Okay,” Seungwan replied with some confusion. She studied the room, finding only the usual occupants: Joohyun and the two younger women. Curiously enough, they were all looking her way expectantly. Then it hit her. “Oh, for me,” she stated more than asked, pleased to have made sense of the situation.

Joohyun nodded. Behind her, Yerim smiled predatorially.

Oh. It was an intervention for her. Right.

Her mind went blank as her brain fell into a kind of pleasant numbness, overwhelmed by the impressive amount of things she was feeling all at once. The pleasure at being proven right mixed with the surprise at the worst-case scenario actually happening, along with confusion as to the nature and reason for the intervention, and of course it was all drowned in a healthy dose of terror.

“An intervention for me,” Seungwan finally managed to push out of a mouth that felt like when she'd just left the dentist. Her palms were clammy, which she really hoped Joohyun wouldn’t notice. It wasn’t her best look. “That’s, uh… Why?”

“It’s a love intervention,” Joohyun explained cheerfully. She was still holding on to Seungwan’s arm, which she finally seemed to notice, mercifully releasing her and stepping backwards.

Her words eased the confusion somewhat, which only allowed the panic to emerge through the broken balance. Seungwan had stumbled into the nightmare scenario. This was the absolute opposite of everything she’d ever wanted. And how ironic that Joohyun herself was the instrument of her doom.

“I don't need a love intervention, I'm perfectly fine,” she began a little too quickly, words stumbling out of her mouth rapid-fire. “I have just the right amount of love in my life. Not too little but also not too much or not, like, unhealthy love. Just super great on the love front.”

Her vision had tunneled until all she could see was Joohyun, the one she needed to convince in order to escape this situation. But somewhere in the back of her mind, Seungwan could imagine Sooyoung and Yerim’s satisfied faces, gloating at her misery. This was all their fault, that much had been immediately clear. Joohyun would never come up with something this diabolical on her own.

“Oh, uh...” Joohyun seemed a bit taken aback at Seungwan's defensive response. “This is actually... about you asking that girl out,” she clarified, confirming Seungwan's worst suspicions. At least she could tell Seulgi she'd been right all along and eat delicious ice cream. That did make it a little better, kudos to Seulgi.

Somebody had come up behind her while she was lost in her own thoughts and was now slapping her back. She turned with vague curiosity and identified Sooyoung.

“You alright there?” Sooyoung asked with barely any concern, or at least it was well concealed under all that amusement. “You were, uh, groaning a little bit.”

Seungwan didn't bother explaining and just groaned a little louder in response. Turning back to Joohyun, she noticed the woman looked a little nervous.

“Is it too much?” Joohyun asked, holding her hands tightly together. “I thought it might be, but Yerim said it was fine,” she added, justifying herself. Yerim, who now stood next to Joohyun, smirked at her words without a trace of shame.

“It's... a little much,” Seungwan admitted with some hesitation. As much as she hated the situation, she didn't want to make Joohyun feel bad either. “But it's thoughtful, I guess,” she added quickly, alarmed at Joohyun’s downcast eyes. This was probably a mistake.

Joohyun frowned for a moment, then seemed to accept Seungwan's words and smiled once more. “Alright then, let's get back to it,” she said with excitement. Right, huge mistake. “Time to get over your fear once and for all and ask her out!” she concluded, squeezing Seungwan's arm for emphasis.

“I'm not... I'm not going to do that,” Seungwan replied truthfully. She gazed at the door longingly, wondering if it was all that impolite to just make a run for it. Joohyun caught her eyes and seemed to understand her thoughts because she charged right back into it.

“I really think you should,” she added forcefully. Seungwan started pulling her arm away and positioning herself as far out of Sooyoung's reach as possible. She was going to do it. She was going to run. “I think she likes you back,” Joohyun said quickly, clearly aware of Seungwan's intentions.

Seungwan's arm went slack in Joohyun's grip. She felt her heart jump until it seemed to be beating in her throat. She was very scared and very worried and very confused and she really wished all this silly business would stop right about now. Recovering herself, she stepped away from the three women currently surrounding her and took a deep breath.

“Who likes me back, exactly?” she asked in a wavering voice, determinedly shoving away that spark of hope that had somehow bloomed in her chest. Stupid spark, stupid Seungwan. Stupid Yerim.

“Seulgi,” Joohyun replied matter-of-factly. She looked very proud of herself for piecing it together, which Seungwan would have found pretty cute if she'd had the brain space to process it. Unfortunately, her brain was entirely too busy trying to keep her alive amidst the chaos.

“I don't like Seulgi,” she stated quickly. “I mean, I like her, she's my best friend, just not like that,” she clarified. The younger women seemed amused by the turn of events, which of course they'd be, those demon children. Joohyun seemed frankly confused. “And she definitely doesn't like me back, she's ace.”

“Ace?” Joohyun asked simply.

“Asexual aromantic. She doesn't like anyone like that,” Seungwan explained. Joohyun nodded but she still looked very lost.

“Oh. I didn’t think of that. I just... I really thought it was her. You seemed so close. And you mentioned it was a friend, and she's really the only friend of yours I know of,” Joohyun said, seeming like she was talking to herself more than anything.

For a moment, it appeared that this information would throw a definite snag in her plans, but Joohyun quickly shook herself out of her confusion, focusing on the task at hand and leaving the questions for later. “Well, regardless, I still think you should ask this girl out, whoever she is. I don't see why she wouldn't want to go out with you.”

It would be a very nice and flattering opinion if it weren't so ironically incorrect. Seungwan resisted the urge to sigh dramatically. It was a little harder to resist the urge to cry, which would also be dramatic but with the added benefit of being absolutely mortifying.

She knew she should probably respond to Joohyun’s words at some point, but it was frankly very difficult to handle everything that was happening and she had to prioritize. Right now, the priority was calming down and not crying in public and possibly figuring out how to get out of this. Standing at a distant second was verbal communication, so they’d just have to stare at each other silently for a little longer while Seungwan adjusted.

Someone cleared her throat. “Why don’t Yerim and I…” Sooyoung began a bit uncertainly. The silent staring had probably thrown her for a loop, that was the usual effect. “...take Seungwan into the bedroom over there and have a little chat just the three of us?”

The words themselves spelled out a scary scenario, but something in Sooyoung’s tone conveyed a safety that Seungwan desperately craved. Or maybe it was just the promise of distance from Joohyun and her completely unreasonable demands. Whatever it was, Seungwan offered no resistance as her arm was taken by the taller woman and she was pulled away from Joohyun.

The moment the bedroom door closed behind them, Seungwan felt her mind become clearer. “What the hell is wrong with you?” she whispered angrily as the fear gave way to other, more aggressive emotions.

The two women seemed a little startled at her change in attitude but weren’t bothered for long. Yerim relaxed back into a smirk quickly. “She really wanted to help,” she replied with amusement, quirking her head towards the door to indicate Joohyun.

“She thinks I like Seulgi! Why did you not tell her that she was wrong?” Seungwan demanded, exasperated but not that surprised at the two women’s complete inability to take her seriously. She paced across the bedroom floor to release the nervous energy that suddenly filled her body.

“Um, we’ve never even seen you and Seulgi interact,” Sooyoung pointed out from where she sat on Joohyun’s bed. “The only reason we know you’re not into her is because you’re in love with Joohyun or whatever. Should we have told her that?”

Yerim snorted at Sooyoung’s faultless logic. Demon children. “No, you idiot, you should have told me about it, I would have cleared it up,”Seungwan hissed in exasperation. She began pacing faster.

“I’m the idiot, but you’re the one stuck at a love intervention held by her crush,” Sooyoung muttered as she inspected her nails.

“Yes, because you did nothing to stop it!” Seungwan exploded, raising her voice. She caught herself and quickly lowered it again before continuing. “Yerim probably encouraged her.” Yerim shrugged, which was as close to a confession as she was likely to get.

“We’ll split the difference and say that you’re both idiots, then,” Yerim suggested with a smirk. Sooyoung raised an eyebrow but didn’t bother to respond. “But more importantly, what are you going to do now?”

“Probably not tell Joohyun how you feel, because that would be too simple and normal,” Sooyoung intervened, sounding bored already.

“No, obviously not that.” Sooyoung sighed. Seungwan ignored her and stopped pacing, wondering what she should do next. She stood there for a moment, then dropped down onto the bed beside the two women. “I have no idea what to do,” she admitted with a groan.

“Better think of something fast,” Yerim added unhelpfully. “Unless you want to jump out of the window.”

“I’ll throw you out the window,” Seungwan muttered under her breath. She got up, already dreading the conversation to come, and crossed the bedroom in a few steps. Then she was back in the living room, alone with a nervous Joohyun.

“Is everything alright? I heard some yelling, are you angry?” Joohyun asked quickly. “It’s not their fault, really, it was my idea.”

“I’m not angry, it’s okay,” Seungwan started, already uncomfortable. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, Joohyun, I know that you had good intentions with this, but…”

“It’s only because you said that you didn’t want to talk about it,” Joohyun rushed to explain. “So I thought I should find another way to help. A way that didn’t involve talking.”

“Well, when I said that, that’s not exactly what I meant. It’s just, I…” Seungwan trailed off, unsure how to approach it. Finally, she groaned inwardly and carried on. “Okay, so, I can’t really tell you why, but basically, I would really prefer it if you didn’t try to help me with my love life. At all. I’m sorry, I promise you didn’t do anything wrong, I just… Can’t tell you why,” she finished lamely, already feeling like an idiot.

Joohyun’s face fell for a moment. “Oh, Seungwan, I know why,” she said sadly, fixing her piercing eyes on Seungwan’s. Every cell in Seungwan’s body immediately flew into panic mode. Of course, she couldn’t have been more obvious if she’d written it on a neon sign. Her life was over and she’d have to move in with Seulgi and sleep on her couch forever.

“It’s because I have no experience,” Joohyun concluded. A small self-deprecating smile grew on her face, like she was laughing at her own ineptitude. “I tried my best to help, but I think it’s painfully obvious I don’t know what I’m doing. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings, it’s alright. I promise I’ll stop with these disastrous attempts to help,” she finished in an amused tone that didn’t completely match the look in her eyes. Before Seungwan could reply, she’d already walked to the kitchen to clean up.

The bedroom door opened and Seungwan was dragged back inside by two giggling women.

“You are so lucky that you fell for the densest person possible,” Yerim declared with amusement. “Anyone else would have seen right through your ridiculous excuse.”

“I kind of wish she had, this is going to drag on forever at this pace,” Sooyoung added with an eyeroll.

“Would you two just shut up?” Seungwan asked in a strained voice. They stopped to look her way and seemed to finally understand the situation.

“Are you… mad at us?” Sooyoung asked in surprise.

“Yes, actually I am. I just hurt Joohyun’s feelings, which isn’t really something I was planning on doing, ever, and it’s all because of you. I get that it’s funny for you to tease me, but at least leave Joohyun out of it, it’s not her fault,” Seungwan finished in a hurt voice. The younger women seemed taken aback at her outburst.

“Yeah, well, if you care so much about her feelings why don’t you just tell her the truth?” Yerim spat back.

“Yerim…” Sooyoung said simply, her tone suggesting that her friend should back off.

“You know what? You’re right, it’s all my fault,” Seungwan concluded tiredly, then turned around to leave. The younger women stayed behind, bickering in low tones.

At the kitchen, she told Joohyun she was going home and apologized for the spoiled afternoon. Joohyun dismissed her worries with a wave of her hand and a wide smile that seemed a little too fragile to be real. Seungwan ignored the urge to apologize again, or hug her, or just tell her the truth, and instead walked wearily across the hallway to her own home, where she sat on the sofa and stared at her phone, trying to summon the energy to call Seulgi.

A few minutes passed this way, then there was a knock at the door. Opening it, she found herself looking up at Sooyoung, who was holding a plate with a piece of cake.

“I brought you a slice,” she said, holding out her arm. “Joohyun bought it. She wasn’t sure if you’d be offended that it’s store-bought, you know, being such a proficient baker. But hey, free cake, right?”

Seungwan stared at her in silence, then reached out mechanically to take the plate. Two forks clattered with the movement. Sooyoung looked at the forks, then back at her, expectantly. Seungwan sighed.

“Would you like to come in and have some?” she offered dully, then moved to the table and sat down without waiting for a reply. Sooyoung joined her moments later.

“So, uh, sorry. Like, about the intervention and stuff,” Sooyoung mumbled. She picked up a fork and poked at the cake, waiting for a response.

“Yeah, well,” Seungwan said slowly, but didn’t bother following up on the statement. Instead, she picked up her own fork and stabbed the cake experimentally. Didn’t seem too dry. She put the fork down and sat back despondently. “Yerim was right, anyway. I caused this problem, not you two.”

“Does that mean you’re not mad at us?” Sooyoung asked around a mouthful of cake.

“No, I’m still mad,” Seungwan said with a sigh. “But less at you and more at me, I guess.”

“If you want my opinion,” Sooyoung started, packing more cake into her fork. “you let it drag on for too long. As soon as I have feelings for someone, I tell them. That way it’s easier to move on when they reject you.”

“When?” Seungwan asked with a raised eyebrow. “If?” she suggested in alternative.

Sooyoung shrugged. “Semantics,” she replied simply, shoving another forkful of cake into her mouth.

“Okay, that’s a little worrying, we should probably talk about that some time,” Seungwan remarked. “Not right now, though, I’m too sad.” She prodded the cake some more, considering taking a bite, then gave up and left it to Sooyoung.

“How’s Joohyun? She seemed a little down.”

“Yeah, she’s kind of disappointed. She was really excited for the intervention, for some weird reason. But she’ll bounce back, don’t worry,” Sooyoung reassured her as she finished the cake. “I should go back and help Joohyun clean up the rest of the stuff. I’ll tell her you liked the cake, that should cheer her up.”

Sooyoung got up but didn’t move to the front door. Instead, she hovered uncertainly by the table. After a moment of indecision, she opened her mouth. “Sorry I ate all the cake,” she said awkwardly. Seungwan shrugged to communicate that she didn’t mind and Sooyoung walked out of the apartment.

About thirty minutes later, there was another knock on the door, and Seungwan opened it to let Seulgi and her two large containers of ice cream into the apartment. They spent the next few hours eating and watching some mind-numbing television, interrupted by occasional bouts of complaining or commiserating on Seungwan’s part.

It was after Seulgi had reassured her that Joohyun didn’t hate her for probably the hundredth time that Seungwan finally sighed and turned off the television.

“I wish they wouldn’t make it so hard for me,” she confessed, poking at the sleeves of the comfy sweater she’d put on. “I get that my crush is funny and all, but still… Isn’t it kind of mean to keep teasing me about it all the time?”

Seulgi turned to hold Seungwan’s hands and stop their fidgeting. Then she tugged on them gently until Seungwan looked up at her smiling face. “Wannie, you do realize that they’re not just doing that for their own amusement, right?” Seungwan quirked a suspicious eyebrow in reply. “It sounds like they’re kind of… dumb about it, but still. They’re clearly trying to push you and Joohyun together.”

Seungwan sighed dramatically and tried to fling herself backwards to lie down on the sofa, but Seulgi’s grip kept her in place. “Well, they’re terrible at it,” she complained instead, her voice taking on the familiar whining tone that she used when she was secretly pleased but didn’t want to admit it. Seulgi only laughed in response, not bothering to disagree.

They sat in silence for a moment, playing with their entangled hands. Then Seungwan broke into peals of laughter that nearly startled Seulgi out of her seat. “Joohyun thinks I like you,” she finally gasped out.

“You mentioned,” Seulgi remarked with amusement. She looked down at their hands, finally understanding the reason for Seungwan’s laughter and let out a chuckle of her own. “I wonder why.”

“Seulgi, she’s never even seen us together,” Seungwan pointed out, her laughter subsiding into giggles.

At this, Seulgi’s laughter joined her own. “She did follow me to the diner that night,” she recalled, freeing one of her hands to poke at Seungwan’s side. “Maybe she was spying on us,” she suggested in a conspiratorial tone.

Seungwan laughed even harder at that, making it a little difficult to breathe. She tried to slap Seulgi’s hand away, but she was yanked by her captured hand instead, falling forwards onto Seulgi’s lap. She turned around to face her friend, who seemed invested in her fantasy narrative.

“She probably heard us coming in, you were making a lot of noise,” she continued in between giggles. “She looked through the keyhole and there we were, whispering.” She lowered her voice as though emulating their whispered conversation. “Holding hands, hugging. You get really touchy when you’re drunk,” she added, her voice back to its regular volume.

Seungwan groaned and tried to roll away from Seulgi’s clutches and onto the floor, which her friend attempted only half-heartedly to prevent. Unfortunately, the distance gained wasn’t enough to shut Seulgi’s voice out, and the carpet wasn’t nearly as comfortable as the sofa.

“Standing there, looking at us, she started feeling something. Maybe curiosity. Maybe… a little… jealousy,” Seulgi said dramatically, dragging out the last word. “So before she could stop herself, she was out the door, chasing me through the night. She needed to know what I have that she doesn’t.”

Still lying face-down on the carpet, Seungwan reached out a prodding hand, trying to find a piece of Seulgi that she could smack. “That doesn’t even make any sense,” she said in a muffled voice.

“The woman threw you a love intervention, I’m not sure making sense is a requirement with her,” Seulgi pointed out. Seungwan only shrugged. She did have a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Act 1! Hope you're enjoying the story so far :) Thank you for all the nice comments and support, it's so lovely and it makes me really happy ^^


	11. Interlude 1

As much as Seungwan wanted to believe Seulgi’s fantasy of a jealous Joohyun secretly studying her prospective rival, and although she was in the habit of lying to herself to avoid some hard truths, it really was too much of a stretch to assume Joohyun felt anything but friendly fondness towards her, especially after the events of the previous day. She would accept, under much prodding from her best friend, that Joohyun probably enjoyed her company and wanted her around, but it would take mental gymnastics far beyond her level to reach for anything else.

And that was fine, really, because now she could focus on being Joohyun’s friend and eventually the crush thing would go away, probably. It wasn’t like people spent that long nursing their unrequited feelings, right?

Sometimes Seungwan really wished she’d gone through this lovesick teenager phase when she’d been an actual teenager. Or that her best – and until recently, only – friend had any sort of experience in the subject.

Seulgi would be so good at dating, probably. She definitely wouldn’t make all the mistakes Seungwan constantly managed to stumble into. She’d fall for people after an appropriate number of dates, and only if they weren’t losers. Plus she knew how to talk to people and to maintain multiple friendships.

Seungwan shook her head and wondered once more how she’d managed to land such a great best friend. Whatever she’d done to deserve it, her luck had clearly run out after that one miracle. Although one might argue that meeting and befriending Joohyun was pretty lucky as well. One might further claim that getting to spend a sunny afternoon at the park with her was the very definition of luck.

Not that the afternoon was guaranteed yet. First, Seungwan had to go over and have an awkward conversation and possibly be rejected because things had definitely changed since they’d made their plan. But she was working on it.

She knocked on Joohyun’s door before her brain had the chance to talk her out of it. She’d probably end up going to the park alone, but at least she could check first.

Every second she spent waiting for her neighbour to come to the door, she felt her conviction evaporate further, until finally, mercifully, the door was opened to reveal a casual Joohyun in jeans and a loose t-shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail and the flowery and soft smell that Seungwan had come to associate with her home clung particularly powerfully to her today.

Joohyun’s face showed a distracted expression, like she was still thinking about whatever she’d dropped to answer the door, but it quickly shifted to surprise, her eyes widening for only a moment before her mouth opened slightly to let out an “Oh.”

“Hi,” Seungwan offered with an awkward smile. She waved at Joohyun like they weren’t standing right in front of each other. “I just thought I’d drop by, ask if you still wanted to go do something today?”

“Oh,” Joohyun repeated, although this time her lips were curled into a small smile. She looked away for a moment, the space between her eyebrows creasing cutely. “After yesterday, I thought you might not…” She didn’t finish the sentence, suddenly very interested in the hem of her t-shirt.

“Yeah, I also thought you might not,” Seungwan replied, fighting back a smile. “So then I thought, I’d better check or we’ll both miss out on a nice afternoon for no reason,” she finished wisely. Joohyun’s smile was wider now, but she raised a suspicious eyebrow at Seungwan’s sudden confidence. She folded easily. “Ok, fine, Seulgi’s the one who thought that. And the one who made me come over. But I still did the talking,” she argued.

Joohyun’s face fell slightly as a look of concern took the place of the previous happiness. “I suppose you told Seulgi about yesterday,” she remarked quietly, a slight flush on her cheeks.

“Well, she’s my best friend. I kind of tell her everything,” Seungwan confirmed. “Sorry,” she added quickly, reaching out stiffly to offer a comforting pat to Joohyun’s arm.

“No, I understand, I also tell my friends everything,” Joohyun said in reply, smiling to communicate that she didn’t blame her. She leaned slightly against Seungwan’s hand. “It’s just a little embarrassing,” she admitted, scrunching up her face.

Seungwan squeezed Joohyun’s arm slightly before quickly pulling back, suddenly self-conscious. “Well, she’s been around me long enough that she’s pretty desensitized to embarrassing by now,” she offered with a laugh. “I’m not sure yesterday even registers.” It did register, it had been super weird, but Joohyun didn’t need to know that.

Her neighbour’s relieved smile was reward enough for the little white lie, though she still looked a little doubtful. “I hope so, I wouldn’t want your best friend to think badly of me,” she said with her wide eyes locked on Seungwan’s, making it very difficult to think of a reply.

“Oh!” Joohyun suddenly exclaimed, startling Seungwan. “I didn’t even invite you in, I’m so sorry! Come in, come in. I was just hanging the laundry, do you mind if I finish that while we talk?”

Seungwan assured her that it was fine and followed Joohyun while she busied herself with the wet clothes. It soon became clear that these were the source of the lovely smell permanently filling the apartment, causing Seungwan to wonder just how often her neighbour did her laundry.

Even though she’d said they’d talk, Joohyun now seemed completely absorbed by the task at hand, so Seungwan tried to entertain herself until her neighbour was done. First she texted Seulgi to inform her of her success, then she put her phone back in her pocket and had a look around. The side table now held two books, with Joohyun’s current read resting on top of the science fiction book Seungwan had picked out some weeks before. She hadn’t read much more since then, but clearly someone was confident that she’d eventually get to it.

With another glance at Joohyun, who was still busy hanging clothes, Seungwan reached for the book on top. She read the blurb on the back, but it didn’t really tell her much. Judging by the bookmark, Joohyun hadn’t gotten very far into it yet, so she probably wouldn’t be able to tell her what it was about either. She set it down gently, then picked up her own book and leafed through it, trying to find her place. She’d read the story about the Mercury station and vaguely recalled the one where the robots started a religion. She finally found the place where she’d stopped and started reading the next story with some curiosity.

Before she could get very far into it, there was a tap on her shoulder. Joohyun stood beside her, one hand still clutching a couple of clothespins and the other stretched towards her, holding a bookmark.

“You looked like you were having a little trouble finding your place,” she explained with a smile. “This should make it easier for next time.”

Seungwan took the bookmark a bit sheepishly, embarrassed at having been caught with clearly no memory of what she had and hadn’t read. Joohyun brushed a stray strand of hair behind her own ear with her free hand then gestured to the hanging laundry. “I’m almost done, just one more shirt.”

Seungwan got up to accompany her. “Cool, so, I was thinking maybe we could go to the park? Since it’s such a nice day; I don’t know how many more of those we’ll get this year.”

Joohyun nodded along as she hung the last shirt, then suddenly stopped in her tracks. “I forgot we were going out,” she exclaimed, a bit nonsensically. “I didn’t get ready,” she added in lieu of explanation.

It was hard to take her worry seriously when she looked better with a bare face than Seungwan did with make-up, and when her casual ponytail just made her look approachable instead of an unkempt mess.

“You look fine like this,” Seungwan commented with a shrug. “Not that it’s about what I think, obviously,” she added quickly. “People get dressed up for themselves and you should do what makes you comfortable.”

Joohyun’s smile was tinged with amusement, along with something else Seungwan couldn’t quite place. Probably the confusion that any of her weird tangents tended to elicit. She seemed to consider Seungwan’s words for a moment, then nodded firmly.

“Alright, then I’ll just change my shirt. I’m not going out wearing my 23rd annual company picnic t-shirt,” she said with a laugh. Seungwan looked curiously at Joohyun’s front, noticing the writing for the first time, then frantically glanced away when Joohyun pulled the t-shirt over her head and walked to her room.

Seungwan stood rooted in place. She could see Joohyun’s shirtless frame as she looked through her closet, since she’d left the bedroom door wide open. Eventually, her neighbour selected a shirt and slipped it on, walking back out while she buttoned it. Seungwan focused intensely on anything else until the woman’s torso was once again fully covered.

She turned back to Joohyun with relief just as she undid her ponytail, running her fingers through her hair to smooth out the kinks formed by the hairband. It was impossible, really, to witness those delicate fingers tracing a gentle path through soft, silky hair and not imagine them running over her own hair, her neck, her… Well, her everywhere.

She sighed in frustration, willing those distracting thoughts away. Thankfully, Joohyun seemed to misunderstand the issue, because she just giggled. “Ok, ok, I’m done,” she said in mock innocence, raising her hands to supplement the performance as she reached for her jacket. “After you,” she added cutely, with a sweeping motion towards the door.

They made their way to the park, riding the subway silently. The outside air and the influx of strangers, who featured for the first time in her time with Joohyun, somehow worked to clear her head, providing welcome distractions from her tendency to overthink. Doing these mundane things in these mundane settings helped Seungwan remember that Joohyun might be her crush, but she was also a friend whom she liked and appreciated.

The soft grass bent gently under their feet as they walked, trying their best to avoid the shade of the trees so that the sunlight could warm them. Seungwan led the way through the footpaths that were, for the most part, more a gentle suggestion given by well-packed dirt and a lack of vegetation than any man-made construction. Their hands were laced together, ostensibly to ensure they didn’t lose each other, but mostly because Joohyun had reached out and Seungwan had seen no reason to reject it.

Finally, a bend in the way left them standing on a small open field that encircled a pond. Their sole company, apart from the ducks that slid aimlessly across the surface of the water, were a few couples lying on the grass, far enough apart that their voices couldn’t be heard from where Seungwan and Joohyun stood.

They walked to a nice enough spot and sat down on the grass. Seungwan remained silent for a moment, looking at the ducks distractedly, content to study the quickly-fading paths they drew on the water while Joohyun took the time to observe her surroundings. She did this thoroughly, first looking behind her at the trees they’d come from, then ahead at the lake with its surrounding vegetation, and finally stretching back to gaze at the deep blue sky and the small strips of white that fluttered across it lazily.

“It’s beautiful,” she said softly, the gratitude at being shown this place clear in her voice. “How did you find it?”

“Seulgi and I like to walk around in parks. We’ve got them all pretty much mapped out by now,” Seungwan replied with a shrug.

“Right,” Joohyun began, sounding strangely confident, then abruptly stopped talking, deciding instead to pay close attention to a patch of grass by her side.

Seulgi had probably mentioned their trips to the park when they’d talked in the diner, Seungwan reflected with a smile. She shifted closer and prodded Joohyun’s knee with her own. “You know, Seulgi told me about meeting you that night.”

“I figured she might have,” Joohyun replied simply, still focused on the grass. She tugged at a blade until it came off in her hand, then looked at Seungwan sheepishly, still holding it. “In my defense,” she added with a firmer voice, before returning her gaze to her hands, “you two really sound like you love each other.”

“Well, we do,” Seungwan said with a wide smile. She poked Joohyun’s knee again, trying to get her attention away from the poor blade of grass, which she was now ripping up into little pieces. “Just not romantically,” she concluded with a small laugh.

Joohyun finally released her victim, opening her hand to let the little green pieces blow away in the breeze. “I understand,” she said softly. Her gaze settled on the edges of the pond, where small creatures poked out their heads amid the reeds before disappearing again. “I hope that… one day you can feel that way about me,” she confided in a low voice, letting her head rest on Seungwan’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I want that too,” Seungwan replied in what she hoped was an even tone. She forced a smile, which was a bit silly, because it wasn’t like Joohyun could see her face. Maybe it was more to convince herself.

They sat in silence then, watching the time tick by in the seemingly chaotic routine of the ducks and the slow movement of the sun in the sky. Seungwan’s mind refused to sit still, running from thought to thought, from hypothetical scenario to hypothetical scenario, but really just cycling endlessly between what she wanted and what she wanted to want. Joohyun and Joohyun. Different Joohyuns, different scenarios, but it really didn’t matter because it all came down to the same question.

As she reached the inevitable conclusion for what must have been the thousandth time, she finally broke the silence. ”If you knew something was impossible,” she said suddenly, pausing for a moment as she felt Joohyun start at the unexpected sound, “how dumb would it be to keep trying?”

Her friend slid away from her shoulder, sitting up to look her in the eye. She looked drowsy, like she’d been halfway to sleep and suddenly awakened by Seungwan’s question. “I think,” she started with a crooked smile, “that you asked me not to interfere with your love life.” She looked smug, like she was secretly proud that she’d pieced it together.

“Hmm, I do recall something to that effect,” Seungwan admitted with a smile of her own, a little embarrassed at the admonishment but mostly glad that she hadn’t roped herself into another cryptic conversation about her feelings with her crush.

“So, instead of answering your question, I’m going to…” Here Joohyun paused for a moment as she got up, her eyes fixed warily on the ducks that had made their way out of the pond in the late afternoon glow and were now steadily climbing up the margins towards them. She stepped away towards the trees and sat down behind Seungwan. “Move here so you’re between me and the ducks,” she concluded after sitting.

Seungwan spun around to face her and couldn’t help laughing as she saw that Joohyun wasn’t actually sitting, but had instead chosen to squat down on the grass, probably so it’d be easier to get up and run away. “You’re afraid of ducks, too?” she teased.

“Not all ducks, but these look particularly menacing,” Joohyun explained with a furrowed brow. Seungwan pushed at one of her knees and laughed again as Joohyun thrust out a lightning-fast arm to keep her balance and not lose her tactical advantage.

“Cute,” she pointed out simply, although she did spare a glance behind her back to keep track of the advancing horde.

“I’m a grown woman, Seungwan, I am not cute,” Joohyun huffed out, trying her best to look dignified in spite of the circumstances, yet still failing to look anything other than adorable.

Seungwan laughed at the sight. “I would argue that you’re being very cute right now,” she said with an amused smile. She reached out an arm to steady herself as she got up, then stretched it towards Joohyun to help her up from her awkward position.

“We’ll see what you’re arguing when the ducks bite your arm off,” Joohyun grumbled as she brushed away the bits of grass and dirt that had stuck to her hands.

Seungwan replied with a low “So morbid,” but her voice was drowned out by a loud quack from a duck that had somehow snuck up on her. Joohyun jumped in place, then promptly turned around and headed for the trees. Seungwan had to run after her to pull her in the right direction, though her hand remained in the crook of Joohyun’s arm long after they’d reached the path back to the more crowded regions of the park.

“I’m hungry, buy me ice cream,” she said teasingly, bumping into Joohyun’s side for emphasis. “I did just save your life from that killer duck.”

“I saved my own life, thank you very much,” Joohyun replied haughtily, bumping into her in return. She ran her free hand through her hair, which had become disheveled from all the sudden movement.

“If I guess what you’re thinking, you have to buy me ice cream,” Seungwan demanded suddenly, more to pester Joohyun than anything else.

They walked in silence for a few steps as Joohyun appeared to consider the proposal. “If you get it wrong, you’re the one paying,” she finally suggested as a counter-offer.

“Deal,” Seungwan agreed immediately. She lifted her hand to tap her index finger against her mouth, like she was deep in thought. “Elephants,” she dead-panned at last.

“No- why would I be thinking of elephants?” Joohyun let out amidst sudden high-pitched laughter.

Seungwan shrugged. “Go big or go home,” she said simply, causing fresh laughter to erupt from Joohyun. “Was I close?”

“No, I was thinking of the ducks,” Joohyun replied. This time it was Seungwan who broke into laughter, clutching Joohyun’s arm for support.

They were nearing the small ice cream cart and Seungwan gently tugged at Joohyun to correct her course. “You know, they’re both animals. I think that’s close enough.”

“If you thought the game was too hard, you shouldn’t have suggested it in the first place,” Joohyun said ruthlessly. They separated so Seungwan could rummage through her bag, eventually finding her wallet. She threw a last pleading look at her friend, who stared straight into her eyes without pity then turned around to order.

In the end, Joohyun had three scoops with sprinkles, shaved almonds and chocolate sauce. It nearly toppled over onto her shirt and it took her about an hour to eat, but she smiled smugly through it all.


	12. Act 2 Part 1

_(Sooyoung POV)_

“Thank you for coming on such short notice,” Joohyun began, her hands clasped together at her front. She looked at her expectant audience of two, sitting side by side on the sofa. Yerim was slouched down on the pillows, just low enough for her shoeless feet to reach the coffee table, where they currently rested, but not for long if Sooyoung knew her restless friend at all.

“I called you here today because I wanted to discuss Seungwan,” Joohyun continued. A light sigh escaped Yerim at the words, though she at least had the decency to cover it up by stretching. Sooyoung turned to her and they shared a moment of silent communication in the way their eyes expressed the pure exhaustion living inside them.

It wasn’t that they didn’t know how to go about getting Seungwan and Joohyun together. They didn’t, obviously, but either way they’d sworn off helping those two. Well, “helping”. Regardless of nomenclature. They weren’t making any more attempts at matchmaking, so they didn’t need to waste any more brain power on their schemes.

No, the source of the exhaustion was much more direct and inescapable. It was Joohyun’s absolutely inscrutable behaviour regarding Seungwan. She liked her, clearly. In the years since she’d met her, Sooyoung had never seen Joohyun make such an effort to approach someone. Given the baseline, she was still far from overbearing, but it was still impressive.

But did she have any feelings or did they simply click? Maybe Joohyun just wanted a friend who wasn’t five years younger than her, to have someone to talk to while Sooyoung and Yerim were stuck with homework. She probably had a bunch of old-person pop culture references that finally someone would understand.

It didn’t help that, if there were any feelings there, Joohyun definitely wouldn’t be aware of them. Sooyoung was much better at identifying conscious denial than the subconscious alternative. Seungwan’s stuttering defensiveness and awkward glances were like an open book, but Joohyun was a riddle wrapped in a mystery. Even to herself, she’d guess.

Yerim’s furtive eyeroll before breaking eye contact reminded Sooyoung that her friend’s exhaustion probably had slightly different reasons. The younger woman didn’t bother so much with not knowing Joohyun’s feelings as she did with having to constantly devote her time and attention to more of the Seungwan/Joohyun – SeungHyun, if you will - romantic nonsense. That girl really didn’t have a romantic bone in her body.

“As you know, she has been having some troubles with her love life,” Joohyun elaborated with a look of sober concern. Yerim snorted and Sooyoung had to conceal a growing smile behind her hand. She silently smacked Yerim’s shoulder when Joohyun wasn’t looking.

“And, of course, our last attempt to help failed quite spectacularly.” At this, Joohyun raised her eyebrows and fixed her eyes on the duo for the first time. “I’ve come to realize that I can’t rely on your assessment alone when it comes to this,” she said ominously. Sooyoung sucked at her bottom lip and looked up at Joohyun silently. “And that’s my fault. I forgot that you’re nearly as inexperienced as I am in this area. You probably get your ideas from tv shows or young adult fiction. None of us know what we’re doing.”

Sooyoung felt the urge to point out that she and Yerim had an infinitely better grasp of the situation than Joohyun, which she obviously suppressed. By her side, Yerim seemed too offended by the suggestion that she read YA to focus on anything else Joohyun had said.

Sooyoung opened her mouth to remind the room that Seungwan had very pointedly asked Joohyun not to “help” anymore, but she could barely get out a “uh” before Joohyun was talking again.

“Now, I know that Seungwan asked us not to interfere with her love life,” she remarked as if she’d read Sooyoung’s mind.

“Asked you,” Yerim corrected in a low voice which Joohyun would only have heard if she was actually paying attention to her audience. As expected, she proceeded with no notice.

“But that’s only because we’re bad at it,” she exclaimed with excitement. Sooyoung casually wondered how long it had taken her to reach that particular wrong conclusion.

“Why - “ was all Sooyoung could manage this time before Joohyun cut her off again.

“I know I might be getting a little ahead of myself. After all, just because somebody isn’t in a happy romantic relationship, doesn’t mean that they necessarily need to be driven to that situation in order to be fulfilled,” she continued animatedly, sounding a lot like she was just narrating her thought process, “but Seungwan seems unhappy at the mere mention of her love life. Clearly, she is not satisfied with the current state of affairs.”

“I - “ tried Yerim with a resigned look, clearly not expecting much success.

“It’s not good for her to be keeping it all in. Even if her friends can’t help in practical terms, she should still be able to depend on them for support. A sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, a…”

Joohyun continued enumerating all the ways in which she hoped to help Seungwan with her crush, oblivious to how Yerim and Sooyoung leaned closer together and began talking in low whispers.

“She’s not even listening to us, is she,” Yerim said in a tone that indicated it was more a statement than a question.

Sooyoung’s drawn-out sigh was answer enough. She took another glance at Joohyun. “How much longer do you think this monologue is going to take?”

“How much do you want to bet that it ends with a dumb conclusion?” Yerim asked in return, eliciting a small choking sound from Sooyoung as she tried to push down laughter. “Anyway, do you think she’ll mind if I go grab my laptop? I have a presentation on Monday and this isn’t the emergency I expected it to be.”

The question was only half-serious, so Sooyoung didn’t bother answering with anything more than a quick raise of her eyebrows. She rested her chin on her hand and observed as Joohyun carried on, lost in her own world.

“What do you think?” Sooyoung asked after a pause, turning to read Yerim’s expression.

“I think if she keeps this up I might have to pull an all-nighter.”

She didn’t even bother rolling her eyes. “I meant about Seungwan, obviously, you idiot,” she replied drily.

“Takes one to know one,” Yerim retorted more out of habit than anything. “I think she created this problem and it’s beyond unfair that I’m the one suffering the consequences.”

“No, about Seungwan and Joohyun, ugh!” Sooyoung let out in frustration. Yerim’s mouth twisted into a mocking grin, clearly finding amusement in teasing her. She paused to take a deep breath, looking pointedly away from the annoying child by her side. “Why do I even bother talking to you?”

“Because you don’t have any friends?” Yerim suggested immediately, then shifted away just in time to escape Sooyoung’s attempt to shove at her side.

Still, Sooyoung’s arms were much longer than Yerim’s, and they were both well aware of that, so she quickly signalled her apology in order to avoid a losing battle. Shifting back to her original position, she glanced at Joohyun to check if she was still entertained then turned to Sooyoung to finally answer her question.

“Honestly, I have no idea. Joohyun’s definitely weird about it, but I can’t tell if it’s just her usual weird or something else,” she admitted. Turning to Sooyoung more fully, she raised a suspicious eyebrow. “But it doesn’t matter because we’re not messing with them anymore, right?”

“Yes, relax, no messing. They can beat around the bush until they’re 90 and we’ll just sit there and watch,” she said with an eyeroll, patting Yerim’s arm in mock comfort.

“Don’t even joke about that, I don’t think I could survive a lifetime of the awkward SeungHyun show,” Yerim replied with a shudder.

“You used the ship name!” Sooyoung exclaimed excitedly, although she still kept her voice barely above a whisper. Her friend refused to acknowledge her words, so she carried on. “Anyway, apparently it’s less awkward when it’s just the two of them. Although, I’m taking Joohyun’s word for it here, so who knows what it’s really like.”

“I don’t see how it could be more awkward,” Yerim pointed out, sounding unimpressed.

“If anyone can find a way, it’s those two.”

They took only a second to notice something was wrong, and another to realize that the apartment had suddenly fallen into silence. Looking up, they saw Joohyun staring at them expectantly, awaiting their reaction to whatever she’d just said.

Yerim’s lips moved, forming a very quiet “oops”. Sooyoung locked eyes with Joohyun for an awkward moment before she opened her mouth. “I’m sorry, you lost me for like a second, could you say that last thing again?”

“I said I should date,” Joohyun offered helpfully.

They sat in silence for a while, as they both waited for Joohyun to finish her sentence. “Date whom?” Yerim finally asked, as Joohyun didn’t seem inclined to elaborate on her own.

“Oh, I didn’t really think of that. Anyone, I suppose.”

Yerim’s expression was completely neutral and she simply sat motionless on the sofa, meaning that either she’d tried and failed completely to get a grip on the situation or she’d reached her limit of romantic nonsense and refused to spend any more energy managing it. Either way, it was up to Sooyoung.

“I think you might have lost me for more than a second,” she amended, still a little dazed. “Could you maybe back up a little, explain that reasoning again?”

“But, like, a condensed version maybe,” Yerim piped up at last. Sooyoung elbowed her. “My presentation,” she whispered in a pleading voice.

“Well, I can’t help Seungwan because I have no experience in the area. Logically, if I want to help her, I need to acquire this experience. I can do this by going on dates,” Joohyun concluded simply. Sooyoung vaguely wondered how it had taken her so long to explain it earlier. Exactly how many tangents had she missed? And how, if this idea was as ridiculous as she knew it must be, did it all sound so logical?

“Uh, question,” Yerim said with a raised hand. “Why do you want to help her if she expressly asked you not to?” Right, there it was. Sooyoung sighed in relief.

Surprisingly, Joohyun only shook her head impatiently. “I explained that too. She doesn’t want my help because I’m useless. Once I understand relationships, that’ll change.”

It sounded so simple. Was Sooyoung losing her mind? She looked at Yerim pleadingly, hoping her eyes communicated at least some of her panic, but the look on Yerim’s face was closer to resignation than anything else. She shrugged imperceptibly, clearly accepting their new reality.

With a glance at Joohyun and a lifted finger, as if to say “give us a minute”, she shifted closer to Yerim to whisper as low as she could. “Yerim, this is a terrible idea.”

“We said we wouldn’t interfere,” she pointed out with finality.

“This is different. I’d be opposed to this even if I didn’t want her with Seungwan,” Sooyoung argued, though she could see that her words weren’t making much of an impact.

“Sounds like a lot of ifs,” Yerim replied with a raised eyebrow, like her suddenly moralistic act wasn’t just because she wanted to witness the chaos. “No messing means no messing. No matter what.”

She turned to Joohyun and raised her voice. “Guess you’re dating,” she said cheerily. Joohyun’s pleased expression spelled out doom in Sooyoung’s eyes, though she was comforted by the thought that she’d probably have gone through with this ridiculous plan regardless of their opinions.

At that point, Joohyun seemed to realize that she’d been standing in the middle of her living room for a very long time and for no particular reason. She quickly made her way to the sofa, where Sooyoung and Yerim spread apart to make room for her between them. Once she was seated, she reached out her hands to rest on their legs. Looking from one to the other, she opened her mouth. “So. How do I date?” she asked a bit sheepishly.

Okay, maybe there was still hope.

(…)

_(Seungwan POV)_

The demon children were being suspiciously nice. Not normal human being nice, because only some cataclysmic event could bring that about, but nice enough to raise questions. Like when Yerim had caught Seungwan staring at Joohyun for what was certainly an abnormal amount of time and hadn’t bothered with any teasing beyond a knowing smirk. Or that couple of times when they hadn’t taken advantage of some ambiguous remark made by either herself or Joohyun to bury her in subtle digs and double entendres.

Sooyoung even texted her before dropping by her apartment. Well, sometimes. Not that often. And it was more a notification that a request for permission. But anything more than zero was already a welcome improvement, really.

Of course, all these events left Seungwan with a vague sense of dread over their cause. The most logical conclusion was that those two either pitied her as a hopeless case or were preparing an epic prank that required gaining her trust to some degree. Or maybe they felt bad for what they’d done or were warming up to her.

God, her naïve tendency to look for the best in people really was pathological. Seungwan sighed, her hands resting on the cool kitchen counter. Was it really that dumb to hope that Sooyoung and Yerim were making some sort of effort to meet her halfway? Probably, but she’d never been one to be stopped by petty things like infinitesimal odds of a positive outcome.

“They’re probably up to something, right?” she asked her only company, which was currently sitting on a kitchen chair, watching her silently. He didn’t bother to respond, of course. He was never very talkative unless she was holding his dinner. But he did hold her gaze unblinkingly, which she’d come to interpret as disagreement.

“Oh, what do you know?” she huffed in displeasure. The least her cat could do was listen without judgment, it wasn’t like he was that dignified. That very morning she’d watched him roll over in his sleep and fall off the sofa. “You’re just like that because you like Sooyoung, you think I don’t know? You’d fall for anyone who feeds you, you sell-out.”

Mr. Fluffers didn’t bother denying the accusation. Instead, he stretched out his legs then lowered his body until he was comfortably lying down. His eyes blinked once, slowly. “You always go to sleep when you don’t like the conversation,” Seungwan complained without much feeling. Honestly, Fluffy going to sleep had never done much to stop her from talking to him anyway.

Still, it was hard to keep the illusion when she was looking straight at his sleeping form, so she turned around to focus on her dinner. She started chopping vegetables slowly, her mind far away.

“Anyway, they’re definitely up to something,” she began again, her eyes still on the chopping board. “I don’t care what you say, they look guilty.”

As she said it, she realized the truth of her words. They really did seem like they felt guilty. So she could be the optimistic fool and assume that it had been the love intervention or the realistic sage and expect that some other storm was just around the corner. It really wasn’t that much of a stretch, given her life lately. And speaking of storms around the corner…

“Oh, I didn’t tell you, did I? Seulgi wants me to go on dates again,” she said with an eyeroll that was really for nobody but herself. Not like any part of talking to her cat wasn’t for herself alone. “She says if I’m giving up on Joohyun then our deal is back on.”

Throwing a quick glance over her shoulder, she found that Mr. Fluffers was watching her with eyes wide open. Too much excitement to nap quite yet, clearly. The unexpected attention made her somewhat flustered, though she was well aware of how dumb that was. Still, she dared anyone not to feel judged under the weight of her cat’s disinterested gaze. She turned back to the vegetables to make sure she didn’t slice off a finger.

“I’m not sure what to tell her,” she admitted, trying to sound casual. “I mean, I want to get over Joohyun, obviously. But I don’t think it’s working quite yet, so… I might as well just admit that to Seulgi and get out of dating for now, right? But I don’t want to sound like I’m still trying for anything either.”

She shrugged away her confusion and reached for a bowl to beat the eggs she’d left on the counter. A small creaking sound reached her ears as Mr. Fluffers straightened up in his seat, clearly hoping that her movements led her to his dinner. Right, might as well get that out of the way now, so he wouldn’t be weaving between her legs while she held a hot pan. It was never a good combination.

Leaving her own food on pause for a moment, she pulled a can of wet food out of the pantry and opened it quickly. Fluffy was out of his seat in a second, suddenly chatty. He meowed loudly as she poured a third of it into his bowl and set it down for him, only falling silent when he was munching away happily. The remainder of the can was left in the fridge and Seungwan returned her attention to her own dinner after washing her hands.

She cracked the eggs and beat them, her body relaxing into the familiarly numbing rhythm for a few seconds. Thoughts of her neighbour occupied her mind, with her best friend and the two younger women only contributing to the confusion. She felt like she was being pulled in all directions, though she couldn’t blame that entirely on the others. Her own brain did a good enough job of being completely contradictory.

After the eggs had been beaten and seasoned, the sliced vegetables joined them in the bowl, then the whole mixture was unceremoniously dumped on the frying pan. Seungwan scrambled the eggs with a wooden spoon, too distracted to try for an omelette.

“Joohyun’s just…” she started, then paused for a moment, unsure of what exactly she was even trying to say. The eggs started to solidify, quickly becoming dinner. She took another stab at pinning down her thought process. “I can’t tell what’s going on. She’s really confusing. Or more like I’m confusing myself over her. She’s a friend. She’s being friendly. I’m the one who keeps misunderstanding. Probably subconsciously on purpose. My brain would do that.”

She paused her incoherent rant to take a breath. The eggs were done. She scooped them back into the mixing bowl, which she’d quickly rinsed. Doing dishes was for dopes. Leaving the pan in soapy water, she took her bowl to the sofa, Mr. Fluffers close on her heels. He nestled by her side with a short burst of purring, then lapsed into silence as she ate slowly.

The quiet lasted for three or four bites. “You should meet her,” Seungwan finally said, her left hand loosely holding her fork against the bowl. “She’s nice,” she mused in a low tone. “Too bad she’s afraid of cats, I guess.”

Two bites was all it took for her pragmatic attitude to fade into nothing and for her hand to once again pause between forkfuls as her eyes unfocused and her mind drifted far away.

“She’s just… It’s like you never know what to expect. She’s quiet and serious and kind of, I don’t know, mothering with Sooyoung and Yerim. She seems like such a grown-up, but then she’ll get super excited about something really small, like winning some game or when I finally agree to do whatever dumb thing she wants me to do, and it’s like she’s a little kid.”

She dropped her hand from her bowl and let it settle on Fluffy’s fur, petting him softly. His purring vibrated slightly against her skin. She smiled distantly.

“She has all these different smiles. Like, this big fond smile that she gives Yerim whenever she’s talking about her studies, or this bright, kind of proud-looking smile, when Sooyoung praises her for whatever. Then there’s the complicit smile she gives me when we’re talking about the girls.” She paused, deep in thought, wondering when she’d even noticed and filed away the minute changes in Joohyun’s expressions of happiness. “When I let her get away with something, she smiles like she’s just so excited and careless. Like all that matters in that moment is that little victory. Maybe that’s why I’m such a pushover with her dumb ideas. God, I can’t believe I played truth or dare with them.”

She chuckled softly at her own weakness. Mr. Fluffers’s purring had reached its peak and was now dying away as he drifted off into sleep.

“And when she laughs, it’s like… I guess it’s her excitable side again. It’s a little strange to hear such an unrestrained sound come from such a composed and classical-looking person. But it’s a really good kind of strange. I don’t know, she seemed so closed off at first that it feels like every dorky side of her is a secret that I get to be a part of.”

Fluffy’s soft snoring finally pierced through her daze and she blinked away the thoughts clouding around her mind. “Oh, my eggs are getting cold,” she gasped out as she realized it, quickly charging back into her dinner before it cooled off completely.

Between bites, her thoughts dispersed in ever growing circles, casting a wider net around her feelings, her experiences, her past. At least this time she seemed capable of managing both the musing and the eating.

“Have you ever fallen in love?” she asked the sleeping cat by her side. “Probably not, since you’re a cat and everything,” she eventually concluded. She poked around the remainder of the eggs, then put the bowl down on the carpeted floor with finality, concluding her meal. Much to Fluffy’s distaste, she then shifted on the sofa, bringing up her legs so that she sat hugging her knees against her chest. She rested her cheek against her arm, looking away into nothing.

“I’ve never fallen in love,” she added casually, her shoulders rising in a small shrug. “Dated enough for it, but… I guess I’m not very good at it.” Fluffy, who’d woken up somewhere in the middle of her repositioning, gazed at her with unimpressed eyes.

“What?” she asked, feeling judged. “Yeah, yeah, it’s not necessarily my fault, Seulgi keeps saying that too. But I don’t know, I’m kind of the common element, aren’t I?” She reached out a hand to poke at her cat’s forehead, hoping to draw his indignation to more manageable sources, like her prodding finger. “If I only dated sucky people, that’s on me too.”

Mr. Fluffers batted at her hand half-heartedly but didn’t pursue it further. Not even a distracting nibble. Instead, he opted to move further down the sofa, out of her reach, where he promptly resumed his staring.

“What do you know, it was before your time anyway,” she concluded with a huff. She considered leaning over to pester him some more but gave up and opted instead to get up and clean up after her cooking. Mr. Fluffers quickly got the hint and hopped off the sofa towards the bed, the only place where his human knew how to sit still and spent 8 wonderful hours being the perfect pillow. He’d wait for her there, happy to avoid the soapy water that so often splashed dangerously near his precious fur.

As she dealt with the soaking pan as quickly as possible, thoughts of Joohyun continued to swirl around her head, mixing with memories, more or less recent. She smiled at nothing in particular, distracted by the contrasts that arose between past and present. The thought of Joohyun cheating, using her to get to someone or something else, disappearing without even bothering to break up, all seemed beyond ludicrous. A particular thought drifted just outside her reach, coming teasingly closer but never letting itself be captured.

Later, slipping into bed and lifting the covers for Fluffy to curl up by her side under their protective warmth, she finally managed to grasp it. She studied the notion in her mind, something unexpected but completely obvious. It felt a little silly to be so in awe of it, but she honestly hadn’t considered it before, and she observed it closely, like a child who’d found a strange new seashell at the beach.

“Joohyun would make a good girlfriend,” she finally said out loud, in a soft and shy voice. She scratched Fluffy’s forehead absent-mindedly, smiled as she felt more than heard his responding purr. Careful not to disturb him, she stretched out her arm to turn off the light, then stared at the darkness with a small smile. “That’d be nice for a change.”


	13. Act 2 Part 2

Work had been exhausting. Honestly, it was always an effort, but today was one of these days when Seungwan wished she worked with more people. Well, alive people. She definitely had enough dead ones hanging around.

The only upside of spending her days handling corpses was that most of her romantic notions dissipated somewhere in the middle of prying bones apart and weighing organs. It had certainly helped keep her away from dating, at least until Joohyun had stormed into her life with that perfect face - perfect everything, to be honest - and thrown everything into chaos.

Now Seungwan was the kind of person who fantasized about having a nice girlfriend. It was beyond embarrassing. Even worse, it didn’t make any sense. Sure, logic wasn’t usually a requirement for her life, but just for once she wished her brain would stop and analyse the garbage it was churning out. First of all, because she wouldn’t be getting a nice girlfriend any time soon with the terrible dates Seulgi managed to find for her.

Second of all, because Joohyun might be nice, friendly, generous, caring, a lot of other positive adjectives that Seungwan’s brain would love to keep adding to the list, but she definitely wasn’t going to be a good girlfriend to anyone, for the simple fact that she wasn’t going to be a girlfriend at all. She wasn’t interested in romance, that much was clear enough, so would the embarrassing teenage daydreams please see themselves out now?

Seungwan realized the train had arrived at her station just in time, as the doors were already sounding their alarm by the time she managed to slip outside, slamming shut before she’d even had time to start walking. A few people glanced over at her flustered escape, so she quickly made her way out of the platform. To be fair, she’d probably have lost their interest quickly either way. Commuters on their way home from work weren’t the most easily stirred crowd and most of them were probably as deep in their own thoughts as she’d been. Maybe more practical thoughts, like what to have for dinner.

Distractedly berating herself for managing to get lost in thoughts about how she shouldn’t get lost in thoughts, she made the short walk from the station to her building and walked inside thankfully. The days were definitely getting colder and she kept forgetting to put on a warmer coat, usually just walking out with whatever she’d left hanging by the door the previous night.

Now was the part where she slowly dragged herself across the hall to check her mail, then towards the elevator, where she lingered for a moment before calling it down, then slowly over to her own apartment, where she once again lingered to root around her bag even though her keys were already in her hand. Usually, at some point in this routine Joohyun would show up, or she’d be upstairs when Seungwan got out of the elevator.

She glanced at her mailbox. The hands which had been absently rubbing her arms for warmth suddenly stilled, grasped a little tighter and finally dropped to her sides as she sighed. “This is dumb,” she muttered to herself. She walked resolutely to the elevator, not bothering with the mail at all. It wasn’t like it was going anywhere.

The trip up was quick enough and the elevator doors opened to reveal the familiar hallway. Occupying it was a familiar presence. Seungwan felt betrayed to find that a quite substantial part of herself had been hoping for just this and silently cursed her weak resolve. She’d been so determined to go straight home and prove to herself that she wasn’t in that deep yet. But now she was face to face with Joohyun and she’d never know if she would’ve actually gone through with it.

Joohyun’s face lit up in recognition as she saw Seungwan step out of the elevator. She waved at her like they weren’t the only two people there, a wide smile on her face. It had been a while since the days of their cold interactions, but the current excitement was definitely not the norm. Vague recollections of Joohyun’s drunk chatter came to mind, but she wouldn’t be drinking like that on a weekday, right?

Seungwan tried to approach her neighbour cautiously, although she couldn’t keep her face from stretching into a grin that matched Joohyun’s. She dared anyone to see Joohyun smiling and not reciprocate it, really.

“You look excited today,” Seungwan offered, trying not to let the apprehension show in her voice. At a glance, Joohyun seemed sober enough. Her work clothes and make-up were neatly in place, her cheeks were as pale as usual and her eyes didn’t show the unmistakable unfocused brightness of intoxication. One less thing to worry about, at least.

“I have exciting news,” Joohyun replied with a conspiratorial smile. Alright, one more thing to worry about. Now Seungwan was definitely on guard, the thought of all the possible horrible outcomes to this conversation pre-emptively exhausting her.

“Oh, really? What happened?” The previous smile was still on her face, but she felt it growing slightly smaller. Joohyun didn’t seem to notice, probably too excited to focus very intently on her surroundings.

“I have a date,” she declared brightly. Seungwan very narrowly avoided choking on nothing, as she unexpectedly drew her breath in a loud gasp. She tried to cover it up by coughing, weakly lifting up a hand to give Joohyun a thumbs-up in lieu of a verbal response.

When she felt confident enough in her speaking voice, she pushed all her energy into keeping her smile in place and turned to Joohyun. “That’s great,” she said in a weak voice. The coughing would probably excuse that, right?

Joohyun beamed brightly in response, clearly pleased at the approval. “Yes, isn’t it?”

“So, how did that happen?” Seungwan asked in what she hoped was a casual tone. She realized as she spoke that it might come off as a little rude, so she quickly elaborated. “I mean, since you’d never been asked out and all.”

“I’ve started smiling more,” Joohyun said simply.

Yes, that would do it. “That’s fair,” Seungwan mused out loud, “you do have a beautiful smile.”

“That’s what she said,” Joohyun replied delightedly. “The woman who asked me out,” she added when she realized Seungwan’s confusion.

“That’s nice,” Seungwan said weakly. It really wasn’t, and she very much wanted to go home now. She hoped it didn’t show too clearly on her face; she could only get away with so much through Joohyun’s oblivious nature. “So, when’s the date?”

“This Friday.”

Oh no, that was way too soon. It made sense, of course, nobody scheduled a date a month away, but still. That was barely any time at all. Seungwan needed time. She wasn’t sure what for, but it suddenly felt essential to have more time.

All the energy seemed to have drained from her body and it really must have showed because Joohyun’s brow furrowed as she studied her. “Are you alright?” she asked with concern.

Seungwan quickly nodded, possibly a little frantically. “I just… had a really long day at work,” she offered as an excuse, which Joohyun thankfully seemed to accept. It wasn’t a complete lie, anyway. Some of her exhaustion certainly came from that.

“Oh, you should go home and rest then,” Joohyun suggested helpfully. “Are you very tired? I could get you some dinner or… cook something?” she added dubiously, clearly not very convinced of her abilities in that department.

Seungwan was quick to decline that offer, gripped by panic at the thought of having to spend much longer with Joohyun and her excited news of a date. How far she’d come to once again find herself afraid of talking to Joohyun. At least this time it was only because the longing to fall across her sofa and escape consciousness was growing stronger by the second.

With a few reassuring glances and pats of Joohyun’s arm, she finally made her escape. The apartment door slammed shut behind her and she immediately leaned against it with a sigh. She only opened her eyes when she noticed the lack of greeting from her furry companion.

On the sofa sat Sooyoung, lost in the consuming task of petting Mr. Fluffers. One of her unannounced visits, then. Seungwan was honestly thankful; the warning texts were starting to feel a little eerie. Without a word, she dragged her feet to the sofa, leaving her shoes somewhere along the way, and flopped down with a short sigh. Her legs draped themselves across Sooyoung’s lap, which lay as an unacceptable obstacle to her goal of stretching fully. Already Fluffy was on the ground and padding away towards the bedroom, disturbed beyond recovery. Drama queen.

Sooyoung didn’t bother with a flashy reaction, opting instead to turn her head towards Seungwan and raise an eyebrow. Unfortunately for her, Seungwan was already closing her eyes, a hand travelling upwards to rest on her brow. Hopefully that would help with the growing headache.

“Why are your smelly feet on top of me?” Sooyoung finally asked, probably tired of waiting for Seungwan to say something. She poked at one her legs for emphasis, but even squirming away from it was deemed an unnecessary effort.

“Why are you in my apartment?” Seungwan retorted, effectively silencing her. She opened her eyes just in time to see Sooyoung’s head tilt in a silent ‘fair enough’. Bringing her shielding hand back over her eyes, she sighed again. “Do you ever feel like your life is one of those comedies that are really mean to the protagonist?”

“Did Joohyun undress in front of you again?” Sooyoung asked in an amused voice. Seungwan rolled her eyes, which didn’t mean much since they were both closed and covered by her hand.

“I just got home from work, when would she have undressed?”

“Do I look like I know your work schedule? For all I know, you’ve been at her place all afternoon.”

Another poke at her leg, then a warm weight as apparently Mr. Fluffers had beaten his aversion and returned to the human who did all the good petting.

“Well, Sooyoung, the thing about grown-up jobs is that you have to stay there all day and can’t just leave after lunch,” she explained in a tired voice. “That’s why they suck so much.”

A moment of silence. The shifting warmth on her legs suggested that Fluffy was positioning himself as comfortably as possible before lying down. Sooyoung’s fingers brushed against her, probably because she was petting his tummy. He really was in love if he allowed that.

Seungwan was just about to crack open an eye to study her visitor, suspicious of the lack of banter, when she spoke up. “So why is your life a… whatever it was, mean to you or something,” she asked distractedly.

“Well, Joohyun - “ She was interrupted by a deep sigh, which she couldn’t even protest with a well-aimed kick because Fluffy had taken her legs hostage. She paused, then tried again. “Joohyun is going on a date.”

“Oh, right, that.”

Seungwan’s eyes definitely opened at that. She tried to bring herself to a sitting position, but the awkward placement of her legs meant that the movement was entirely up to her upper body, and she was really too tired for anything that demanding. Instead, she only managed to bring herself about halfway up, after which she fell back down on her back with a huff. She’d have to settle for glaring at Sooyoung.

“You knew about that?” she asked, trying to sound imposing despite the embarrassing display.

Sooyoung smiled in vague amusement, but quickly diverted her attention to prevent Fluffy from escaping yet again. “Yeah, she’s been talking about it for a while,” she said distractedly, with a half-shrug.

“And you didn’t think to let me know?”

“If she wants to tell you, she’ll tell you,” Sooyoung replied with finality. “I’m not getting involved with your love life,” she added, which elicited an immediate snort from Seungwan.

“Since when?” she asked derisively. Really, messing with her love life seemed to be at least half of Sooyoung’s purpose in life.

Sooyoung suddenly looked away, focusing even more intently on the cat that was still trying to find a way to stay within arm’s reach of his new favourite person but far away from his owner’s dangerously flailing limbs. She pressed her lips together nervously.

Seungwan was almost stunned speechless as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. She pushed herself up, this time with the aid of her arms, and fixed her eyes on Sooyoung. “Is this about the love intervention? Is that why you’ve been nicer to me? Well, less mean,” she added as an afterthought.

The taller woman finally caught her eye, but only so she could glare at her petulantly. “No, it’s because you’re hopeless and we feel sorry for you,” she said, not very convincingly.

The wide grin on Seungwan’s face finally made Sooyoung break eye contact and she turned back to Mr. Fluffers with a groan.

“You know what would have been super nice? Telling me that Joohyun was dating,” Seungwan suggested in a teasing voice.

“Yeah, well, we’re not super nice,” Sooyoung replied with distaste. Her attention was back on Fluffy as she firmly ignored the other side of the sofa. Seungwan’s pleasure at solving one of the mysteries of her life eventually dissipated as she remembered why the conversation had started in the first place.

They remained in silence, as Seungwan felt all the previous fatigue returning and wanted nothing more than to lie back on the sofa and wallow. Meanwhile, Sooyoung was perfectly content to scratch Fluffy’s tummy and chin, remaining almost uncharacteristically quiet. Feeling slightly suspicious, and also welcoming any kind of distraction, Seungwan studied her face for a moment. She was gnawing at her lip softly and her eyes seemed distant.

Sensing her attention, the object of her study turned around to catch her eye. For a moment, she seemed to look through Seungwan, but she quickly blinked away her daze as she seemed to remember her wallowing companion.

“It’s probably a good thing,” she said airily, like she’d realized that she should probably try to cheer Seungwan up. “The dating,” she added, like it had ever left Seungwan’s mind.

Seungwan scoffed. “Yeah, it’s great that she’s dating other people,” she replied sarcastically.

“It’s a change. She never cared about that stuff before, but now she’s opening up to, like, romance and dating,” Sooyoung pointed out. Seungwan only scoffed again.

“And she’s going to find out how much better she could do and she’ll never want me,” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Sooyoung furrowed her brow in confusion. “So, if she doesn’t date, she’ll never date you. If she does date, she’ll never date you. In which scenario do you two get together, exactly?”

“None of them,” Seungwan answered quickly, once again sounding like she was explaining the obvious.

“Then why are you pursuing her?” Sooyoung asked with exasperation, her voice rising to match her temper.

“I’m not,” Seungwan said in surprise.

Sooyoung raised her hands to her temples and started rubbing them gently. “You’re giving me a headache.”

“Yeah, I get that way with myself too,” Seungwan said with a shrug. Sooyoung seemed ready to argue some more, so she quickly cut her off. “Look, I know what you’re thinking. But it’s a lot easier for you to be optimistic than it is for me. You’re not the one who gets heartbroken if you’re wrong.”

The younger woman considered her words silently. “Fine, do it your way,” she finally replied, her tone making it clear that the situation sounded ridiculous to her. “But you should just tell her how you feel. This whole thing is dumb.”

“I thought you weren’t getting involved with my love life,” Seungwan commented after a short pause where they both returned to their own thoughts.

“I’m not, I’m comforting you so you’ll get up and make dinner.”

Seungwan knew better than to take it seriously, so she just shrugged. “I’m not cooking, I have leftover pizza.”

“Oh. Cool. Let me know sooner next time, I won’t waste my breath.” Seungwan only snorted at Sooyoung’s attempt at a caustic response. They both knew it was too late to pretend not to care. Yerim was better at that anyway.

They didn’t say much after that, giving each other space to drift off into whatever was occupying their thoughts. Eventually, Seungwan got up, not without producing an abundance of protesting noises, to quickly grab the pizza from the kitchen, along with some napkins. When she returned, Mr. Fluffers was happily spread on Sooyoung’s lap, not even bothering to follow her to request his dinner.

They ate slowly, amidst only sparse conversation. Once she’d finished her first slice, Seungwan paused before reaching for a second one and studied Sooyoung, who was chewing slowly and barely making any progress on her own slice. Fluffy had relocated to the corner of the sofa, where he silently sulked because neither of the women would share their food with him.

“So, what’s up with you?” she asked casually, pretending not to notice the way Sooyoung’s head whipped up at the question. She focused her attention on the pizza, taking her time to choose just the right piece.

“Do you mean in general? Like, at school or something?” Sooyoung asked with a hint of confusion. Possibly evasiveness, it depended on how subtle she thought she was being with her whole head-in-the-clouds thing.

“No, I mean what did you come here to talk about,” Seungwan replied flatly, then took a bite of her pizza for dramatic effect.

“What do you mean, talk?” Sooyoung started, clearly trying to keep up the façade. “I don’t come to talk, I come for the entertainment system,” she finished, nodding towards the TV. She finally took another bite of her long-neglected slice of pizza.

“The TV was off when I got here,” Seungwan pointed out with a raised eyebrow. “And you didn’t even take out the consoles.”

“I don’t know why you keep putting those away,” Sooyoung muttered, interestingly avoiding the points her host had raised. She studiously avoided Seungwan’s eyes as she picked at the pizza toppings, until she finally gave up with a sigh. “Ok, fine. There’s something. But you’re, like, moping, so… We can talk about it later, it’s not a big deal.”

“Spill it,” Seungwan commanded immediately, once more surprising Sooyoung. She smiled and shrugged slightly. “It’ll distract me from the moping.”

Sooyoung spent some time mulling over the possibility. Seungwan ate in silence while she considered it, almost done with her second slice.

“There’s nothing to spill,” she began hesitantly. “It’s… I actually wanted to ask you a few questions, maybe. If that’s cool?”

“Is this about the morgue?” Seungwan asked suspiciously. “Because I already told Yerim - “

“No, ew, please don’t talk about that ever,” Sooyoung quickly interrupted, the look on her face making it clear how little she cared for that particular topic. Seungwan was happy to assent and the look was soon replaced by uncertainty as Sooyoung opened and closed her mouth a few times. “I… How did you know you were bi?” she finally asked, suddenly very interested in her pizza.

Seungwan studied her in silence as she finally finished her slice and promptly began inspecting her hands. “Well… One day I saw a girl and my heart jumped out of my chest and punched me in the face,” she said with a smile and a slight shrug.

Her story seemed to have made Sooyoung apprehensive, so she rushed to elaborate. “But it’s not like that with everybody. Some people take a long time to realize that what they feel for other women isn’t just platonic. It can be tough to tell the difference, especially with the message from society that we should all be straight and stuff,” she explained, hoping she wasn’t saying entirely the wrong thing.

In front of her, Sooyoung was fiddling with the edge of a pillow she’d snatched up from the sofa, thoughtfully chewing on her lower lip. She still wasn’t making eye contact, but she seemed to at least be listening. Seungwan wondered if she should keep talking, but the younger woman finally spoke up.

“Do you have to like, um…” She paused, looked away, seemed to consider giving up on the question altogether, before finally finishing it. “Do you have to like men and women equally? To be bi.”

“Not really. You can be 90% attracted to men and 10% to women, or vice-versa, or any combination,” Seungwan replied, trying to keep the flailing of limbs to a minimum. She always started moving her hands around when she was explaining something, but now was probably not the time. “I’m more attracted to women, personally,” she added, hoping that bringing the attention to her own experience would make Sooyoung more comfortable.

As she spoke, Sooyoung nodded thoughtfully but distantly, like she was listening to a lecture. Her hands were twisted together as she picked at her fingers absent-mindedly. “And you’ve dated men and women, right?” she finally asked, after another pause.

“Mostly men, but yes.” Sooyoung seemed confused by this, probably because Seungwan had just said she was more attracted to women, so she quickly explained. “It’s a lot easier to get in a relationship with a man. I mean, the size of the dating pool alone kind of tips the balance,” she added with a shrug.

Her words seemed to have raised another question with Sooyoung, one which she was having some difficult phrasing by the look of it. Finally, she glanced back up at Seungwan for only a second and cleared her throat. “So, uh, hopefully this isn’t, like, super biphobic, but, uh…” she started uncomfortably. Seungwan nodded for her to continue. “If it’s easier to date men, and probably, I guess, because of society and stuff too, um… Why… Would you want to date women?” she finally asked in such a low voice that Seungwan could barely understand the question.

“Well, you don’t have to date them, but you can’t avoid liking them,” she reasoned simply. Sooyoung nodded in response, apparently not very happy with the answer. She’d gone back to chewing on her lower lip, which mustn’t be too comfortable by now.

“So, was there anything else you wanted to know?” Seungwan asked after a pause. She debated whether or not she should give some sort of ‘bi is okay’ speech at this point, but it was probably better to leave that up to Sooyoung for now.

Her visitor suddenly seemed aware of Seungwan’s attention on her, as she snapped out of whatever thoughts were currently occupying her mind. A slight hint of red tinged her cheeks. “I have this friend who’s… Thought it might be rude to ask her… Just curious,” she quickly stammered out, none of the sentence fragments forming any coherent form of speech.

They had both more or less forgotten about the pizza, or at least about eating it, and Mr. Fluffers had apparently decided that it would go to waste otherwise, because he chose that moment to lunge over Sooyoung, heading straight for the food. She stopped him easily, as he wasn’t the most agile of felines and she had the advantage in limb length, and he flopped to the carpet looking entirely unamused.

They sat in surprised silence for a moment, then promptly burst into laughter. In all the confusion, Sooyoung seemed to let go of her self-conscious nerves and become more like her usual composed self.

A random thought came to Seungwan’s head, seemingly out of nowhere. “You know, maybe there is something good about Joohyun going on a date,” she declared, almost surprised at her own discovery. Sooyoung looked at her expectantly. “It’s with a woman, so now I know she’s into women.”

“Of course she is, she’s a lesbian,” Sooyoung replied in disbelief. “You didn’t even know if she’s into women? Oh my god, you are beyond useless,” she exclaimed with disgust, shaking her head.

She reached for the last slice of pizza, still shaking her head. “Honestly, you two deserve each other,” she said reproachfully. “Useless.”

(…)

“I don’t get it,” Seulgi finally said, breaking the silence. They sat in front of the TV, which Seungwan had turned off once it had become clear that her friend needed some time to process.

“Well, uh, I think it’s kind of designed to make you a little confused at first,” she began uncertainly, toying with the remote. “Like, the first few episodes are a little out there. But then you get used to it.”

“Right, but…” Seulgi started, then paused again, looking too confused to even come up with a question. “Uh… Why does she fight with scissors?”

“That’s… There’s this whole thing with clothes, the scissors kind of go with that,” Seungwan replied with a shrug. Seulgi looked unconvinced. “The plot’s kind of… weird. But the animation style is really cool, like the whole aesthetic and the colour palette and – “

“Is that why she was half-naked at the end?” Seulgi cut her off, seemingly so focused on trying to understand what she’d just watched that she hadn’t even noticed Seungwan was still talking.

“Yes, actually!” Seungwan exclaimed happily. “She’s wearing this special suit, kind of like the uniforms but more powerful.”

“Why does it look like that?” Seulgi asked with furrowed brows. “All of the other uniforms look normal, she’s the only one who’s almost naked.”

“Well, there’s a reason for that in the anime, but, uh…” She cleared her throat and started fidgeting with the remote again. “It’s mostly for fanservice.”

Seulgi nodded silently, reaching out a hand to bury it in Fluffy’s fur. He immediately stretched to give her better access, purring softly at the contact. “So someone killed her dad?” she eventually asked, and Seungwan was relieved they weren’t pursuing the topic of fanservice and sexism in anime. She nodded but didn’t elaborate, to make sure she didn’t accidentally spoil anything. Seulgi responded with further silence. “Her friend seems nice,” she added at last.

Seungwan studied her friend for a moment, then she let out a small sigh. “You know, we don’t have to watch it. I don’t mind that you don’t watch anime with me.”

Seulgi turned to her with wide eyes, evidently finding this unacceptable. “But you watch all those scary anime on your own!” she protested.

“I like watching them on my own.”

“One time I surprised you while you were watching one and you threw your pillow at me,” Seulgi replied dubiously. “You almost ripped out your headphones.”

She shrugged in response. “I still like it. Besides, you’re not watching that stuff with me ever. You got scared watching Madoka.”

“The cat thing ate itself, it was really creepy,” Seulgi exclaimed in defence. Then she cringed and turned to Fluffy apologetically. “Sorry you had to hear that, Mr. Fluffers.”

“I don’t think he minds.” Seungwan pointed out the way her cat was purring loudly with his eyes shut tight and probably moments away from a nap. “So, now that that’s done, do you want to go get some ice cream or something?” she asked, stretching in preparation for getting up.

Seulgi opened her mouth to answer, but she was interrupted by the sound of someone unlocking Seungwan’s apartment door. They turned to the door just in time to see a tall and meddlesome woman pop in.

“Seungwan, Joohyun wanted me to ask if you – “ She suddenly paused halfway through her sentence as she registered the presence of an extra human in Seungwan’s house. “Oh, Seulgi’s here,” she said with a smile.

“Why didn’t you just knock?” Seungwan asked with an exasperated huff. Then she fully registered Sooyoung’s words. “Wait, how do you know Seulgi?”

“Well, she’s your only friend who isn’t us,” she remarked in a bored tone.

“That you know of,” Seungwan interjected, although she wasn’t expecting much success.

“That you have,” Sooyoung replied matter-of-factly, her eyes clearly challenging Seungwan to argue against it. She couldn’t, of course, because Sooyoung was right. “And you’d look way more awkward if it was a date,” she concluded with a smirk.

Seungwan slumped back into the couch in defeat, her arms crossed as a last line of defence. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, gazing absently at the TV, but she didn’t miss Sooyoung inviting herself into the apartment and stepping closer to the sofa. It was also hard to miss the way Seulgi was looking at Sooyoung with a slightly uncomfortable smile, along with a hint of curiosity. Oh, right.

“Uh, Seulgi, this is Sooyoung,” she said awkwardly once she finally remembered to introduce her friends. They seemed happy to take it from there, as Seulgi swiftly got up to shake Sooyoung’s hand, both sporting happy smiles. “So, what did Joohyun want?” she asked, turning to the pair.

“Ask her yourself, I’m not your errand boy,” Sooyoung replied immediately.

“You were coming in here to tell me,” Seungwan protested in frustration.

“Yes, but now I’m talking to your friend and that’s way more fun. Just go ask her, you know where she lives.”

Seungwan turned back to the TV with a huff, but Seulgi’s hesitant voice caught her attention. “Um, why don’t we all go to Joohyun’s apartment?” she said, her suggestion earning a squeal of approval from Sooyoung. “Seungwan?” she asked, clearly waiting for her best friend’s opinion.

“No, yeah, I probably should have introduced you guys a while ago,” Seungwan conceded with a sigh, wincing as Sooyoung squealed again. She was almost beginning to miss Yerim’s sullen disposition. Getting up from the sofa reluctantly, she waved the two over to the door.

Sooyoung didn’t miss a beat, grabbing onto Seulgi’s hand and pulling her towards the apartment across the way as soon as her shoes were on. “You know the way,” she threw back at Seungwan, who was left behind to find her keys and lock up the apartment.

Her friends disappeared inside Joohyun’s apartment and she immediately heard Sooyoung’s voice announce “I found Seulgi!” The responding squeal certainly sounded like Yerim’s voice and Seungwan was just glad she was far enough to hear the muffled version. She shook her head and dragged herself across the corridor.

Apparently, in the short time that she’d been out of her sight, Seulgi had already managed to become close with the two younger women, and the three now sat together on the sofa, chatting low enough that Seungwan couldn’t tell what they were saying. Probably talking about her, her own paranoia suggested helpfully.

Seungwan walked over to Joohyun, who acknowledged her presence with a warm smile. At least someone did. Joohyun turned back to observe the three women on the sofa and Seungwan followed her eyes.

“So, that’s Seulgi,” she said awkwardly. Joohyun nodded at her words and she nodded back. “The woman I love,” she added with a chuckle. Her neighbour turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “You know, because of… The intervention and… A joke,” she finished lamely, giving up on explanations altogether. To her relief, Joohyun gave her a small pity laugh. That was nice of her.

“They’re getting along well,” Joohyun remarked with a small smile. Seungwan had to agree, which was a scary thought. Seulgi was pure and innocent and nothing like the two demons that were currently surrounding her, but she did have a lot of sensitive information regarding Seungwan that would be deadly in their hands. Maybe that was why they’d been so eager to latch onto her in the first place. Sooyoung had certainly seemed pleased to see her.

Her thoughts eventually led her to the reason Sooyoung had even invaded her apartment. “So, Sooyoung said you wanted to ask me something?” she mentioned, turning to her and drawing her attention away from the others.

“Oh, it was nothing. I was just wondering if you’d like to join us,” she replied simply. Right. These days, she barely needed to be asked and just showed up not long after lunch unless something came up. But recently… Well, ever since Joohyun had told her about her date she’d started thinking that maybe she should try to distance herself just a little. She didn’t want to lose their friendship but it felt impossible to ever get over her feelings if they were together all the time. If she had to look at that perfect face with that dazzling smile and those deep dark eyes.

So she’d started skipping some of the afternoons, just enough not to be noticeable but still afford her some breathing space. She might even change her schedule so she wouldn’t keep bumping into Joohyun on her way home. But that was on the back burner for now, on account of her not really wanting to do it.

“Of course, I didn’t know you were with Seulgi,” Joohyun said, awakening Seungwan from her reverie. “I wouldn’t want to pull you away from your friend,” she added with a smile. Seungwan smiled back automatically, thinking guiltily of all the other times she hadn’t visited Joohyun, when she’d just been sitting alone in her apartment throwing cheese puffs in the air and trying to catch them in her mouth. She wasn’t even good at it.

“So, what were you guys doing?” she asked, hoping to change the subject. To be honest, she was only partly invested in the conversation. As much as she enjoyed Joohyun’s company, she was too worried about the hushed whispers coming from the other side of the room to relax into the feeling.

“Oh, just working. The girls are beginning to think about their finals, so they caught up on their studying and I did some reading,” Joohyun answered. Her brow furrowed as her eyes landed on Yerim. “Yerim didn’t even have the syllabus for one of her courses. I swear, I worry about her sometimes.”

Seungwan scratched her head thoughtfully. “Well, there’s still a while until finals though, right? Like, a month and something?” Joohyun nodded in confirmation. “Even if things are a little shaky, she’s still got time.” Why was she even defending her? Probably because Joohyun would hate to have to play the disciplining parent. Especially with Yerim.

Their conversation was interrupted by a bout of laughter from the sofa. Seungwan cringed at the sound, more convinced than ever that her doom was unfolding before her.

“What are you guys talking about?” she finally gave in and asked. Yerim immediately raised her head in her direction, her lips curled in a teasing smirk.

“Why so curious?” she asked in a predatory tone. Sooyoung joined the fun with a smirk of her own, her hand resting comfortably on Seulgi’s knee as she raised a questioning eyebrow at Seungwan.

Seulgi looked between the two and then at Seungwan, offering a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Wannie, we’re not talking about you or anything.”

“Yeah, _Wannie_ , don’t worry so much,” Yerim echoed with perverse pleasure at the nickname.

“Not everything is about you, Wannie,” Sooyoung added with a bored flick of her hair. “We’re interesting enough to have a whole conversation that doesn’t involve you.”

Seulgi seemed to have realized her mistake, but Seungwan just shook her head at her, indicating that it really wasn’t her fault. Those two would have latched onto anything.

She sighed and turned back to Joohyun just in time to see her hiding a smile. She resisted the urge to sigh or roll her eyes or just drop down on the floor and stay there. “So. Do you want anything to drink?” Joohyun offered kindly, leaning towards the kitchen.

Seungwan took another glance at the occupants of the sofa, who were already back to their excited whispering. “Sure. Do you have anything extremely alcoholic?” she asked with resignation.


	14. Act 2 Part 3

It turned out Joohyun really did have something extremely alcoholic, and Seungwan spent the rest of the afternoon nursing a glass of gin and tonic that tasted a lot like gin and gin. Which she didn’t even like.

As curious as she might be about the others’ conversation, she was certain that as soon as she approached them the topic would turn to her. The two youngest were already scary on a normal day, so she could only imagine the onslaught with Seulgi present to give them further ammunition.

Her reluctance was clear enough that Joohyun must have taken pity on her, because she was the one who suggested, after a few moments of awkwardly standing by the kitchen entrance, that they simply sit on the nearby stools and leave the others alone to get acquainted. Seungwan sat down with a barely suppressed sigh of relief and Joohyun patted her leg wordlessly, clearly aware of her suffering.

She took another sip of the gin and tried to hide her distaste. It wasn’t just that the drink left an unpleasant bitter aftertaste after every swallow. It was also the fact that she was much more used to beer and the high alcoholic content of the barely diluted drink burned through her, its sharp trace unpleasant and unavoidable.

“So… You’re a fan of gin?” she eventually asked, hoping to start a conversation. The more she talked, the less she had to drink.

Joohyun turned to her, pulling her gaze away from the sofa, which she’d been studying quietly. A smile danced on her lips. At least one of them was pleased with the new friendships blossoming, it seemed. She nodded in lieu of response, bestowing her full attention on Seungwan.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Seungwan said quickly, before she could get lost in Joohyun’s eyes or something equally ridiculous and embarrassing. “That time we ran into each other in the elevator, when you were bringing the pizzas home…”

“After your date?” Joohyun inquired helpfully, and Seungwan tried not to cringe at the memory. Of course she’d remember that part.

“Yes, that,” she muttered, scratching the back of her neck. “You guys were drinking, I don’t know if you remember.” Joohyun looked away at her words, looking a little embarrassed herself. She nodded again. “But I haven’t seen you drinking since then. Like, whenever we hang out. Were you celebrating something or…”

Joohyun was definitely used to her trailing off, because she immediately answered. “No, we do drink casually every once in a while,” she explained in a neutral tone. She looked down at Seungwan’s drink, making her wonder if she should take another sip. It couldn’t have been that long, right? She could still feel the bitterness on her tongue.

“I was…” Joohyun started up again, almost startling Seungwan as she’d already gotten lost in thoughts of just how awful gin tasted. “I was a little embarrassed of the way I acted with you,” she admitted slowly. Her hands rubbed at her own legs like she was smoothing invisible creases on her jeans.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Seungwan quickly replied. It hadn’t been bad at all; she still treasured the memory of Joohyun complimenting her, smiling conspiratorially, preening at Seungwan’s compliments. But Joohyun didn’t need to know that. “You were a little friendly, but it wasn’t uncomfortable or anything.”

The relieved smile on Joohyun’s face was more than reward enough for her awkward reassurances, especially when one of her hands left her jeans to squeeze Seungwan’s hand gratefully. She smiled nervously and reached for the gin, taking a drink so she’d have something to focus on besides the feeling of Joohyun’s soft fingers closing around her wrist.

She broke into a choked cough as she was reminded that she hated gin. Her chest was on fire, but she quickly blinked away the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes and waved her hands dismissively, trying to communicate that she was fine while her throat was still out of commission.

Joohyun, who had gotten up to slap her on the back, returned to her seat dubiously. Seungwan was sure that the occupants of the sofa were also studying her, but she determinedly avoided looking their way, keeping her eyes trained on the half-empty glass that was responsible for all this.

“You don’t like gin very much, do you?” Joohyun asked sympathetically, reaching out to pull the glass away. Seungwan shrugged guiltily.

“I’m… more used to beer.”

Joohyun laughed softly and took her own sip of the drink. Seungwan inwardly thanked her for rescuing her from the evil, but it didn’t escape her notice that Joohyun’s lips were now placed where hers had been moments before. Someone more childish and immature than herself might have considered it a kind of indirect kiss.

“Then I should buy some beer for next time,” Joohyun commented casually, moving the glass around just enough for the liquid inside it to swirl in a lazy circle. She looked up with a hopeful smile, which Seungwan returned happily. Like she could ever not return Joohyun’s smiles. “Sooyoung and Yerim will appreciate one last party before they have to buckle down and focus on their studies,” she added with pleasure.

Seungwan was more than certain that there would be at least a dozen college parties before finals, but she didn’t see the point in mentioning that. She was too excited at the prospect of Joohyun’s drunk affection, her warm hugs and easy smiles. She still remembered the way her eyes had sparkled, bright and open.

That gin must have worked its way to her brain faster than she’d expected, because she was incapable of fighting the dazed smile that she knew was fixed on her face. Suddenly, the thought of getting drunk with Joohyun didn’t seem quite so appealing. Maybe she was in over her head.

(…)

She was definitely in over her head. First of all, she’d been so out of it that she hadn’t even noticed that she’d accidentally agreed to meet Joohyun again next week. It was only as she was going home that she’d realized, her hand moving up of its own accord to drag down her face in frustration.

Second of all, she hadn’t fully registered the fact that she would be drinking too. Exactly one week later, as she dragged her feet to her neighbour’s apartment, she considered her options nervously. Most of all, she was afraid of what she might say under the influence of one too many drinks. Her mouth wasn’t her most loyal ally in the best of days.

In the end, she resorted to sipping at her beer, taking so long to get through one glass that Joohyun probably started wondering if she hated it just as much as gin. Well, at least Seungwan was pretty sure that Joohyun wasn’t wondering about that after a while.

Because, third of all, Joohyun was way too friendly when she drank. She wasn’t even that drunk, just enough for her speech to come out a little slower, for her cheeks to flush, for her eyes to look bright and the slightest bit unfocused behind her glasses. And Seungwan would know how her eyes looked because Joohyun was currently draped across her lap, arms clinging protectively around Seungwan’s neck and face much too close for comfort.

She threw another panicked look at Sooyoung, who ignored her masterfully, pretending – and only pretending, as her growing smirk made very clear – to be entirely focused on some weird card game she was playing with Yerim.

Those two were interesting cases. Sooyoung had had three or four beers now, Seungwan had lost count at some point, but she looked fine aside from a slight flush. On the other hand, Yerim had finished her one allowed can – she was a minor, after all - early in the evening and spent the rest of the time sneaking sips out of everyone else’s drinks, yet she looked much more affected than her friend. Maybe because she’d also taken sips of Joohyun’s deadly gin and tonic, which contained only trace amounts of tonic.

“Are you listening to me?” Joohyun suddenly demanded, far too close to Seungwan’s ear. She cringed away, half because of the volume and half because she could feel Joohyun’s breath against her sensitive skin. Joohyun straightened her glassed and proceeded, like it was of the utmost importance that Seungwan follow her words. “It’s just so interesting how Woolf places Mrs. Ramsay against Lily. A straight modernist interpretation might see it as the clash between traditional values and a more emancipated position for women. But taking into account Woolf’s sexuality, we can easily see another clash, between her desire to fit in the heteronormative role expected of her and her attraction to women that becomes associated with all the ways in which she deviated from expectations. I mean, Lily is clearly coded as a lesbian and –“

“Why don’t we leave the rants about Virginia Woolf to Yerim?” Seungwan suggested soothingly, hoping to calm Joohyun down before the wild gesturing that she’d started up caused her to lose balance or come even closer to Seungwan’s face.

“No, she’s making good points,” Yerim replied simply, eyes flicking between her cards and the table. The face she was making led Seungwan to believe that she probably wasn’t winning. “Joohyun, what do you think of Mr. Ramsay’s presentation as a tyrant? His conversation with Lily on the lawn,” she added suggestively, even deigning to look up to study Joohyun’s reaction.

“Yes, his expectation of emotional labour from women and children!” she exclaimed with agitation, her eyes widening as they fixed themselves on Seungwan, clearly intent on passing the message. Yerim snorted, although she actually looked interested. “Instead of explicit physical violence, he’s presented as demanding through his self-entitlement and obliviousness to subtle social cues, traits of male socialization that are still –“

Seungwan reached out pleadingly to Sooyoung, who turned to her with a sigh. “Look, it’s either this or rants about her job and neural networks,” she explained tiredly. “And if you get her talking about it, you’ll regret it,” she added with a neutral expression. It sounded a little like a threat.

She shifted back to her original position, trying to keep Joohyun in place, then tapped softly on her arm, which had gone back to wrapping around her neck. “Joohyun,” she said, softly at first, then with increasing volume until she had her attention. “That sounds really interesting, but I’ve never read that book so I’m a little lost,” she pointed out gently.

Joohyun immediately jumped off her lap, leaving Seungwan’s traitorous brain more disappointed than relieved. She realized with dismay that Joohyun was rifling through the bookcase, her fears confirmed when she pulled away triumphantly, holding a book in her hand.

“Joohyun, I’m… not going to read it now,” she said before her friend got too carried away. Thankfully, she seemed to realize that it was an unreasonable request and settled for leaving it on the side table.

“I’ll leave it here, you can read it later,” she mentioned as she patted its cover gently. Then she made her way back to the sofa, this time sitting next to Seungwan rather than on top of her. Her disappointment was quickly washed away as her mind focused on the heat of Joohyun’s side pressed against hers. Joohyun’s head drooped until it was settled on Seungwan’s shoulder, her glasses slightly crooked from the position, and she felt the rush of air as Joohyun sighed softly. “What were we talking about?” she asked distractedly.

“Yes!” Yerim suddenly shouted, drowning out whatever response Seungwan had been preparing. She was lucky she hadn’t jumped at the noise and probably caused Joohyun to bite her tongue in the process.

“You couldn’t possibly have that card, you cheat,” Sooyoung riposted in an offended tone. She was probably right, to be honest.

“Prove it then,” Yerim replied simply, sticking out her tongue with childish satisfaction. Yeah, she’d definitely cheated.

“You were both cheating,” Joohyun pointed out in a conciliatory tone. Seungwan must have been the only one who was surprised that Joohyun had noticed, because the two women simply turned to her expectantly, not even having the decency to look embarrassed. “You went through the deck when Sooyoung went to the bathroom and I saw you shove a handful of cards in your pocket before the game started,” she elaborated, pointing first to Yerim, then to Sooyoung as she spoke.

They considered her words, then Sooyoung shrugged in acceptance and started gathering up the cards which they’d spread all across the table. “Good game,” she said once everything was put away, reaching out a hand which Yerim happily shook.

“You guys are weird,” Seungwan commented. The sound of her voice seemed to remind Joohyun of her presence, as she took the opportunity to lie back until her head was on Seungwan’s lap.

“We’re all mad here.” She giggled, raising a hand unsteadily until she succeeded in booping the tip of Seungwan’s nose with her finger. She couldn’t help but smile softly at the childish action, her hand moving of its own accord to fix Joohyun’s glasses, which had slid out of place.

Yerim cleared her throat, probably a little louder than necessary, and Seungwan whipped her head up guiltily at the sound. “Now that that’s done, I should probably get going. It’s getting a little late,” she pointed out. Seungwan really wouldn’t know, she’d lost track of time a while ago.

Joohyun turned her head around in Seungwan’s lap so she could see her other friends. “Will you be alright going home? Do you want money for a taxi?” she asked with the slight worry she always had for the younger women.

“Yeah, it’s fine, I have a ride.”

Sooyoung seemed surprised at Yerim’s words and the two were quickly immersed in a whispered conversation that Seungwan couldn’t focus on for too long as Joohyun demanded her attention once more.

“Seungwan,” she drawled in a childish voice, dragging out the last syllable. “You should sleep over,” she said sweetly, her big eyes focused on her. It was hard to look away from the person lying on your lap, so Seungwan was unable to escape the eye contact that she knew always led to bad decisions.

“I… I live right next door, I don’t think…” she started nervously, really not very confident in her ability to argue. Joohyun’s eyes narrowed as she smiled up at her, stopping the words halfway out of her throat.

“So you can go get your pyjamas and a toothbrush and come right back,” she pointed out with a wide grin, reaching out to boop her nose again. Seungwan looked away briefly to beg the others for help, but they weren’t even looking at her, still deep in their conversation. She sighed. She knew how this would end.

“I’ll make you breakfast,” Joohyun said in a sing-song voice, then abruptly sat up and turned around, leaning in so that her face was much closer to Seungwan’s than she would have liked. She licked her lips, probably preparing to entice Seungwan further with breakfast options, but the latter was having too much trouble tearing her eyes away from her lips to even consider paying attention to her words. Her heart beat rapidly, in a stuttering pattern, and she felt her head moving in, closing the already too small gap between them. Joohyun blinked.

“Okay,” she let out with a sharp exhale. She pulled away abruptly and was already halfway out of the sofa by the time Joohyun registered her answer. She leaned back against the sofa with a bright smile, watching silently as Seungwan stepped straight towards the door, only stopping to put on her shoes. “I’ll be right back,” she said redundantly before walking out.

In the safety of her own apartment, she leaned against the door and took a few calming breaths. Mr. Fluffers rubbed against her legs for a few moments, partly in greeting, partly as a request for dinner.

“This is a terrible idea,” she muttered to nobody in particular, her steps taking her automatically to the kitchen. She poured the cat’s food out for him and watched him silently as he ate with fervour.

She absolutely could not sleep with Joohyun. She’d almost kissed her right in front of Yerim and Sooyoung. As much as she wanted to blame the alcohol, she knew she couldn’t be more than buzzed. No, this was all on her. This was just all around a terrible idea.

Maybe she could just not go back, she considered as she made her way to the bedroom. No, that didn’t make any sense. She lived right next door, all Joohyun had to do was come knock on her door.

She rifled through her pyjamas, trying to find any that were neither too revealing nor too cute and embarrassing. She eventually settled for a dark blue set without any cute patterns and tucked it under her arm. Mr. Fluffers didn’t follow her out of the bedroom, as he was now happily fed and content to sit drowsily on the empty bed until he fell asleep.

Maybe she could take the sofa. They were both adults, it really wouldn’t be that strange to want to avoid that kind of proximity. She could claim that she couldn’t sleep around other people. It wouldn’t be a complete lie, because right now she couldn’t imagine falling asleep while Joohyun was lying down right next to her.

She plucked the toothbrush from its stand, sighing deeply. She sat on the toilet cover, feeling too nervous to make her way back just yet, but also too exhausted to go sit somewhere more comfortable.

This was a terrible idea and there was no way out of it. She cursed her weakness against Joohyun’s big beautiful eyes and kicked defeatedly at the edge of the bathtub. The image of Joohyun’s tongue slipping out to wet her lips was still far too vivid in her mind, the mere thought of it enough to jump-start her heart. She was a mess.

In the end, she stayed behind to slowly go through her usual nightly routine. She washed her face, applied lotion, brushed her hair and her teeth, all as thoroughly as she could possibly do it. When there was absolutely no way to delay it further, she retraced her steps back out of the apartment with one last goodbye at her unresponsive cat.

The first thing she noticed when she walked in was that Joohyun seemed to be sobering up already, although her face still lit up in a bright smile at Seungwan’s return. The second thing she noticed was that one person was missing. Only one.

Yerim was long gone, apparently, as she hadn’t wanted to keep her ride waiting. Sooyoung, however, was still hanging around. Seungwan’s heart sank as she saw the two women spread blankets on the sofa, clearly intended for the youngest of the three.

Dropping her pyjamas on a kitchen stool to pick up later, she quickly walked over to the duo. “Is Sooyoung sleeping over too?” she asked, trying to keep the worry out of her voice.

The two nodded in confirmation. “Well, if she’s staying, maybe I can…” she suggested desperately, clinging to this chance of escape.

“No, you have to stay,” Joohyun whined in response, grasping her arm with both her hands as if prepared to keep her there by force. It really wouldn’t be necessary, because it wasn’t like Seungwan could resist her earnest request for her company.

“Okay, well,” she tried again, still held tightly in Joohyun’s grasp. It was hard to think when she was so close, but she valiantly soldiered on. “Maybe I could take the sofa? I don’t want to –“

“I kick,” Sooyoung quickly said, interrupting.

“She does,” Joohyun added with a knowing nod.

“You slept with Yerim,” Seungwan pointed out, not beat quite yet.

“She could sleep through anything.”

Sooyoung seemed to agree with Joohyun, as she nodded with a vaguely impressed look on her face. “One time she rolled over and fell off the bed. When her alarm rang, she was still asleep on the floor,” she recalled in awe.

“Unless you’re a very heavy sleeper, I really wouldn’t recommend sharing a bed with Sooyoung,” Joohyun said helpfully, bringing their attention back to the topic at hand. Seungwan sighed in frustration, out of excuses.

She grudgingly accepted the situation and soon Joohyun was bouncing off to the bedroom to get ready for bed. As soon as she was out of earshot, Seungwan leaned towards Sooyoung.

“Why are you doing this to me?” she asked in a low whisper that she hoped conveyed her annoyance more than her desperation.

“Actually, not everything’s about you,” Sooyoung replied without turning away from her pillow, which she was carefully fluffing up. She seemed to sense Seungwan’s confusion, because she deigned to elaborate. “Yerim’s going home with a girl and I will third-wheel over your dead body.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the expression.”

“I said what I said,” Sooyoung deadpanned. She flopped down on the sofa, lying down with one leg crossed over the other. “Look at the bright side. When you wake up and her hair is sticking in five different directions and she’s got morning breath, you’ll probably forget all about your crush,” she said happily. Then her eyes widened with sudden realization. “Oh, even better, she’ll have hangover morning breath. That one’s worse.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Joohyun’s return and all too soon Seungwan was slipping into a large comfortable bed that suddenly looked far too small. Contrary to what she’d expected, and definitely not hoped for, Joohyun made no effort to move closer to her or even make any sort of contact. Instead, she seemed intent on respecting her personal space, probably because she’d picked up on Seungwan’s very clear discomfort.

They turned off the lights and lay side by side on the bed. Even though she felt restless and as far from sleep as possible, Seungwan refrained from shifting positions in case it disturbed Joohyun. Instead, she stared up into the darkness, clenching and unclenching her hands as silently as she could.

After so much time had passed that she was convinced Joohyun must have fallen asleep, she felt the bed dip as her friend rolled over on her side, facing Seungwan. She sat still a while longer, unsure of whether or not Joohyun knew she was awake. In the darkness of the room, which her eyes had grown able to penetrate to a degree, she saw Joohyun’s hand reach out and land over hers.

“You don’t have to stay if you’re uncomfortable,” she whispered, her voice almost loud as it broke the long silence. Seungwan remained still for a moment. It really wasn’t fair how one person could make her feel so many things at once. How was she supposed to function like this? When Joohyun lay awake beside her, so gentle and caring and worried about her? And it really wasn’t her fault that Seungwan was like this.

Finally, she turned her hand around under Joohyun’s grip, grasping it before she could pull away. Then she moved both their hands to the empty space between them on the bed and turned around to face Joohyun. Thankfully the darkness was too deep for her to see Joohyun’s eyes clearly. She didn’t think she could have handled that.

“I’m not really used to sleepovers,” she admitted in a whisper. She squeezed Joohyun’s hand reassuringly, trying to communicate all the affection that she felt bubbling up inside. All the affection that Joohyun deserved. “I won’t deny that I’m a little uncomfortable,” she added with a small chuckle. “But… A lot of things I like make me uncomfortable.”

She shrugged with her free shoulder, unsure how to finish her thought, so she didn’t add anything else. Joohyun lay silently, apparently studying her, which Seungwan found strange when it was so dark that she couldn’t discern much more than the outline of Joohyun’s features. Finally, she gave Seungwan’s hand one last squeeze before pulling away and rolling over to face the ceiling again.

“I’m going to sleep now,” she announced in a cheery whisper. “But let me know if you need anything, okay? You’re still my guest,” she added, and Seungwan could almost see the smile dancing on her lips.

“Yeah, okay,” she whispered back, then rolled over as well. She heard Joohyun’s breaths grow deeper and more even and slowly closed her eyes, focusing on the regular sound of her inhale and exhale, trying to match her own quickened breaths to that slower cadence. Her thoughts grew lazier and less coherent as her mind slipped away into sleep. Her hands were clenched together, the ghost of Joohyun’s touch enveloping them in a pleasant warmth.


	15. Act 2 Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bumped up the rating a bit just to be on the safe side ^^ While I'm here, I'd like to thank everyone for all your comments and kudos. They make me really happy, so thanks :3

Seungwan became gradually aware of an uncomfortable weight pushing down on her. She vaguely wondered how Mr. Fluffers had grown about ten times heavier before she remembered that he was sleeping alone next door.

Right. Of course she'd have sleep paralysis for the first time in her life when she slept over at Joohyun's. Because that was the kind of life she lived.

Certain that she didn't want to see whatever it was that her brain had conjured up to traumatize her, she kept her eyes firmly shut and reached out with cautious fingertips instead. She slowly brought her hands lower and lower until they brushed against an unexpected obstacle.

It was as she made contact with a body that definitely wasn't hers that she realized four things in quick succession. First, that there was definitely something on top of her. Second, that it was infinitely scarier to touch a creature you can't see than to simply open your eyes and look at it. Third, that she was pretty sure monsters in sleep paralysis tended to squat on your chest and not straddle your waist. Fourth, that a very essential component of sleep paralysis was, well, the paralysis.

She hesitantly opened her eyes. She almost choked on air.

Joohyun sat on top of her, her features cloaked in darkness so that her facial expression was inscrutable. Her hair was mussed from sleep, just as Sooyoung had predicted, but it didn't really stick out in five directions. Instead, it enveloped her face and shoulders in unpredictable patterns, lending her a dangerous yet seductive aura that made Seungwan wonder whether a sleep paralysis monster wouldn't have been easier on her palpitating heart.

Following the wild lines of Joohyun's hair down her body, Seungwan finally noticed that she'd taken off her pyjamas and now sat above her in her underwear. She suddenly wished it wasn't so dark, or maybe that it was dark enough that she couldn't follow the outlines of the body on top of her, the enticing curves that shifted slightly as Joohyun moved.

Her hands, which still lay on the mattress, barely brushing against the side of Joohyun's legs, were suddenly grabbed and brought to rest on her upper thighs. She focused on Joohyun's face, desperately resisting the temptation to move her hands in any way.

Joohyun's own hands settled on Seungwan's waist, playfully running up and down the strip of flesh that had been exposed by her pyjama top riding up in her sleep. She could feel the goosebumps erupting wherever Joohyun touched, and judging from the smile now dancing on the lips of the woman above her, Joohyun hadn't failed to notice them either.

"You've been a very bad girl," she finally said in a low voice. Seungwan felt her muscles clench and unclench convulsively as a shiver ran through her body and settled on her lower stomach.

She opened her mouth, but only incoherent sentence fragments spilled from her lips. Finally, she managed to push out a strangled “Why?” which caused Joohyun to raise a sceptical eyebrow. Or maybe an amused eyebrow. It was hard to tell in the darkness.

“I told you to let me know if you needed anything,” she replied simply, her eyes widening as though she was explaining something very obvious. She tapped on Seungwan’s stomach with her index finger, causing a fresh round of clenching.

“I don’t, uh,” she started nervously, then paused to clear her throat. “I don’t need anything,” she finally managed to say, a little breathlessly.

Joohyun spread her palms flat on Seungwan’s torso as she seemed to mull it over. The warmth seeping into her skin was almost burning and her hands, still resting uselessly on Joohyun’s thighs, twitched with the nervous energy building up inside her. Joohyun readjusted her position on top of her and Seungwan could no longer resist grabbing her thighs firmly. She suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough air entering her lungs.

“Well, if there’s nothing you need,” Joohyun finally said, and even in the darkness Seungwan could clearly see the predatory glint in her eyes, “is there anything you want?” she asked as her fingers moved down to pick at the waistband of Seungwan’s pants.

Another round of incoherent attempts at speech spilled from Seungwan’s lips. Joohyun giggled at her breathlessness, amused but not mocking. She moved one hand away from Seungwan’s skin to run it through her hair, trying to push it away from her face. Then both her hands rested on Seungwan’s arms, sliding slowly upwards until her whole body was moving forwards, towards Seungwan. Their faces came closer and Seungwan was gripped by panic, first at the proximity, then at the realization that Joohyun was moving much too fast and not slowing down at all and coming closer and closer. She closed her eyes, bracing for the collision.

All the air in her lungs was pushed out at the sudden impact. She struggled for a moment with the sensation that gravity had somehow started working backwards, before she realized that she was lying on her stomach and not her back. Her hands, which she’d brought up instinctively, brushed against suddenly rough fabric. She opened her eyes and blinked away the confusion.

She was face-down on Joohyun’s carpet. She must have fallen off the bed. Quickly pulling herself up to a sitting position, she found Joohyun’s fully clothed, gently sleeping figure, still tucked away on the correct side of the bed. It took only a moment for her to piece it all together and then she was on her feet and stumbling away to the door amid a flurry of silent cursing and variations on “no”, “nope” and “no way”.

Safely in the living room, she directed a fleeting glance at the bundle on the sofa, which thankfully didn’t stir at her movement, and stepped quickly towards the bathroom, where she washed her face with cold water. Then she sat down on the toilet cover, hands rubbing nervously at her legs.

“Okay, so it’s the middle of the night and you just had an inappropriate dream about Joohyun,” she muttered in a barely audible voice, careful to make sure Sooyoung couldn’t hear her. “Can’t leave, can’t go back to bed, obviously. Can’t stay in this bathroom all night. I think.” She slowly went through her options, tapping her legs at each of them, then paused as she wondered if she really could spend the night in the bathroom. No, it would be weird to explain in the morning.

If only she had her phone. She’d left it on a chair in Joohyun’s bedroom and she was fairly certain that she’d knock over a lot of things before she managed to reach it in the dark. Not that she had any interest in going back in that room anytime soon.

Besides, what would she even do with it? Call Seulgi? She could imagine that conversation. “Oh hi Seungwan, you’re calling me in the middle of the night to tell me you almost had a sex dream? Of course that’s not too much information, I love hearing all about my friends’ sex lives,” she enunciated in a mock-cheery voice. Then she sighed deeply and leaned forward to rest her head on her hands. “I’d still be stuck here anyway,” she concluded in a much gloomier tone.

She knew she had to go back to the bedroom and get into bed next to Joohyun and at least pretend to sleep. There wasn’t much else she could do in this situation. But maybe if she sat in the bathroom and postponed it long enough, she might come up with an alternative plan. So she sat there for what she hoped was a long time, but in her jittery state and in the total absence of any way to tell time, she knew it probably wasn’t that long before she was cautiously making her way out and turning off the light.

Then she stood awkwardly in the living room, the darkness now completely impenetrable after she’d spent so long under the harsh bathroom lights. She felt her way through the room slowly, trying to find Joohyun’s door and hoping only a little that she wouldn’t.

“Why are you talking to yourself in the bathroom?” a quiet voice suddenly pierced the silence, startling her so badly that she jumped in place and almost fell down. She clutched her chest, trying to calm down her racing heart as she squinted in the direction of the sofa.

“I sleep-walk,” she whispered back at Sooyoung. She gave up on the bedroom for now and cautiously stepped towards the sofa, very careful to avoid slamming a foot against the coffee table.

“Do you also sleep-talk and sleep-turn-on-the-light?” Sooyoung inquired sceptically. The outline of her sitting figure was now barely visible, partly because Seungwan’s eyes were growing used to the dark again and partly because she was coming closer.

“Yes,” she deadpanned. She really didn’t have the patience for their usual teasing banter. “Do you have the time? I left my phone in the bedroom.” She had finally reached the table and was now moving around it carefully.

The figure shrugged and reached under her pillow. A moment later, her phone’s screen turned on, illuminating a squinting, half-asleep face. One of her cheeks was marked with creases from where it had been pressed against the pillow.

“It’s 4 AM,” she finally muttered, quickly turning off the unpleasant light. Seungwan groaned at the information and let her body flop down towards the sofa. Sooyoung turned to her. “Did Joohyun try to spoon you or something?”

“She does that?” Seungwan asked in horror, turning her head towards Sooyoung so fast that she heard something crack.

Sooyoung shrugged in response. “How would I know?” she replied simply. “I tend to sleep alone, on account of the kicking.”

They sat side by side in silence for a while. Eventually, Sooyoung cleared her throat. “So, did you want something? Because I’d like to go back to sleep at some point.”

“You’re the one who asked me what I was doing,” Seungwan pointed out defensively.

“Yeah, well, clearly that was a mistake. And I know you’re just stalling, so go back to bed and then at least one of us can sleep.”

“You’re rude at 4 AM,” Seungwan muttered, but it didn’t stop her from getting up. After all, Sooyoung was right. She had to go back to bed eventually, even if she was sure she’d just lie there for a couple of excruciating hours, waiting for the slightest hint of dawn to give her an excuse to go make breakfast or something.

“Everyone is rude at 4 AM,” Sooyoung said with a shrug, already stretching out to occupy the full length of her makeshift bed. “Go to bed,” she added in a warning tone, probably suspecting that Seungwan would lock herself in the bathroom again, or just sit motionless in the kitchen.

She definitely considered it, but in the end, she made her way back to the bedroom and carefully crept under the covers. Joohyun was curled up on her side of the bed with her back to Seungwan and she didn’t seem to notice the movement at all. Seungwan sighed in relief and tried to get her body to relax.

She couldn’t find a position to sleep in. If she lay on her back, her eyes kept turning towards Joohyun, then her head followed the motion, then she found herself lost in the chaotic curves of Joohyun’s hair with a growing pain in her neck. If she turned away, mirroring Joohyun’s position, her sides kept itching with the phantom sensation of a hand reaching out, so that she had to turn back and check that everything was as still as before.

After what felt like an eternity of tossing and turning, even if the unchanging darkness told her that dawn was still a while away, she settled for rolling over on her side to face Joohyun’s back. She watched her, the way the covers gently rose as she breathed, the way her body sometimes twitched slightly before relaxing again.

Another eternity might have passed, or maybe it was only a second, as she silently watched the sleeping figure in front of her. The adrenaline pumping through her system was all but gone and her brain was becoming fuzzy with exhaustion and the confusion of the night’s events. Of its own accord, her hand suddenly moved towards Joohyun and she only watched with vague surprise as it brushed as lightly as possible against her tousled hair before pulling back.

The sensation was much more vivid than any part of her dream. It all began to feel distant and unreal, a poor mimicry of the unattainable. Nothing but her imagination’s best effort. In her tired haze, the dream began to feel like a warning, a turning point where she had to make a decision. She didn’t want to make a decision.

When she woke up, the room was flooded with sunlight and her limbs were spread across the full length of the empty bed. Sooyoung had already left, but Joohyun awaited her with toast and cold scrambled eggs.

The book she’d pulled out of its shelf was still on the side table and Seungwan picked it up curiously while Joohyun was in the shower. She glanced at the bathroom door, not wanting to be caught reading it and raise Joohyun’s hopes. When she was satisfied of her privacy, she opened it on a random page and studied the flowing prose.

_To want and not to have,_ the tiny black letters whispered up from the page, sharing the message of their long-gone maker, _sent all up her body a hardness, a hollowness, a strain. And then to want and not to have- to want and want- how that wrung the heart, and wrung it again and again!_

(…)

“You were right,” Seungwan conceded with a resigned shrug. Her neck was starting to hurt from following Seulgi’s pacing around her living room, so she closed her eyes and rubbed at it gently, leaving her friend to her stomping.

Seulgi’s steps faded into silence. Opening one eye experimentally, Seungwan saw that she had finally stopped moving and now stood still near the sofa. She didn’t look very happy. “Why?” she finally asked, confusion clear in her voice.

“That doesn’t even make sense. I don’t know, you just were,” she replied with another shrug. She didn’t understand why Seulgi was making this so hard; it had been her idea in the first place.

Seulgi crossed and uncrossed her arms, expression wavering between puzzlement and concern. “I didn’t actually mean it,” she finally admitted. “I was just trying to pressure you so you’d do something.”

“And now I’m doing something. It worked out great.”

“You’re doing the wrong something,” Seulgi groaned as she let her body drop down next to Seungwan on the sofa. “You were supposed to tell Joohyun how you feel,” she added, raising one arm to drape it dramatically over her eyes.

“But that’s not happening,” Seungwan replied with a cheery voice, “so instead I’m doing the other thing and going back on dates.”

“Why are you giving up now?” Seulgi removed the arm to fix Seungwan with a questioning gaze. “Things were going so well.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at these words. “She’s dating other people,” she pointed out instead.

“But you said she hasn’t even been on a second date. Clearly it’s nothing serious. You can’t just give up over this,” Seulgi argued desperately. Seungwan didn’t even bother responding. “At least ask her out before you give up.”

“I’m not going to do that, that’s dumb,” she replied with finality. Seulgi groaned but she didn’t say anything else, having apparently run out of arguments.

Seulgi turned to study her face. She tried to pretend she didn’t notice, but it was hard when there was nothing else to look at, so she eventually gave up and turned to face Seulgi as well. The concern was clear on her features and Seungwan had to force herself to roll her eyes or she’d do something dumb like cry about her feelings.

“What happened?” Seulgi asked softly, reaching for one of her hands.

“Nothing,” she replied stubbornly. Seulgi didn’t call her out on the clear lie. Instead, she squeezed her hand comfortingly and gave her a small reassuring smile. “I just… I realized that things couldn’t stay the way they were,” she added after a pause. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was enough of it, right?

“I know it’s scary, but don’t you think you’ll regret not saying anything?”

“I don’t want to pressure her. It’s obvious enough that she doesn’t feel the same way, so it would just be selfish to tell her,” she reasoned in a neutral voice. Seulgi’s hand was still wrapped tightly around her own and she wasn’t sure whether its warmth made it easier or harder to refrain from crying. “And I don’t want to make things awkward. I like the way we are now.”

“Do you?” Seulgi asked without judgment, just a gentle prodding.

“Yes, I do,” she replied firmly. “And I’ll like it even more once I’m dating other people,” she concluded as she let go of Seulgi, infusing new energy into her voice to hopefully lift the mood.

Thankfully, Seulgi took the hint and stopped trying to change Seungwan’s mind. Leaning back slightly, she traced the line of her own jaw like she was deep in thought.

“Alright, I guess I can ask my friends if they know anyone,” she said dubiously, as if she wasn’t sure to have five dates lined up before the end of the week if Seungwan asked for it. “Remind me again what you look for in a person?”

“I don’t know, someone nice I guess?” Big brown eyes, long dark hair, a dazzling smile. “Not too boring?” A little oblivious, but surprisingly sharp at times. “And, uh, not too serious, maybe.” An unexpected childish side, a tendency to giggle adorably. “Someone that’ll at least laugh when I make a fool of myself.” Someone that would play along, turn the awkwardness into an inside joke. “You know, just… Whomever.” Joohyun. Just Joohyun.

Seulgi nodded along to her words, her look serious as she seemed to be committing them to memory. “Anything else?” she finally asked.

There were many things, in fact. Seungwan wasn’t sure at all that this was the right decision. She didn’t really want to date anyone other than Joohyun. Frankly, the dates that Seulgi had found her so far had left a lot to be desired. And had she mentioned she didn’t want to date anyone other than Joohyun?

“Can you find someone by Friday?”

Seulgi only nodded in response. She didn’t look very happy.


	16. Act 2 Part 5

High heels really were the invention of a very sadistic person. Unfortunately, they weren’t exactly optional in some cases, especially for someone as short as Seungwan. Not that they changed much in that department; she’d need some outrageously impractical footwear to ever look anything but tiny. But at least with the heels she didn’t need to crane her neck quite as much.

Of course, it didn’t stop with the heels. Winter was slowly approaching and on nights like these she really wished it was appropriate to go out with her warmest fluffiest coat, instead of having to worry that she’d look like a shapeless lump, and whether or not the coat went with her dress. Even the short walk from the taxi to her building had been enough to leave her blowing into her hands for warmth once her date had rounded the corner.

Dating was such a hassle. Meeting new people was hard enough, let alone new people with romantic intentions. Then on top of that she had to get dressed up and put on her I’m-making-an-effort makeup, all for what usually ended up to be a disappointing first date that would definitely never lead to a second one.

At least she’d gotten through the entire meal this time. She’d made it all the way to dessert before making a complete fool of herself. Oh well, it wasn’t like she’d have gone on a second date with him anyway. He was nice enough but he didn’t have _her_ eyes, or _her_ crooked smile, or _her_ easy laugh.

It was probably unfair to compare her dates to Joohyun. After all, it wasn’t reasonable to expect someone like Joohyun in the pool of people willing to interact romantically with Seungwan. The comparison was also probably unwise, since getting over her beautiful neighbour was the driving force behind her dating in the first place. But she couldn’t help seeing Joohyun everywhere she went, like a constant presence in the back of her mind.

Even now, she saw Joohyun enter the building and greet her with a wide smile of recognition, eyes brightening with the simple happiness of seeing her friend.

It was only as Joohyun’s smile became uncertain that Seungwan realized that she’d been zoning out by the elevator. She awkwardly raised her hand in greeting, like she hadn’t been staring at her neighbour with unseeing eyes for an embarrassingly long time.

“Hi, sorry, I was a little distracted,” she admitted sheepishly, still making her way back to reality. Joohyun’s smile returned in full force, now tinged with amusement, and she reached past Seungwan to push the elevator button. She smelled really nice. Well, she always smelled nice, but this was a different nice from the usual nice.

“You look good.” Joohyun’s voice pulled Seungwan’s drifting mind back to the present and she finally blinked away the last of her daze. “Did you go on another date?”, she asked, and Seungwan suddenly remembered that she was still in her heels, thin coat and full face of makeup.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m giving the whole blind dating thing another chance. Seulgi kept trying to get me to do it and…” She trailed off, opting instead to finish the sentence with a shrug. It was a blatant lie, but somehow the idea of having gone on a blind date of her own volition seemed extremely embarrassing.

The elevator finally arrived and they stepped inside. She was reminded of the last time they’d made such a trip, Seungwan back from her terrible date and Joohyun in her casual clothes, holding onto a stack of pizza boxes. She’d looked so cute in glasses, especially with the way Seungwan’s high heels made Joohyun look tiny by comparison.

Except she didn’t look tiny now, because, as Seungwan noticed once she finally paid attention to her present company, she was also wearing heels. And dress pants. And an elegant dark blazer over a white shirt. When Seungwan finally managed to drag her eyes up to Joohyun’s face, which became a difficult task as her mind was suddenly very sluggish and uncooperative, she found that the hair framing it had been styled into wavy locks that reminded her dangerously of the Joohyun in her dreams. And then she looked at Joohyun’s eyes, which looked even wider, darker and deeper than usual in their carefully applied makeup.

“Wow,” she breathed out before she could stop herself. The immediate impulse to cover her face with her hands and retreat in shame was checked by the sight of those captivating eyes shrinking into crescents as a pleased smile grew on Joohyun’s face. “You, uh, you look good too,” she added quickly, sighing in relief as the elevator doors opened on their floor and she was freed from the forced proximity of their ride up.

Finally breathing air that wasn’t heavy with Joohyun’s dizzying perfume, Seungwan managed to follow a thought process to its conclusion. She realized at once that her neighbour had probably been on a date of her own and her giddy mood was brought to a sudden halt. The safety of home was within sight, and it would only take a few steps down the hallway for her to be finally alone and free to furiously avoid thinking of her neighbour on a date with someone else, someone probably much better looking and more well-adjusted than Seungwan. But she should probably say something, right?

She turned to Joohyun, who looked at her expectantly. Apparently, she’d forgotten to move again, and they were both standing awkwardly by the elevator. She cleared her throat and started walking, determinedly avoiding Joohyun’s eyes.

“So, were you on a date too?” she finally asked, trying to keep the reluctance from her voice. In her peripheral vision, she saw Joohyun nodding in confirmation, but she didn’t volunteer any more information. It might have seemed like she didn’t want to discuss the topic, but Seungwan was pretty sure it was just Joohyun being Joohyun. “How was it?” she prodded, already used to her position as the driver of conversations.

“It was alright, she was nice,” Joohyun replied simply. They were standing by her door, but she had made no effort to go inside, opting instead to lean against the wall and fix her bewitching eyes on Seungwan. “We had ice cream,” she added after a pause, sounding a lot more excited about the food than she had been about the date herself.

Even though she was only a couple of steps away from freedom, Seungwan suddenly felt no interest in ending the conversation. “Do you think you’ll see her again?” she inquired further.

“I don’t know. If she wants to,” Joohyun replied with a shrug.

“Do _you_ want to?”

Joohyun looked away thoughtfully at that, seeming to ponder the issue. Seungwan sighed, partly in relief and partly in gentle disbelief at how Joohyun didn’t really seem to know what she was doing. “I think maybe you’re not very interested,” she pointed out with a small smile.

Joohyun only nodded, ready to accept her friend’s wisdom. Then she perked up as she stepped away from the wall to approach Seungwan. “What about you? Do you want to come inside and tell me how your date went?” she suddenly suggested, catching Seungwan entirely by surprise. She cast a longing glance at her own door, but she already knew that as soon as she turned back and looked into Joohyun’s eyes she’d be unable to resist.

“Sure,” she said instead. Joohyun’s face lit up with a wide smile and she quickly opened the door. Once inside, Seungwan wasted no time in taking off her shoes, gently massaging the soles of her feet. It was okay to succumb to her weakness every once in a while, right? After all, she and Joohyun were friends. She couldn’t avoid her entirely.

“I’m just going to take off my makeup,” Joohyun threw over her shoulder, already making her way to the bathroom. “You can use my things, if you want to take yours off too.”

Seungwan agreed easily and they stood side by side in front of the bathroom mirror, their attention focused on a familiar routine. Seungwan couldn’t help stealing glances at Joohyun, whose face evidently changed as the heavy makeup was removed, but managed to maintain its inhuman beauty. Meanwhile, Seungwan ended the process looking like a potato and she longed to put some distance between her face and Joohyun’s eyes to make the change a little less evident.

Walking out of the bathroom, Seungwan headed straight for the sofa, her aching feet begging for relief. Joohyun didn’t join her and she looked up to find that her neighbour had removed her blazer and was already unbuttoning her shirt. She walked into the bedroom to finish changing and came back soon afterwards wearing loose pants and a comfy sweater. She held something in her arms which turned out to be a matching sweater, and she held it out to Seungwan, who quickly exchanged it for her coat.

“So, your date,” Joohyun finally said, picking up the conversation where she’d left off. They locked eyes for a moment as she stood in front of Seungwan, then she turned around and entered the kitchen. “Hold on, I’m making tea, do you want some? So, how was your date?” she fired off in quick succession, repeating the question.

“Yes, please. And it was okay, I guess.” She burrowed deeper into the sweater under the pretence of warming up, running her fingers over the soft folds that smelled so wonderfully familiar. “I don’t think we’ll be going out again, though,” she added as an afterthought.

Joohyun must have picked up on something in her tone, because her response was almost immediate. “Did something happen?”

“No, no, just the usual,” Seungwan quickly reassured her. “I made a fool of myself.” She’d dug her head into the sweater like a turtle, so that everything below the nose was hidden in the fabric, and her voice came out slightly muffled.

“How is that the usual?” Joohyun asked earnestly as she walked out of the kitchen with two steaming mugs. She paused halfway there and Seungwan quickly pulled the sweater back into place, blushing slightly at being caught. “Do you want a blanket?”

Before Seungwan could answer, she set down the mugs and stepped into the bedroom, returning with a large bundle of fabric which she set over the both of them after sitting down. “The tea will warm you up,” she said as she tucked the blanket tighter around Seungwan. “So, what happened exactly?”

“Well, he didn’t really get any of my jokes, but he was nice enough,” Seungwan began, wishing the tea wasn’t too hot to drink, because then she’d at least have something to hide her face. “So I got a little too comfortable and gave a giant monologue on how tiramisu ice cream is better than regular tiramisu and he kind of looked at me like I’d grown a second head.”

“That was insensitive of him.”

“Oh, it wasn’t judgmental staring, more like what-have-I-gotten-myself-into staring,” she replied casually. It really wasn’t his fault that she was like this.

“Well,”, Joohyun started slowly as she reached for her tea. “I don’t think you made a fool of yourself. What did he want, a person without opinions?”

“Maybe just not about tiramisu ice cream.”

“It’s as valid a topic as any,” Joohyun stated firmly. She took an experimental sip and seemed pleased with the results, because she motioned for Seungwan to grab her own mug. They drank in their usual silence, but Seungwan couldn’t help but notice the small furrow in Joohyun’s brow. She was about to ask if everything was alright when she spoke up. “Is it that good?” Seungwan stared at her in confusion. “The ice cream.”

“Oh.” Right. Sounded like Joohyun. “Yeah, it’s pretty good, I’ll bring you some next time I buy it.”

“I don’t really like coffee, though,” Joohyun admitted with some concern.

“You’ll like it anyway, I promise. And if you don’t, I’ll just eat it myself,” Seungwan said with a chuckle. Joohyun smiled softly in response.

The silence returned, now more comfortable. Seungwan was almost reluctant to drink, as the hot mug was doing such a wonderful job of warming up her hands. Still, the sooner she finished it, the sooner she could hide her arms under the blanket and pull it up to her chin, so she continued to sip at the warm liquid.

Finally, she finished her tea and placed the mug back on the coffee table. She started her diligent cocooning, careful not to displace Joohyun’s end of the blanket. Her neighbour watched the manoeuvre with absent-minded amusement, then reached out a hand to smooth out a corner of the blanket, tucking it closer around Seungwan’s neck.

“So why did you go back to blind dates?” she asked, suddenly serious. The cocoon, which had previously seemed so appealing, now felt the tiniest bit like a prison.

“I, uh, I’m not sure. Just wanted to give it another chance,” Seungwan said, trying not to sound defensive. She couldn’t even shrug because it would dislodge the blanket.

“Did you ask your friend out yet?” Joohyun continued to prod, her head slightly tilted. Then her eyes widened momentarily and she shifted backwards slightly. “You don’t have to answer that, if you don’t want to.”

Right. They were still walking on eggshells around that. “It’s okay,” Seungwan quickly reassured her. “Actually, I…” She paused, licking her lips nervously. If she could pull this off, it would be one less worry on her mind.

Joohyun’s eyes were still on her. Even though all the makeup was gone, they managed to look even more dangerous than earlier. Seungwan smiled, trying her best to look natural. She could tell right away that she’d failed, so she changed her approach.

“Actually, she’s seeing someone else,” she said quickly, trying to sound casual. It wasn’t a complete lie, and that was usually the safest way to go with these things. The closer she crept to the truth, the more legitimate her reactions would be.

“Oh no, did you miss your chance?” Joohyun breathed out, looking truly concerned. She really was a good friend. Better than Seungwan deserved. Her hand reached out, but paused once she realized that Seungwan’s arms were hidden away under the blanket. She settled for patting her leg.

“I think it might be a good thing,” Seungwan considered with a shrug which left one of her shoulders exposed as the cocoon fell apart. She smiled slightly as she considered that she’d finally joined the ranks of Sooyoung and Seulgi. Joohyun dating was a good thing, even if they all thought so for different reasons.

Joohyun still studied her with wide eyes. She hated it, just a little. That friendly pity. Why couldn’t she just erase the whole thing from their past? It hung between them like a constant reminder of her failings. That ridiculous misunderstanding.

She nodded to reinforce her point. She smiled again, but this time it felt a little more real. More believable. “It was never going to work out between us,” she reasoned, more to herself than anything. “And now I have the perfect motivation to move on.”

She sighed, let her head fall back until it was staring at the ceiling. The blanket slid down further and she rearranged it so it was back to its original position, neatly covering her legs. She was warm enough now, anyway. “I just want to put it all behind me, you know?”

A new source of warmth covered her body, catching her by surprise. She looked back down to see that Joohyun had wrapped her arms around her. Hesitantly, she returned the embrace.

“You looked like you needed a hug,” Joohyun explained in a voice muffled by its owner’s close proximity to the sofa cushion.

Seungwan laughed at the words. “It’s because I’m not wearing any makeup,” she replied jokingly. “It makes my face look very serious.”

“Your face looks fine,” Joohyun protested while she pulled away, slapping Seungwan’s shoulder gently.

“Anyway, now that I’ve had my heartfelt confession, I need to go home before I fall asleep on your couch,” Seungwan said between laughs.

Joohyun was already getting up, but she paused to look at her earnestly. “You’re always free to sleep here, if you want.”

Oh no she wasn’t, not after last time. “I have to feed my cat,” she said easily, the practiced lie rolling off her tongue without hesitation. It was her go-to excuse whenever escaping social interactions.

She got up with a small groan, her feet immediately protesting the action. Joohyun reached for the blanket, folding it haphazardly on the sofa. Then she followed Seungwan to the front door, where she was unhappily stepping into her heels.

A hand pulled her back just as she was walking out. She turned around to see Joohyun studying her seriously.

“So you’re really going to give up on your friend?” she asked, her tone free of judgment. She sounded more like she was trying to understand the situation fully.

Seungwan nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think it’s time to move on.” The smile felt even more natural this time, maybe because she was getting more practice. Maybe that hug really had helped. Maybe she was more confident in her decision. It was anyone’s pick.

“Well, I’m sad that you won’t be able to be together with someone you care about. But if it wasn’t going to work out, then I’m glad you’re making the choice to walk away and find your happiness elsewhere,” she finished with what looked like a proud smile.

Seungwan fidgeted uncertainly. It felt weird to hear this from the object of her affections. But it also sounded like Joohyun was going to take her decision to heart and not try to push it anymore. There was definitely some humour to the fact that she was the only one willing to drop the subject. Still, after all the pressure from her other friends, Seungwan felt an almost overwhelming flood of relief at Joohyun’s support.

Her eyes grew warmer and she quickly threw herself in Joohyun’s arms before they became bright with unshed tears. She blinked rapidly, willing the sudden emotion away, and swallowed around the roughness in her throat. “I’ll tell you all about my terrible blind dates,” she said cheerily, still hiding in Joohyun’s embrace.

Finally, she pulled away shyly and turned towards her own apartment. Joohyun stood by her opened door, smiling widely and waving at her. “I’m looking forward to it,” she said happily before walking back inside.

It was only as Mr. Fluffers looked up curiously in the middle of his usual greeting, stretching up with his front paws on her legs to sniff at her top, that Seungwan remembered she’d never taken off Joohyun’s sweater.

(…)  

_(Sooyoung POV)_

“I’ve decided to stop dating,” Joohyun announced grandly. She stood in front of the sofa, where Sooyoung and Yerim sat side by side.

She’d never wanted this. She was a simple woman with simple wishes. She wanted her next-door neighbour to stop having sex so loudly. She wanted the typography teacher to disappear under mysterious circumstances. She wanted that hot guy in her Friday morning lectures to notice her and throw himself at her feet. She certainly didn’t want to have to deal with the pure embodiment of chaos that was SeungHyun. And more importantly, she didn’t deserve it.

And yet Joohyun stood before them like she was about to deliver a sermon and Seungwan was nowhere to be found. And Sooyoung was just so tired.

“Oh god, it’s another couch monologue,” Yerim groaned, helpfully sparing Sooyoung the effort of saying it herself. Instead, she settled for slumping deeper into the pillows that surrounded her and stared at Joohyun with pained eyes.

“Why,” she said flatly, not even bothering to make it sound like a question. Yerim snorted and reached for a pillow, which she placed on her lap.

“As I mentioned, I started dating in order to help Seungwan with her romantic troubles,” Joohyun continued once she’d received the minimal input required from her audience. Yerim snorted again and Sooyoung rolled her eyes at the sound. If Yerim intended to do that every time Joohyun said something unintentionally ironic, then she’d swiftly rise the ranks to become the most annoying thing happening in the room.

“However, it has recently come to my attention that Seungwan is going on blind dates again,” Joohyun said, then fell silent once more and gazed at the sofa. Yerim was devoting her full attention to her pillow, so the eye contact fell to Sooyoung.

“How,” she sighed out quickly so Joohyun would return to her monologue. Hopefully she’d pick up speed soon enough and stop requiring audience participation.

“She told me.”

Sooyoung nodded. “Right.” Joohyun continued to stare. “Carry on,” she finally added awkwardly. Yerim provided absolutely no help, as she was still staring down into her lap.

Thankfully, Joohyun didn’t seem deterred by the passive reaction and carried on bravely. “Well, I asked her why she was dating and she told me that it was because she was moving on from her friend. The one she has feelings for,” she supplied helpfully, in case the two women sitting on the sofa had somehow succeeded in not following Seungwan’s love life for all of five minutes.

Joohyun looked more invested in her own narrative now, so Sooyoung risked a glance at her friend. Now that she was no longer using her peripheral vision, she finally noticed that Yerim wasn’t staring at her pillow, but rather at the phone she’d hidden behind it, tapping away happily at the screen.

“Are you seriously on your phone right now?” she whispered in annoyance, looking up at Joohyun for a moment to confirm that she was still monologuing away.

Yerim glanced her way shamelessly, then turned back to the device with a shrug. “I’m keeping Seulgi up to date.”

“We can just talk to her later,” Sooyoung pointed out in a low voice. Her friend looked up uncertainly, like she was trying to contest her logic but hadn’t come up with an argument yet. “You’re just texting your girlfriend, aren’t you?”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Yerim replied defensively, but at least taking the care to keep her voice down. Sooyoung raised her eyebrow and waited for her to finish her thought. “And I’m not texting her.”

“A little too late to be believable,” she pointed out, tilting her head. Yerim shrugged but didn’t contest it. Instead, she turned back to her phone and resumed her typing.

Ahead of them, Joohyun continued her speech, which had become more animated at some point. She was definitely at the stage where they could do anything short of leaving the room and she wouldn’t notice.

“It seemed like she was truly relieved to face her situation and put an end to it,” she carried on, deep in her own world. “When she left, she even hugged me. That’s never happened before.”

Sooyoung blinked in confusion. Yerim was smiling at her phone now, so the odds that she was paying any attention to Joohyun were quickly approaching zero.

“You know, I thought that she might not be comfortable with physical contact. She always seemed so uncomfortable when I hugged her, or the one time you did,” she added, looking straight at Sooyoung. Was this why she always took so long to get to the point? Was she about to embark on a long and unnecessary tangent?

“But she had no problem hugging her friend Seulgi. As you know, at the time I thought it might be because she had feelings for her. But then we discovered that she didn’t. The only possible conclusion was that their relationship must be closer than ours, so that she was only comfortable hugging Seulgi,” she carried on, her point becoming increasingly hard to determine. The whole situation started to feel like something out of The Twilight Zone, like Joohyun was going to keep talking about more and more bizarre things until they snapped back to reality and no one would believe Sooyoung when she talked about it later.

She elbowed Yerim discreetly, hoping to catch her attention and dispel her own worries, but she only got elbowed back by a grumbling Yerim, who apparently was very upset that her hand had slipped and she’d sent the wrong emoji.

“And that is why I was so touched when she hugged me before she left. I feel like a barrier between us has been brought down and we’re closer than ever.” Sooyoung elbowed Yerim more insistently. “My own experience with dating didn’t help in the way I’d hoped, but perhaps the same goal has been reached all the same,” Joohyun continued with a wistful smile.

Sooyoung elbowed Yerim so hard that she dropped her phone to rub at her arm, turning to Sooyoung with an unhappy pout. She gestured frantically to Joohyun, who stood in silence with a faraway look on her face, still bearing traces of the previous smile.

She sighed contentedly, then continued. “So I don’t see any reason to continue dating, given the new circumstances,” she said with a satisfied nod. “And I’ll have the entire weekend to myself again, that’ll be a pleasant change.”

“Did you seriously injure me for life just so I’d know her weekends are wide open?” Yerim asked in disbelief, dramatically clutching her arm.

Sooyoung considered arguing her case, but it was clear that the universe wanted her and her alone to listen to Joohyun’s extremely ambiguous confessions. She sighed and sank further into the sofa. Now that Joohyun had finished her speech, both women stared at Sooyoung expectantly. She was just so tired.


	17. Act 2 Part 6

It had been a particularly long day, partly due to the fact that Seungwan had left work much later than usual in order to ensure she didn’t run into Joohyun on the way home. Some part of her felt guilty to be avoiding her friend like this, but she knew it was for the best. If she really was serious about getting over Joohyun, then she needed some space, and that meant subtly changing her schedule to avoid unnecessary interactions. Not that she’d consider any interaction with Joohyun unnecessary, of course.

Regardless of phrasing, the truth was that if she spent too much time with Joohyun she’d only become more and more hopelessly infatuated. So she was being an adult about it and sneaking into her own home once she was sure the coast was clear.

Seulgi thought it was dumb, of course. But Seulgi was a functional member of society who didn’t have to deal with stupid crushes, so what did she know? Seungwan was a different breed of human altogether. Poor choices and embarrassment were so customary in her life that she had given up on avoiding them and just did her best to minimize the inevitable disaster. She was a kind of social Icarus, flapping her wings ever closer to the sun of public humiliation.

She was home, finally. She sighed in relief, ready to focus on anything other than the self-deprecating spiral she’d inadvertently stepped into on her way from work. Lately, she just spent her subway rides anticipating Joohyun’s company, wondering whether or not she’d be there, trying to come up with something funny or cool to say. Once those topics were gone, it seemed that her mind gleefully rubbed its hands together before going to town on her self-confidence.

She’d already taken off one of her boots before she noticed she had company. Not even bothering with a reaction, she simply returned her attention to her footwear, lovingly stepping into her warm and comfortable slippers. Then she gauged the amount of free space on the sofa and decided to sit on one of the nearby chairs instead.

“What’s up?” she asked her two younger friends casually. Some part of her wondered if she should be alarmed at the fact that having those two in her apartment didn’t even register as an event anymore. Maybe she’d examine that a little deeper when she wasn’t feeling quite so tired.

The television was on and both women were staring at it in deep concentration, following the movements of a muscular man in combat gear who seemed to be making his way slowly through some undergrowth. Given how focused those two became when playing shooters, she wasn’t too surprised that the only acknowledgment of her presence was Sooyoung’s small grunt.

She wanted nothing more than to step right into bed and drift off to sleep under her cosy covers, surrounded by an excessive number of fluffy pillows, but unfortunately life as an adult usually required having some form of dinner before going to sleep. And she was feeling a little hungry, now that she thought about it.

“Are you guys staying for dinner? I have enough leftovers for one, so I’ll only cook if you’re eating.” She stretched out her legs, trying to recover enough of her flagging energy to stand back up.

“Whatever,” Yerim muttered, her eyes still on the TV. Mr Fluffers, who’d finally perked up at the mention of dinner, stretched languidly and rose into a sitting position to keep better tabs on the situation.

Seungwan had finally managed the herculean task of getting back up, but the noncommittal answer stopped her on her way to the kitchen and she turned back, leaning against the wall.

“You say that now, but later when you’re hungry we both know I’ll be the one without dinner,” she pointed out tiredly, not really bothering with a matching facial expression because she knew she wouldn’t be dignified with eye contact. When she was once again met with nothing but silence, she walked closer to the sofa, wondering whether she’d live to tell the tale if she stood in front of the TV and demanded her guests’ attention.

She was still weighing the pros and cons when she finally noticed that the controller wasn’t in Sooyoung’s hands. That was pretty weird. Sooyoung was usually the one playing the games and Yerim settled for raiding Seungwan’s manga collection because apparently consoles were for casuals. Whatever that meant.

“Yerim, are you playing my shooter games?”

The two women finally looked at her and it was plain that Yerim’s face was darkened by something other than deep concentration.

“Yeah, sorry, did I forget to ask for permission?” the younger woman answered flatly, infusing her words with a sizeable dose of sarcasm.

“Okay then,” Seungwan replied slowly. Clearly, engaging with Yerim was not the way to go at the moment. “Sooyoung?” she asked simply, turning to face her other guest.

“Yeah, we’re staying,” she said distractedly, her attention fully on the screen. She was squinting in disapproval of something happening in the game, but she’d evidently reached the same conclusion as Seungwan because she didn’t seem eager to share her complaints with Yerim.

“Okay, I’ll go cook then. Help me in the kitchen?” she added, fixing Sooyoung with what she hoped was a significant look.

“Ugh, why do I have to –“ Sooyoung began automatically, but she was silenced by Seungwan quickly widening her eyes and tilting her head towards Yerim. After a confused pause, she groaned and made her way off the couch. “Fine,” she whined, dragging out the word.

“Oh my god, you don’t need to go whisper about me behind my back,” Yerim suddenly spoke up, catching both women by surprise. She looked away from the game momentarily, which caused Sooyoung to squint even more intensely. She really wasn’t enjoying Yerim’s carefree gameplay. “Look, I’ll tell you at dinner, okay?”

Seungwan nodded, accepting the deal easily. She was way too tired to be tiptoeing around things, anyway. “Okay then, I’ll go get it ready.”

“Do I still have to help?” Sooyoung asked hopefully, lingering by Yerim’s side.

“If you were nice, you would.”

“Ugh, fine,” she groaned, dragging her feet away from the sofa. Yerim snorted, apparently not too upset to mock her friend.

“Whipped,” she commented with a smirk, dodging to avoid Sooyoung’s attempt at smacking her arm.

“Shut up, you’re going to get sniped,” Sooyoung replied in a huff. Her words seemed to have been prophetic, because almost immediately the character on the screen let out an undignified grunt and fell to the ground. Yerim looked at the screen in shock, then her eyes narrowed in frustration as she finally registered what she’d been doing. “You were standing in the middle of an open field, genius,” Sooyoung helpfully pointed out.

“Go make dinner,” Yerim muttered sullenly, already moving through confirmation screens to re-start the mission.

Dinner was ready in no time, with Sooyoung’s reluctant help effectively reducing the preparation time. She grumbled her way through slicing the various vegetables Seungwan set before her and all the gracious host had to do was slip them into a pan and wait. Once they were done, she added the rice and then divided the results between three plates.

There was a fresh round of grumbling at the absence of meat, because apparently her guests were growing girls who needed to be fed appropriately, but the complaints were quickly hushed when Seungwan mentioned all the ice cream she had in the freezer. It wasn’t long before all three women were munching away in happy silence.

“So,” Seungwan finally chanced, once they were halfway through their meal and their eating pace had slowed a bit. “Is this about a girl?”

Yerim snorted derisively, gazing at Seungwan with scepticism while she finished chewing. “Oh yes, I came to you with girl trouble,” she said after she’d swallowed. “So, what should I do? Stare at her for a year and never make a move?”

“Do as I say, not as I do,” Seungwan muttered in response, although she wasn’t that invested in winning that particular battle. “So, not about a girl,” she added in a louder voice, hoping to steer the conversation away from the humiliating topic.

Yerim was suddenly very interested in her rice, poking at it with full concentration. Sooyoung, who had been following the exchange silently, sighed and finally spoke up. “So finals are coming up and Yerim’s –“

“Hey!” Yerim interrupted, looking equal parts offended and uneasy.

“What? I have things to do, I don’t have time for you to beat around the bush for three hours,” Sooyoung replied casually, shrugging in a display of nonchalance.

“Gee, I’m sorry if my personal troubles are interrupting your lively social life of sitting around listening to your neighbour having loud sex in –“

“Yerim’s failing physics,” Sooyoung interrupted sharply, throwing her younger friend a petulant glare.

Yerim let out a high-pitched sound of displeasure, leaving Seungwan wincing at the sudden noise. “You know, just because nothing happens in your life, it doesn’t mean you can –“

“If by ‘nothing happens’ you mean I pass all my classes because I’m a responsible adult –“

“If you’re such a responsible adult, then why did you set off the fire alarm trying to cook bacon on your curling iron?”

“Girls!” Seungwan quickly shouted before the argument got completely out of hand. “Make up or nobody gets ice cream,” she added sternly.

Both women grew silent at once, probably more out of the shock of the situation than any actual fear or respect of Seungwan’s authority.

“Fine, _dad_ ,” Yerim finally acquiesced, emphasizing the last word with an eyeroll. Sooyoung threw her a complicit look and Seungwan vaguely wondered if the demon children ever bonded over anything other than mocking her.

“Why am I the dad?”

“Because Joohyun’s the mom, obviously,” Sooyoung replied, smirking at Yerim, who was quick to return it.

“So? Why can’t we both be moms?” The smirks grew and Seungwan felt her face warm up unwittingly. “Not that I’m saying, you know, that we’re- It’s not like- It’s just heteronormative,” she finished in an embarrassed murmur, crossing her arms defensively. Her guests only snickered in response, so she quickly got up and started clearing the table before the situation could escalate.

Soon enough, they were settled on the sofa, each with a generously filled bowl of ice cream. Sooyoung was digging into hers happily, but Yerim merely tapped her spoon gently against the ceramic container while her teeth gnawed on her lower lip. She seemed conflicted and Seungwan wanted to put her out of her misery, but she felt that bringing up the subject herself would only pressure the younger woman.

She got through a few more spoonfuls before Yerim finally spoke up. “So I’m failing physics,” she said sullenly, like it physically pained her to admit it. Seungwan nodded solemnly but didn’t reply. After a small pause, she grimaced and continued. “I… need help,” she admitted between gritted teeth. Behind her, Sooyoung grinned victoriously, but she was wise enough not to verbalize her gloating.

“My help?” Seungwan asked hesitantly, to which Yerim simply nodded. “I don’t… Why are you even taking a physics class?”

“I had to take a science elective, okay? It seemed a lot easier in high school,” she added with a frown, digging her spoon deep into the half-melted ice cream but not making any effort to eat it.

“Well… Physics is hard, yeah,” Seungwan agreed with a shrug. “It was hard for me too. Are you sure there isn’t someone you can ask at school?”

“Not on such short notice,” Yerim said with finality. She started twisting the spoon from side to side, disfiguring the ice cream entirely.

Seungwan knew better than to remind Yerim that she shouldn’t have let it come to that point, at least not at the moment, while she was inflicting such unnecessary violence on poor innocent ice cream. She tapped her nails on her own bowl instead, mulling over the situation.

“Then couldn’t you ask Joohyun? She probably studied more physics than I did, I mostly know chemistry and biology and stuff. More medically relevant.”

“We’re not telling Joohyun about this,” Yerim quickly interjected, her brows furrowing with almost threatening gravity. “I don’t need her help.”

“But you need mine?” Seungwan squeaked out almost fearfully. She hated to be that person, but she also hated being solely responsible for someone else’s academic future. She had hated it enough when it had been her own academic future.

Yerim dug herself deeper into the sofa and her eyebrows knitted together even further. “She doesn’t need to know I messed up,” she said reluctantly. “It won’t happen again. But now I need your help.”

“You know, Joohyun’s not actually your mom. She won’t –“

“We’re not telling Joohyun,” Yerim repeated with finality. Sooyoung aimed a shrug at Seungwan, as if to communicate the uselessness of arguing this point, but otherwise maintained her neutrality.

She sighed deeply and put down her half-filled bowl, appetite suddenly gone. She hadn’t even started and she already regretted whatever it was she was about to agree to. Yerim looked at her expectantly.

“Fine,” she said unhappily. “So what do you want me to do?”

Yerim put down her bowl next to Seungwan’s, then straightened up and looked into Seungwan’s eyes. “Tutor me?” she requested with uncharacteristic shyness. Suddenly, Seungwan was reminded of just how young she was, realizing how overwhelmed she must feel to be reaching out like this. She really couldn’t do anything but nod in agreement.

She was surprised to find her friend’s arms wrapped around her back as she pulled her into a short but extremely unexpected hug. She began talking rapidly as she pulled back. “Thank you, thank you, I promise I’ll study everything by myself too, I just need someone to explain it in a way that makes sense to me and I’ll –“ she fired off in a single breath. Seungwan was almost worried that she’d asphyxiate.

“Cute,” Sooyoung finally intervened, cutting Yerim’s tirade short. Her friend didn’t waste any time in turning around with a pillow and driving it into her face. She pushed it away while laughing, clearly not worried for her own safety.

Their scuffle showed no signs of stopping and eventually Seungwan reached for the bowls, trying to get them to safety before a stray arm or leg managed to knock them over and make a mess on her carpet.

By the time she returned from cleaning things up in the kitchen, her guests had finally separated and were now chatting easily by the door. Sooyoung approached her with a smile, settling a friendly hand on her lower back as she approached.

“So, do you mind if I sleep over?” she asked shamelessly. Seungwan studied her without saying a word, pretty sure that the look on her face was more expressive than anything she could have said. Sooyoung simply tilted her head in acknowledgment before carrying on. “Yerim’s going back with her girlfriend and, as you know…”

“You’ll third-wheel over my dead body?” Seungwan suggested once it became clear that Sooyoung was awaiting her input. The taller woman nodded with a pleased smile, her hand leaving Seungwan’s back to pat her head.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Yerim said belatedly, too busy tapping away at her phone to pay closer attention to the conversation. “Anyway, I’m going now, bye,” she announced before quickly slipping out of the apartment, not even giving Seungwan the chance to argue. Her head popped up a second later as she uttered an embarrassed “And, uh, thanks I guess,” before she was gone again.

Seungwan looked over at Sooyoung, who was studying her expectantly. “You’re sleeping on the couch,” she finally grumbled, pulling away before the condescending head-patting could recommence.

“Of course,” Sooyoung conceded with a smirk. “Wouldn’t want you getting any ideas,” she added cheekily, finishing off her performance with a wink that pulled a groan from deep within Seungwan’s chest. She stalked off to get some blankets and a pillow, eager to disappear from Sooyoung’s view before a grin took over her face.

Maybe those two really were her friends. Was it weird how full her heart felt at the thought?

(…)

“Seulgi,” Seungwan called out dramatically, not really looking to see whether she’d caught her friend’s attention. “Seulgi, physics is terrible,” she continued in a whining voice. She checked the number of slides still left on the presentation she was currently studying and found that it was exactly one fewer than the last time she’d checked.

Seulgi looked up from her phone to frown at Seungwan in sympathy, lifting a hand to rub her back gently. “I know, Wannie, it’s the worst,” she agreed easily. “But it looks like you’re getting it?” she attempted, although the fact that her statement trailed off into a question somewhat undermined her effort.

Gazing down at the scattered pages of notes that covered most of the dining table, Seungwan couldn’t really blame her. She wasn’t quite sure how much she understood either, but she was too afraid to try some exercises and find out. What she really wanted was to close her laptop and let her head fall on the table for some moments of peaceful oblivion.

“Why did I agree to do this?” she groaned, well aware that she was mostly just trying to procrastinate returning to the slides. Those evil, evil, unending slides.

“Because you’re a good friend,” Seulgi replied simply, flashing her a proud smile. “Now no more chatting unless it’s about… tensile and compressive stress,” she added, after squinting at the slide title for a moment. Clearly she’d seen right through Seungwan’s procrastination tactics.

Her eyes were back on her phone and Seungwan watched her for a moment. Seulgi hadn’t been the biggest fan of academia back when they were in college and, through hard work and concentrated effort, she’d certainly earned the right to never be exposed to it again. And yet here she was, losing a sizeable chunk of her precious weekend because of Seungwan’s poor decisions in life.

It seemed almost criminal to keep someone like Seulgi locked up at home without even entertaining her with conversation. She belonged out there, in the fresh air, among the people. Seulgi was the type of person who planned weekend trips to go hiking out of town, and seeing her sitting there absently scrolling through her social media feeds felt wrong.

“Are you bored?” she asked guiltily.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’re the one who’s studying…” Seulgi looked over at the slides and frowned slightly. “Oh, still the stress stuff.” Seungwan wasn’t sure whether she genuinely hadn’t noticed it was the same slide. In her defence, they all looked the same, with a title, a picture, and a wall of text.

“Yeah, but I have to do it,” she insisted, whirling her pen around her fingers. She hadn’t expected to recover that particular nervous habit from her college days, but life took some funny turns. “You could be out there. Free. Living your best life.”

Seulgi giggled at her word choice, then reached over to squeeze her shoulder supportively. “I’m here because I want to, Wannie,” she reassured her with a wide smile that nearly squeezed her eyes shut. “And I’m not bored. I like spending time with you even if we’re not doing anything.”

Seungwan couldn’t imagine how this could possibly be anything but tedious for Seulgi, but she didn’t push the topic further. Finally dragging her eyes back to her laptop screen, she was reminded of just how much material she still had to go through. There was a reason she’d spent her entire time at college avoiding last-minute studying. It stressed her out to no end.

This was going to take ages and Seulgi was going to lose her entire day. There was also a possibility that Seungwan would lose her mind.

“What if…” she began hesitantly. Seulgi looked up, probably about to direct her back to the physics. “We go get something to eat when I finish this topic?” she suggested hopefully. Seulgi quirked a suspicious eyebrow.

“Is this because you think I’m bored?” she asked with surprising insight. Seungwan quickly shook her head in denial, opening her eyes wide to look as innocent as possible. “Is it because you don’t want to study anymore?” she tried again.

After a moment, she admitted with a guilty nod. Seulgi giggled and patted her head in approval. “That’s a motive I can respect,” she said, still giggling. “Do you want to get that chocolate cake you like?” Seungwan nodded again, with renewed energy.

Turning back to her slides, pen confidently raised and papers gripped tightly in her hand, she studied the text for a moment before deflating. Right. Physics was still terrible.

The chocolate cake was almost delicious enough to make up for Seungwan’s afternoon. Another bite forced her to reconsider. It was more than delicious enough. She wasn’t sure how the slice on her plate could have been shaped by mere mortal hands from the same ingredients she kept at her house. It made her baking almost feel like an insult to the noble art that produced such perfection. She couldn’t believe Seulgi refused to share in this elevating experience.

“The cheesecake is really good too,” Seulgi muttered defensively under the full force of Seungwan’s judgemental glare. Apparently her thoughts were clear enough, or maybe it was because they went through the same thing every time they visited the café.

“This cake isn’t just really good, Seulgi,” Seungwan replied with deadly seriousness which was only slightly undercut by the emerging grin. “This cake is art.”

“I know, I know. The cake is proof that man is essentially good. It’s the golden ratio of flavour. In a million years, when the last civilization has crumbled away, if the recipe for this cake is the only reminder of humanity’s presence on the planet it’ll all have been worth it,” Seulgi recited with an amused eyeroll. So maybe Seungwan ranted a little too much on the topic. Why did she have so many opinions regarding desserts, anyway?

“Do you think if I ask nicely they’ll give me the recipe?” she asked, mostly because it was what she always said at this point. Seulgi chewed thoughtfully, looking off into nowhere.

“You can try,” she finally replied with a shrug. They both knew she wasn’t going to so she didn’t even bother pointing it out. They settled into silence, too busy chewing to talk further.

“So, any plans for after this?” Seungwan asked, still a little guilty at having stolen so much of Seulgi’s precious weekend. Her friend nodded eagerly, mouth stretched in a wide smile.

“The nurses are all getting together for dinner. We’re checking out this new barbecue place near the hospital,” she said happily. “You can come too, if you want,” she added quickly, the honesty of the invitation showing clearly in her eyes.

A prolonged social situation with a bunch of people she didn’t know that well sounded terrible, especially after the tiring day of studying she’d had, so she scrunched up her face in an expression of apologetic rejection that must be familiar to Seulgi by now. Her friend laughed, accepting it without argument.

“Yeah, I didn’t really expect a yes to that,” she admitted easily. She finished her cheesecake, well after Seungwan had cleaned her plate of any traces of chocolatey goodness, and set down her fork gently. “Are you going over to Joohyun’s or is the rest of today reserved for being a shut-in?” she asked without malice.

“Oh, there’s not really anything happening today,” Seungwan said absently. “Yerim and Sooyoung are busy with finals, so they stayed at the campus.”

“So Joohyun’s alone at home?” Seulgi asked, suddenly looking affronted. Seungwan shrugged to communicate that yes, she probably was. “We should have invited her to come with us, you dummy!” she exclaimed, leaning forward to slap Seungwan’s shoulder, although not with much force. It didn’t stop Seungwan from rubbing at it defensively.

“I’ve never seen her leaving the house voluntarily,” she pointed out hurriedly. “I didn’t want to impose on her at the last minute like that.”

“She’s your friend!” Seulgi insisted, looking exasperated. “It’s not imposing to ask if she wants to go have cake.”

“Maybe she doesn’t even like cake,” Seungwan muttered unconvincingly, slumping down in her chair as she avoided Seulgi’s eyes.

“Wannie, you shouldn’t avoid her,” Seulgi said wisely. She was too good at seeing right through Seungwan; it made it hard to keep up the denial. “She’s your friend. I’d be really sad if you started avoiding me.”

“I’m not… It’s just…” she attempted, but the sentences didn’t really go anywhere. Seulgi watched her with a look that was hard to read. She seemed sad, like she wanted to help but wasn’t sure how. It wasn’t her area of expertise, after all.

Or maybe it was the fact that she’d been on Joohyun’s side of things a few times before.

Seungwan reached for Seulgi’s hand, wishing she could will away her sadness. Maybe she could erase her own troublesome feelings while she was at it. Love really was more trouble than it was worth.

“I’ll go say hi when I get back home,” she finally offered, squeezing her friend’s hand for emphasis. Seulgi smiled in response, clearly placated by the suggestion, and Seungwan was relieved to see some of the lightness return to her eyes.

After paying the bill, they walked together to the subway station, where each headed her own way. The ride home was silent and thoughtful. No matter how hard Seungwan tried to push them away, the same doubts kept surfacing, dancing to the pace of her impatiently tapping foot.

Far too soon, she stood in her own hallway, staring down the door that remained between her and Joohyun. Her heart hammered in her chest. She couldn’t even get her arm to rise from her side and knock. After a few panicked breaths, she rushed into her own apartment and sat heavily on the nearest chair.

She knew it was the cowardly thing to do. She still remembered Seulgi’s face, that lingering hurt, the helplessness. But her mind kept running back to her own thoughts. She’d been carefully avoiding the word for so long that she wondered if some part of her had realized it much earlier.

Love was more trouble than it was worth. But since when had she been thinking of love?


	18. Act 2 Part 7

Seungwan was certainly not in love with Joohyun. She might not be the best at feelings and dealing with them, but she wasn’t completely inexperienced either. She’d been in enough relationships to know that love, actual sustainable love, didn’t grow out of acquaintance or even friendship. Only the true intimacy of dating someone, kissing them, seeing all sides of them, could really lead to love.

But she was thinking about it.

When exactly had Joohyun stopped being just her beautiful neighbour with a pretty smile? Was it around the time Seungwan had started avoiding her instead of seeking her out? Was she too far gone to salvage?

Every time they met in the hallway, these questions and many more sprang up in her mind, freezing her in fear. She didn’t know how to act anymore, too afraid that Joohyun would see right through her, which was a silly concern, really, when she’d probably been this obvious for ages. But now she knew and that made all the difference.

Joohyun had stopped dating; she’d mentioned it in one of their hallway conversations. It was the only thing Seungwan could remember from that particular chat, to be completely honest, since she spent most of them too busy trying to keep her heart from beating out of her ears. But ever since that day, she spent her weekends unnervingly aware of Joohyun’s presence, just two walls between them. In the silence of the apartment, she almost imagined that she could hear her steps.

She knew she was getting stuck in her own head, making the whole thing bigger than it was. But who could she talk to? Certainly not the demon children, especially now. Yerim would probably tell her to focus her energy on tutoring and Sooyoung… She wasn’t sure, but she knew it would involve relentless mocking in some way or another.

There was Seulgi, of course, but she could imagine her disappointment if she knew how Seungwan was acting. She wouldn’t scold her, not if Seungwan looked pitiful enough, but it wouldn’t erase the truth. That Seungwan would have been that kind of friend. The kind that wanted more than Seulgi could ever give and pulled away faster than she could follow.

And the worst part was that she didn’t even have the time to think about this in the first place. In between work, studying and meeting Yerim for their tutoring sessions at the campus café, she barely had time to breathe, so she really couldn’t afford this constant and pointless stress.

She sighed deeply and tried to relax her tense frame. To be fair, her work in tutoring Yerim was probably a considerable factor in her overall stress levels. It felt like she was the one failing physics, which was a new and completely terrifying experience for her. She was spending all her mental energy trying to keep her inner overachiever from full-blown panic and that didn’t leave a lot of resources to handle her emotional crisis.

Sometimes she really wished she was an inanimate object. She could only imagine the peace of mind that came with being eternal, immobile and uncontactable. Especially that last one.

“Would you want to be something like that? A tree, maybe?” she asked the corpse in front of her distractedly. She was supposed to be finishing up some reports, but she kept getting distracted, so she’d left her office for a quick walk around the autopsy room. The view wasn’t great but it was a chance to stretch her legs. “You’re dead, so I guess anything would be a step up.”

A tree would be a good start, but there was still all that trouble of staying alive. She’d have to put out roots and branches and leaves, find water and nutrients, fight for sunlight. Knowing herself, even without a brain she’d find a way to stress about it.

She should just be a rock. Rocks just sat there and did nothing. They had nowhere to go, no obligations, no expectations. They stayed in the same place forever, enjoying the view and slowly eroding. She could handle eroding.

“You think I’d make a good rock?” She came closer to the dead body, a little too tempted to lean on the autopsy table and start sharing her woes. But that would be too much even for her, right?

“I don’t think it’s going to answer you,” a voice suddenly sounded from behind her. She yelped in surprise and whipped around, hands gripping the cold steel of the table for support. “Oh, I didn’t mean to surprise you,” Joohyun quickly added, looking startled herself.

“Just for future reference, you should always announce your presence when you enter a morgue,” Seungwan said, still out of breath. “It’s never a zombie, but I don’t think I’ll ever not assume it’s a zombie.”

Joohyun frowned a little, probably confused at the barely coherent explanation, but she nodded nonetheless.

“Hi,” Seungwan finally remembered to say. She smiled sheepishly at her unexpected guest, who looked a little stiff. Probably just the morgue effect. “How did you get in here?” she asked after an awkward pause.

“I was going to bribe the security guard, but he just let me in when I told him I was your friend. He said you could use the company,” Joohyun said uncertainly.

“Oh, yeah, that’s… I thought the walls were a lot more soundproof than they actually are and he caught me in quite a few compromising situations,” Seungwan admitted, hand rising to scratch at the back of her neck. Joohyun’s eyes widened and she quickly looked around the room with an unreadable expression.

Seungwan understood her discomfort after a moment’s confusion. “Not with the corpses!” she was quick to explain, waving her hands for emphasis. “Right, I can see how my phrasing could be a little misleading. I meant normal stuff. Singing along to my headphones and talking to myself a lot.”

Joohyun seemed more comfortable, now that she only had to deal with the normal everyday weirdness that came with Seungwan and not anything extra involving dead bodies. Both women relaxed, finally moving closer together so they weren’t talking from opposite sides of the room. “Hi,” Seungwan repeated, a little awkwardly, once they were within normal talking distance.

Joohyun returned the greeting a little stiffly and Seungwan finally started to wonder why she’d come in the first place. Had something happened? “Is everything okay?” she asked, trying to keep the worry from her voice.

“Yes,” her visitor quickly replied. Then she paused and pressed her lips together like she was mulling something over. “Well, no. I suppose not,” she added after a moment. She suddenly looked a little uncertain, and her eyes darted around the room again.

Seungwan watched her silently, waiting for her to elaborate. In the silence before she spoke, she remembered that she was supposed to be panicking, but somehow her concern kept her too focused on Joohyun to start cycling through familiar thoughts.

“Why haven’t you come to see me?” Joohyun finally blurted out. Then she grimaced, her eyebrows furrowed deeply, and shook her head almost imperceptibly. “No, that’s not – I was going to ask if you were mad at me first,” she muttered, more to herself than anything.

The question was so unexpectedly direct that Seungwan was shocked speechless. In her desperate scrambling for a plausible answer, she almost missed Joohyun’s accidental confession. “Did you have a speech prepared?” she asked after some surprised blinking.

“No,” Joohyun quickly replied. “Just… A general outline,” she added shyly, picking at the sleeve of her blazer.

“I’m not mad at you,” Seungwan was quick to assure her, intentionally ignoring the other question. It was proving very difficult to come up with an excuse when she couldn’t tell her about her feelings or about Yerim.

To her surprise, Joohyun didn’t go back to the topic. Instead, she sighed softly. “The outline is unnecessary, I know what this is,” she said rather cryptically. Seungwan was a little afraid to find out more, so she simply stood in place, studying her friend.

“I’m not as oblivious as you think,” she started with a voice tinged with hurt. “I know that Sooyoung and Yerim keep things from me. But if they wanted to tell me, they would, so what’s the point in confronting them? I won’t force them to say it.”

It felt like Joohyun’s thoughts were following a path that could be very dangerous for Seungwan, but she couldn’t find it in herself to worry about that. It was like all the stress of the past weeks had slipped away, pushed out of her head by the hurt in Joohyun’s voice, in her eyes. She felt the urge to grasp her hand like she had done with Seulgi, but she knew it wouldn’t be the same, so she held back and waited for the rest.

“After all, they’re so much younger than me. They live in an entirely different world. The things they keep from me, I might not even understand them.” She was talking a little faster now, trying to push the words out before they had the chance to stick in her throat. Then she paused and looked straight at Seungwan and for a moment it seemed like they really had stuck there. She swallowed and tried again. “I didn’t think you would do it as well. I thought… I thought we might be in the same world.”

Seungwan took a step forward before she could even register what she was doing, but Joohyun immediately stepped back, maintaining the space between them. She clearly wasn’t done, so Seungwan settled for clasping her hands tightly together as she waited.

“I never see you after work anymore, so I got off a little early and I came here. I was going to ask you, I even had an outline, but… I don’t have anything to ask. I think I just wanted to see you. I just missed you,” she admitted quietly. Her eyes were bright and shimmery and Seungwan felt something clench painfully in her chest.

“Please don’t cry,” she requested weakly, because it was the only thing she could think of. If Joohyun started crying she knew she would too, and she definitely had a lot to cry about. More than her friend needed to hear right now.

“Please don’t lie to me,” Joohyun returned with a small smile. Her voice was brittle, but the attempt at humour was clear. Seungwan risked another step forward, then another, until she was finally close enough to reach for Joohyun’s hands. She yielded them without protest and stood silently as Seungwan held them between her own, rubbing her thumb over them in soothing patterns.

“I didn’t want to lie,” she admitted in a whisper. Joohyun sniffled and suddenly all she wanted was to hug her tight and never let go. “And I didn’t want to avoid you either,” she added truthfully.

She felt so silly. She’d made such a big issue of something that was so clear. She’d turned the question of Joohyun over and over in her head, so many times that she’d forgotten that all that really mattered was Joohyun herself. She’d been beating herself up over the illusion of choice when all along there was only one choice she could ever make.

“I didn’t know you missed me,” she said, a little selfishly. Her thumbs moved in ever-slower circles and she felt a small smile tug at her lips as Joohyun still made no move to pull away.

“Of course I did,” she replied softly, and her hands moved in Seungwan’s grip as she shrugged. “You’re my friend and I love you.”

All that mattered was Joohyun’s happiness. Everything else came second. Everything else, she’d deal with it as it came along.

“It’s… Not really my secret to tell,” she started hesitantly. She captured Joohyun’s eyes, attempting to impress the gravity of her next words. “You have to promise to keep it to yourself.”

Joohyun nodded gravely, the tears that had threatened to spill moments before already retreating to reveal the same old clear depths.

“You really have to promise, because if she suspects anything, I’m pretty sure she’ll kill me,” Seungwan insisted. Joohyun quirked an eyebrow, but nodded again, a muttered “I promise” spilling from her lips.

She let go of Joohyun gently, then rushed into her office to grab the nearest notebook. When she returned, she opened it on an empty table, calling Joohyun over. “This is the secret,” she said, feeling almost relieved.

Her visitor studied the open pages with a small frown. “This is thermodynamics,” she remarked after a moment. Seungwan nodded. “Thermodynamics isn’t a secret, Seungwan, it’s a well-understood physical theory.”

“Well, Yerim certainly doesn’t understand it,” Seungwan replied with a chuckle. Joohyun gazed at her blankly. “She’s failing physics, I’m tutoring her,” she quickly explained.

“She’s failing physics?” Joohyun parroted, suddenly speaking so loudly that Seungwan almost flinched. “And she didn’t tell me?” she continued, still very loudly, now flailing her arms for emphasis. Seungwan was beginning to worry that somebody would hear them and barge in, but just then Joohyun turned around and started making her way towards the exit, looking intent on stomping all the way to Yerim’s dorm.

Seungwan nearly fell over in her rush to stop her, hands clenching desperately around her arm. “No, no, no, you can’t go,” she said hurriedly. “You’re going to talk to her, and if you do that then she’ll trace it back to me and I’ll end up like him,” she added sombrely, nodding in the direction of the nearest corpse.

Thankfully, Joohyun’s arm remained safely in her grip, as its owner stopped in her tracks to study the dead body. “Was he murdered?” she finally asked, her voice the usual mix of dread and curiosity that people tended to display at the topic.

It seemed that the crisis had been averted, so Seungwan tentatively diverted her attention to the corpse in question. “Um, no, heart attack,” she said once she’d identified it. “But still very much dead,” she pointed out with a frown.

She awkwardly loosened the probably painful grip she’d kept on Joohyun’s arm, smoothing out the crinkled fabric of her sleeve in a silent apology. “You did promise not to tell anyone,” she reminded Joohyun in a mumble.

“That was before I knew what the secret was,” Joohyun whined cutely, but she didn’t protest the issue further. Instead, she made her way back to the notebook and flipped through its pages. “Why didn’t she just ask me?” she huffed, looking almost offended. “I studied physics extensively in college, she knows this.”

“That’s what I said! That she should have asked you,” Seungwan elaborated. She didn’t really know about that second thing, but it only made her more frustrated with stubborn Yerim. “But she really wants you to think that she’s got it all together. I think she doesn’t want to let you down.”

Joohyun pursed her lips in displeasure, clearly agreeing with Seungwan’s assessment. “Well, she should have considered how heavily she is imposing on you. She shouldn’t be asking for so many tutoring sessions.”

“No, no, I just tutor her on the weekend,” she was quick to clear up. “It’s just that I have to go through all the material first and that takes a while since I don’t really know this stuff.”

“You don’t know the material?” Joohyun asked, voice raising once more. Seungwan nervously eyed the door, wondering if her friend had reconsidering her promise in favour or berating Yerim for choosing the worst tutor possible. “That is a completely unfair work-load to put on you, does she have no conscience?” It was Yerim, so the question was up for debate, but it was probably rhetorical anyway.

Although it was nice to know that Joohyun wasn’t just doubting her tutoring abilities, Seungwan began to feel uncomfortable at the way her friend’s eyes were still on her, as though she were weighing her up. Joohyun crossed her arms and let her finger tap against her bicep as she pondered.

“Alright, that settles it then,” Joohyun suddenly declared. “You’ll come to my place after work and I’ll explain all this to you. It’s the least I can do, since I’m forbidden from giving Yerim a piece of my mind,” she added with a complicit smirk, leaning over to bump gently against Seungwan’s shoulder.

Seungwan looked at her in equal parts shock, relief and gratitude. She couldn’t stop herself from latching onto Joohyun with all her might and babbling words of thanks into her ear while she patted her back soothingly.

“Thank you so much, really,” she repeated once she’d finally pulled away. “I was getting so stressed out studying this, you don’t even know. I started having my old college stress dreams. You know, where you wake up and you’re late for a test, and then you don’t even know where it is. And when you manage to find the room, you realize you didn’t bring anything, not even a pen, and then you finally look at the test and suddenly calculus is all about weather patterns in the Scandinavian peninsula and also everything’s in Russian.” Joohyun looked at her in mild confusion. “I had that one last Tuesday,” she added unnecessarily.

Joohyun took another look at the notebook still on the nearby table, then closed it and tucked it under her arm. “Okay, we’ll start studying tomorrow,” she said decisively. Then she fixed her eyes on Seungwan and broke into a large grin. “And tonight, you’re coming over for dinner.”

As Seungwan smiled back, happiness flooding her chest like an explosion, she thought of how silly she’d been. She knew now that there was nothing she could do to stop her feelings for Joohyun. They were as inevitable as the tides, the alternation of night and day, the pull of one magnet to another. But more importantly, it didn’t even matter. All that mattered was that smile on Joohyun’s lips. All that mattered was keeping it there.


	19. Act 2 Part 8

Studying with Joohyun got off to a rocky start. Once the nearly paralyzing stress of the previous weeks was alleviated and Seungwan’s body left survival mode, she was hit by a wave of exhaustion that barely allowed her to get up in the morning and get to work. For the next couple of days, as soon as the clock ticked away her mandatory eight hours, she was out of the building and on her way home, where she collapsed on the bed without even bothering with dinner.

Joohyun didn’t try to push her to start their lessons, either. When they met after work, which was back to being a regular occurrence now that Seungwan wasn’t trying her best to avoid contact, she’d just rub her back comfortingly and encourage her to at least eat something.

Their celebratory dinner never even got to the dinner phase. She spent the subway ride excitedly catching up with Joohyun, surprised at how much she had to share after not even two weeks of separation. Their conversation continued as they walked the rest of the way home, Seungwan’s legs feeling unexpectedly heavy. She sat on the sofa while Joohyun prepared the food and the next thing she remembered was waking up in a dark, empty living room, lying down under a warm blanket. A glance at her phone confirmed that it was the middle of the night and, too comfortable and sleepy to imagine an alternative, she snuggled tighter into the blanket and closed her eyes.

They did have celebratory breakfast, but it was hard to properly celebrate when they were both rushing to get ready on time. Well, Seungwan was rushing. Joohyun got up at the crack of dawn to go jogging and was already showered and tending to the stove by the time Seungwan groggily pushed herself upright.

By the end of the week, it was clear that they couldn’t delay it much longer, so they finally decided that Saturday would be reserved entirely for studying. Seungwan knew she should probably be dreading the work, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be anything but excited at the prospect of a full day with Joohyun, even if she spent it wrapping her head around electromagnetism and optics.

Physics was still terrible, though. Not even Joohyun’s presence could change that.

“So, is there some logic behind these diffraction equations or am I just supposed to memorize them?” she asked, frowning at the exercises that had been occupying her for the past hour. Joohyun was taking the opportunity to iron, although she had to make frequent pauses to come over to the sofa and help Seungwan through the problems.

“Well, the best way would be to derive them from first principles using a complex wave formalism,” she said slowly, setting down the iron to ponder the issue further. “But it might be beyond the scope of the course.”

“It might be,” Seungwan squeaked out.

“I really don’t see the pedagogic value of presenting easily derived equations as axioms,” Joohyun remarked, reiterating her opinion on Yerim’s course for what was probably the tenth time that day. She moved over to sit by Seungwan, taking the pencil from her hands and reaching for an empty piece of paper. “I’ll show you the geometric reasoning. It’s grossly oversimplified, but it might make the expression easier to remember.”

Seungwan was extremely pleased with the simple and entirely inaccurate explanation, since it didn’t involve any derivatives or integrals and she actually understood all of the words being used. She had a feeling Yerim would have the same opinion on the subject. If Seungwan tried to make her learn about complex waves, she’d probably riot.

Joohyun finished ironing while Seungwan grappled with the remaining questions on interference. Once she was done putting the clothes away, she sat down by Seungwan’s side and examined the resolutions critically.

“Everything seems to be in order, I think you’ve got this chapter down,” she finally concluded with evident satisfaction. She patted Seungwan’s leg in approval, shooting her a small smile that she quickly returned.

Gathering the resolutions carefully into a plastic sleeve, she put them away in her backpack, where several similar sleeves were already stored, one for each chapter of the material. Then she retrieved the set of coloured pens reserved for note-taking.

“So, now we move to relativity, right?” she asked, green pen in hand to write down the chapter title at the top of the page. It was so much easier to be taught than to learn alone. She’d missed the comfort of having everything presented in small, harmless doses and not having to work through all her questions by herself. She almost let out a contented sigh, but she felt that it might be too much.

“No,” Joohyun replied simply, taking the pen from her hand and placing it back near the others. “Now we take a break,” she said with a cheeky smile.

“We took a break for lunch,” Seungwan pointed out doubtfully.

“Yes, and now we’re taking another one.” Joohyun’s eager eyes were hard to resist, especially when Seungwan’s conscience was pulling her in two different directions. She felt the responsibility of her commitment to Yerim, but she also felt guilty at taking away Joohyun’s weekend like this. After all, the woman was doing her a huge favour.

“You’ve worked a lot since lunch,” Joohyun carried on, clearly intent on convincing her overachieving student. “And now I’m done with all my laundry and it’s still light out. I want to go to the park,” she finished, voice lingering on the last word with a hint of a whine.

“The park?”

“The one you took me to,” she elaborated, already looking a little surer of her success. “It was very pretty and quiet. The fresh air would help you clear your head and we can study more afterwards, if you want.”

“Isn’t it a little cold for the park?“ she attempted weakly. Joohyun was grinning widely now and Seungwan knew that she was just delaying the inevitable.

“I’ll wear a coat,” her friend replied, already up from the sofa and moving to the door. She sighed and followed her lead.

“Alright, we’ll go, but only because I stole your Saturday,” she reasoned, more for her own benefit that anything.

“What do you mean?” She followed Seungwan’s eyes as they turned to her pile of notes meaningfully. “Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. It was fun. But if you feel so guilty, you can buy me ice cream,” she added mischievously as Seungwan quirked a sceptical eyebrow.

“It’s definitely too cold for ice cream!” she tried to argue, but Joohyun was already out of the door.

(…)

The field by the pond was even less populated than the previous time, probably because fewer people enjoyed the outdoors this far into Autumn. As they stepped into the clearing, the sound of leaves crunching under their feet grew more sporadic. Here, there were only a few flecks of orange, blown away from the trees and closer to the water when the wind picked up.

Joohyun seemed enraptured. Once captivated by the unbroken expanse of green that bordered the deep blue sky, she was now equally content to study the palette of warm colours painting the canopy of the woods. Thick white clouds drifted lazily across the light blue above them, casting patterns of shadows on the grass.

While her friend gazed thoughtfully at the surface of the pond, following the path of the few solitary spots of yellow and orange that had found their way to the water, Seungwan busied herself setting down their blanket. She’d managed to drag Joohyun back inside before she was down the stairs, insisting that they had to at least bring something to sit on.

She tugged on Joohyun’s hand gently, guiding her down to the blanket, where she sat with an apologetic smile. They both settled comfortably, then remained side by side in silence. She gave Joohyun space to take in the sight, much like she’d done on their previous visit, and slowly let her mind drift.

It was her favourite thing about places like this. When she surrounded herself with the gentle sounds of nature, be it bird calls and scuttering paws in the warmer months or, like today, rustling leaves and rippling water, she felt light, free. She would close her eyes, feel the breeze on her hair or the sun on her skin, and she’d slowly let her thoughts wander.

She never did it for too long, always snapping back to reality quickly as she turned to share something with Seulgi, or answer a question she’d posed, or simply to get up and move onwards, follow a darting squirrel or look for a gazebo that should be around here somewhere. Joohyun was quieter, less prone to motion and questioning, and Seungwan wondered how far her mind would be allowed to drift with nothing pulling it back.

She was lazily pondering this question when she gradually became aware of a rhythmic distraction that slowly resolved itself into a soft pressure on her leg that kept disappearing as quickly as it made itself known. Pulling her eyes away from the distant blue that had enthralled them, she brought them down to where she sat and saw at last that Joohyun was softly bumping their knees together.

She was studying Seungwan silently, an undecipherable smile playing on her lips. At the look of recognition that slowly dawned on Seungwan’s eyes, the smile grew wider and more playful. “Is it working?” she asked enigmatically. Seungwan only furrowed her brow in confusion, still chasing her scattered thoughts back into the present. “The break. Did it get your mind away from work?”

She bit back a smile which threatened to take over her face and simply nodded. “Shouldn’t you be enjoying the view?” she retorted teasingly. “You can look at me whenever you want.”

“You don’t always look like this,” Joohyun pointed out, reaching out to tap her finger on the tip of Seungwan’s nose. She nearly crossed her eyes trying to follow its trajectory, which drew a small giggle from Joohyun. “You were off in your own world. It was cute.”

Ignoring the stutter in her heart at Joohyun calling her cute, she readjusted her position on the blanket and gazed out at the pond. The wind had disturbed its surface, causing little waves to drift in all directions, colliding against each other and combining chaotically. They should probably go back before the sun started setting and the temperature dropped, but she didn’t want to return to her studies quite yet, so she searched for something to delay the inevitable.

“So, why did you study all that physics in college?” she finally asked. It had been the first thing to spring to mind, since her thoughts were already on the topic, but it was something she’d wondered before.

“Well, I was very interested in the area. I considered pursuing it as a specialization, especially the computational side, the development and study of physical models. That required taking programming classes and somewhere along the way I realized that the programming was what I truly enjoyed.”

“And now you do neural networks,” Seungwan finished for her. Joohyun smiled, apparently amused at her phrasing, and nodded in confirmation.

“And you?” Joohyun asked in return. The wind picked up for a moment and a handful of colourful leaves blew past them, greenish yellow, ochre and vibrant vermillion flitting across their field of vision before settling down among their fellow outcasts.

“Physics? I had like one class, I don’t really remember most of it.”

“No,” she began with a giggle. “I meant, how did you end up working at a morgue?”

“Oh. I was kind of hoping that wasn’t the question.” Joohyun seemed about to intervene, probably to free her from answering, but she waved it off. “It’s fine, it’s just not that interesting. I always had good grades and at some point it was kind of established that I was going to be a doctor. And then one day I realized I didn’t even want to do it that much. And the thought of all that studying and exams and competition just… Really stressed me out. So I started looking for what else I could do with my qualifications, and I found this. I’m really happy about it, actually. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’d be compatible with the stress of medicine. Like, at all.”

She leaned forward to pick at some grass, a little embarrassed after her long speech. It was always awkward to share how she’d arrived at her job through the exciting process of giving up, even if it had been in the name of her own mental health and well-being.

“Sounds like you made a good decision,” Joohyun broke through her reverie before it could truly begin. “It can be difficult to make a change once you’ve committed yourself to a path.”

Joohyun really had a disconcerting habit of saying just the right thing. It was sure to get one of them in trouble eventually. “I guess you used that one on Yerim before, huh?” Seungwan asked jokingly, pulling the conversation to lighter ground. She watched as a leaf swirled in chaotic patterns, landing between them on the blanket. There, it sat stubbornly, its tips blowing under the wind’s insistent caress, before it finally relinquished its hold and drew ever closer to the water.

“Well, it was very different for Yerim. She always knew what she wanted, she just needed to realize that it was her choice to make,” Joohyun replied earnestly. Seungwan wasn’t sure whether she’d missed the joke or simply elected to ignore it. “Although I worry that she’s taken her newfound independence a bit too far,” she added with a small grin.

“I’m way past worrying,” Seungwan replied simply, earning a wider grin and a chuckle for her trouble. “Next time she asks me for something, I’m going to dump her on you so fast,” she continued, although the smile on her own face belied the sharpness of her words. And probably their veracity, if she was being completely honest.

Joohyun seemed to notice as much, because she quickly sobered up, studying her with some worry. “I can still talk to her,” she suggested, although Seungwan was quick to decline the suggestion. “I don’t think she realized the amount of stress this would cause you. If you explain it to her, I’m sure she’d reconsider.”

“It wasn’t just the studying,” she admitted after some hesitation. “I’ve been feeling a little lost lately, like I’m not really in control of my life. And I guess the whole learning something from scratch with huge expectations fed on that, and into that, and grew into this whole… thing. Great synergy,” she finished with a weak attempt at humour, wishing Joohyun’s eyes hadn’t softened like that. Some things would be a lot easier if they just went back to being unreadable and closed off.

She gazed far away, trying to erase Joohyun’s concerned face from her peripheral vision. She finally noticed that there were no ducks in the pond. It made sense, they must be making their way south by now. “But it’s better now. You really helped with the physics and things feels more manageable,” she said slowly, feeling all the right words dancing just out of her reach. “And the other stuff, I’m… working on that.”

“Is there anything I can do to help? With the stuff.” It was almost cute, the way she said it. Seungwan felt a hand cover her own, offering its comforting presence. A shiver ran down her back at the contact and it took her a moment to realize that it was because Joohyun’s hand was absolutely freezing.

“Don’t worry about that,” she said absently, turning around to study her friend. The thoughts were driven further out of her mind by the sight that greeted her. “Joohyun, your lips are turning purple!”

“Oh, that,” she replied absently. “I don’t react very well to the cold,” she admitted with a shrug.

Seungwan was already shrugging off her coat and throwing it on her. She rubbed her arms vigorously in an attempt to improve her circulation. “Why did you want to come to the park, then?” she muttered unhappily.

“I was fine until the sun started setting,” Joohyun replied, sounding amused at the way her body was being jerked around by Seungwan’s overzealous efforts to warm her. It was only then that Seungwan realized how the entire field was covered in shadow, as the sun had clearly fallen below the treetops.

She jumped up, almost knocking Joohyun out of balance, then pulled her up as well and reached for the blanket. Instead of folding it, she draped it across Joohyun’s shoulders and pulled it tightly around her arms, which she rubbed a few more times for good measure. Her freezing companion giggled at the precautions, then opened her arms widely, ignoring Seungwan’s scandalized complaints, and stepped forward to pull her into a hug that left them both covered by the blanket.

“I need human warmth,” she explained with a lopsided grin as she latched onto Seungwan’s arm and awaited her guidance. She only rolled her eyes, offering no further resistance to the proximity. Joohyun’s hand was still dreadfully cold and the rest of her couldn’t be much better, so Seungwan’s only concern was in giving her as much heat as she could.

They rushed through the park, nearly empty at this late hour. As they neared a familiar area, Joohyun perked up, pulling at Seungwan’s arm to force her to slow down. “Buy me ice cream,” she requested, clinging closer to Seungwan.

“Absolutely not, you’ll turn into a block of ice,” she replied immediately, scandalized at the suggestion. Joohyun tugged harder, almost bringing them to a stop.

“I’m already getting warmer,” she claimed stubbornly.

“How can you be this shameless? I can feel your freezing hand.”

“Hands are always cold,” she replied with wide eyes. Seungwan sighed exaggeratedly and pulled her hand out from the blanket to hold it against Joohyun’s cheek, which was, as expected, colder than a glacier. “Cheeks are always cold, too,” she quickly added before Seungwan could even speak.

They stood silently in a contest of wills, Seungwan’s hand growing colder between Joohyun’s face and the cool dusk air. Then Joohyun’s lips grew into a determined smile. “Guess what I’m thinking.”

“No,” Seungwan dead-panned in response.

“Come on, guess what I’m thinking,” she insisted. The day was growing darker all around them and it was only going to get colder. And Joohyun was stubborn.

“Fine, you’re thinking about ice cream.”

The triumph which had already been growing in Joohyun’s eyes suddenly receded, temporarily replaced by surprise and then displeasure. Her lips drew into an adorable pout and Seungwan almost ran her quickly numbing thumb over it before her mind caught up to the situation and she drew her hand back into the safety of the blanket.

She mentally scolded herself as her fingers threaded around Joohyun’s once more. Now that she’d accepted her feelings, it felt like a wall had been lifted from between them, and restraints that she’d carefully put into place had been cast aside. On moments like this, when she looked into Joohyun’s eyes, it was easy to forget that she was the only one who felt it. But she couldn’t lose their friendship over something as silly as a thoughtless caress. She had to be more careful, to follow Joohyun’s lead.

Fingers like icicles wrapped tightly around her already cold hand and she almost yelped at the sensation. Joohyun smirked evilly, showing no intention of letting go.

Seungwan was so lucky.

“Now come on, you can’t teach me about relativity if your mouth freezes shut.”


	20. Act 2 Part 9

Even though winter was just around the corner, Seungwan was filled with a pleasant warmth, and not just because the campus library had central heating. It helped a little, but what truly had Seungwan so elated that she barely felt the cold was the fact that finals week was about to begin. Now there was a thought she’d never expected to have.

But this time around, finals week didn’t spell out stress, confusion and sleep deprivation. It spelled freedom, in big bold letters that kept flashing back into Seungwan’s mind and driving another wide smile to her face. It spelled out the end of her time tutoring Yerim and, since the two younger women would be busy with their exams and papers, an entire week’s worth of guilt-free, physics-free time alone with Joohyun.

She should probably feel a little bad for relishing the exhausting work that awaited Yerim and Sooyoung, but the part of her in charge of empathy was currently being pushed aside by her inner child, excitedly counting down the seconds until the start of summer break.

Yerim studied her with confused disgust, scowling as another grin spread across Seungwan’s face. “What are you so happy about?” she asked in a monotone, not deigning to spend her precious energy on intonation.

“I was just thinking that sometimes there are advantages to being an adult,” she replied with a dreamy smile. Yerim quirked an eyebrow, but didn’t pursue the ambiguity in Seungwan’s words. She really must be tired.

“Well, can you save the gloating for later? I can’t deal with you and physics at the same time,” she complained sullenly, her eyes moving back to her scattered papers.

“I’d be happy to leave,” she teased in a light tone, but Yerim only responded with a grunt. This definitely wasn’t the right crowd for her giddy mood.

“I liked her better when she was all stressed out,” Sooyoung piped up from her corner, where she was bent over a laptop until her nose nearly touched the screen, typing away with a speed that raised serious doubts over the quality of her prose.

“But her notes did get a lot better,” Yerim replied absently, squinting at a formula like she was hoping it would eventually start making sense. Glancing at the page, Seungwan could already tell that it wouldn’t. She didn’t really understand it herself.

“Just memorize it,” she advised, making a face that she hoped conveyed her own confusion at the topic. She reached out a hand and tapped on the paragraph at the end of the page. “What really matters is understanding why the diffraction happens.”

“Great, I can’t do that either,” Yerim deadpanned, but obediently wrote down the equation and moved down to the explanatory text.

“They did get a lot better, didn’t they?” Sooyoung suddenly asked, momentarily pausing her frantic essay-writing. Her intention seemed to be to simply rest her hands, as she began stretching them slowly, but her eyes were studying Seungwan with light curiosity.

She had much more faith in Sooyoung piecing together the mystery of her sudden confidence and aptitude than Yerim, especially when the youngest woman seemed distracted enough in her attempt to reread the same sentence until it made sense.

“I say this with all the love in my heart, but why are you here again?” she intervened, aiming her words at Sooyoung in the hope of diverting attention from the current topic. Surprisingly, it was Yerim who reacted first, raising her head sharply and fixing her with a warning glance. She frowned at the unnecessary aggressiveness.

“Writing my paper?” Sooyoung suggested lazily, unable to see Yerim’s protective scowl from her position on the sofa behind them.

Seungwan looked between the two in confusion. “Right… Carry on,” she finally said uncertainly, trying to make sense of the situation. As Sooyoung returned her eyes to her laptop, she glanced her way, trying to study her more closely. She looked tired, as expected. She looked haggard, also as expected. Honestly, it was hard to tell whether something was wrong when your subject was about to start her finals. The situation tended to leave people looking like depressed zombies.

But something must be wrong, from the way Yerim had seemed ready to bite Seungwan’s head off if she didn’t drop the topic. Of course, she was intelligent enough not to ask. Yerim clearly wanted the issue avoided, which must mean Sooyoung wanted just the same.

Yerim’s brow was furrowing deeper and deeper as her eyes nearly bore holes in the paragraph she kept reading with furious determination. Seungwan should probably do her tutoring job instead of reflecting on Sooyoung’s personal issues.

“Okay, a picture might help. So, there’s a wave travelling in space and then it hits an obstacle with an opening of length _d_ …” She drew a simple illustration as she explained, trying to remember it the way Joohyun had said it. It wasn’t quite the same, but Yerim still seemed satisfied, hopefully because she’d actually understood it and not just to shut Seungwan up.

The tapping of Sooyoung’s fingers on the keyboard had stopped once more. She straightened her back and rolled her neck from side to side, then she looked at Seungwan again. The smirk on her face made it very clear that a connection had been made and Seungwan could only hope that she was feeling generous and compassionate.

“Joohyun says you guys have been spending a lot of time together,” she commented casually, her eyes back to her laptop even though she hadn’t resumed her typing. “Having fun?” she asked with another smirk. Seungwan almost wished she was simply making improper insinuations like she usually did.

Yerim clearly interpreted her words that way, and she rolled her eyes in preparation for some complaint about how she couldn’t handle both physics and the disgusting image of Joohyun and Seungwan together. Then she paused, pressed her lips into a thin line and opted to say nothing, idly underlining a passage while she awaited Seungwan’s response.

Her own response was delayed by the surprise with which she observed the events. Why was Yerim walking on eggshells around Sooyoung? “Uh… Yeah,” she finally stuttered out. “You guys are too busy to hang out, so I’m keeping her company,” she added in an attempt at something other than a monosyllable.

“How selfless of you,” Yerim retorted sarcastically. Clearly teasing Seungwan was still fair game.

“Yes, I do a lot of selfless things,” she simply pointed out, arching an eyebrow to fully convey the meaning of her words. Yerim seemed to have gotten the message, because she rolled her eyes again and returned to her studies without any further comments. No need to jeopardize her tutoring when they were so close to being done.

“Do anything special?” Sooyoung pursued relentlessly. “All that time with just the two of you, you must have done something besides sitting around and talking about nothing.”

“We went to the park,” Seungwan replied defensively.

“How romantic,” Yerim muttered under her breath, too low for anyone but Seungwan to hear.

“It was nice,” she said honestly, not bothering to react to Yerim’s words. “Until she almost went into hypothermia.” Both women nodded, like they were more than used to Joohyun’s terrible thermoregulation.

Yerim returned to her scribbling, which was becoming decidedly more hopeless, but Sooyoung squinted at Seungwan in suspicion. “You’re not squirming half as much as usual,” she finally remarked.

Seungwan shrugged. “Well, you guys already know I like her, so there’s no point in trying to hide it.”

Sooyoung’s eyes narrowed even further, until her pupils were nearly invisible. Before she could say anything, Seungwan yelped at a sharp pain in her leg, quickly pulling it out of Yerim’s reach. “Sorry, I was stretching,” the younger woman said unconvincingly. “Anyway, I think this is as good as it gets on optics. Now I need caffeine before I do anything else.”

She got up from her chair quickly and paused only long enough to throw Seungwan a significant look, probably in the hope that she’d come along. Her silent offer was rejected and she walked off alone, studying the remaining two uncertainly.

As soon as she rounded the corner, Seungwan was by Sooyoung’s side on the sofa. “So, hypothetically, if I asked Joohyun not to share something with Yerim, how likely is it that she’d tell you?”

“Hypothetically, you’re lucky she even kept your secret from Yerim,” Sooyoung shot back with an amused smile. “She didn’t say anything. But I think you did the right thing, getting her help. Hypothetically.”

She relaxed back into the sofa, relieved that Sooyoung seemed willing to keep her discovery to herself.

“So, are you two actually…” Sooyoung began uncertainly, seeming unsure of how to finish her question. “The lack of stuttering and trying to change the topic is disconcerting.”

It wasn’t the most flattering way to say it, but Seungwan couldn’t deny that it was true. “No, Joohyun hasn’t magically developed feelings for me,” she said with a derisive chuckle. Sooyoung raised her brows but didn’t comment. It was nice that at least one of them had some faith. It would be nicer if it wasn’t entirely unfounded. “I guess I’m just not in denial anymore.”

“Well, that’s the first step.” Sooyoung patted her back reassuringly, giving her a weak smile. It faded quickly and she turned her head back to the laptop, staring at her paper in what seemed a transparent attempt to avoid eye contact.

Yerim’s concern sprang to mind and Seungwan studied her friend’s profile in search of something she couldn’t find. She just looked tired. “Hey, are you ok?” she finally risked asking, once she’d confirmed that Yerim still wasn’t on her way back.

“Ask me after finals,” Sooyoung said with some sarcasm. She was clearly deflecting with humour and Seungwan considering pointing out as much, but she turned away from the computer to face her with sudden composure. “Yerim likes to coddle me. It makes her feel more grown up. But she’s making a big deal out of nothing. I’m fine.”

The conversation was interrupted by Yerim’s return. She looked between the two suspiciously, then settled back in front of her scattered notes. “Well?” she asked with feigned impatience. “Which one of us is getting tutored again?”

The two women on the sofa exchanged amused glances. Yerim certainly wasn’t the most subtle in her efforts to divert attention away from Sooyoung, but Seungwan couldn’t help but find it sweet that she would curb her antagonistic personality to this extent. She concealed a smile as she moved over to the table and picked up the notes on the next chapter.

(…)

She’d had dinner with Joohyun three times this week and it was only Wednesday. Currently, they sat on the sofa side by side, digging into the Chinese takeout they’d ordered. In the fridge, a container of tiramisu ice cream which Seungwan had finally remembered to buy waited its turn.

“Yerim’s exam is tomorrow, right?” Joohyun asked between mouthfuls. Seungwan only nodded, as her own mouth was too full to speak. After all their work, she was certain that a passing grade was guaranteed. She’d like to believe Yerim could even ace it, but that depended more on the test than on the student.

“I asked her to text me once it’s over and let me know how it went, but it’s Yerim, so I’m not holding my breath,” she said after swallowing. “I swear, for someone who’s always on her phone she’s really bad at answering my texts.”

Yerim wasn’t the only one, either. She’d tentatively sent Sooyoung a message to let her know that she was there if she ever wanted to talk and she’d never gotten a response. In this case, she suspected that the issue wasn’t distraction so much as deliberate avoidance. Still, as long as Sooyoung had seen it, she’d know that the option was there in case she changed her mind.

This meant that Seungwan still had no idea what was wrong in that department. She’d tried Yerim, of course, but all she’d gotten was an evasive comment on how the only thing wrong with Sooyoung was that she still had faith in Seungwan’s ability to reanimate her flatlining love life. Which was just mean, honestly.

Maybe after finals, Sooyoung would have more time to think it over and reach out to Seungwan. Or maybe she’d have dealt with it by then. Problems always looked bigger and scarier when you were facing intense academic pressure, after all. Seungwan could attest to that.

“That reminds me,” Joohyun said, pulling Seungwan away from her thoughts. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Those were certainly ominous words. From Seungwan’s experience, nine times out of ten they led to her being dumped, sometimes with an accompanying confession of infidelity. Somehow, the certainty that breaking up wasn’t on the table only made her more uncomfortable at the looming unknown.

“I’ve been meaning to ask for some time now,” Joohyun continued, seemingly oblivious to the effect her ambiguous words were having on Seungwan. She tried to take it as a sign that she couldn’t mean anything too serious, but her brain kept sending out panic signals and they were getting harder to ignore. “I fear I’ve delayed it too long.”

She almost choked on her noodles, which might have been a blessing in disguise because at least it gave her something to focus on. “What did you delay?” she asked against every instinct in her body.

“I wanted to know what you’re doing for Christmas.” Right. Logical. Not scary.

“Oh, I’m visiting my parents for a couple of days,” she replied almost automatically, too busy being flooded with relief. “Why do you ask?” she remembered to add once her brain more or less returned to normal.

“The three of us usually have a Christmas party after the holiday, we wanted you to come this year. It’s on the 28th, if you’re back in town by then.” She frowned as she tried to remember the date of her flight back, which Joohyun seemed to take as a negative. “I know, I know, it’s a little last minute. I should have asked sooner. But it’s fine if you can’t come, we have the New Year’s party a few days later anyway. Although you might have plans for that, too.”

Joohyun’s eagerness to dismiss Seungwan from all social engagements as soon as they were presented was a little cute, but she eventually raised a hand to stop her before she ran out of air. “I think I can make the Christmas party, my flight back is on the weekend, so that’s the 27th, right?” Joohyun nodded in confirmation. “And I don’t have any plans for New Year’s yet, I usually just do whatever Seulgi’s doing.”

“Oh, Seulgi’s free to come too,” Joohyun declared without hesitation. Seungwan definitely hoped that she’d be interested, because a party of five that included a minor was sure to be a lot closer to her ideal evening than any of the events where she tended to end up. Plus, if Seulgi opted for a livelier party, she’d have to figure out whether her friend would rather have her there or leave her with Joohyun and the others and be free to enjoy herself. And she’d just insist that Seungwan do what she wanted, which didn’t help at all.

“That’s really nice of you to offer, I’ll ask her,” she replied in what she hoped was a normal timeframe. Her brain kept going on tangents. “Are you sure it won’t be weird for you guys?”

“Certainly not, Sooyoung and Yerim seem to love her.” Oh, right, there was always that disturbing occurrence. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to provide more opportunities for their interactions, but she already knew that whatever those three wanted they got, so any interference from her part would just be wasted energy.

Joohyun regarded her happily over the top of her carton of food, which she then set down on the table, apparently having finished. Seungwan was done as well, so they took the trash to the kitchen and opened up the real star of the evening, the ice cream. A few experimental spoonfuls told her that the dessert had been approved, so they served themselves generous helpings then returned to the comfort of the living room.

Halfway through the ice cream, Seungwan nearly jumped up in surprise. Joohyun studied her with some confusion, gazing around the living room for anything that could have caused it. “I have to buy Christmas presents!” she suddenly exclaimed, helpfully providing the explanation. “What do I buy Yerim? And Sooyoung? And you?” she enumerated, increasingly puzzled.

Joohyun laughed in response. “Yerim’s been talking about a gaming mouse, whatever that is. For Sooyoung, you can’t go wrong with some nice clothes. I’ll send you the links to outfits I’ve seen her admiring on her computer,” she suggested with a lopsided grin.

Seungwan followed her words like she was listing the secret to eternal life. “And you?” she finally asked. She wasn’t very hopeful, but you did miss 100% of the shots you didn’t take.

“Surprise me,” she replied mischievously and licked her spoon clean. “This ice cream is much better than I’d expected,” she admitted with admiration. It was easy to conclude from the way she’d already cleaned out her bowl.

“Maybe I’ll get you some more for Christmas, then,” Seungwan said jokingly. Or maybe not completely jokingly. It depended on Joohyun’s reaction.

“Do that and I might just forget that our tutoring arrangement is a secret,” Joohyun threatened lightly, reaching out with her spoon to attack Seungwan’s half-empty bowl. She pulled it away more out of principle than anything and studied her friend’s face.

“You wouldn’t,” she said slowly, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Let’s find out,” Joohyun replied with a shrug. Taking advantage of the fact that Seungwan was focused on trying to pierce her bluff, she suddenly lunged and easily grabbed the ice cream, nearly losing her balance in the attempt.

“You know, you could just ask for it,” Seungwan commented tiredly, although her annoyance was just for show.

Joohyun arched an eyebrow in disagreement. “It’s all about the thrill of the chase,” she said slyly, the effect only partly ruined by all the ice cream still in her mouth.

(…)

The rest of the week flew by and then Sooyoung was off to visit her parents, with barely enough time to say her goodbyes. She made sure to leave as soon as she could, since she would have to come back right after Christmas for their party. After a few days, Joohyun left as well, and then Seungwan. Yerim stayed behind until the last possible minute, and Seungwan was sure that she'd find a way out of going home at all if it didn't involve seeing her sisters.

She couldn't say that her relationship with her parents had ever been that bad, even when she'd quit medicine or come out as bi. They showed it when they disagreed with her choices, however gently, but she'd never felt pressured. Like she could only ever be free by challenging them. It must be tough for Yerim to go back home.

“And how's Mr Fluffers?” her father asked, interrupting her musings. She smiled at the mention of her favourite ball of fur.

“He’s great, as fluffy as ever.”

“Is Seulgi looking after him?” her mother intervened, and the comment was innocent enough, but Seungwan was wise to her ways by now.

“She’s visiting her parents, too. I had to hire a cat-sitter.” She focused her attention on the plate in front of her, cutting off a piece of chicken that would stay on her fork until after her mother had spoken. She always got carried away interpreting her silences, even if it was clear that she was just chewing.

“Oh, that makes sense,” her mother said simply. She took a bite, so Seungwan deemed it safe to do the same. “So… Are you and Seulgi…” she started hesitantly, once she'd finished chewing.

“For the last time, mom, I’m not dating Seulgi. She’s my best friend.”

She couldn't imagine Yerim's relationship with her parents, but Sooyoung’s seemed just as implausible. Because she loved her parents, really loved them and missed them and wanted to spend as much of her holidays as she could with them. And Seungwan certainly loved her parents, in the way that people love their families, but too much time with them and her patience would inevitably start to erode. Honestly, moving away had been one of the best things that could have happened to their relationship.

Her mother poked at her food in a way that was intimately familiar to Seungwan. It meant she wasn't going to drop it and was showing just enough reticence not to seem overbearing “I know we didn’t have the best reaction when you told us you were bisexual, but we really wouldn’t mind if you were dating Seulgi. Or anyone…” she added in a gentle but sorrowful tone.

Her father was staying out of it, as usual, and Seungwan knew better than to appeal to his sympathy. Deep inside, he wanted her to date just as much as her mother, he just externalized it less. “Well, I’m not. Sorry to disappoint.”

“Of course you’re not disappointing us,” her mother hurriedly reassured her. Seungwan looked up from her plate to catch her smile and return it. She was only home for a few days and she really should try a little harder to avoid any pointless arguments. She was usually better at ignoring the well-meant prodding, but maybe her current situation with Joohyun was making her a little more sensitive.

They ate in silence for a few moments before her mother looked up from her chicken again. “Maybe if you were a doctor…” she began, and Seungwan really wasn't sure how this hypothetical was worth exploring when that ship had sailed long ago. Then again, what felt like a lifetime to her had probably flown by for her parents. They certainly seemed to still be adjusting to her new employment situation.

It was probably the combination of circumstances. Her romantic and professional failures had worked together to make her parents fear for their daughter’s future, especially given how they had been introduced to those failures.

First, they'd been entirely convinced that she wanted to study medicine, because she'd been entirely convinced herself, and she was pretty sure they still thought she'd taken the easy way out due to academic stress and insecurity. And it was in bad taste to sound too chipper about working in a morgue, so it was hard to convince them that she was actually happy about her job.

And then there was her personal life, which was an even bigger mess. In high school, she'd kept most of her relationships hidden from her parents because it never felt serious enough for introductions. When she moved away to college and came out to her parents, the whole topic of dating became a bit too awkward to approach, so by an unspoken agreement they had never discussed it. Things were better now, as evidenced by her mother's inept attempt at reassurance, but of course there hadn't been any relationships to mention lately. So her parents probably thought she was some kind of pathetic eternally-single mess that would eventually have to be fixed up with one of their friends’ eligible children. And that made them a little desperate.

“Wow, this chicken is great! Is it a new recipe?” she exclaimed in a timely interruption, as her mother's lips were already moving to continue her hypothetical scenario. Instead, they froze and split into a pleased smile.

“Oh, as a matter of fact it is! And it’s low fat!” Luckily, she could always count on her mother's other interests to escape scrutiny.

“Really? It’s so delicious, I really couldn’t tell.” She stretched her own features into a matching smile. It wasn't entirely fake, since she actually enjoyed talking to her mother about food and discussing any new recipes she'd found lately. But it was a little fake, because nobody would get that excited about chicken, she thought.

“I know, right? If you replace olive oil with coconut oil, it really cuts down on the fat and it tastes even better.” Well, maybe her mother would. Either way, it had certainly worked, and even her father seemed to be perking up, probably relieved that he could safely rejoin the conversation.

After dinner, Seungwan stretched across the living room sofa, enjoying the lavish comfort while her parents were busy in the kitchen. Once they returned, she'd have to scoot to one corner and sit like a normal person.

She focused her attention on the battered novel in her hands. She'd stopped by the library on her way home and picked up a well-thumbed copy of To the Lighthouse, the book that Joohyun had been so excitedly discussing on that one drunken night. She’d been hoping to have a look at it without the pressure of Joohyun's expectations, but now she thought that if she managed not to drop it on her face, then that would be her first and probably last success with the book.

“Hey, kiddo.” Her father announced his presence in much the same way as he had 10 years ago and it brought a little smile to her face, which she hid with a slight repositioning of the book.

“Hey, dad,” she said lazily, pulling her legs back to make room for him. He tapped her foot awkwardly, in acknowledgment of the action.

“Whatcha got there?”

She tilted the cover so it was facing him more directly and let him read out the answer. It was more out of habit than anything else, since she was actually glad for the interruption. She'd been reading the same sentence for so long, she'd cherish any excuse to stop.

“Virginia Woolf? Fancy stuff,” he said in theatrical appraisal. “What’s it about?”

“Umm… I think they want to go to a lighthouse,” she replied slowly. She was pretty sure that was all that had happened so far. From the way things were going, it was possible nothing else would happen at all.

“Well, that checks out.” He sat quietly beside her, unwilling to disturb any further. Peeking over the top of the book, she could see him studying her fondly and it made her only mildly uncomfortable. After all, she had missed him a little.

She set down the book on her chest and turned to him. “Hey dad? What do you give someone who has everything?” Some part of her regretted asking, the part that had wanted to keep away from all mentions of Joohyun, but it was overpowered by the part that was approaching panic because of the coming Christmas party.

She still didn't have a present for Joohyun, and she was keenly aware that she was running out of time. Yerim and Sooyoung had been taken care of before her trip, all handled in person since she'd done her shopping so late that any shipping would arrive mid-January. Joohyun’s help had been invaluable in that department, but she had nobody to help with Joohyun. Yerim had told her to buy socks “because Joohyun likes boring stuff like that” and Sooyoung had suggested finally confessing her feelings. She wasn't sure which one gave worse advice.

Her father frowned in thought. “A wish list?” he offered with a playful smile. She yielded the required snort in acknowledgment of his unfunny joke. “So, is Seulgi the one who has everything?”

She studied him with narrowed eyes. “Are you probing for mom?” The little she'd said so far was already enough for her parents to speculate for months, so his answer wouldn't really change her mind, but it was important to establish the precedent.

“I’m probing for myself!” He punctuated his exclamation by throwing his hands up in a sign of surrender. “But I will tell your mother anything I find out,” he added after a pause.

She rolled her eyes, because she hadn't expected anything different. “I made some new friends and I don’t know what to give them for Christmas.”

“And they all have everything? You’re making some good connections. Maybe one of them can get you a boyfriend.” His dramatized enthusiasm was somewhat checked by her unamused glare. “Or a girlfriend!”

“Not the issue, obviously,” she grumbled, without any real bite. There was something about her father's playful attitude that made it easier to deal with the intrusions. It felt like an allusion to her earlier, more childish, years more than any judgment of present Seungwan. Not that it hadn't driven past Seungwan crazy. “And it’s just one of them.”

He smiled knowingly at that, almost changing Seungwan's mind on how annoying he could be. But then he patted her foot again and leaned forward conspiratorially. “Well, if they have everything, then you need to give them something they don’t know they want.”

She groaned loudly at his cryptic advice, which only made him laugh. “Personally, I was always partial to your drawings,” he added with a wink. She pulled up the nearly forgotten book to cover her own face, making vague sounds of disgust.

“That was like 20 years ago!” she yelped defensively.

“So think of how much better they'll be now,” he replied without missing a beat, laughing as she groaned again.


	21. Act 2 Part 10

The leftover sheets of coloured paper lay scattered across her dining table which, as the only table in the apartment, also served as desk, crafting station and general all-purpose flat surface. Their glaring brightness caught Seungwan’s eye from just about every point in the room, reminding her of the terrible excuse for a present that would soon be pressed into Joohyun’s waiting hands.

Maybe she’d made a mistake. There might be enough time to run out and buy a purse or something. She never should have listened to her father’s advice; he wasn’t even that good at gift-giving. All her parents ever gave her were fuzzy socks and yes, she loved fuzzy socks, but objectively speaking they weren’t the most imaginative or impressive gift.

Mr. Fluffers jumped on the table and cast a predatory glance at the scattered paper. Of course, his favourite prey were inanimate objects. Everything else put up too much of a fight.

Seungwan was tempted to let him go ahead with his destructive spree, but the paper had actually been a bit expensive and she felt a twinge of guilt at throwing away all that money for such a petty reason. Shooing him away with a gentle push that had him jumping dramatically off the table, she gathered everything up and stored it in an empty folder.

Then she turned back to her terrible present, along with the two marginally less terrible bundles for Yerim and Sooyoung. At least she felt fairly certain that Joohyun would value her effort, even if she ended up wishing she’d just received that tiramisu ice cream after all.

Her phone lit up with a text from Yerim, letting her know that they couldn’t start opening up presents until she showed up and not very politely requesting her attendance as soon as possible. She put the device back in her pocket with a sigh and packed the brightly wrapped boxes into a large enough shopping bag.

Joohyun’s apartment door opened before she’d even finished knocking, yanked inwards by an expectant Yerim. Her face struggled to twist into displeasure but it was too firmly fixed in excitement to budge.

“Finally,” she dragged out as she pulled Seungwan in by the sleeve. “She’s here, now give me my presents,” she declared to nobody in particular, and probably to all three women in the room with her.

Walking inside, Seungwan noticed that Joohyun hadn’t put up a Christmas tree, probably not deeming it worth the trouble if she wouldn’t even be home for Christmas. Instead, all the presents were piled on top of the coffee table, and it was easy enough to tell which belonged to whom. Joohyun’s were the only ones that looked normal, while Sooyoung’s were wrapped in what looked like magazine pages and Yerim’s could hardly be described as “wrapped” at all.

The gift-giving itself was done in pairs, and Seungwan was inwardly glad that there were four of them, ensuring that they were always paired off. It meant that nobody would be paying attention to the gifts she gave except for the recipient, which would hopefully make her disappointing exchange with Joohyun a little more bearable.

First, she turned to Yerim to hand over the gaming mouse that Joohyun had suggested. The younger woman ripped off the wrapping paper energetically, her eyes widening as she recognized the item inside. “It’s got extra buttons and things,” Seungwan provided helpfully. “You know, for macros. That’s what the lady at the store said.”

Yerim’s reaction was a bit delayed, but eventually she patted Seungwan’s arm in what looked like her awkward version of a grateful hug. “It’s cool, I guess,” she finally said with a shrug. “I’m mostly surprised that you didn’t give me something awful.” It was as close to appreciative as she was likely to get, and Seungwan didn’t feel like pushing it. She was too preoccupied with the looming tragedy of Joohyun’s gift.

“Here’s yours,” Yerim said, holding out a large tube that didn’t look wrapped so much as simply rolled around in enough wrapping paper to cover most of its surface, then thrown into a hurricane of scotch tape. Eventually, Seungwan managed to reach the present and found that it was a poster tube. Closer inspection revealed that it contained a poster of several animated girls hanging out at the beach.

“You got me a Love Live poster?” she asked with some confusion, trying her best not to open it too wide in fear that it would call the attention of the other two.

“From the beach episode,” Yerim pointed out innocently, but her widening smirk belied her tone.

“Why did you think I even liked Love Live?” she asked honestly. Did she give off that kind of vibe? Was this something she should be concerned about?

Yerim raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Please, I use your Crunchyroll account. You do know it saves your viewing history, right?” She could only nod at that because yes, she’d watched that show. A couple of times. In the near past.

The present was clearly meant to embarrass her, and she wasted no time in shoving it back in its tube and placing it away from view, but it was still a nice gift. After all, those things were expensive, and Yerim could certainly find a way to embarrass her for free. Maybe part of the fun was the fact that they both knew Seungwan was seriously considering actually putting it up on her wall.

Sooyoung and Joohyun were also done with their exchange. Sooyoung held a light pink cardigan which she handled with care, folding it back into its box, and Joohyun was smiling widely at a large container of fabric softener. It was hard to tell which one was happier with what she’d received.

Before too many questions could be made regarding her own present, Seungwan rushed to Sooyoung’s side to speed the process along. Yerim matched her eagerness, pulling Joohyun aside to receive her next gift.

Sooyoung handed over a thin envelope and Seungwan studied it curiously. “Are you my grandma?” she asked teasingly. “Are you going to give me shopping money?” Her joke didn’t have much of an effect, as Sooyoung merely nodded towards the envelope with a small smile.

Inside it was a piece of paper, decorated around the borders with a colourful design of intertwining curves. In the middle, in elaborate letters, were the words “Voucher for”, followed by “one New Year’s Eve free of jokes about New Year’s kisses” in a slightly smaller font.

“I didn’t even know that was a possibility,” Seungwan admitted with a furrowed brow. “But now I’m really glad it won’t happen. Does this extend to Yerim?” Sooyoung nodded solemnly in response and Seungwan let out a relieved breath, fighting the urge to wrap her in a tight hug.

Her tall friend came a little closer, sneaking a glance at the other two. “Also, the poster is kind of from the both of us. It was really expensive,” she said with a small shrug. Then she looked back at Seungwan and smirked at the red tinging her cheeks. “But it’s worth every cent if it makes you this happy,” she added wickedly, poking her in the ribs.

“So, your present,” Seungwan quickly interjected in an attempt to change the subject. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out another box, leaving only Joohyun’s gift, alone and sad and entirely underwhelming.

Sooyoung reached for it with eager hands, unwrapping it to find a long summer dress with a flowery pattern that combined shades of soft pink, violet and baby blue. “Oh, it matches the cardigan,” she squealed with excitement, drawing the attention of the other two. They had been inspecting their own presents, which consisted of a wireless headset for Yerim and a pair of socks for Joohyun. Had Yerim seriously given her socks? Seungwan had assumed her suggestion had only been joking, but from the look on Joohyun’s face, it was an entirely welcome gift.

“That looks beautiful,” Joohyun remarked softly, moving closer to inspect the dress, with only a short pause to leave her socks near the fabric softener, at the end of the sofa. She and Sooyoung were quickly engrossed in a discussion about the article of clothing, debating which coats she could wear over it and whether or not it would clash with boots.

Seungwan watched them fondly for a moment, surprised that Yerim hadn’t intervened to claim her final present, but a glance in the younger woman’s direction informed her that she was currently too busy taking Seungwan’s mouse out of its packaging and inspecting it closely. Yerim seemed to sense her attention, because she looked up to catch her eye and immediately put the box and its contents away.

“Alright, talk about it later, I’m owed another present,” she declared grandly, moving on the two women with arms outstretched to push them apart. Then she latched onto Sooyoung’s arm, leaning down towards the coffee table to pick up her own gift and deposit it in Sooyoung’s hands. “Now hand it over.”

Joohyun smiled, following the antics of the two youngest with amusement. The only thing left on the table was a very large, oddly-shaped package and Seungwan was honestly surprised that it hadn’t been intended for one of the two children currently trying to hit each other over the head with their own presents. Sooyoung had the advantage of height, but Yerim had sheer persistence on her side, so the fight actually seemed promising.

And yes, Seungwan was trying to stall the final exchange of gifts as long as possible. Maybe if she stared at the nearby scuffle for long enough Joohyun would forget the whole thing and they’d just get down to baking cookies or something. She liked baking; she was much more confident in that department.

The large present was pressed into her hands by an excited Joohyun, putting an end to her final desperate hope. It was strangely light for its size and it yielded easily under her hands. Curiosity eventually managed to pierce through despair and she unwrapped the object to find herself holding a giant stuffed toy in the image of a familiar grey and white forest spirit.

“It’s a Totoro!” Joohyun exclaimed as soon as Seungwan had taken a look at it. “From the movie! Yerim said you like anime a lot.”

It was nearly half as tall as Seungwan and it looked up at her with lazy, half-opened eyes that seemed to beg for a warm, tight hug. She couldn’t resist indulging it and wrapped her arms around the large toy with a contented sigh. “It’s amazing,” she finally remembered to say, but her enthusiastic reaction had probably been enough to transmit that particular message. “Where did you find it?”

“Yerim knows a place,” Joohyun replied simply. Seungwan raised an eyebrow at the information, doing some quick mental calculations to weigh the odds of Yerim murdering her for bringing it up against the fun of teasing her about it. Maybe she’d keep to it to herself, at least until she got an address from Joohyun.

Her face was once more buried in her new friend’s soft fur when she felt Joohyun’s insistent gaze fixed on her. “Oh, right, your present,” she exclaimed brightly, before remembering what it actually was and dejectedly dropping Totoro on the sofa.

She stepped to the side so she could reach the final box in her shopping bag. On the way, she noticed that Sooyoung and Yerim had bought each other chocolates, which they were happily trying to steal from one another, with much slapping away of hands. At least they were distracted.

“So this is… Yeah,” she said weakly, holding out the small package to Joohyun. Her friend unwrapped it eagerly, to find a wooden box inside. “It kind of needs an explanation, so, uh, if you could open it slowly…”

Joohyun looked up curiously at her words, then back down at the box in her own hands. She ran her fingers along the lid and Seungwan suppressed the urge to say it didn’t have to be quite so slow. Finally, she pushed it open to reveal several small origami flowers filling its interior. They were just enough to cover a photograph lying at the bottom, but not completely obscure it. It depicted a clearing by a pond, empty of any visitors and covered by a thin blanket of snow, its uniformity broken in points where faded green pushed up from underneath, demanding to be seen.

“Right, so I thought, you seem to really like that place by the pond where we’ve gone a couple of times. You said it was pretty. So maybe you’d like to have a picture of it, and that’s it at the bottom,” Seungwan began uncertainly, pointing out the photograph.

She’d had the idea when she was still visiting her parents, and she’d spent the remainder of her time nervously second-guessing herself and cursing the fact that she couldn’t do anything about it until she was back home.

As soon as her flight landed, she rushed home to drop her bag off and pick up Seulgi’s spare key. She took a taxi to her friend’s apartment, letting herself in to borrow her camera, which Seulgi had gracefully allowed. Otherwise, she’d be stuck using her phone, and that felt so unprofessional and lazy.

From there she hurried to the park, to make sure that she had enough sunlight to get a good picture. On arriving, she was momentarily disappointed. All the colour was gone, even the sky was grey, and the trees were naked and cold. The snow on the ground was barely enough to cover it and the grass poked out in clumps, breaking the monochromatism that might have otherwise made for an interesting picture.

With some reluctance, she tried to make the best of it, taking photos from several angles but mostly staying in the same areas she and Joohyun had occupied on their previous visits. Once she was satisfied that she couldn’t do any better, she took off once more, this time to a nearby copy shop. There, she spent another half hour poring over every single photo and slowly narrowing down her selection to a single picture. This she printed on photo paper, to the relief of a growingly exasperated store clerk, and she finally walked back home in the deepening darkness, only becoming less satisfied with the image as time passed.

She had dinner and went to sleep and then woke up the next morning to find the photo even more unbearably banal. But it was the day of the Christmas party, so it was probably too late to come up with anything else. Instead, she tried to find some way to salvage it, complement it, give it some sort of twist.

“Anyway, the photo turned out kind of boring, as you can see, because we’re in winter and parks don’t look that great in winter. But that’s when Christmas happens, so I guess I can’t do much about it. So, I thought maybe when spring comes around, we could go over there and take a new picture. Together, I mean. And maybe that could be, like, a thing, and we could take photos every season and make a little collection and, yeah.” She paused for breath, refusing to look up from the box of flowers, not ready to face Joohyun’s scrutiny just yet. She’d picked up the photograph and appeared to be studying it.

“So anyway, that’s what the flowers are for, because there’s a lot of flowers in that park in spring. I guess you’ll see when it comes around. I tried to make them in the same colours.” She gestured towards the origami flowers, then brought her hand up to scratch the back of her neck, hoping that the distraction would keep her from babbling even further.

In the silence that followed, all she could hear were muffled complaints that could only come from mouths stuffed with candy. Apparently Yerim and Sooyoung were still at it. Joohyun’s hand returned to her field of vision, photograph held against its palm by the pinky and ring fingers, running its free fingers gently through the little paper flowers and sometimes picking up one or another.

Finally looking up, she was shocked to find that Joohyun’s eyes were glassy and bright. She smiled widely and sniffled slightly. “Seungwan, it’s beautiful. The photo’s beautiful, the flowers are beautiful, the whole idea is beautiful.” She paused to put everything away carefully, then she threw herself into Seungwan’s arms. “I can’t wait to take that next picture with you. And every season after that,” she whispered warmly in her ear, and only then did Seungwan consider what she’d accidentally confessed. A confession that Joohyun had readily accepted. That she wanted them to be together for a very long time.

“Hey, why didn’t my socks get a hug?” Yerim demanded loudly, effectively ending the moment. Sooyoung snickered but didn’t intervene, too busy taking advantage of her distraction to shove her hand in Yerim’s box of chocolates and refill her own.

“Because they’re socks?” Seungwan took it upon herself to reply, given Sooyoung’s failure to deliver. Yerim glared at her half-heartedly, but the confrontation was ended abruptly as Joohyun stepped forward to wrap her in her arms.

“It’s Christmas, everyone gets hugs,” she said happily. Sooyoung laughed at Yerim’s struggle to escape Joohyun’s clutches, but was stopped short as one of the older woman’s arms stretched out to pull her into the hug.

Seungwan watched the three women with mixed amusement and fondness. They were an unlikely combination, but she couldn’t deny that they worked together. As a hand grabbed hold of her sleeve and pulled her towards them inexorably, she began to think that maybe she was part of that combination. And that thought left her warmer than she’d felt in days.

(…)

Seulgi arrived the next day and they had their own little Christmas celebration. As in previous years, there was no exchanging of presents. Instead, Seungwan brought some brownies and they sat down to discuss their activities for the day, munching away happily while they studied each other’s lists.

It was their special Christmas tradition. They wrote down all the things they enjoyed doing that the other was usually against, then each of them had to pick an item from the other’s list. It made for an unconventional but exciting celebration. Sometimes Seungwan was even glad she’d stepped out of her comfort zone.

“It’s the third year in a row you’ve written ‘watch a bad scary movie’,” Seulgi pointed out with a pout.

“Maybe this time you’ll pick it,” Seungwan replied quickly, although she understood her point. She wasn’t very excited herself at the few repeats in Seulgi’s list. “Do you really want to go ice skating that badly?”

“Yes, it’s fun. And you’ll probably end up enjoying yourself. Scary movies, on the other hand… I get scared watching Scream,” Seulgi whined.

Seungwan paused her reading to reach for another brownie, shrugging on the way. “That you do. Then maybe you can pick the one after that,” she said innocently.

Seulgi continued reading, her face growing stern. “Seriously? ‘Let me adopt another cat’?”

“Hey, it’s something that I want to do and you don’t, isn’t that what the list is for?” Seungwan replied with what she hoped was convincing logic.

“You’re not getting another cat, we’ve talked about this,” Seulgi said simply, her tone effectively communicating the pointlessness of arguing it.

Seungwan slumped in her chair but didn’t say anything else. It had been a long shot anyway. She scanned Seulgi’s list again in the hopes that something nice and innocuous like ‘go to the movies’ might have popped up in there somewhere. It hadn’t.

She put the paper down for a moment. “Hey, uh, have you thought about the New Year?”

Seulgi’s eyes remained on the list. “Yeah, we can spend it with Joohyun and the others,” she said, sounding a bit too casual about it.

“Are you sure? You seemed a little uncomfortable when I suggested it.” The real possibility that Seulgi was planning on spending a boring New Year’s Eve with a handful of strangers just to make Seungwan happy kept her from quickly bouncing on Seulgi’s sudden agreement.

“I was just surprised they wanted me there,” Seulgi replied with a small shrug. “Maybe Joohyun just invited me because you mentioned it and she felt bad. I didn’t want to make it awkward or anything.”

“Seulgi, come on, how would you make it awkward?” Her friend only shrugged again, keeping quiet. Reaching out her hand, Seungwan gently pushed the paper aside to hold onto Seulgi’s arm. “We can do something else if you feel weird about it, but you definitely won’t ruin anything by coming.”

Seulgi let her own hand rest on top of Seungwan’s and offered her a reassuring smile. “I know Wannie, it was just a silly worry.” Her smile grew a little wider, reducing her eyes to little crescents. “But I thought about it and your friends wouldn’t feel bad about spending time with your other friend, I think, so it’s fine. We can go,” she added for emphasis, squeezing Seungwan’s hand.

Seulgi still seemed a little uncertain, but Seungwan knew that she wouldn’t say yes if she didn’t mean it, so she didn’t push. “That was easier than I thought,” she said instead, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Do you want to rethink the cat thing while we’re at it?”

The side of her head was suddenly attacked by a sheet of paper, which flopped against it quite ineffectually. She still cringed away from it with displeased protests, of course. It was the principle of the thing.

In the end they did go ice skating, once Seungwan realized that it was probably the least social and safest thing on that list. It was truly a terrifying list. And yes, maybe Seulgi had been right and she’d had a good time after all. Maybe. Either way, it was all made worth it by the ridiculous amount of time she then got to spend watching cat videos with Seulgi at home. All in all, another successful Christmas selection.

Later, while they were eating the pizza they’d ordered for dinner, Seulgi asked if Seungwan had mentioned their Christmas arrangements to Joohyun and the others. She only shuddered in response. She couldn’t even imagine the horrifying lists the two demon children would come up with. This was the kind of idea that only worked with wholesome, caring friends who loved and wanted only the best for each other. Those two would turn it into some kind of twisted truth or dare and haunt her holiday season.

“Maybe I could tell Joohyun,” she finally said weakly, singling out the only one of the three that she even began to trust with that kind of power. Seulgi nodded wisely, clearly understanding what had been left unsaid.


	22. Act 2 Part 11

On New Year’s Eve, Seungwan was the first to join Joohyun at her apartment. She arrived shortly after lunch to help with party preparations, which turned out not to take that long at all, and then spent the rest of their time alone trying to convince Joohyun that Mario Kart was absolutely a fun party activity, setting up her console when her neighbour relented, then watching in awe as Joohyun got used to the buttons in two rounds and proceeded to wipe the floor with her in every subsequent race.

Joohyun was cackling as she pushed Seungwan off Rainbow Road for what was probably the tenth time when their first guest arrived. Or, technically speaking, Seungwan had been the first guest, and now Sooyoung was the second. Sometimes she forgot that Joohyun’s apartment wasn’t just some second home she’d recently acquired.

Sooyoung had brought the appetizers, mostly a lot of bags of chips which she dropped on the kitchen counter. While Joohyun set about filling all her bowls in the kitchen, Sooyoung joined Seungwan on the sofa, picking up the controller that their host had put down.

“I thought Seulgi was coming tonight,” she commented while clicking through menus in order to pick a new team.

Seungwan reached inside the bag of chips that Sooyoung had smuggled from the kitchen. “Yeah, she’s coming after dinner. She got invited to this thing with some friends she hasn’t seen in a while, so she didn’t want to say no. Seriously, you’re going with Daisy and Peach?”

“Your team is Baby Mario and Baby Luigi,” Sooyoung pointed out in response. Fair enough. With a conceding shrug, Seungwan gave up the criticism and simply started a new tournament.

“I guess it’s just the three of us for dinner, then,” Sooyoung mused after a few moments. Entirely focused on the game, Seungwan only hummed distractedly while her brain lazily decoded Sooyoung’s words.

“Wait, isn’t Yerim eating with us?” she asked after an embarrassingly long time.

“No, she said it might be too much.”

“Too much?” Was Yerim suddenly too cool to spend the whole afternoon with them? She might think Seungwan was boring, but weren’t the other two supposed to be her friends? “I mean, we’re not that bad. That’s a little judgmental of her.”

“I know, that’s what I said,” Sooyoung replied casually, not sounding very bothered by the issue. “But she’s kind of nervous about it, so,” she trailed off with a shrug, slamming into Seungwan’s kart and nearly knocking her off the track. In the stress of trying to regain control of her vehicle, Seungwan completely forgot to ask why Yerim would be nervous.

After the game, which Seungwan narrowly won through last-minute luck, she moved to the kitchen to prepare their dinner of tuna lasagne. Joohyun offered to help, but it really wasn’t necessary with such a simple recipe, so she joined Sooyoung on the sofa. The youngest gently suggested shutting off the console for the time being, probably because she wasn’t interested in being utterly defeated by Joohyun like Seungwan had been, and they chatted instead.

During dinner, they talked about their family Christmases, sharing stories about their relatives and what gifts they’d received. It was a topic they usually avoided around Yerim, so they hadn’t had a chance to discuss it yet, and they took advantage of this rare opportunity to get into it.

Immediately after dinner, to the point that Seungwan suspected she’d been hanging around the entrance to their building and waiting for Sooyoung to text her that she could come up, Yerim knocked on the door. Joohyun opened it and she walked in, along with a girl whose hand she was holding.

“Hey guys,” she said, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. “So, uh, this is Saeron.” The girl, who was taller than her, with dark brown hair framing her small face, smiled and raised a hand in greeting, taking her cue in informality from Yerim.

“Who in the world is Saeron?” Seungwan asked Sooyoung in a low voice, leaning a little closer.

“Her girlfriend.”

“Her… Um… Why did I know nothing about this?”

Sooyoung turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “Except you did know, I told you Yerim was texting her girlfriend a bunch of times.”

“I thought you were just making fun of her or something. She kept denying it,” she replied defensively.

“They weren’t officially dating yet,” Sooyoung admitted with a slight nod. “Now they are.”

Seungwan turned to the couple, who were being fussed over by Joohyun. Yerim made a show of rolling her eyes at the attention, but Saeron giggled and shoved her shoulder playfully, making her smile despite herself.

“Is this why she was nervous?” Seungwan asked, finally remembering their earlier conversation.

Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “Obviously, why else? Like she’d get nervous because of any of us.”

Mingling between the couple and the other three was a bit difficult, as Yerim seemed intent on micro-managing their interactions. Seungwan in particular was being very clearly blocked from too much conversation, probably because Yerim was afraid that she’d intentionally embarrass her. How the tables had turned.

Sooyoung seemed to have already met Saeron and kept her distance while Joohyun tried her best to rein in her own enthusiasm as she politely questioned her new guest regarding as much of their relationship as Yerim allowed. Half of her questions were only met with an exasperated “Joohyun!” which never failed to make Saeron giggle.

Seungwan had given up and drifted back to Sooyoung’s side, where they idly chatted about nothing in particular and considered turning the console back on, when Seulgi finally arrived, right around the time that Yerim decided Q&A time was over and started pushing Joohyun away towards the others.

Somehow, after initial greetings, they were separated into pairs, with the happy couple talking softly in a corner, Sooyoung and Joohyun chatting by the kitchen and Seulgi and Seungwan on the sofa. Drinks were now being served and everybody held a beer except for Joohyun, who was drinking her usual gin and tonic.

Seungwan was mostly surprised that the happy trio of last time were now separated without complaint. Apparently, Sooyoung was a lot shyer when her younger companion wasn’t part of the equation and it was likely that Seulgi was still mulling over her concern that she was intruding and therefore preferred to stick to Seungwan. The latter never complain about spending time with her best friend, but the situation did throw a wrench in her plan to spend the evening mostly chatting with Joohyun.

The other two joined them on the sofa after they’d turned the console back on and gotten through a few rounds of Mario Kart. The excited glint in Joohyun’s eyes was clear enough and Seungwan gave up her own controller without much hesitation, moving to Sooyoung’s side while the unlikely duo of Seulgi and Joohyun clashed in Dino Dino Jungle. The younger woman sat with her eyes on nothing in particular, distractedly surveying the room and swirling her beer around in its can.

“Any bets on whether Yerim and Saeron will acknowledge our existence before the New Year’s countdown?” Seungwan asked jokingly, glancing in the direction of the couple, who had gravitated towards a bowl of chips that still sat in the kitchen. The other bowl was on the coffee table, being methodically emptied by Seungwan and Seulgi, with occasional help by Sooyoung and Joohyun.

“Probably not” was Sooyoung’s neutral response, which she didn’t care to expand on.

Seulgi laughed loudly, apparently because she’d managed to hit Joohyun with a blue shell and was making a fast recovery. Her opponent muttered something about cheating, which was too endearing for words, and Seungwan momentarily lost track of the conversation to gaze at the back of her head. She could imagine her concentrated frown, eyes slightly narrowed in displeasure.

“I have to take this,” Sooyoung suddenly announced from her side, holding up her phone so that the screen wasn’t visible. She got up and walked out of the apartment, leaving behind a confused Seungwan. After a moment, the latter tapped on Seulgi’s shoulder to let the two players know that she was just going across to her own apartment for something and would be right back.

As expected, the hallway was empty, and the door to her apartment was unlocked. Walking inside, she found Sooyoung sitting on her sofa, head leaning back to stare at the ceiling. She still cradled her beer in her right hand, but she wasn’t paying much attention to it. Mr. Fluffers must be fast asleep in the bedroom or he would surely have come to greet one of his favourite humans.

At Seungwan’s arrival, Sooyoung’s head swung down to face her, and brows furrowed over unusually bright eyes. “What are you doing here?” she asked after a moment’s hesitation.

“Oh, I thought this was the room for unhappily single people,” Seungwan shot back casually, making her way to Sooyoung’s side. And really, she should have noticed sooner. Sooyoung hadn’t suddenly become shy and withdrawn. She was upset.

Sooyoung’s eyes narrowed in confusion for a second, then she snorted, clearly unimpressed by the attempt at humour. She took a sip of her beer and settled further into the sofa, bringing up her legs to sit more comfortably as Seungwan sat down next to her. Totoro, who had been sitting on a corner of the sofa ever since Seungwan had returned home with it, was temporarily relocated to the floor by her feet.

“I’m going to ask a really dumb question now, so please don’t make fun of me for it. I just kind of have to ask,” Seungwan began hesitantly. Her friend eyed her warily but only nodded for her to continue. “So… Do you like Yerim?”

There was a moment of silence where Sooyoung only stared at her blankly. Then she broke into large peals of laughter which left her clutching her side and struggling to breathe. Raising a hand to wipe away the tears that had formed in her eyes, she sighed amusedly. “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.”

Seungwan withstood the amusement without complaint, honestly relieved at the reaction. She really hadn’t wanted to be right. “Okay, good. And, just to check, it’s not like… Me, or anything, right?”

“Oh my god, it’s not any of you guys. You know, I like the confident thing, but there’s a limit,” Sooyoung added with a smirk, and Seungwan suddenly wished she’d brought her own drink, to give her hands something to do other than picking up a child-sized stuffed toy and playing with it.

She settled for rubbing them on her legs as she returned to a more serious mood. “But that’s what it is,” she stated, not really asking. “Whatever girl had you thinking that you might be bi, she’s the reason you’ve been upset lately.”

Sooyoung’s face quickly dropped, amusement evaporating from it in a flash. “I’m not… I’m over it, mostly. But tonight, with Yerim all happy around her girlfriend and…” She paused, picked at something invisible on the sofa cushion. “And the whole situation. It just felt kind of sucky.”

“You could have said something,” Seungwan offered, trying not to make it sound accusing. “No pressure, of course. I just happen to be very acquainted with sucky.” She bumped her shoulder against Sooyoung and offered a reassuring smile.

Sooyoung only shrugged, eyes fixed on her beer. She wasn’t very talkative tonight, but something told Seungwan that she might like to be distracted from her thoughts, even if it was just by someone talking at her. She could certainly do that. “So, are you still bi?”

Sooyoung tilted her head, brows knitted together. “What does that even mean?” she asked with a mix of derision and confusion.

“It’s just, sometimes people in your situation, people who have one instance of same-sex attraction that doesn’t go well… They kind of shrug it off and pretend it didn’t happen and go back to being straight.” Seungwan raised her fingers to form air quotes at her last words.

“Sounds dumb,” Sooyoung replied with a small shrug.

“Heteronormativity makes it tough for people to explore the nuances of their sexualities.”

Sooyoung finally turned around to face her, a smile growing weakly on her face. “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m pretty sure I’m still bi.” She started a shrug that turned into an awkward stretch, like talking about her personal life was physically uncomfortable for her. “I guess it’s just a part of me that I know about now. Ignoring it would feel like taking a step backwards or something.”

“Well, that’s pretty brave of you.” Sooyoung rolled her eyes, clearly disagreeing. “I mean it, it’s a big thing to deal with. I’m proud of you.” She pulled her friend into a one-armed hug, exaggerating her persona of the doting parent.

After minimal amounts of struggling, Sooyoung fell limp in her embrace, allowing herself to be comforted. They sat in silence, Sooyoung’s head resting on Seungwan’s shoulder.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any embarrassing rejection stories, would you? Yerim said you told her about your breakups to cheer her up that one time.” She must have felt the way Seungwan tensed, because she shrugged with the shoulder not leaning on her. “She didn’t tell me anything else, don’t worry.”

“I mean, I doubt it would make you think any worse of me,” Seungwan admitted easily. She tapped her fingers against Sooyoung’s arm. “And I don’t have any rejection stories, I’m sorry.”

Sooyoung’s surprise at her words was evident, as she pushed herself off of Seungwan to look at her with disbelief. “How,” she uttered in such an even tone that it didn’t even sound like a question.

“Well, I don’t have a lot of experience with unrequited feelings,” she confessed sheepishly. Sooyoung’s eyes only widened so she decided to elaborate. “This might come as a shock, but I was actually pretty social in high school. I was in a lot of clubs and participated in competitions and stuff. Anyway, I was always meeting new people and I guess I was nice enough and nonthreatening enough that I got asked out pretty often.”

Sooyoung was now fully invested in the narrative, a picture of teenage Seungwan being developed before her eyes, one that she probably hadn’t expected.

“None of those relationships ever lasted very long. It seems pretty obvious, looking back. But I was young and kind of naïve and I got a lot more invested in them than I should have. It hurt a lot, actually. Every time.” Once more, she wished she was holding something that she could pick at, so she could focus on that instead of the familiar hurt and shame that had been branded into her heart from her high school years. Blocking Sooyoung’s view with the giant plushie began to sound more appealing. “But the other kids always seemed to be fine, so I pretended it didn’t bother me either. And I kept doing it.”

“Then I got into college and that’s when girls started asking me out too. Or maybe it was just that I’d finally realized I was bi and I had a girl-friendly aura or something?” She paused to laugh awkwardly and Sooyoung had the mercy to offer a tentative smile. “Anyway, at some point I started feeling like people only ever approached me because they wanted to date me, or sleep with me, or something. Like that was what I was for. And the relationships never lasted long, and they usually weren’t very good. Hence, all the funny breakup stories, I guess.”

Sooyoung looked like she’d begun to regret asking about it. She’d pulled in her lower lip and chewed on it slightly, her brows furrowed in concern. But it was fine, they were about to get to the good part anyway.

“And then I met Seulgi,” Seungwan said with a small smile. Sooyoung was almost startled by the sudden happiness in her voice. “She said she needed help studying for a class and it sounded like the most transparent excuse.”

“Yeah, Yerim used that one,” Sooyoung intervened, her voice unusually quiet. Seungwan laughed at the information.

“But then she actually just wanted help. And she was so nice, and she genuinely wanted to be my friend. It was so weird, to feel like there were no expectations, that she really just wanted to hang out because she liked spending time with me. Seulgi’s kind of amazing like that.” Sooyoung smiled softly, her eyes growing bright again. She really was a lot less tough than she tried to pretend. “When I got to have a friend, a good one, I realized that relationships actually kind of suck? So I just stopped dating and focused on my studies and trying to figure myself out. Like, what I actually liked, instead of what I did so others liked me.”

“And then you met Joohyun?” Sooyoung offered, and she wasn’t that far off.

“Well, first I graduated and got a job and all that. But yes, I saw Joohyun and I, well…” She trailed off, unsure how to explain the way Joohyun had changed her life in an instant, even before they’d ever officially met.

“Your heart jumped out of your chest and punched you in the face?” Sooyoung suggested, mirroring the words Seungwan had told her when they’d first discussed her bisexuality.

“Something like that,” she agreed with a laugh. “It feels like progress, that I fell first this time. Seulgi keeps saying it makes all the difference. I don’t know about that, but I definitely feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Sooyoung nodded slowly, absorbing Seungwan’s lengthy tale. “You really don’t hold back, do you? Sharing all this stuff.”

“Well, you’re my friend,” she said with a shrug. “That’s what friends do.”

“Not all friends are Seulgi,” Sooyoung pointed out, and Seungwan could see the truth in her words. Just because all her bad relationships had been romantic, it didn’t necessarily mean that platonic ones were entirely trouble-free.

She was about to say some words to that effect when she noticed that Sooyoung seemed to be struggling with a thought. She watched her for a moment, before she took a deep breath and sat up straight. “I’ve never been in a relationship. Like, dating,” the younger girl blurted out, looking pointedly away from Seungwan.

She barely stopped her jaw from dropping, settling instead for an excessive amount of confused blinking that hopefully her friend had missed. “I’m from a really small town and all the boys at my school were afraid of my dad,” Sooyoung added after a pause. She picked at the top of her can of beer, pushing the tab from side to side.

“Then at college I met Joohyun and it was just the two of us. And, well, if you saw us, we all know who you’d ask out,” she concluded sullenly, finally pulling the tab free. She looked up at Seungwan somewhat sheepishly, holding up the tab.

“Only because I saw her first,” Seungwan said, smiling cheekily. Sooyoung only raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Sooyoung, seriously, you do realize that you’re beautiful, right?”

“Sometimes when we went out, men would wait until she went to the bathroom and come up to me to ask for her number,” she muttered, her voice barely audible. “I told them to ask her themselves, but you know how scary she gets with strangers, so they never did.”

Seungwan reached for the can and the tab still in Sooyoung’s hands and set them down by the sofa. Then she grasped her friend’s hands. “First of all, I want you to know that Joohyun in no way outshines you, okay? You’re both beautiful in your own way. And more importantly, there are probably plenty of guys who wanted to ask Joohyun for your number but she’s really scary when she’s alone and they chickened out.” She raised her eyebrows, trying to get Sooyoung’s agreement, but she only laughed it off.

“I’m serious, anyone would be lucky to have you. You’re smart, funny, sweet, gorgeous… You’re the whole package.” She was rewarded with another smile, bordering on embarrassed but definitely flattered.

“Oh Seungwan, you know I think of you as a good friend,” Sooyoung said in a mock-sorrowful tone, freeing a hand to cup Seungwan’s cheek. She responded with an eyeroll that had her younger friend smirking. The displeasure was just for show, because she was inwardly thrilled that Sooyoung had cheered up enough for her usual teasing.

“So, you were the first one to befriend Joohyun, right?” she asked, hoping to change the subject. And she was honestly a little curious about it.

“How quickly you move on,” Sooyoung complained, pressing her hand against her chest in affectation of heartbreak.

“Yeah, yeah, my love is fickle and untrustworthy,” she played along. “But how did you even manage it? With Yerim, there was that whole thing with their parents. With me, there was, well, you. But you went in alone.”

Sooyoung raised a thoughtful eyebrow. “I don’t know, I was just really persistent. It was tough at first but eventually it stuck.”

“But why bother? You met at some presentation she did for your school, that’s what she said. Was it that good?”

“It was okay. It was more like… I looked at her and I thought, I really want to be friends with this woman. Like I had to. So I did.” Sooyoung seemed as confused by her thought process as Seungwan. Possibly more, because Seungwan was starting to get a clue as to why she’d gone through all that effort.

“Like you wanted her in your life?” Sooyoung nodded, still a little confused. “Because she was so cool, up there giving her talk?” Another nod, slower this time. “Because she looked so mature and elegant and pretty?” Sooyoung paused halfway through another assenting nod, then her mouth opened slightly, just as her eyes widened in realization.

“No,” she said slowly, but it was more a refusal to accept reality than an actual denial.

“Yes,” Seungwan replied anyway, because it was a little funny.

“I had a crush on Joohyun.”

“You sure did.”

“This is the low point of my life,” Sooyoung huffed out, letting herself drop down heavily against the sofa cushions.

Seungwan followed her movement, clutching her arm with an exaggerated smile. “Sooyoung, we have so much in common!” she exclaimed, laughing at the horror growing on her friend’s face.

“No, this one’s lower,” Sooyoung muttered darkly.

“So, what drew you to her? Was it her eyes? They’re totally dreamy, aren’t they?” Seungwan carried on gleefully.

Sooyoung smacked her arm, trying to escape her grip. “If you don’t stop right now, I’m revoking your Christmas voucher.”

She was immediately free, Seungwan already scooting away from her. She took a moment to brush her sleeves, making a show of straightening the crinkles that Seungwan had caused. “I can’t believe I have absolutely nobody to kiss for New Year’s. Two people who are probably in love with each other, an asexual person and a couple.”

“Wait, what two people in love?” Sooyoung didn’t respond to the question, only rolling her eyes. Seungwan fought the urge to question it further. After all, Sooyoung had always had unfounded hope in her chances with Joohyun. She was up there with Seulgi when it came to hopeless romanticism by proxy.

“If Yerim tries to kiss Saeron, I’m dumping a beer on her,” Sooyoung added sullenly, scowling at Seungwan’s laughter.

“If you really want, I’ll kiss you for New Year’s,” Seungwan suggested with a smirk.

“You will not,” Sooyoung replied with finality. “Now I’m getting out of here before you get any ideas.”

She got up, followed closely by Seungwan, who was still laughing, and they returned to the party together. Seulgi and Joohyun, who were still playing Mario Kart, studied them with some concern, but seemed reassured by their clear amusement. Yerim, on the other hand, immediately approached them, looking almost remorseful. Saeron offered Seungwan a friendly smile, looking only mildly uncomfortable, while the two women chatted in hushed voices.

Seemingly satisfied, Yerim pulled back, but she dragged Sooyoung along with her, clearly intending on keeping her friend close for the remainder of the night. Seungwan returned to the sofa, suspecting that whatever Sooyoung and Yerim had to discuss benefited from her absence. The two players were still going at it even though it seemed like Seulgi had lost every single race. They paused the game to greet her and Seulgi was kind enough to offer up her own controller, which Seungwan accepted after some hesitation.

She had lost two races and won none when Yerim suddenly shouted out from across the room. “Seulgi, we need your medical expertise. It’s really important.”

By her side, Sooyoung snorted. “She made a dumb bet,” she explained.

Seulgi got up awkwardly, unsure whether she should join the others. “Uh, what’s the question?” she asked, still standing near the sofa.

“Stop yelling across the room and go over there,” Seungwan intervened, reaching out with her foot to poke her. The distraction caused her to collide with a railing and fall right into a pit of lava and she groaned into the controller while she waited for her kart to return to the track.

“Come on, I have good money riding on this,” Sooyoung said, waving her over. Seulgi hesitated only a moment more, then walked to the group. Seconds later, they were all laughing together.

The group of four remained together near the kitchen until it was nearly midnight. Race after race, Seungwan seemed to only get worse at the game. Maybe it was the way Joohyun cackled heartily every time she fell off the track, or the way she turned to Seungwan with a triumphant smile after every victory. Or how she started humming along to the soundtrack or bumped into her on the sofa when she wanted to distract her.

Whatever it was, it made Seungwan’s heart flutter pleasantly and her lungs feel entirely ineffectual at pulling air in and out. It was like every colour was brighter, especially the million hues of brown in Joohyun’s eyes and the pinks and reds of her lips, stretched unevenly by her crooked smile. She felt like they were in their own little bubble and the whole world had fallen away. Like everything began and ended between Joohyun’s old television and the sofa where they sat, between Joohyun and Seungwan.

The screen flashed with a message of victory for Joohyun while Seungwan finished her last lap. She finally crossed the finish line and dropped the controller with a grunt. “I think my hands are numb,” she whined, mostly as an excuse for her poor performance.

Joohyun put down her own controller and gently held Seungwan’s hands, caressing them softly to help with the numbness. She tried her best not to let her breath catch in her throat. It would be far too noticeable when their heads were suddenly so close together.

Not sure where to look, she finally glanced up at Joohyun’s face. Her eyes were soft, lined with affection and traces of excitement from her unbroken chain of victories. Her lips were tilted in a caring smile, and Seungwan realized she probably shouldn’t be looking at those. She tried to look back up, but her eyes seemed to have a mind of her own, flitting from point to point, landing again and again on the one place they tried to avoid.

Joohyun’s face was coming closer, that much was clear, but everything else seemed fuzzy, because she wasn’t even aware that her body was moving. It was like she could feel nothing besides the flaming warmth on her cheeks and the tingling on her lips and the furious beating of her heart against her ears.

A weight crashed against her back as Yerim settled heavily into the sofa, right next to her. “Turn off the game, we need the TV for the countdown!” she called out hurriedly. The others followed closely, all dropping to the sofa until all six people were squeezed side by side on it. Seungwan could feel Joohyun against her side, from shoulder to knee, but her body was still strangely light, like her heart hadn’t quite resumed its normal pace.

She didn’t dare to look at Joohyun, afraid of what she might see, in case Joohyun had realized what she’d been about to do. Most of all, she was afraid that, if she saw Joohyun’s face, she would just try it again.

A hand clutched hers, tightening its grip slightly at every second that ticked away, announced loudly on the TV. When the final second passed and the televised crowd erupted in cheers, mirrored by the occupants of the apartment, the grip tightened even more, pulling her to face Joohyun.

She was smiling widely, her eyes big and excited. As they faced each other there was a pause, less than a second, where Seungwan felt her whole world fall apart and rebuild itself around the ruins. Her heart stuttered desperately and this time she could do nothing to prevent the gasped inhale that entered her lungs and stubbornly refused to leave. Then she was pulled into a tight hug, with Joohyun shouting “Happy New Year” much too close to her ear.

She clutched her ear, smiling at Joohyun’s laughing apology. Turning to the other side, she exchanged high fives and hugs with her other friends, even with Saeron. Then they all got up and opened a bottle of champagne, which nobody actually liked, to drink with pained grimaces and toast to the coming year.

Everything felt a little unreal, a little distant and whimsical, in a way that Seungwan knew couldn’t be attributed entirely to the alcohol in her system. Her eyes met Joohyun’s across their circle of friends and she wondered what the new year would bring.


	23. Act 2 Part 12

Apparently, the new year brought bad dates. Out with the old and in with the new seemed to be a concept that Seungwan’s life wasn’t very familiar with. Or maybe it was Seungwan who wasn’t familiar with it, because why was she even on a date? Especially one set up by Seulgi, who kept outdoing herself when it came to picking out bad matches.

The saddest part was that Seungwan could have actually found some potential here. The girl sitting across from her was a little awkward and tried just a bit too hard with her attempts at laid-back flirting, but trying too hard was a field where Seungwan was certainly experienced and honestly, her date was cute enough to pull off some awkwardness, with her hamster-like cheeks and her smile that formed small dimples near her eyes.

She worked at the hospital’s IT department, helping keep all the electronic equipment functional, and the way she talked about it made it clear that computers weren’t just the subject of her professional life, but a personal interest as well.

All in all, the date had been going well enough, once Seungwan had gotten her to stop making finger guns after every flirty comment. Then it had all taken a terrible turn.

“Byulyi,” she called, with as little success as the previous times. Her date chatted on, lost in her own world and entirely oblivious to Seungwan’s presence.

“And then one time I tried to convince her that you could survive on nothing but mac and cheese, and get this, she decided to test it by eating mac and cheese for a week straight!” Byulyi happily declared, pausing to laugh loudly before carrying on. “Why did she test it herself? She could have just googled it. She’s such a dummy.”

Somewhere in their pleasant conversation, Seungwan had made the fatal mistake of mentioning something that had Byulyi immediately exclaiming that, “Yong loves that!” She didn’t even remember what she’d said, because it had been about five endearing Yong-stories ago and they’d already deviated far from the original topic. So far, she hadn’t been able to discern whether this Yong was a friend or an ex, but either way it was obvious enough that Byulyi’s heart was firmly in her possession.

“Byulyi,” she tried again, a little louder. She cringed as her voice caught the attention of nearby tables, but at least she’d finally gotten her date’s attention. “Who is Yong?” She tried her best not to sound like a jealous girlfriend, but it was hard to ask that kind of question in any other way.

“Ahh…” Byulyi had the decency to look a little guilty at having completely ignored her date. She tugged at her sleeve with a small apologetic grin. “Yong is, uh, Yongsun. My best friend.”

Seungwan nodded thoughtfully, probably looking like she was absorbing the information. Actually, she was pondering on how Seulgi had set her up with someone who was clearly in love with her best friend. Even someone as clueless as her should have picked up on that, since it obviously took the slightest provocation to trigger one of Byulyi’s love-fuelled rants. She thought back to all her previous dates, all set up by Seulgi, all equally terrible.

She brought her glass of wine to her lips and tried to swallow away the unfamiliar feeling of anger. That one didn’t come up very often, especially when it came to Seulgi. “You have feelings for her,” she declared flatly, setting the glass down with care. “And she probably has feelings for you too.”

Byulyi recoiled from the comment, nearly dropping her fork. “I – I don’t – She doesn’t –“ she stuttered incoherently, her eyes wide and confused.

“You’ve been talking about her since our food arrived,” Seungwan pointed out, gesturing towards her own half-empty plate to emphasize how much time had passed. “And you said you love to flirt with her because she gets all flustered and calls you weird? Yeah, that’s not friendly activity.”

Byulyi poked around her own salad, her lips pursed in hesitation. “I guess I do kind of like her,” she finally admitted in a low voice. Then she looked up at Seungwan with hopeful eyes, looking almost like an excited child. “Do you really think she might like me too?”

“Honestly, the way she was looking at you in some of those pictures you showed me, it couldn’t mean much else.” She grimaced as she recalled the seemingly endless photos Byulyi had insisted on showing her. Not to mention the video she’d edited herself, documenting their trip to an amusement park with an abundance of cheesy effects, transitions and a lot of heart emojis.

“Sorry about that,” her date said sheepishly, scratching her cheek with some embarrassment. Seungwan waved it off easily. To be honest, she hadn’t been that invested in the date either. She hadn’t reached the point of pulling out her phone and starting the Joohyun slideshow, but she was sure her heart was similarly inaccessible.

“You should tell her how you feel.” She smiled reassuringly and her chest warmed only a little at the way Byulyi perked up, a dimple-inducing smile growing on her face. After all, how invested could she be in the romantic endeavours of a near stranger? “Anyway, I know the date is over, but this is actually a pretty good restaurant, so do you want to share some dessert? We can talk more about Yongsun.”

They ended up splitting a chocolate mousse that was absolutely divine and almost made up for the entire experience. That and the fact that Byulyi carefully avoided the topic of her best friend, trying her best to chat about their shared interests of video games and anime.

At the end of the night, Byulyi dropped her off at home and drove away with a smile after offering another apology, which Seungwan quickly dismissed. She walked upstairs and into her apartment, where Seulgi awaited her due to Seungwan’s text message requesting her presence.

“Wannie, is everything okay? Why did you – “

“Seulgi,” she quickly cut off, her voice silencing her friend instantly. “Have you been sending me on bad dates on purpose?” The anger from before was gone, as expected. It never lasted very long. Now she felt a little tired and very dense.

Seulgi looked away and her lips settled into a worried frown. “Yes,” she finally admitted in a small voice.

“Okay, good.” Seungwan nodded slowly while she shrugged off her coat and dropped it on the nearest chair. “I was starting to think I must be doing something wrong.”

Once her coat and shoes were off, she dropped down next to Seulgi on the sofa. Mr. Fluffers jumped into her lap and settled down for his expected petting. “Byulyi’s in love with her best friend. But I’m guessing you already knew that.”

Seulgi nodded, admitting her guilt. Her eyes were down, staring at hands that were grasping each other tightly on her lap.

“It’s okay, I get it,” she said after a moment, breaking the silence that had settled between them. Seulgi turned to her, looking confused. “With my history, if you got me any halfway decent dates I’d probably jump right back into mediocre relationships and serial monogamy, wouldn’t I?”

“Wannie, no!” Seulgi was quick to deny, but it wasn’t very convincing. Seungwan petted Mr. Fluffers and focused on trying to keep some of her dignity. The worst part was that Seulgi had been right. All those dates, she’d been looking for someone that she could settle for, so she could go back to the comfortable, familiar way of doing things. The part of love, or romance, that she knew how to handle.

Seulgi grabbed her arm, trying to capture her attention. “Wannie, that’s not – I just panicked, okay? When you first noticed Joohyun, it was so obvious that you liked her but you weren’t going to do anything because you’d decided you were done with relationships. So I tried to change your mind, convince you to give it another chance, but then you started talking about going on dates and I panicked.” Seulgi’s eyes were wide, frantic, and she babbled much faster than usual in her rush to get her explanation across. She finally stopped to take a breath before continuing her explanation. “So I tried to make it seem like my idea and like it was some punishment.”

“At first, I only wanted to make the dates bad so you wouldn’t give up on trying something with Joohyun. You know, give you a little push in the right direction and everything. I didn’t want you to dismiss the possibility of what you could have with her,” she continued more slowly, her voice down to almost a whisper.

“When you guys got closer, I was so happy and relieved, I really thought it had worked and I could stop worrying about it, stop lying to you. But then you wanted to start again, you said you couldn’t put your life on hold because of these unrequited feelings, but I knew it wasn’t that. You’ve been single for a long time and it never bothered you, it was actually what you wanted. I knew you were just…” She hesitated, looked at Seungwan with guilt-stricken eyes.

“Using the dates to avoid my feelings,” Seungwan finished for her. Seulgi seemed displeased, but she didn’t argue it. Seungwan sighed deeply, trying to breathe around the lump that had settled in her throat. “Because I’d rather go back to something I already know doesn’t work than face the unknown.”

“It’s normal to be scared, Wan-wan. This is new and unfamiliar and things could go wrong. But you do have a habit of putting scary things in a corner of your mind and pretending they’re not there. I knew I couldn’t just confront you about it,” Seulgi pointed out miserably. She looked so small and unhappy that Seungwan almost felt like she should be the one comforting her.

She carefully picked up Mr. Fluffers and dropped him next to her on the sofa, ignoring his half-hearted protests. Then she moved closer to Seulgi and hugged her side, dropping her head on her shoulder. Seulgi turned a little to accommodate her, wrapping her own arms around her.

“I can’t just tell her, Seulgi,” she said in a small voice, trying not to sound too weepy.

She felt a hand move up to pat her head, then slowly start threading through her hair, up and down, the regular motion somewhat soothing. “Of course you can, Wannie.”

She shrugged against her friend but didn’t respond. She felt too tired for her usual game of denial, even if Seulgi’s words still sounded far from believable.

“I talked to Sooyoung. You know, when she snuck away at the party?” she started uncertainly. The hand against her hair paused in its movements, then resumed after a moment. “I told her about my history with dating and stuff. I said relationships kind of suck, but lately I’ve been thinking and maybe it was just my relationships that sucked. Not necessarily… all relationships, always.”

Seulgi hummed in agreement but seemed content to let Seungwan carry on without interruption. She took a deep breath. “A while ago, I was talking to Mr. Fluffers and I realized Joohyun would probably make a good girlfriend. It was kind of a random thought but it’s true, isn’t it? She seems like the type, she’s nice and thoughtful and she gives you space to deal with your stuff.”

“Yeah, she does,” Seulgi agreed easily, her voice soft, like she was trying her best not to startle Seungwan.

She pushed herself further into Seulgi’s shoulder, pressing her face into the fabric of her jacket. “Hey, Seul?” she asked in a muffled voice.

“Yeah, Wan?”

“I think I’m in love with her.”

Seulgi’s head tilted to rest against Seungwan’s, enveloping her more fully in her friend’s embrace. It felt nice, like there was a pocket of safety somewhere in this scary world that felt more and more unsteady lately.

“I think so too,” Seulgi whispered, and she sounded so happy about it that it really was hard to imagine how it could possibly be a bad thing.

Her phone buzzed several times in her pocket, pulling her out of the moment. She sat back and reached for the device to find half a dozen new message notifications covering the screen.

“Who’s that?” Seulgi asked with some curiosity. Joohyun wasn’t the texting type and Yerim and Sooyoung only really messaged Seungwan when they wanted her to look at dumb memes.

Seungwan merely tilted the phone so Seulgi could read the messages. They were all from Byulyi, sent in quick succession.

Byulyi: «Hey Seungwan I just got home! »

Byulyi: «I just wanted to say sorry again, I must have made the date pretty boring »

Byulyi: «And also thanks for telling me that stuff about Yong »

Byulyi: «That was really nice of you, so thanks »

Byulyi: «Anyway it’s late and you’re probably going to sleep now but maybe we can talk some other time :) »

Byulyi: «PS what’s your steam account? I’ll gift you that scary game we were talking about »

Byulyi: «Goodnight! »

“You gave your terrible date your number?” Seulgi asked with poorly hidden amusement.

Seungwan shrugged as she typed a short message in return. It felt a little rude to leave all these texts unanswered. “She seemed like she needed someone to talk to,” she said simply. Seulgi started laughing and she looked up sharply.

“Anyway, I haven’t forgiven you yet,” Seungwan added sternly. Seulgi froze at the unexpected words, her eyes widening in concern. “But if you go get the ice cream from the freezer, I will think about it.”

Her friend rose from the sofa in a second, happily skipping off to the kitchen. “If you watch Another with me, I’ll think about it some more,” Seungwan yelled in her direction.

“Which one is that?” Seulgi’s voice sounded from the kitchen.

“The one with the umbrella.”

“Wannie,” she whined, dragging out the word. “That one’s scary.” Seungwan laughed, but she didn’t push it. They’d watch whatever Seulgi wanted, she wasn’t feeling too picky anyway. Spending time with her best friend was good enough. Especially when there was ice cream.

She’d deal with tomorrow when it came around. Right now, the only thing she was sure of was that she was done with blind dates.

(…)

After finals, Christmas, the New Year, and the short holidays before school started, during which Sooyoung and Yerim were too busy desperately holding on to their freedom to settle down for an entire afternoon, they finally returned to their habit of weekends at Joohyun’s apartment with all four present.

The two youngest were barely a week into their semester, yet Joohyun was already insisting that they stay on top of their schoolwork, for reasons that were obvious to all except Yerim. Thankfully, she was too busy constantly texting her girlfriend to think too deeply about why Joohyun would suddenly develop such extreme concern for her academic success.

The result was that Yerim sat surrounded by textbooks, doing her best impression of studying them carefully while Seungwan and Joohyun sat near the other end of the sofa and read silently. Sooyoung was in the bedroom, as usual, taking advantage of Joohyun’s computer to work on some personal projects.

Seungwan was still making her way through the same book of short stories, but she was getting close to the end and it would only take a few hours of focused reading to finish it. She’d even resisted the temptation to stay on the same page for long periods of time, peeking over the top of the book to take in Joohyun’s profile, the curve of her nose, the dip of her chin, the way her eyelashes fluttered every time she blinked. Instead, Seungwan’s eyes remained firmly on her own book, and it was only her mind that kept her from actually processing anything she was reading.

Now that she’d removed the last real obstacle between herself and Joohyun, consisting of her own denial, and that the only logical step was to reveal her feelings and hope for the best, a million worried thoughts buzzed around inside her head. Most of them were just panicked exclamations of “No! Don’t! Bad!” which, while valid, weren’t very helpful. The part of her brain not occupied by this vocal majority cycled through all possible confession scenarios or reviewed all of their previous interactions to look for clues as to Joohyun’s feelings.

It didn’t help that everyone around her seemed to be bravely facing their feelings left and right, with no apparent fear of the consequences. First Yerim and Sooyoung and now even Byulyi, who had chosen this very afternoon to brainstorm possible ways to reveal her feelings to Yongsun.

Byulyi: «Do you think I should keep it casual? I’m worried she won’t take me seriously »

Byulyi: «But if I make it too romantic she might think it’s weird »

The way her phone kept buzzing with all the messages Byulyi sent her was another reason why she’d gotten barely two pages in. Studying the texts, she sighed and gave up on the book. Instead, she held it open as a way to conceal her phone as she wrote a response.

Seungwan: «Either way it’ll be fine. Just don’t do a big public thing »

The delay in Byulyi’s response suggested that she’d considered just that. In the precious moments of silence as her correspondent crafted a reply, she studied her company, satisfied that they were still engaged in their own tasks. Joohyun happily read an enormous fantasy novel and Yerim texted her girlfriend even more brazenly than Seungwan.

Byulyi: «Right, that would be such a bad idea, obviously »

Byulyi: «So I should do it when it’s just the two of us. That’s what I thought »

Seungwan fought the urge to slap her palm against her forehead. It was like guiding a toddler. She’d clearly have to take a more direct approach.

Seungwan: «Ok what are you guys doing this weekend? »

Byulyi: «We’re doing a puzzle »

Byulyi: «Except we get tired of puzzles really quickly, so probably 30 minutes of that and then I’ll convince her to play the new resident evil with me »

Right, she could work with this. All she had to do was replace the scary zombie game about murder and gore with something a little less… Violent.

Seungwan: «How about instead of that you convince her to watch a movie? Pick something romantic »

Byulyi: «Hmm she makes fun of romantic movies. She says they’re cheesy »

Seungwan: «There must be one she likes. One she watches and gets all invested and maybe teary-eyed and you can tell she kind of wishes it would happen to her a little bit »

Byulyi: «I guess she likes Titanic »

Seungwan certainly hoped Yongsun didn’t wish her life were more like that movie, on account of the death of the love interest and all, but it would do. They weren’t supposed to get to the end of it anyway.

Seungwan: «Right, so watch that and I probably don’t have to tell you this but put your arm around her shoulder or something. And then when it gets to a really romantic part, like when they’re kissing, turn to her and look in her eyes and ksadvhsad »

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt a hand land on her arm. Her entire body jerked in surprise and her fingers danced across the phone’s keyboard before she accidentally pressed send. Then she quickly dropped the device, face down, and looked up guiltily at Joohyun.

“You’re setting a bad example for the children,” Joohyun whispered with some amusement. That was a little difficult when the only child in the room was college-aged and also on her phone, but Seungwan probably shouldn’t point out that last part. She only smiled awkwardly, trying not to look too conspicuous.

Joohyun’s face fell a little at her reaction. “It was a joke, of course you can do whatever you want, you’re still a guest,” she quickly explained with some concern. Seungwan made an effort to contort her face into a more natural-looking smile.

“Sorry, you just startled me a little.” Joohyun seemed somewhat relieved, so Seungwan deemed the attempt at least partially successful. She picked up her book, pointing it out. “And this is fun, reading. I was just, uh, there was some stuff.”

As if on cue, her phone buzzed to indicate Byulyi’s response. She ignored it bravely, only nodding at her book like it was suddenly a hundred times more interesting. “It can wait,” she finally said, as Joohyun’s eyes remained on her and she raised a single curious eyebrow.

“Are you texting Seulgi? She can come over more often, if she wants. I’m sure the girls wouldn’t mind,” she said encouragingly, clearly trying to calm Seungwan down from whatever had left her so jumpy.

“Oh, it’s not Seulgi, it’s Byulyi. She’s… A new friend.” She wasn’t sure they could be considered friends yet, but she didn’t really want to be the type of person who guided a casual acquaintance through pursuing her best friend romantically, so she’d settle for the label. “I actually met her on my last date. Because she was the date. It didn’t really work out, but we have a lot in common so we kept in touch.”

She wouldn’t mention how the things they had in common involved romantic feelings for their close friends. Not that that situation would last much longer, since Byulyi seemed set on declaring herself and Seungwan didn’t doubt that Yongsun would return the feelings.

“Oh, a new friend,” Joohyun commented with a wide smile. “That’s nice. She can come over as well, if she wants, I’d love to meet her. I’ll leave you to it, then.” She tilted her head towards Seungwan’s phone conspiratorially, then returned to her book without another word.

Seungwan was a little surprised for a moment before her phone buzzed again and she finally remembered that she hadn’t checked Byulyi’s response yet.

Byulyi: «I didn’t get that last part, what should I do after looking in her eyes? »

Byulyi: «Seungwan? Did you drop your phone or something? »

She tapped on the screen, biting back a smile. Byulyi really was ridiculously cute. She reminded her of Seulgi a little and she could certainly imagine how those two had become friends. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Joohyun studying her and quickly looked up, but her friend turned back to her book in a flash, betraying no reaction. She really hoped Joohyun wouldn’t have any ideas, because she wasn’t sure her heart could handle a repeat of the love intervention and its confirmation that there were absolutely no romantic feelings to be had on Joohyun’s part. Nothing but good-natured friendly encouragement.

Seungwan: «You should kiss her »

Byulyi: «Oh »

Byulyi: «That makes sense »

Byulyi: «That last word did start with a k »

She rolled her eyes and put away the phone. Byulyi would probably be mulling that one over for a while and she didn’t really need Seungwan for that. She considered returning to her book, but the problem from before still applied. Byulyi was possibly days away from kissing her crush and starting a new relationship and the thought weighed on Seungwan like a rock.

Everybody else did it with such ease, they just opened their mouths and revealed their feelings and started dating. It all seemed so terrifying. Even the best-case scenario, where Joohyun somehow got hit in the head hard enough to find anything about Seungwan appealing, would still lead to a brand-new relationship with higher stakes than ever and she couldn’t imagine how she wouldn’t ruin it like she had done, repeatedly, in the past.

But she couldn’t push away the feelings, either. She was stuck and every way out of it, whether through breaking it off with Joohyun, confessing her feelings or faking her death and moving to another country, seemed painful and scary and very unrewarding. Maybe she could just stay like this forever, stealing glances and hoping that Joohyun never dated anyone else so she could at least maintain the illusion that she mattered.

“I’m going to go ask Sooyoung something,” she declared, almost startling herself with the sudden decision. She got up and walked into Joohyun’s bedroom before any questions could be posed, mostly because she doubted she’d have an answer. It wasn’t until she was sitting on Joohyun’s bed and facing a confused Sooyoung that she even knew why she was there.

“How did you tell that girl you liked her?” she blurted out, only furthering Sooyoung’s confusion. They faced each other for a second while she adjusted her thoughts to the sudden topic.

“I just did, I don’t know. I met up with her and I told her how I felt,” she replied with a shrug.

“And what did she say?” Seungwan prodded further.

Sooyoung chewed on her lip thoughtfully, considering the question. “The usual stuff, I guess. That she didn’t feel the same way but she hoped we could stay friends.”

“Did you?” Sooyoung shrugged again, looking only a little sad before she was back to her neutral self.

“Sure. Eventually.” Seungwan’s eyes widened in worry, but Sooyoung cut her off before she could start asking more questions. “I had to get over it first, but after that we got back to being friends.”

“Is it… weird?” She was aware that she was probably asking a lot of difficult questions, but she couldn’t stop herself. She needed to know.

“A little, but it’s getting better. I’m sure it’ll be something we laugh about in a few months.” Seungwan nodded, temporarily deflated, and Sooyoung studied her. “So, did that help?”

“It was kind of like when you’re about to go on a rollercoaster and someone tells you that it’s only scary for the first second and then it’s really fun,” Seungwan replied dubiously. Sooyoung smiled at the comparison. “I’m sure it is and I’m glad that someone had a good time of it, but I don’t feel any less terrified.”

Sooyoung got up from the desk chair and moved to sit by Seungwan’s side, nudging her knee. “Are you going to do it?” she asked casually enough, but Seungwan knew how much she cared, how invested she’d become. She was a good friend, under all that ruthless teasing.

“Maybe I’ll have an epiphany five minutes before the amusement park closes and make a run for it,” she offered diplomatically. She wasn’t sure she could promise much more.

She studied the wall in front of the bed, where her Christmas present hung in a brand-new frame. It looked a little out of place, tiny and alone, but it might start looking more like it belonged there as the months passed and more photographs joined it. Seungwan could only hope.

“Anyway, want to hear something funny?” Sooyoung nodded, turning slightly so she was facing her. “I went on a date with this girl and now I’m helping her get together with her best friend,” she admitted with a snort.

“God, your life is like a sitcom,” Sooyoung said tiredly, though the corners of her mouth were quirking up. Seungwan shrugged against her, then let herself drop backwards onto the bed.

“Joohyun told me to invite her over,” she added as she stretched out her arms to spread them over the covers.

“Please do, I need some source of humour in my life.”

Seungwan sighed deeply. She was all for humour, but she sometimes wished she didn’t always end up being the punchline. “Anything for you,” she replied dramatically, and giggled as Sooyoung dropped down until they were facing each other on the bed, Seungwan’s outstretched arm serving as a neck pillow.

“Always the gentleman,” Sooyoung commented with amusement. “We should have just fallen for each other, you know?” she added after a pause, and Seungwan had to admit that she looked more amused than sad. Like she really was over her heartbreak, for the most part.

“Yeah, but that’d be gross,” Seungwan pointed out as she wrinkled her nose.

Sooyoung nodded wisely, which was a little difficult given her position. “You got me there.”

They both laughed at the exchange, then remained on Joohyun’s comforter, relishing the softness, until Sooyoung pushed herself upright and declared that study time was over. She stormed into the living room, forcing everyone to join her in watching the latest episode of some terrible teen drama and screaming at the screen every time one of the characters did something idiotic, which was very frequent. It was a little difficult to squeeze all four people close enough together that they could all see the laptop screen where the show was playing, but somehow that just added to the fun.

At the end of the night, when Seungwan finally remembered to check her phone, she found three messages from Byulyi.

Byulyi: «I’m going to do it. Thanks so much for your help Seungwan :) »

Byulyi: «I hope things work out with your person too »

Byulyi: «I know you have one because otherwise you’d have fallen for me. I’m pretty irresistible »

That girl was seriously lucky she was cute.


	24. Act 2 Part 13

“I don’t trust her,” Joohyun said sternly, eyes narrowed in suspicion. The object of her scrutiny seemed to shrink under her gaze, trying her best to melt into the sofa, although she didn’t have much room to move when they were all squeezed together side by side.

“Why?” Sooyoung asked tiredly.

“She murdered Seungwan!” Joohyun exclaimed in response, gesturing towards the dead woman herself. Yerim snorted, but she didn’t look up from her phone. This was going to take a while.

“Um,” Seulgi spoke up a bit uncertainly. “Not to interfere or anything, but any of you could have done it. That’s kind of the point of Werewolf.”

“Well, she’s the one I know the least, so she’s the first I’ll suspect,” Joohyun replied defensively. Byulyi shifted uncomfortably under all the attention, looking at Seulgi for help that she couldn’t provide.

Seungwan sighed from her corner of the sofa. “Can I say something?” she asked, raising her hand without much hope.

“No,” Yerim and Sooyoung replied simultaneously.

“You’re dead, you can’t talk,” Sooyoung pointed out, and Seungwan let out a groan before pulling down her hand to rub her eyes.

“Thankfully,” Yerim added. “It’s the only way to shut you up in this game.”

“I just – “ Seungwan tried again, but the two youngest fixed her with glares that didn’t allow for much arguing. “Just please don’t vote this round, it makes no sense,” she whined in a quiet voice.

“I know, you’ve said that every game,” Sooyoung replied simply. It was true, but it was a matter of simple logic that somebody always forgot. After the first night, there were only four people left. If they voted for the wrong person, the werewolf would kill someone else and win the game. They should wait for a turn and then vote when there were only three left, to increase the odds of getting the right person.

Of course, every time she pointed it out they all just groaned and tried to shut her up. Apparently her explanations sucked the fun out of it.

“Seungwan’s right,” Joohyun grumbled with displeasure. At least someone valued her logic. “We shouldn’t vote this round.” She seemed genuinely disheartened at the conclusion and Byulyi, who had finally relaxed, almost started as she was pierced once more by Joohyun’s glare.

“So no voting?” Seulgi asked the room, awaiting the agreement of all active players. Byulyi wasted no time in nodding vigorously. Seungwan reached out to pat her shoulder in an attempt at reassuring her. She’d forgotten how Joohyun was with strangers, especially since she’d been so atypically friendly with Seulgi from the start. From an outside perspective, Joohyun’s coldness was almost cute, but she still remembered how it felt to be the target of those narrowed, unfeeling eyes.

“Yeah, fine,” Yerim said distractedly, tapping something on her phone. Sooyoung agreed with a hum and a half-shrug.

“Okay, then all the villagers fall asleep,” Seulgi said gently, waiting until all active players had leaned back and closed their eyes. Seungwan followed the actions, a little curious to find out who the werewolf was. “And the werewolf wakes up and finds a victim.”

Yerim popped an eye open, turning around to wink at Seungwan, although she was careful not to touch the two women around her. Then she pointed at Sooyoung, waiting until Seulgi acknowledged the action with a nod to close her eyes again. Seungwan slumped in her seat, somewhat relieved that Byulyi wasn’t actually the werewolf. She didn’t want Joohyun to be encouraged in her suspicion.

“Alright, the werewolf goes back to sleep, then everybody wakes up,” Seulgi began, waiting until everyone had opened their eyes to continue her narration. “And Sooyoung’s dead,” she finally added, looking towards the new victim apologetically.

Sooyoung exchanged a glance with Seungwan and immediately understood the situation, huffing in exasperation at her inability to argue the truth. The village was doomed. It appeared that Seungwan’s logic only made sense when the people involved acted logically, which was its fatal flaw. As if on cue, Joohyun gasped and turned to Byulyi, who shrank even further away from her, although she was already so close to Seungwan that she was nearly sitting on her lap.

“I’m voting for her,” she said imperiously, before anyone had had the chance to say a word.

“Cool, me too,” Yerim added quickly, shoving her phone in her pocket and looking up expectantly. Byulyi looked between the two, then at Seulgi, who appeared unhappy with the situation but, as the neutral narrator, was not allowed to argue her case.

“Two votes for Byulyi?” she asked, more for confirmation than out of any hope that they’d change their minds. Both women nodded. “Okay, I guess Byulyi is killed by the villagers.”

Byulyi flipped her card dejectedly. “I was a villager,” she said to nobody in particular, even though Joohyun was the only one in the room who didn’t know that yet.

“And that’s a win for me. Good game,” Yerim remarked, pushing herself up from the sofa. Joohyun looked between the youngest and Byulyi, still wrapping her head around the result. “Now I’ll be going. Things to do, people to see.”

Sooyoung muttered something inaudible, but clearly scathing, since Yerim leaned over to smack her shoulder. Joohyun finally stopped whipping her head around and leaned back into the sofa with deeply furrowed brows. She seemed moments away from crossing her arms and sulking.

Once Yerim had said her goodbyes and left, things got a little more awkward. They were too few to keep playing Werewolf, so they just sat and talked, which was made difficult by Joohyun’s whiplash-inducing jumps between icy detachment and friendliness as she addressed either Byulyi or the others. The newest addition to the group, who sat between Seungwan and Seulgi, seemed terrified of her interrogator and answered all questions in monosyllables, only growing slightly more at ease when Seungwan or Seulgi spoke up.

During a calmer period, when Sooyoung had roped Joohyun into a hushed discussion about a topic that Seungwan couldn’t pick up from the other side of the sofa, Byulyi’s phone rang, interrupting their conversation about the strangest things she’d found on hospital computers. She excused herself and quickly stepped to the other side of the room, answering the call with a teasing “Yong” that was overflowing with affection.

Seungwan watched her as a goofy grin grew on her face, nodding along to Yongsun’s words even though the other woman couldn’t see her. It was almost impressive, the way love was written along every line of her body, every gesture she made. Did Seungwan ever look like that around Joohyun? She couldn’t imagine that she did, because even Joohyun couldn’t have missed such obvious signs.

Seulgi tapped her on the shoulder, returning her attention to the group still sitting on the sofa. She turned to see that the other two had finished their discussion, with Joohyun now studying Byulyi and the way her free hand gesticulated wildly, slicing through the air in seemingly random patterns. She took the woman in with furrowed brows and lips pressed in a thin line, like she was trying to find something, some hidden answer that she couldn’t quite locate.

“So… what do you think?” Seungwan asked slowly. She didn’t really want to broach the subject, but it had to be discussed at some point and she would be the one to do it, as the only person with close ties to both Joohyun and Byulyi.

“She’s… fine,” Joohyun replied tentatively. It wasn’t very convincing and Sooyoung’s raised eyebrows let Seungwan know that she wasn’t alone in this opinion. “It’s just…” she started, but never finished the thought, opting instead to hum noncommittally while sporting a slight grimace.

Byulyi was now pacing around the room, listening with amusement before she finally broke into a large laugh that seemed to breathe joy into her very frame. Joohyun jumped slightly at the sudden noise.

“Was it the flirting?” Seungwan asked. “I told her not to do it, but it’s like telling fish not to swim.” Seulgi nodded, clearly agreeing with the description, and Sooyoung only winced at the memory of Byulyi’s stilted attempts to flirt with Joohyun shortly after she’d arrived. The affronted look on Joohyun’s face would have been priceless if it hadn’t been quite so unsettling. Byulyi got the message quickly enough, but the damage had been done.

“The flirting was a bit off-putting,” Joohyun admitted easily, following Byulyi with her eyes. Still talking on the phone, she had now settled down a bit and whispered words that Seungwan was glad she couldn’t hear, given the coy smirk curving Byulyi’s lips as she spoke. Something told her the conversation had taken a somewhat inappropriate turn.

That Yongsun was a curious case. Given Byulyi’s descriptions, she shifted between squeaking in prudish shock at the mention of something as innocuous as kissing and, well… Behaviour that Seungwan wished Byulyi were private enough to keep to herself. Suffice it to say that she’d heard enough stories about pole dancing and sultry innuendos to make her regret ever getting involved with those two.

Joohyun seemed about to elaborate on her opinion of Byulyi when the latter finally finished the call with a grin and a teasing “Don’t miss me too much,” turning back to face the four women on the sofa. Her beaming face fell almost immediately as she remembered Joohyun’s presence and she was only able to offer an uncertain smile that quickly died off.

“That was… Yong,” she said simply, like the name itself was explanation enough. The way her eyes lit up at the name, lending a softness to her face even when it was tinged with uncertainty, definitely seemed like enough of a hint as to who Yong could be. A glance at Sooyoung, who regarded Byulyi with a shy, knowing smile, told Seungwan as much.

“Yong?” Joohyun asked with some curiosity. Sooyoung almost snorted at her puzzlement and Seungwan was reminded of just how unobservant Joohyun could be in some departments. Her oblivious demeanour was both a blessing and a curse.

Byulyi seemed taken aback by Joohyun’s question, torn between the instinct to escape and the desire to gush. “She’s my girlfriend,” she ended up saying, in a hesitant compromise. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans, fighting off a small smile at the words.

The explanation clearly took Joohyun by surprise. “Girlfriend?” she squeaked out, her head whipping between Byulyi and Seungwan with confusion. “I thought you two met on a date”

“They started dating after that,” Seungwan assured her quickly. Her hand reached out to pat Joohyun’s leg, but Seulgi sat between them and the movement would have involved too much awkward manoeuvring to come across as casual, so she retracted it quickly. Sooyoung seemed to have the same thought, because her hand quickly came to rest on Joohyun’s thigh.

“Seungwan actually helped get them together,” she pointed out with an enigmatic smile. She might be amused at the irony of Seungwan’s life, endeared by the tale of lovestruck friends being brought together at last, entertained by Joohyun’s clueless confusion or just savouring the chance to embarrass Seungwan with the tale. Or maybe it was something else entirely, Seungwan couldn’t claim to know everything that went on inside that girl’s head.

While Seungwan pondered the question, a similar smile grew on Joohyun’s face, so unexpected that Byulyi grew even more unsure. Her eyes darted towards the door for a moment, considering a quick escape with longing.

“Oh, well that’s lovely,” Joohyun exclaimed, sounding a bit strange, although it might just be the fact that Seungwan had never heard her utter the word “lovely” before. “It’s wonderful that you two are together. A friend of mine got a girlfriend recently as well,” she blabbered on, while Sooyoung and Seungwan threw puzzled glances at her and each other.

Byulyi took the pleasant change in demeanour at face value, smiling widely at Joohyun’s words. “Thanks, it is pretty great. I really like her.” She sounded shy yet proud and Joohyun encouraged her with an approving nod. “I couldn’t have done it without Seungwan,” she added quickly, and Seungwan felt herself growing warmer under the excited attention of Joohyun. She smiled awkwardly, trying to draw the conversation away from herself.

“I just told her to do it, she did all the heavy lifting,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, bringing the other up to scratch at the back of her neck.

“No, you were the one who got me to really think about it,” Byulyi insisted, her oblivious excitement only growing with every word. She turned back to Joohyun. “She said Yong looked at me like she liked me. I thought if even a stranger saw it, then I had to at least give it a try,” she carried on, eyes sparkling.

“Oh, how did she know?” Joohyun asked with genuine interest.

“I… showed her some pictures of us,” Byulyi admitted sheepishly. Sooyoung caught Seungwan’s eye and raised an eyebrow as if questioning just how bad the date had been. Seungwan would have returned the look if she wasn’t too busy trying to burrow into the sofa. Somehow this cheerful conversation made her even more uncomfortable than the icy atmosphere of earlier.

“Can I see?”

Seungwan dragged her hand up her face, covering her mouth and moving up to her eyes before Seulgi turned around to pry it off with a comforting glance and a reassuring squeeze. In front of them, Byulyi leaned forward slightly to flick through her phone’s gallery for Joohyun’s viewing pleasure. She studied the photos with a look of concentration which was only interrupted as the phone suddenly vibrated, announcing a new message.

Byulyi pulled the device back with a frown as she read the text. Then she slapped her forehead. “I forgot! Yong called me because she bought a new Lego set and I said I’d go build it with her. But then I got distracted talking about her,” she said with an embarrassed smile, and it was frankly absurd for a grown adult to sound this cute. Was this all they did? Play with Legos and make fun of movies and… that other stuff Seungwan would rather not have heard about? It seemed like some fairy-tale relationship for people suspended in time and space.

Maybe that was the point. People in love lived in a bubble of their own and they could have fun with anything or nothing at all. As long as they had each other, as long as they could bring a smile to each other’s face with their mere existence, then everything else was just easier.

Once more, she was jealous of Byulyi, of how easily it all came to her. Her smile was free and quickly brought forth, like it was always lurking just below the surface. It wasn’t held back by doubts or uncertainty, not when it came to Yongsun and what they had. She trusted her, trusted that they worked and that she was happy. It had been a long time since Seungwan had felt that way in a relationship, without wondering when and how it would end, when and how she’d disappoint.

“By all means, go ahead,” Joohyun said pleasantly, then paused for a moment as she considered her own words. “Not that I’m kicking you out, you’re also free to stay. But you don’t want to. You want to go see your girlfriend. So you should go do that,” she finished, breathless after all that rambling. Byulyi didn’t seem taken aback and only smiled brightly.

“Thanks, I had fun!” she exclaimed, and she actually sounded genuine. She was clearly quick to forgive and forget. “I’ll see you guys later,” she added in Seungwan and Seulgi’s direction, then turned to extend the tentative invitation to the others before walking off towards the front door.

After she left, they sat in silence, Joohyun still wearing a fond smile while the other three blinked away the confusion of what had just happened.

“So,” Sooyoung started with some hesitation. “I guess you warmed up to her, then.”

Joohyun took a moment to grasp the meaning of Sooyoung’s words, then she grinned widely. “Well, it’s just nice to see people in love, isn’t it?” she asked dreamily, apparently unaware that her current company was composed of two people struggling with their unrequited feelings and one who would never fall in love. Then again, they were probably the biggest hopeless romantics of the group, so she wasn’t completely wrong.

“I’m glad they worked it out,” Seulgi finally spoke up, looking almost nostalgic. “Whenever Yongsun would come visit her at work, they always looked so happy, playing around and throwing chips at each other. We actually had a bet on how long it’d take for them to get together. So, Seungwan, you’ll be glad to know that Sunmi got like 30 bucks because of you.”

Seungwan snorted at the information, wondering whether the bet had been the reason none of Byulyi’s co-workers thought to point out the obvious to those two. Seulgi smiled at her, a smile born from years of friendship and the ability to read her thoughts from a glance at her face.

“The way they looked at each other when they thought the other wasn’t looking… It was like a mirror, the exact same hope and love and fear,” she said slowly, thoughtfully, not looking at anything in particular. “Makes you think about all the things happening right in front of you that you might be missing.”

She smiled again, a small, slightly bitter smile. Seungwan remembered all the friends that had slipped away from Seulgi, all the times she’d thought she had one thing and found another entirely, one she couldn’t manage.

Across from them, Sooyoung sported a similar smile, mirroring the one that must have risen to Seungwan’s lips. They were familiar with the love, the hope and the fear. It felt a lot less beautiful when it lived inside them, when it made their hearts tremble and quake and squeeze painfully.

“Yes, it really does,” Joohyun said quietly, and her smile was bright, the only one untainted by memories or regrets. Seungwan’s breath caught at the sight, dark thoughts leaking away until only awe was left behind. Sooyoung’s eyes were on her and she wondered what she saw on her face.

It was a dangerous thought, one that would normally have her running for the hills, but just for a moment she hoped Joohyun would notice it. Notice her. See what she’d been missing.

Maybe she could have what Byulyi had. Easy smiles, easy jokes, pain that time inevitably turned into nostalgia. Maybe she deserved it too.

That was the thought that jostled her back into reality, nearly choking in surprise. It was something that she hadn’t thought in a long time. Her sudden coughing fit, seemingly brought out by nothing at all, had Seulgi turning to her with concern, slapping her back, and the moment was broken. But the thought was out there, floating around her head. Eventually she’d have to face it.


	25. Act 2 Part 14

The cold winter air whipped against Seungwan’s cheeks as soon as she was out of the subway station. She walked the short distance home with hunched shoulders, trying to bury as much of her face as she could under her scarf. Once she was safely inside, she wasted no time waiting for Joohyun. She had left work late and her neighbour must be cosy at home by now. Following suit, she hurried to her own apartment, rushing inside to find three women on the sofa. It was at least one more than she’d expected to find.

Thankfully, her body continued moving on auto-pilot and she simply walked by them with a wave, stepping into the bedroom to change from cold outdoors clothes into warm, fuzzy pyjamas, slippers and a nice robe on top. It was only when she walked back into the living room, stopping to pet Mr. Fluffers since he showed no sign of wanting to leave the bed, that she began to wonder why Seulgi sat with Yerim and Sooyoung.

“Hey, Seulgi. Did we have something planned?” She assumed her friend had come to wait for her and run into the two younger women who frequently sequestered her apartment to take advantage of its warmth, quiet and entertainment system. Seulgi looked at the two, sitting on each side of her, and shook her head.

Seungwan’s brow furrowed and she began to feel a twinge of fear. After Joohyun’s strange behaviour with Byulyi, her friend had nearly talked her ear off, insisting that it meant something. Something good. In the worst-case scenario, it was further evidence of Joohyun’s growing interest in love and romance, a sign that she was beginning to pay attention and perhaps want something for herself as well. She might just start noticing a little of the world around her, Seulgi insisted optimistically, oblivious to the panic that rose in Seungwan’s chest at the thought.

She shut Seulgi down before she could get started on the best-case scenario, unwilling to even entertain whispers of jealousy and possessiveness soothed only by the knowledge that Byulyi was already taken. Nothing good could come of seriously considering such a possibility. She only foresaw disappointment if she actually managed to convince herself that there was something to it.

Regardless, here was her best friend, surrounded by the two demon children, looking at her expectantly, and what else could it possibly be? “This isn’t another intervention, isn’t it?” she asked, a little afraid to hear the answer.

Their reaction was unexpected, as Seulgi gazed at her with confusion while Sooyoung’s eyes widened with surprise and amusement and Yerim looked vaguely displeased. “Not everything’s about you, Seungwan,” the youngest pointed out with a raised brow. “We were just hanging out.”

“Oh,” she replied, her instinctive fear retreating and leaving only puzzlement behind. She sat on the arm of the sofa by Sooyoung’s side. “Um, why?” she finally asked, a little timidly.

“Are you asking why people hang out?” Yerim deadpanned, and Seungwan felt vaguely chastised.

“Yeah, sorry, I should have expected that all my friends would magically befriend each other and hang out without me,” she pointed out, aiming for sarcasm but apparently missing her mark as Yerim only nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, we should get going,” Sooyoung intervened, patting Seungwan’s leg as she rose from the sofa. “We’re late for a party.”

Seungwan eyed her questioningly, but she only turned to Yerim. “Saeron invited us,” the youngest provided cheerfully. “It’s mostly people from the theatre department, but there’s a hot tub so…” She trailed off with a shrug, like no further elaboration was needed.

“A hot tub?” Seungwan asked with a slight grimace.

“Yes, what about it?” Yerim asked warily.

“Nothing, they’re just really unsanitary. I wouldn’t get into a hot tub at a party if I were you.”

Yerim rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. “Okay, _dad_. I’m sure we’ll live.”

“You say that because you don’t know the things I’ve done in a hot tub,” Seungwan said suggestively. She wasn’t usually this open with her past experiences, preferring to keep her tragic romantic history to herself, but she’d broach the topic if it meant she got to see the shock on their faces. It was priceless.

“Oh, ew, come on!” Yerim immediately complained loudly as Sooyoung scrambled to get as far away from Seungwan as possible. Seulgi didn’t move from her place in the sofa, her expression landing somewhere between amusement and surprise.

She settled for a smug smirk, shrugging as she studied the two women who huddled on the other side of the sofa. Their eyes were narrowed and Yerim’s lips curled into a sneer of displeasure.

“I think you’re bluffing,” Sooyoung finally said, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. Seulgi followed the exchange like she was watching a tennis match. “I think you haven’t done anything in a hot tub.”

She tilted her head, accepting the possibility. Sooyoung was right, of course. But that wasn’t the point. “And how confident are you about that?” she asked with what she was sure to be an infuriating grin. Sooyoung wavered.

“Don’t do it,” Yerim cut in, pushing Sooyoung back with her arm. “We have too much to lose.”

 Seungwan laughed at her dramatic words and even Seulgi risked a chuckle, although her face was a little red at the topic. She finally slid down from the arm of the sofa to sit more comfortably, leaning down to pick up Totoro and settle him between her legs.

“You know, just because you’re not a sad virgin like we thought, it doesn’t give you the right to torture us like this,” Yerim grumbled once it became clear that neither Sooyoung nor Seungwan were going to pursue the topic.

Seungwan looked up from where she’d been playing with Totoro’s arms, moving them up and down like he was dancing. “Okay, first of all, the concept of virginity has no biological basis, it’s just patriarchal propaganda,” she began, waving her stuffed friend’s right arm in Yerim’s direction like he too judged her usage of such a charged term. By her side, Seulgi nodded absently. “Second of all, did you seriously think I was completely inexperienced? I’m a grown adult.”

“So is Joohyun,” Sooyoung pointed out with a shrug.

“That’s… Okay, yeah,” she admitted quietly. Seulgi patted her shoulder in a show of support.

Yerim’s phone buzzed and her eyes widened almost comically as she studied the screen. “We are so late!” she exclaimed, tugging on Sooyoung’s sleeve. “Come on, we don’t have time to reassure Seungwan that she doesn’t look like a virgin,” she added, heading resolutely towards the front door.

Sooyoung turned around to wave awkwardly when she was already halfway out of the apartment, dragged along by Yerim. She smiled as Seungwan and Seulgi mumbled amused goodbyes.

“So, you guys are friends now?” Seungwan asked in the silence that followed. At least from Seulgi she could expect an explanation, rather than complaints, insults or plain old glares that insisted that somehow she was the one to blame.

“I… actually, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Seulgi admitted with a nervous voice, turning around to face her more fully. Her eyes darted around Seungwan’s face, like they always did when she was worried, and Seungwan felt something give way in her chest. With her head so full of Joohyun, had she missed something?

“When you found out that I was sending you on bad dates and we got it all out in the open, I felt really relieved that I wasn’t keeping that secret anymore. I hate keeping secrets, especially from you,” Seulgi admitted slowly, her nose wrinkling at the thought. Seungwan knew that her friend could keep something to herself if it were really necessary, but she avoided it at all costs.

“But there’s another secret?” Seungwan guessed, since it seemed like the only logical conclusion. She wasn’t mad; it made no sense to jump to conclusions before Seulgi had made her case, but it still felt a little strange. She wasn’t used to secrets between them.

Seulgi frowned, tugging at the sleeve of her jacket. “I wanted to tell you right then, get it all over with, but it wasn’t just my secret,” she continued with a frown. “I had to talk to Yerim and Sooyoung first, they’re the ones who asked me not to tell you, but they said it’s okay. They didn’t want to cause any problems between us.”

Seulgi’s smile was fond and it only raised more questions. Was the secret their sudden friendship? Or was there something more? Something going on all along, something that the two youngest didn’t feel comfortable sharing with her? For a moment, she got an idea of how Joohyun must feel when she was left out of their plans. Of course they were allowed their privacy, but it still felt a little like a betrayal.

“So, uh, we’re friends. Me and Sooyoung and Yerim,” Seulgi said decisively, smiling brightly as soon as the words were out. For once, Seungwan had landed soundly in the best-case scenario. Nobody was pregnant or dying or trying to kick her out of the group. They were just secret friends. She almost sighed with relief.

“That’s it?” she asked with some surprise. “They really thought they had to keep that from me?”

“Well, originally they contacted me because of you and Joohyun. They put me in this group chat with them because they wanted to know more about you and maybe get me to help them bring you two together?” Seulgi started, not sounding very confident. “It was a little confusing, honestly, but they made me promise not to tell you about it. Anyway. they stopped trying to interfere after Joohyun’s intervention and then the chat just kind of became a place where we talked about whatever. They’re really funny, actually, they post all these funny pictures and memes and stuff.” She seemed ready to carry on gushing about how the demon children were so entertaining, but Seungwan held up a hand to stop her before she got too carried away.

“After Joohyun’s intervention?” she asked, brows furrowing. Seulgi only nodded. “That was months ago! How long have you been talking? How did they even get your number?”

“You know when I met Joohyun at the diner?” Seulgi began, and Seungwan had some trouble stifling an affronted yelp. That had been ages ago! “Well, I gave her my number in case she needed anything and I guess she gave it to Yerim and Sooyoung and they added me to their chat.”

Seungwan sat in stunned silence, jaw working but no sound escaping her mouth. “And they never thought to tell me?” she finally managed to wheeze out. “I thought we were friends.”

“Well, I guess they just didn’t want you to see that side of them. We talk about a lot of personal stuff, things that they might be embarrassed to share with you,” Seulgi said diplomatically, but it just made Seungwan feel even worse. She really was the dad of the group. They would come to her when nobody else could help but they wouldn’t ever get comfortable and treat her like one of their own.

“But they told _you_ ,” she said in a small voice, because everything else felt too complicated to articulate. And really, who was she to complain about it when all along she’d known that this was how they treated Joohyun and she’d never tried to change it? Or maybe not, because at least Joohyun had known about Saeron before Yerim showed up with her in tow.

“Oh, Wannie,” Seulgi said slowly, reaching forward to pull her hands away from where they clenched around patches of Totoro’s fun. She brushed them gently with her thumbs, trying to catch Seungwan’s eye. “Those two really look up to you, you know? They want you to see them at their best, not when they’re all nervous about asking a girl out.”

“Yerim got nervous because of Saeron?” Seungwan asked, perking up at the comment. Seulgi nodded with a grin. “I guess I lose the moral high ground if I tease her about it, huh?” she joked. Mostly.

When Seulgi only continued looking at her expectantly, she knew she couldn’t joke her way around the issue. “I just… I don’t really get why they’d look up to me. I’m a mess,” she concluded, gesturing around the room like the very walls bore witness to the disaster that was her life.

“You’re someone who always listens and comforts them and offers to help however she can. You know what to say to cheer them up and you make them laugh when they need it. You’ve been through a lot and you learned from it and you use that experience and that knowledge to give them good advice. I can see how they’d be impressed,” Seulgi added with a giggle, amused by Seungwan’s shock.

“But I don’t know what I’m doing,” she replied simply, unsure how she could possibly explain how much she should not be looked up to.

“Nobody does, Wannie. But you do it anyway, you keep trying. Not everybody is that brave.” It all sounded wrong, describing her with things like “brave” and “impressive”. Sure, it came from Seulgi, and she always had good things to say about everyone, but was Seungwan really supposed to believe that Yerim and Sooyoung thought the same?

Seulgi poked her arm, trying to pull her away from her thoughts. “Sooyoung thought it was really cool that you would tell her about your past relationships like that.”

“What, that I would willing humiliate myself?”

Seulgi flicked her forehead at that, switching from gentle to forceful at Seungwan’s continued refusal to take a compliment. “No, that you would open up without hesitation, even if it’s such a charged topic,” she said with an eyeroll, too dramatic to be caused by genuine exasperation. Seungwan couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across her face at her friend’s efforts to cheer her up and Seulgi took it as a sign to ease off the praise, well aware that there was no point in pushing too hard with Seungwan.

“You know, when you told me how you two had talked at the party, when she snuck off to your place, I got super nervous,” she admitted, letting her hands drop on Totoro to make him sway gently from side to side. “I thought she’d told you about the group chat and you were going to be extra mad at me for hiding all those secrets.”

“Wait,” Seungwan said simply, her brow furrowing as a new question rose to her mind. “If you guys have been friends for months, why were you so weird about coming to the party?”

“I wasn’t lying about that,” Seulgi rushed to explain, dropping the toy in a flash to shake her hands vehemently in denial. “It’s just that Yerim had her girlfriend and Sooyoung was upset and I’m actually not that close with Joohyun. I really did think it might be a little weird to go,” she concluded with a shrug.

“I guess that makes sense,” Seungwan said slowly. “I’m glad you guys weren’t just putting on some act for my benefit,” she added with a laugh. Then she perked up, an idea coming to her mind.

“Does this mean you know who Sooyoung likes?” she asked mischievously. “Or liked, maybe? She said she was over it.”

Seulgi’s face fell at the question. “Wannie,” she whined, dragging out the word.

“I know, I know, you couldn’t tell me even if you did,” Seungwan accepted easily. “It’s up to her to decide whether to tell me, or whatever,” she grumbled on.

“Did you ever ask?” Seulgi pointed out gently, and only then did Seungwan realize that no, she really hadn’t. She’d asked whether it was one of them, but she’d never prodded further. Her shoulders slumped at the thought. “I’m sure she’d tell you if you did. Sometimes we’re just waiting for someone to ask,” Seulgi added wisely.

Seungwan sighed, letting the words wash over her. She felt unusually unobservant, like she’d been so busy focusing on her own issues that she hadn’t noticed the way the rest of the world kept moving. She didn’t like the thought. How could she be a good friend if she didn’t even know what was going on in Seulgi’s life?

“I can’t believe you guys have been friends for months and I never noticed,” she huffed out, setting down Totoro with care so she could lean across the sofa and rest her head on Seulgi’s lap. “What was I thinking?”

“It’s not your fault, Wan-wan,” Seulgi said kindly, like she’d seen right past the attempt at lightness and into the insecurity in Seungwan’s heart. “It’s like I was saying the other day. There’s lots of stuff happening right in front of us that we never notice.”

“But I want to notice,” she whined, poking at Seulgi’s leg.

“You can’t,” Seulgi exclaimed with fake horror. “Not all of it! Your head would explode.” She raised her hands to her head to mime the event, smiling at Seungwan’s giggles.

“You know, speaking of exploding heads…” she started with a smirk, but Seulgi smacked her shoulder before she could suggest watching any scary anime. She was sure she could find one with head explosions, too. “Maybe next time, then,” she said instead.

Seulgi smiled brightly, her eyes shrinking to tiny crescents, and Seungwan couldn’t help but return it whole-heartedly. She might not be a very good friend, not nearly good enough for Seulgi, but her friend certainly seemed to like her the way she was. Maybe that was enough.

(…)

_(Seulgi POV)_

It felt a little strange to be in Joohyun’s apartment without Seungwan. The action felt like less of a betrayal now that Seungwan knew all about her friendship with Yerim and Sooyoung, but there was still a part of Seulgi that told her she shouldn’t be here.

As if she’d read her mind, Sooyoung leaned over to squeeze her knee reassuringly. On the other side of the sofa, Yerim immediately seized the opportunity to pull out her phone and try to send a text before Sooyoung’s attention returned to her.

The friendship between those two was an odd thing. Seulgi remembered being surprised at the way they traded insults back and forth, looking almost vicious until she realized that it was their own way of showing affection. These days, she knew enough to understand that when Yerim called Seungwan a sad virgin she was actually showing that she saw her as a friend, in a way. Of course, it would work better if Seungwan understood that too.

“You okay there?” Sooyoung asked in a low voice while reaching out her free arm to smack Yerim’s hands away from her phone. Seulgi’s face contorted into something halfway between a smile and a grimace.

“Are you sure it’s fine for me to be here?”

She looked back at Joohyun, who paced in front of the sofa, clearly waiting for her friends to settle down. She seemed eager to get into some serious topic that Seulgi wasn’t sure she was entitled to listen in on.

“You’re our friend, too,” Sooyoung replied with an eyeroll. She squeezed Seulgi’s knee one more time then released her hold, a reassuring smile on her lips. “Seungwan doesn’t get to monopolize you.”

Sooyoung was a little better at handling people. Yerim was more skittish, like she was embarrassed that anyone would know she cared. Apparently that wasn’t cool. But Sooyoung, while perfectly happy to play along with Yerim’s banter and deliver some pretty vicious insults herself, was also capable of showing a more vulnerable side. She’d show people she cared if that was what they needed, sometimes even at her own cost. In that way, she reminded Seulgi of Seungwan.

“But Joohyun barely knows me,” she continued, her lips squeezing into a small pout. Sooyoung reached out to pinch her cheek, making a show of cooing at the cuteness, then patted it a few times like she was trying to snap Seulgi out of it.

“You’re our friend, so she’s fine with it. She trusts our taste,” she said like it was obvious. Seulgi looked up at their host, not very convinced, but Joohyun only smiled at her and nodded gently, prodding them to finish up their conversation. She didn’t want to keep Joohyun waiting, so she didn’t ask any more questions and just settled back with a nod of her own.

“First of all, hello Seulgi, it’s nice of you to join us. Feel free to drop by anytime,” Joohyun began pleasantly, and Seulgi returned her wide smile with enthusiasm. “So, I’ve gathered you here today because I wanted your help with something.”

Sooyoung leaned closer again. “Welcome to the couch monologues,” she whispered in Seulgi’s ear. She pulled up her legs to sit more comfortably and followed Joohyun with a somewhat distracted gaze, like she was only half paying attention.

“As you will recall, I recently had the pleasure of entertaining Seungwan’s new friend, Byulyi. She was also Seulgi’s friend, I think,” Joohyun added as an afterthought, nodding towards Seulgi but not actually making eye contact.

“What are the couch monologues?” Seulgi asked after a moment, a bit afraid of interrupting whatever was going on. Thankfully, Joohyun didn’t seem to notice she’d spoken.

“Our own little natural phenomenon.”

Yerim leaned over, placing a hand on Sooyoung’s thigh and shifting her weight onto it, eliciting a yelp of complaint. “I think she goes into a trance,” she offered with enthusiasm before Sooyoung pushed her away.

“Apparently, Seungwan looked at some photos of Byulyi and her girlfriend and knew they were in love right away,” Joohyun carried on obliviously. “I looked at them as well, but couldn’t find what was so obvious to her.”

Seulgi opened her mouth, taking a breath, but Sooyoung’s hand landed on her shoulder before she could speak. “Don’t bother,” she said simply, her eyes still on Joohyun. “She never listens.”

“Well, even if she’s a little stubborn – “

“No, you misunderstand. She literally doesn’t hear us.” Looking up at Joohyun, who seemed completely unaffected by their hushed conversation, Seulgi began to understand what Sooyoung meant.

“I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I don’t actually know what love is like. Or what it looks like, I suppose,” Joohyun concluded with a chuckle. Her eyes swept over the occupants of the sofa without really acknowledging them, but Seulgi nodded anyway, just in case. She didn’t want Joohyun to think nobody was listening.

Sooyoung had shifted away and was now closer to Yerim, whispering something reproachful as the youngest woman leaned strategically away in an attempt to keep her phone out of Sooyoung’s reach. It was a futile effort, of course, because her arms were much shorter, and soon they were both struggling for possession of the device. Yerim was at a clear disadvantage, but she made up for it with ferocity.

In the meantime, Joohyun’s speech continued and Seulgi was torn between paying attention to it and trying to intervene in the fight taking place by her side. “When Byulyi told us about her girlfriend, I was so happy for her. But clearly, even though I’ve grown more interested in the topic of love, I still have no practical experience with it. This lack became glaringly obvious when I looked at those photos”, she said placidly, not bothered in the least by the scene unfolding in front of her, which was about one chokehold away from a wrestling match.

“Stop texting your girlfriend,” Sooyoung demanded, her voice growing inadvertently louder as she was distracted by her efforts. Yerim had raised a knee to keep her at a distance and Sooyoung was attempting to flip her on her side to remove the obstacle. If she fell off the sofa entirely, that would just be an unfortunate consequence, or at least Seulgi assumed that was her reasoning.

“I would ask those two, but I doubt either of them would want to discuss their personal experience, especially with me. And you, well, I assume you have none,” Joohyun continued, and Seulgi was startled to realise that she was addressing her directly. Looking away from the conflict, she found Joohyun looking straight at her with a small smile. Unsure whether she should alert the other two, and a little afraid of getting between them, she only nodded slightly to confirm Joohyun’s assumption.

“Yes, unfortunate. I could always ask Seungwan but…” She paused, frowning as she thought of this option. “She doesn’t like discussing those things with me and I wouldn’t want her to misunderstand and think I was trying to meddle again.”

Joohyun seemed a little down at the memories, so Seulgi offered a reassuring smile. She was encouraged by Joohyun’s attention and hoped that she could be of some help guiding her to a conclusion. The woman in front of her smiled back.

“I can see why Seungwan likes you so much, you’re a good best friend to have. You have a very positive presence,” Joohyun said, and Seulgi felt immensely flattered. She grinned shyly, feeling her cheeks warm up. Meanwhile, Joohyun grew sheepish, looking at the floor for a moment. “I know that you are each other’s best friends, and I wouldn’t dare to question that, but… I consider Seungwan to be my best friend,” she finally admitted with apprehension, like she was worried that she was overstepping some line by admitting this so brazenly to Seungwan’s own best friend.

Seulgi was about to reassure her that this was fine when a flailing arm nearly hit her on the face as the battle over Yerim’s phone moved closer to her side of the sofa. Yerim quickly pulled her arm away, trying to recover her balance after she’d crashed into Sooyoung. The taller woman raised a leg to Yerim’s stomach and tried to push her away, both her hands wrapped around the phone that Yerim had now almost let go. With a grunt, they rolled away again, Yerim pulling her head up to bite Sooyoung’s arm. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

Joohyun followed the action with an amused smile, then looked back at Seulgi conspiratorially. “I love those two, but they can be a little tiresome,” she said good-naturedly. Seulgi acquiesced easily, although she had to admit that they weren’t usually this intense. They must have let go a little under the assumption that Joohyun wasn’t paying attention.

“With Seungwan, it’s just… easier,” Joohyun added thoughtfully. “Although I don’t know whether the feeling is entirely mutual. I can think of a few times when I’ve certainly been difficult,” she said with a small laugh, even though her eyes reflected more uncertainty than humour.

Seulgi looked cautiously at the two women beside her. Sooyoung held Yerim’s head at bay with a forearm under her chin, while the youngest hesitated between keeping both hands firmly on her phone or releasing one to help pull away Sooyoung’s arm. They looked busy enough, so Seulgi thought it might be safe to actually say something. Just in case, she leaned forward, closer to Joohyun.

“Don’t worry,” she said softly, her eyes immediately darting towards the duo to test the effect of her words. Neither seemed to have noticed, so she turned back to Joohyun. “She’s crazy about you,” she finished with a wide smile.

Joohyun seemed shocked at her words at first, silently blinking as she digested them, to the point that Seulgi was afraid that she might have revealed too much. She’d meant to share Seungwan’s platonic affection for Joohyun, which was definitely overflowing, but had Joohyun misinterpreted it?

As the older woman’s features melted into shyness, punctuated by a small pleased smile that fought to spread further over her face, Seulgi realized that her fears were unfounded. “I really like her too,” she admitted with reddened cheeks. “You know, I started getting out of work a little earlier to run into her on our way home. She’s such a homebody; if I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t see her for the whole week!” she exclaimed, like the very possibility was painful to consider.

Seulgi’s lips curled into a smile of their own volition. She recognized those impulses, the blushing and the shy smiles. Joohyun was almost as bad at hiding them as Seungwan. Her heart nearly burst with happiness at the thought, her joy so infectious that soon Joohyun was smiling widely as well, shyness somewhat subdued.

“It’s strange,” she carried on cheerfully, and Seulgi didn’t have a lot of experience with these couch monologues but she had the feeling that Joohyun had snapped out of it a while ago and was just chatting by this point. “You’re Seungwan’s closest friend and we get along just fine. But somehow, all I could think when Byulyi was around was that she wasn’t good enough, deserving enough of Seungwan’s attention. Until she distracted me with all that talk about her girlfriend, that is.”

Joohyun shook her head like she was puzzled by the thoughts, which surely had no logical explanation. Seulgi leaned forward, smiling soothingly.

“Joohyun?” she began gently, sparing only a quick glance at the two women, who had finally stopped fighting and were now arguing in angry loud whispers. “Do you know the difference between liking someone and… _liking_ them?” she asked, emphasizing the word the second time around to make her meaning clear.

Joohyun’s eyes widened with curiosity, all her attention on Seulgi, and she shook her head eagerly. “I used to think it was just wanting to kiss them. But then I realized that’s not it,” she started slowly. It was a little ironic that she was the one to talk about this, when all her experience had been obtained through second-hand accounts. But somebody had to do it. “It’s wanting them to be yours, just yours, in a way that they aren’t with anyone else,” she concluded. She hoped she wasn’t getting it all wrong, but regardless, it felt like it might be what Joohyun needed to hear to connect the dots.

Yerim and Sooyoung seemed to have finally settled their issues and Yerim texted her girlfriend amidst grumbles that Seulgi couldn’t make out but she assumed were about Sooyoung’s rough handling of her precious phone. Sooyoung herself looked over the youngest’s shoulder and snorted at whatever it was she was typing, probably expressions of affection, considering Yerim’s quickly reddening face. Seulgi wondered whether they had pet names for each other. She found it hard to think of one that wouldn’t have Yerim cringing in disgust. Then again, if Saeron said it, she probably wouldn’t have such a problem.

Neither of them noticed the way Joohyun stood frozen, mouth opening and closing with no sound coming out of it, eyes furiously attempting to blink away confusion without much success. Then her brow furrowed, like she was almost offended that her mind refused to wrap itself around the new reality Seulgi had revealed.

“I’ve been a little too invested in Seungwan’s love life, haven’t I?” she suddenly asked, almost catching Seulgi by surprise. She shrugged slightly, tilting her head ambiguously. Joohyun wasn’t wrong, but it felt a bit rude to confirm it. Honestly, she was having trouble just containing her excitement at the scene unfolding, so it was good to keep her mouth shut and her movements to a minimum before she got carried away. “That night I followed you, when we talked at the diner, I wasn’t returning a hair tie.”

Seulgi thought back to that encounter, months before. At the time, she'd assumed it was just Joohyun being a bit eccentric. Seungwan did say she was a little gullible sometimes. Seulgi didn't like that she was proven right so often.

“That was a lie. I heard you two coming home and I thought she was in love with you. So I followed you. I wanted to know more about you, about both of you. I needed to know more,” Joohyun carried on in a strangely neutral tone, like her body had moved on and her mind was still struggling to catch up, leaving her mouth to work on auto-pilot.

Now Seulgi thought of her conversation with Seungwan the day after the diner, of her funny story about Joohyun being secretly in love and consumed with jealousy. She hadn't been that far off, apparently. Not in love, but in something. Not jealous, but building up to it. Apparently, Joohyun was realizing it alongside Seulgi.

When Joohyun sat down heavily on the sofa, right next to Seulgi, she finally caught the attention of the youngest two. Her hand rested on Seulgi’s leg, which she probably hadn’t noticed, and her furrowed brow began to clear, returning her face to a more neutral expression. She nodded once, twice, thrice, each time growing a little more resolute. Then she turned to her expectant company.

“I have feelings for Seungwan,” she announced in a surprisingly steady voice. She nodded again with a satisfied smile, looking proud of herself for reaching the conclusion on her own. With a little assistance from Seulgi, maybe. The latter was unable to fight it any longer and her face broke into an almost painful grin. She nearly pulled Joohyun into a tight celebratory hug, but they probably weren’t close enough for that, were they?

A hand landed on Seulgi’s shoulder and tightened painfully, causing her to turn around in surprise. Sooyoung looked at her with a very confusing mix of emotions, foremost of which was either awe or anger; Seulgi wasn’t sure yet. Her eyes were eerily wide as she stared her down.

“How did you do that?” she gasped out.

“She just talked to me,” Joohyun answered in Seulgi’s stead, as she only seemed capable to respond in a fearful squeak. There was something like amusement in her voice, poking fun at the way Yerim and Sooyoung had been too busy with their fight to pay attention to her speech. She probably wasn’t aware that they had tried talking before, with little success, and that Seulgi’s breakthrough owed more to lucky coincidence than anything.

Sooyoung turned to gaze at Joohyun, incredulity and frustration rising quickly in her eyes. Suddenly, she shook her head and released her hold on Seulgi, dropping back against the sofa and sighing deeply. “You know what, I don’t even care anymore.”

“Now you’re getting it,” Yerim remarked from her side of the sofa. She looked up from her phone when she felt three pairs of eyes on her. “What? Congrats on the feelings,” she offered lazily.

“Yes. Congrats to me,” Joohyun repeated, back to nodding, and now she was beginning to look a little less confident and a lot more lost. “What do I do now?” she asked hopefully.

Seulgi kept quiet. Seungwan and Joohyun could have something great, but the situation was still fragile. They needed to find their way to each other or the whole thing could implode. She certainly wasn’t eager to offer up the wrong advice and be responsible for this collapse. She shifted uncomfortably and looked to her right, where Sooyoung sat.

The latter seemed about to speak, but something held her tongue, either her promise not to interfere, made long ago, her recent decision that she didn’t care anymore, or possibly a fear similar to Seulgi’s. The uncertainty was clear in her eyes as she licked her lips and kept her mouth shut.

Once more, all eyes were on Yerim, who looked at each of them in turn then shrugged, looking uncomfortable with the attention. “Google it?”

“Don’t google it,” Sooyoung muttered, bringing up a hand to cover her face.

“I guess,” Seulgi started uncertainly, raising a hand to pat Joohyun’s shoulder awkwardly. “On your own time, when you feel more confident and comfortable with your feelings… Try to show her how you feel?”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Joohyun said, the clouds of doubt on her face dissipating somewhat. The corners of her mouth tilted up in a tentative smile. “I’ll show her how I feel,” she concluded decisively, sounding out the words as she spoke them.

Seulgi had a bad feeling about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Act 2! Come yell at me on twitter @numot94 ^^


	26. Interlude 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, at the second interlude! I decided to do something a little different with this chapter, I hope you enjoy it. Without further ado, here is... the group chat!

Sooyoung created group [I have an idea].

Yerim: "why am I in a 2-person group"

Sooyoung: "because ;)"

Sooyoung: "I have an idea"

Yerim: "I gathered"

Sooyoung: "I also have Seulgi's number"

Yerim: "who"

Sooyoung: "Seungwan's friend"

Yerim: "it's a dumb idea"

Sooyoung: "at least hear me out first"

Yerim: "you want her to help get Seungwan and Joohyun together"

Yerim: "it's a dumb idea"

Sooyoung: "it's a great idea"

Yerim:  "I don't even want them together"

Yerim: "like they can do whatever they want"

Yerim: "I'm just not invested"

Sooyoung: "ok trying a different approach"

Sooyoung: "Seulgi spends a lot of time w Seungwan"

Yerim: "and I care bc?"

Sooyoung: "she has lots of opportunities to take pics of her"

Yerim: "hmmmm"

Sooyoung: [candid of Seungwan looking to the right with pleasant surprise, eyes wide open]

Yerim: "a tempting offer"

Sooyoung: "our stock of wan-memes runs dangerously low"

Yerim: "ok wait"

Yerim: "i accept BUT"

Yerim: "I have conditions"

Yerim: "you can only talk abt it when you're sure she won't tell Seungwan"

Yerim: "I don't want her thinking I care abt her happiness or love life or whatever"

Yerim: "she'll be insufferable"

Sooyoung: "obviously she can't know"

Sooyoung: "what else?"

Yerim: "come bring me a burger after my class"

Sooyoung: "so you'll finally have friday night plans? ;)"

Yerim: "so I'll finally have a burger"

Yerim: "projecting much"

Sooyoung: "fine deal I'm adding her now"

Seulgi was added to the group.

Sooyoung: "hi Seulgi :)"

Seulgi: "hi Sooyoung and Yerim :D"

Seulgi: "so what's this idea you have?"

Sooyoung: "?"

Yerim: "group name genius"

Sooyoung: "ahhh right"

Sooyoung: "it's that we all know Seungwan so we should be friends :)"

Seulgi: ":D"

(…)

Sooyoung: “so Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “tell us about yourself”

Seulgi: “oh uh I don’t know what to say”

Seulgi: “did you guys want to know anything in particular?”

Yerim: “not really”

Sooyoung: “anything you feel like sharing”

Sooyoung: “is what Yerim meant :)”

Seulgi: “well…”

Seulgi: “I’m a nurse at the same hospital as Seungwan”

Sooyoung: “oh right she said she worked at the morgue”

Sooyoung: “probably the highlight of that truth or dare game”

Sooyoung: “either that or Joohyun’s thing with the stripper”

Seulgi: “there was a stripper at the game? :o”

Yerim: “lmao I wish”

Yerim: “anyway Seungwan won’t talk abt it bc she’s boring”

Yerim: “but do you know if she’s ever examined murder corpses?”

Seulgi: “I don’t really know, but I’d assume so”

Seulgi: “so there wasn’t a stripper?”

Sooyoung: “getting a little off topic here”

Seulgi: “oh right we were talking about me”

Seulgi: “so I’m a nurse and Seungwan’s my best friend”

Seulgi: “and I guess that’s it?”

Yerim: “seriously?”

Seulgi: “it’d be easier if you guys asked questions I guess”

Sooyoung: “ok fine so”

Sooyoung: “what did you do last weekend?”

Seulgi: “oh :D”

Seulgi: “my friend just opened a coffee shop so I went to the opening party, that was super fun”

Seulgi: “some of the people there were going surfing so I tagged along and they let me borrow a wetsuit and paddle around in a beginner board”

Seulgi: “I also bought some watercolour paper to try out the new watercolours a patient got me to celebrate her discharge”

Seulgi: “then I went to the park and I painted for a while”

Seulgi: “I’m not very good at it yet so it was just some quick sketches”

Seulgi: “I texted Seungwan but she was busy with you guys so I did my grocery shopping then I took my coffee shop friend out for pizza to celebrate”

Seulgi: “and then let me try to remember what I did on Sunday”

Yerim: “on Sunday?”

Sooyoung: “all of that was your Saturday?”

Seulgi: “umm yeah”

Seulgi: “is that weird?”

Sooyoung: “no it’s impressive”

Yerim: “if I did all that in a day I’d die”

Yerim: “how are you friends with Seungwan?”

Seulgi: “well she’s really fun and nice”

Seulgi: “I don’t really understand the question”

Yerim: “you’re like a million times cooler than her”

Yerim: “is what I meant”

Seulgi: “oh I don’t know about that”

Seulgi: “Seungwan’s pretty cool :D”

Sooyoung: “well she’s certainly unique”

Yerim: “and very entertaining”

Seulgi: “exactly! :D”

(…)

Sooyoung: “hey Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “have you ever heard of a meme?”

Yerim: “she’s probably busy rock climbing or deep sea diving or painting the mona lisa or something”

Yerim: “too bad, this would make for an interesting conversation”

Seulgi: “hi I’m here :D”

Seulgi: “don’t worry, the rock climbing was last week eheh”

Yerim: “I can’t tell if that’s a joke”

Seulgi: “kind of?”

Seulgi: “I have gone rock climbing, just not last week”

Seulgi: “but I was thinking of doing it again, if you guys want to come”

Yerim: “sorry I don’t even like climbing stairs”

Seulgi: “fair enough :D”

Sooyoung: “idk Yerim maybe you should experience being a normal distance from the ground for once in your life”

Sooyoung: “instead of your usual 3 inches”

Yerim: “yes because being tall has brought you so much in life”

Yerim: “hot boyfriend, millionaire lifestyle, adoring fans”

Sooyoung: “the shorter they are, the more concentrated their anger, right Seulgi?”

Seulgi: “umm I’m sure Yerim’s not that short”

Seulgi: “right?”

Yerim: “I’m a normal height! She’s the freakishly big one”

Sooyoung: “does it really matter how ridiculously small Yerim is when we could be discussing memes?”

Yerim: “I am regular sized”

Yerim: “but you do have a point”

Seulgi: “oh right, you asked about that”

Seulgi: “I know what memes are, yes”

Sooyoung: “great! Because we have something that will blow your mind”

Yerim: “your meme-mind”

Sooyoung: “you have experienced normal memes”

Sooyoung: “but you might have noticed that they’re missing a little something”

Yerim: “a personal touch, if you will”

Sooyoung: “sure, it might be fun to say stan legends”

Yerim: “I'm partial to yeet, myself”

Sooyoung: “maybe a little harold they're lesbians here and there”

Yerim: “ah yes excellent choice”

Sooyoung: “but where's the human angle?”

Yerim: “where's the attachment Seulgi?”

Seulgi: “umm I never thought about that D:”

Sooyoung: “what I am about to show you will solve all those problems”

Yerim: “every single picture is personal, significant”

Yerim: “it carries a particular meaning that only you can discern”

Sooyoung: “I present to you the next wave of memes”

Yerim: “memes 2.0”

Sooyoung: [picture of Seungwan looking surprised, with eyes wide open and mouth drawn in an "o" shape]

Seulgi: “it's a picture of Seungwan?”

Sooyoung: “it's a wan-meme”

Yerim: “a weme”

Sooyoung: “nope absolutely not a weme”

Seulgi: “you use pictures of wan as a meme?”

Yerim: “it's the future Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “every single picture has a very specific energy”

Sooyoung: “together they capture the full spectrum of human emotion”

Yerim: “for example, the meme Sooyoung sent”

Yerim: “at first glance, it represents surprise”

Yerim: “but look how her eyes are widened almost ferociously”

Yerim: “it hints at a feeling of horror, not experienced but caused”

Yerim: “like the surprise is almost a betrayal and she is adopting an aggressive pose as a pre-emptive response”

Seulgi: “hmm I don't think wan was getting aggressive”

Seulgi: “her face just kind of does that”

Sooyoung: “that's the thing about art Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “it's a subjective experience”

Sooyoung: “all that matters is what we get out of it”

Yerim: “death of the author and all”

Sooyoung: “now consider this”

Sooyoung: [candid of Seungwan looking to the right with pleasant surprise, eyes wide open]

Yerim: “you might be thinking, that's surprise too”

Yerim: “but her gaze has a completely different energy”

Yerim: “a straight-forward application of this wan-meme would be to represent pleasant surprise”

Yerim: “but looking closer, you might even see playfulness in that pleased look”

Yerim: “a connoisseur would present this image when they've been caught in a good-natured lie”

Yerim: “in that sense the two pictures almost play off each other”

Sooyoung: “similar but opposite, Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “they're layered”

Seulgi: “wow you've really thought about this”

Sooyoung: “we live for our art”

Seulgi: “honestly it makes me a little uncomfortable…”

Seulgi: “like it might be a little too much”

Sooyoung: “oh”

Seulgi: “... “

Seulgi:  [candid of Seungwan looking to the right with pleasant surprise, eyes wide open]

Yerim: “a good-natured lie!”

Sooyoung’s: “she's a natural!”

Seulgi: “:D”

Yerim: “btw the whole don't tell Seungwan about the gc thing”

Yerim: “this is included obviously”

Seulgi: “yeah she’d probably think you guys were making fun of her or something D:”

Seulgi: “but this is just how you guys play, isn't it?”

Seulgi: “like when you said Yerim was 3 inches tall”

Seulgi: “so this means you guys like her :D”

Yerim: “sure does”

Sooyoung: “that is absolutely what it means :D”

(…)

Yerim: "this class is so boring somebody save me"

Yerim: [picture of Seungwan looking disgruntled, as though she were halfway through protesting a particularly unfair demand]

Sooyoung: [picture of Seungwan looking disgruntled, as though she were halfway through protesting a particularly unfair demand]

Seulgi: [picture of Seungwan looking disgruntled, as though she were halfway through protesting a particularly unfair demand]

Sooyoung: “lmaoooo”

Sooyoung: “honestly tho? Big mood”

(…)

Sooyoung: "heey guys I finally found a pic of Yerim's gf"

Seulgi: "ohhhh spill the tea"

Sooyoung: "it’s adorable that you say that"

Sooyoung: "but anywaaaays"

Sooyoung: [extremely pixelated and zoomed in photo of Yerim that only shows her hand]

Yerim: "omg SHUT UP"

Sooyoung: "lmao prove me wrong"

Seulgi: "... I don't get it"

Sooyoung: "come over and I'll show you ;)"

Seulgi: "I can't I'm at work :("

Yerim: "omg both of you shut up or I'm muting"

Sooyoung: "someone's in a mood"

Sooyoung: [slightly out of focus picture of Seungwan looking annoyed, halfway through opening her mouth]

Yerim: "lmao"

Seulgi: "lmao"

Sooyoung: "lmao"

(…)

Sooyoung: "just spilled my coffee all over the lecturer who hates me but hey it's ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯"

Yerim: "lmao"

Seulgi: "oh I love that"

Seulgi: "¯\\_(ツ)_/¯"

Seulgi: "they look so carefree"

Yerim: "it's usually associated with a more nihilistic approach to life"

Yerim: "but go off I guess"

Seulgi: "I want to use it!"

Seulgi: "A man came in with a vibrator stuck in his butt and I had to help get it out but it's ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯"

Seulgi: ":D"

Sooyoung: "I mean it works"

(…)

Yerim: "I'm gay"

Sooyoung: "I'm straight"

Yerim: "..."

Yerim: "ally culture"

Sooyoung: "lmao"

Sooyoung: "so why are you gay?"

Yerim: "you sound just like my parents"

Seulgi: ":("

Yerim: "anywaaay"

Yerim: "there's a cute new girl in my dorm"

Seulgi: ":D"

Sooyoung: "did you talk to her?"

Yerim: "no"

Sooyoung: "do you know her name?"

Yerim: "no"

Sooyoung: "gay culture"

Yerim: "homophobic"

Sooyoung: "I'd ask you to come and tell me more about it, but"

Sooyoung: "tragically"

Sooyoung: "you are incapable of talking to cute girls"

Sooyoung: "so that's a no go"

Yerim: "why, is your roommate cute?"

Sooyoung: "wow rude"

Sooyoung: [picture of Seungwan’s face scrunched up in annoyance]

Yerim: "lmao"

Seulgi: "don't worry Sooyoung, I think you're cute"

Sooyoung: "it's okay, wan-meme cheered me up"

Seulgi: ":D"

Yerim: [picture of Seungwan's face scrunched up in annoyance]

Seulgi: "Yerim I'm sorry about your parents :("

Yerim: it's okay, Seungwan cheered me up too"

Seulgi: [picture of Seungwan's face scrunched up in annoyance]

Seulgi: "hehe"

(…)

Seulgi: "so what do you guys think of Seungwan?"

Yerim: "lol nice try"

Sooyoung: "have fun looking at the wan-memes, Seungwan"

Seulgi: "I'm not Seungwan :o"

Seulgi: "it's Seulgi"

Seulgi: "I'm just asking bc I want to help her"

Sooyoung: "a likely story"

Yerim: "Seungwan's beyond help lol"

Sooyoung: "lol"

Yerim: "so why are you so worried abt what we think Seungwan"

Seulgi: "it's not Seungwan it's Seulgi I promise"

Sooyoung: "prove it"

Sooyoung: "send us a selfie"

Seulgi: [picture of herself smiling in a nurse outfit inside a supply closet]

Yerim: "that could have just been in her phone"

Sooyoung: "tru"

Yerim: "take a picture holding a paper that says pineapple"

Seulgi: "okay hold on"

Seulgi: [picture of herself smiling and holding up a corner of a patient's chart where she's written pineapple]

Sooyoung: "cute handwriting"

Seulgi: "thanks :D"

Yerim: "ok we'll tell you what we think abt Seungwan"

Yerim: "but you have to promise to keep it a secret"

Seulgi: "i promise :o"

Yerim: "ok then"

Yerim: "Seungwan sucks"

Sooyoung:  "lmao"

Yerim: "lmao"

Seulgi: “D:”

Seulgi: “I’m sure you guys like her at least a little, right?”

Sooyoung: “ok fine she’s not completely terrible in all ways”

Yerim: “she makes good cookies”

Seulgi: “yeah she’s really good at baking”

Seulgi: “but what about her personality?”

Sooyoung: “ugh do we seriously have to say nice things about her?”

Seulgi: “well I guess you don’t have to…”

Yerim: “will it make you sad if we don’t?”

Seulgi: “yes…”

Sooyoung: “fineeee”

Sooyoung: “I guess she’s generous or whatever”

Sooyoung: “like she knows I have the keys to her apartment and I crash there all the time but she never asked for them back”

Yerim: “oh yeah you mentioned that”

Sooyoung: “you should come with sometime, I’ll protect you from the cat”

Seulgi: “oh you’re afraid of Mr. Fluffers?”

Sooyoung: “she’s afraid of any living, moving, non-human creature

Sooyoung: “so he kind of qualifies”

Seulgi: “that is one lazy cat”

Yerim: “fun times”

Yerim: “anyway gtg”

Seulgi: “hey you didn’t say a nice thing abt Seungwan yet”

Yerim: “that’s the plan”

Sooyoung: “say a nice thing or I’m revealing an embarrassing secret”

Yerim: “okay whatever she’s funny I guess”

Yerim: “even intentionally sometimes”

Yerim: “now I’m leaving”

Seulgi: “thanks, bye :D”

Sooyoung: “…”

Sooyoung: “want to hear an embarrassing secret anyway?”

Yerim: “omg fuck off”

(…)

Seulgi: "so I just got off the phone with Seungwan"

Seulgi: "and I thought I should talk to you"

Yerim: "did Seungwan tattle on us"

Sooyoung: "Yerim pls read the room"

Seulgi: "she didn't blame you"

Seulgi: "but she's really upset about what happened"

Seulgi: "and she's right to be, I think"

Seulgi: "you put her in a tough position"

Sooyoung: "I tried to stop it"

Yerim: "you say that now"

Seulgi: "what matters is that it happened"

Seulgi: "and it made Seungwan feel like you guys only care about making her uncomfortable for your own amusement"

Seulgi: "I want to tell her that this love intervention thing was a misguided effort to push her and Joohyun together"

Seulgi: "and that you guys did it because you're her friends"

Seulgi: "so I guess the question is would that make me a liar?"

Sooyoung: "oh shit"

Sooyoung: "Seulgi are you mad at us?"

Seulgi: "well…"

Seulgi: "I guess I am a little"

Seulgi: "you should know by now that Seungwan doesn't deal well with this kind of direct pressure"

Seulgi: "and she has a lot of trouble putting herself out there"

Seulgi: "so why would you do something like this to her?"

Yerim: "well Joohyun doesn't notice anything unless we slap her over the face with it"

Yerim: "it's not just about Seungwan"

Sooyoung: "what Yerim means is"

Sooyoung: "we thought by making Joohyun help Seungwan with her crush"

Sooyoung: "we'd put her more in contact with the idea of romantic feelings and Seungwan"

Sooyoung: "make sure if there's something there she won't be completely oblivious to it"

Seulgi: "well honestly that just seems like it would lead to a lot of misunderstandings and confusion"

Seulgi: "but I'm glad at least you had good intentions"

Sooyoung: "tbh Seulgi"

Sooyoung: "Seungwan should just tell Joohyun how she feels"

Sooyoung: "bc it will take her approximately 5 million years to figure it out on her own"

Sooyoung: "so we're kind of at a loss for ideas"

Seulgi: "I know, I told her the same thing"

Seulgi: "but Seungwan has a lot of trouble with that"

Seulgi: "she's really insecure and can't really believe that people like her for who she is and don't just want to take advantage of what she has to offer"

Seulgi: "like her food, her comforting when someone's down, her awkward reactions to teasing"

Seulgi: "her netflix, her game consoles... "

Sooyoung: ":0"

Sooyoung: "you're talking about us"

Seulgi: "it's just I know you tease as a way to show affection"

Seulgi: "at least from this group chat it seems that way"

Seulgi: "but she doesn't know that and it kind of looks like you're having fun at her expense"

Seulgi: "can't you do something to show her you actually like her? And care about her?"

Sooyoung: "idk sounds gross"

Sooyoung: "can't she just tease us back and be even?"

Yerim: "she can try"

Seulgi: "please just show her some genuine undisguised affection :("

Yerim: "or what?"

Yerim: "you'll stay mad at us?"

Seulgi: "well yeah a little"

Seulgi: "but also you'll be the kind of people who put their own comfort above their friends' happiness and well-being"

Yerim: "ughhhh"

Yerim: "she'll get so smug abt it"

Sooyoung: "fine next time we feel the affection bubbling over"

Sooyoung: "we'll express it I guess"

Seulgi: ":D"

Seulgi: "I better get some smug texts from Seungwan soon"

Seulgi: "hehe"

Sooyoung: "wait Joohyun's calling"

Yerim: "wtf why"

Seulgi: "umm I have to go now but I'll talk to you later"

Yerim: "yeah later Seulgi"

Yerim: "guess I'll just hang around"

Yerim: "wait for Sooyoung"

Yerim: "twiddles thumbs"

Sooyoung: "k I'm back"

Sooyoung: "thanks for all the pointless messages, love having my phone vibrate in my ear every 3 seconds"

Yerim: [picture of Seungwan’s face scrunched up in annoyance]

Sooyoung: "anyway Joohyun was worried that Seungwan got mad at us bc of today"

Sooyoung: "and she wanted us to be more careful and not get carried away w our ideas"

Yerim: "amazing"

Yerim: "literally everyone got mad at us over this"

Sooyoung: "also we managed to upset both Seungwan and Joohyun"

Sooyoung: "maybe we should just uh"

Sooyoung: "not meddle w seunghyun anymore"

Yerim: "first of all amazing ship name lmao"

Yerim: "second of all uhhh"

Yerim: "yeah maybe that would be for the best"

Yerim: "they will probably never get together on their own bc they are just"

Yerim: "so useless"

Yerim: "but like :/"

Sooyoung: "yeah"

Sooyoung: "also we're really bad at this?"

Sooyoung: "comes as sort of a surprise but we got to roll with the punches I guess"

Yerim: "so maybe"

Yerim: "establish we will never again meddle"

Yerim: "here where Seulgi will be our witness tomorrow when she sees this"

Yerim: "and then we can't take it back no matter how frustrating it gets"

Sooyoung: "let them work it out on their own"

Sooyoung: "I guess that could be fun"

Sooyoung: "at least if it something happens it won't be our fault"

Sooyoung: "k fine no more meddling"

Yerim: "deal"

Sooyoung: "ok I'm going now"

Sooyoung: "get some sleep, you need it to grow"

Yerim: "better lock your door"

Yerim: "so nobody murders you in your sleep"

Sooyoung: ";)"

(…)

Sooyoung: “hey I’m omw but I took the bus like some idiot tourist who’s been in town for a week”

Sooyoung: “so I’m going to be significantly late”

Yerim: “lmao rookie mistake”

Yerim: “anyway it’s fine”

Yerim: “you do that every time so I haven’t even left the dorm yet”

Sooyoung: “cool cool”

Sooyoung: “you didn’t happen to share that amazing life hack with Seulgi by any chance”

Yerim: “oh”

Seulgi: “hey guys I’m like 10 mins away but it’s fine :)”

Seulgi: “I brought my notebook so I’ll just do some sketches while I wait”

Seulgi: “I’ll save us a table!”

Sooyoung: “sorry Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “I know you probably cancelled plans to hang w us and everything”

Seulgi: “no worries, sometimes it’s nice to have some time to myself too”

Yerim: “I’m leaving now, I’ll text you when I get there”

Seulgi: “see you soon!”

 

Sooyoung: “I’m here, what’s your table”

Seulgi: “the one in the corner, under the tree”

 

Sooyoung: “Yerim ffs stop moving around in circles we have been waving for ages”

Yerim: “the tree was blocking you ok”

Sooyoung: “that’s bc you’re so short lmao”

 

Sooyoung: “thanks for hanging out today, it was really fun”

Yerim: “yeah and thanks for the coffee”

Seulgi: “my pleasure, I really liked it too”

Seulgi: “we should do it more often :)”

Sooyoung: “whenever you can fit us in our busy schedule ;)”

Seulgi: “I can always make room for coffee with friends :D”

Sooyoung: “:D”

Sooyoung: “oh and thanks for letting us look at your sketches”

Yerim: “yeah you’re really good”

Seulgi: “you really think so?”

Yerim: “definitely!”

Sooyoung: “there were a few I wouldn’t mind hanging on my wall”

Seulgi: “oh then you should come over sometime!”

Seulgi: “I can show you my serious work”

Seulgi: “if you like any you can have it”

Sooyoung: “seriously?!”

Sooyoung: “wow thanks Seulgi I’d love that”

Yerim: “yeah set the date and I’m there”

Yerim: “art gallery chez Seulgi”

Seulgi: “:D”

(…)

Seulgi: "hi guys"

Seulgi: "so I was thinking"

Seulgi: "we always talk about Yerim's love life"

Sooyoung: "because she won't shut up about it"

Seulgi: "but not really Sooyoung?"

Yerim: "that's because she'd need one first lmaooo"

Sooyoung: "look who's talking"

Sooyoung: "you only talk abt your love life to complain abt how you don't have one"

Yerim: "yeah well"

Yerim: "fuck off"

Seulgi: "actually Sooyoung has a point"

Sooyoung: "you got burned by Seulgi omggggg"

Seulgi: "no no no D:"

Yerim: “[slightly out of focus picture of Seungwan looking annoyed, halfway through opening her mouth]

Sooyoung: “lmao”

Seulgi: "it wasn't meant as a burn"

Seulgi: "I meant that Yerim talks abt her feelings regardless of having a relationship or not and Sooyoung doesn't"

Yerim: "wdym? Sooyoung talks abt all the feelings she has"

Yerim: "annoying"

Yerim: "hungry"

Yerim: "desperate to meddle in other people's business"

Yerim: "and bitchy"

Sooyoung: "well Seulgi"

Sooyoung: "maybe I don't talk abt my feelings here because the environment feels a little toxic"

Sooyoung: "and I don't feel safe expressing myself"

Yerim: "lmao you felt safe enough to tell me how much you wanted to bone that guy in your Friday class"

Yerim: "for like the entirety of the class"

Sooyoung: "and you went ahead and shared that intimate conversation without my permission"

Sooyoung: "see what I mean Seulgi?"

Sooyoung: ":("

Yerim: "lol whatever"

Yerim: "still not convinced you have any feelings"

Yerim: "sounds fake"

Yerim: "guys?"

Yerim: "Seulgi?"

Yerim: "you're both online are you just texting each other?"

Yerim: "omg Sooyoung are you talking to Seulgi abt your feelings without me?"

Yerim: "you dick!"

Yerim: "fine whatever"

Yerim: "I have to listen to you talk about your boner for Friday dude but I'm not good enough for feelings talks"

Yerim: "whatever I'm busy anyway"

Seulgi: "sorry Yerim I'm here do you want to talk?"

Yerim: "no I'm busy now"

Yerim: [picture of Seungwan’s face scrunched up in annoyance]

Sooyoung: “lmao”

(…)

Sooyoung: "thanks again for the talk Seulgi, it was really nice"

Yerim: "this is the gc"

Sooyoung: "oh I hadn't noticed"

Sooyoung: "well I guess it's out now"

Yerim: "..."

Yerim: "dick, you did that on purpose"

Sooyoung: "you're getting paranoid ;)"

Yerim: "whatever"

Yerim: "why won't you talk to me anyway"

Yerim: "is it because I say I don't care abt your straight nonsense?"

Sooyoung: "aww you're insecure"

Sooyoung: "cute"

Yerim: "fuck off"

Yerim: "just like"

Yerim: "you can talk to me or whatever"

Sooyoung: "cute"

Sooyoung: ";)"

Yerim: "nvm I hope you die alone"

Sooyoung: ":o so toxic"

Sooyoung: "ok fine"

Sooyoung: "if you want to know the truth"

Sooyoung: "I wanted to talk to Seulgi and not you bc"

Sooyoung: "you wouldn't know how to help me"

Sooyoung: "with my grown-up feelings"

Sooyoung: "heh"

Sooyoung: "Yerim"

Sooyoung: "Yerim"

Sooyoung: "Yerim, you know it's funny"

Sooyoung: "ugh fine don't sulk, I'll text you abt it"

Yerim: "I'm not sulking, I just don't waste my time with lost causes"

Yerim: "also I just saw your text and I am tentatively forgiving you bc I need to know everything"

Sooyoung: ";)"

Yerim: "also also this is so fucking predictable you soft loser"

Sooyoung: "Kim Yerim"

Sooyoung: "you better keep that mouth shut :-)"

Seulgi: "sorry guys I was at work :("

Seulgi: "but you're welcome Sooyoung :)"

Seulgi: "and I'm glad you guys made up :D"

(…)

Sooyoung: "hey so"

Sooyoung: "i miiiight"

Sooyoung: "be bi :D"

Yerim: "yeah you also miiiight"

Yerim: "be in the gc lol"

Sooyoung: [picture of Seungwan looking surprised, with eyes wide open and mouth drawn in an "o" shape]

Sooyoung: "lol jk I know it's the gc"

Sooyoung: "why wouldn't I announce I'm bi here"

Yerim: "because of reasons ;)"

Yerim: ":D"

Sooyoung: "miss kim Yerim keep your mouth shut :-)"

Sooyoung: "or I will shut it for you (*∩ω∩)"

Yerim: "wow now that you're bi the threats feel so much more real"

Sooyoung: "don't worry I still wouldn't touch you in a million years"

Sooyoung: "I'm bi, not blind deaf and amnesiac"

Yerim: "funny"

Yerim: "hey Sooyoung now that you're bi you'll have twice the dating opportunities"

Yerim: "so that makes 2x0 which is"

Yerim: "oh wow still zero"

Sooyoung: "you would also have twice the dating opportunities if you'd shut up"

Yerim: "is that your roundabout way of saying I'm pretty"

Sooyoung: "it's my direct way of saying you're annoying ;)"

Yerim: "Saeron doesn't think I'm annoying"

Sooyoung: "lmao who's Saeron"

Sooyoung: "did you name your imaginary friend"

Sooyoung: "Yerim"

Sooyoung: "Yerim who tf is Saeron"

Yerim: [candid of Seungwan looking to the right with pleasant surprise, eyes wide open]

Sooyoung: "fuck off with the wan-memes and tell me who Saeron is"

Seulgi: "hi guys I'm here"

Seulgi: "Sooyoung I hope you weren't worried about my reaction"

Seulgi: "I'm just really happy you're learning more about your feelings and becoming the best version of yourself :D"

Sooyoung: "thanks :D"

Sooyoung: "want to help me plan Yerim's murder now?"

Seulgi: "not really D:"

Seulgi: "Yerim, is Saeron the cute girl you like?"

Yerim: [candid of Seungwan looking to the right with pleasant surprise, eyes wide open]

Sooyoung: "WTF HOW DID YOU GUESS THAT"

Yerim: "I told Seulgi I was going to talk to cute girl today"

Yerim: "I didn't say it in the gc because if I chickened out you'd be annoying abt it"

Yerim: "also as payback for the time you talked to Seulgi abt your feelings without me"

Sooyoung: "ok valid"

Seulgi: "so how did it go?"

Yerim: "wellll"

Yerim: "I saw her coming out of her room, so I went over and said"

Yerim: "hi I'm Yerim, my room's over there"

Yerim: "and she said"

Yerim: "hi I'm Saeron"

Yerim: "so I asked if she'd just moved into the dorm"

Yerim: "and she said yeah, she just transferred"

Yerim: "I said cool, what's your major?"

Yerim: "she said acting"

Yerim: "I said cool I'm studying lit"

Yerim: "then she said she had to get ready for class but she was hoping we'd run into each other again"

Sooyoung: "oh is that it?"

Sooyoung: "well can I just start by saying I'm glad you didn't feel the need to like summarize the conversation in any way"

Sooyoung: "just straight up repeated it word by word in all its stilted glory"

Yerim: "sorry, it was a verbal conversation so I couldn't just screenshot the entire text and make you read it"

Yerim: "like some people do"

Sooyoung: ":-)"

Seulgi: "seems like it went great :D"

Seulgi: "and she wants to talk again!"

Sooyoung: "anyway second of all"

Sooyoung: "noice"

Yerim: [picture of Seungwan with raised eyebrows and a smug grin]

(…)

Yerim: "GOOD NEWS"

Sooyoung: "you're moving"

Yerim: "god I wish"

Yerim: "never see your face again, the dream"

Yerim: "but better than that"

Seulgi: ":o"

Seulgi: "wow I'm glad you're not moving"

Sooyoung: "so? I don't have all day"

Yerim: "sorry I forgot you have such a flourishing social life"

Yerim: "late for your appointment to watch gilmore girls for 5 hours?"

Seulgi: “oh I love that show! It's super funny!”

Sooyoung: “ikr lorelai is the mvp”

Sooyoung: “nothing but respect for my super mom”

Seulgi: “did you watch the revival? :o”

Sooyoung: “omg yesss. Richard :’(“

Seulgi: “it was so sad D:”

Sooyoung: “but what was that shit with rory?”

Seulgi: “yeah I didn't really like that either :/”

Yerim: “ffs stop talking abt gg and listen to my news”

Seulgi: “sorry Yerim go ahead”

Sooyoung: “ugh such a paris”

Yerim: “you're the paris you asshole “

Yerim : “ANYWAY”

Yerim: “I talked to Saeron again aaaaand”

Seulgi: “:D”

Yerim: “FFS STOP INTERRUPTING ME”

Yerim: “sorry I thought Sooyoung was going to say something else abt gg”

Yerim: “anyway she’s gay ;)”

Sooyoung : “and how did you gather this information? “

Yerim: “she knows hayley kiyoko”

Sooyoung: “lol ok”

Yerim: “what”

Sooyoung: “maybe she just has an annoying gay friend who mentions hk all the time”

Sooyoung: “like some people”

Sooyoung: “in this gc”

Yerim: “lmao do you know any hk lyrics”

Sooyoung : “girls like girls”

Yerim: “... And after that? “

Sooyoung: “hmm”

Sooyoung: “a lot? “

Yerim: “lmao great guess”

Seulgi: “girls like girls like boys do”

Seulgi: “nothing new :D”

Sooyoung: “wow can't believe Seulgi’s a lesbian”

Seulgi: “I was curious so I googled it”

Seulgi: “it's nice”

Seulgi: “I should show Seungwan “

Yerim: “tell her to watch sleepover”

Yerim: “then ask if she wants to sleep over with Joohyun”

Sooyoung: “lmao”

Sooyoung: “then take a pic”

Sooyoung: “new wan-meme”

Yerim: “anyway Saeron is gay”

Sooyoung: “inconclusive”

Yerim: “I'm going to ask her out”

Sooyoung: “unrealistic”

Yerim: “then I'm going to kick Sooyoung’s ass”

Sooyoung: “can you even reach it”

Seulgi: “You can do it Yerim! “

Seulgi : “good luck”

Yerim: “thank you Seulgi”

Yerim: “gtg now”

Yerim: “wouldn't want to hold up Sooyoung’s sad and lonely evening any further”

Yerim: “byeeee :)”

Sooyoung:  “fuck offf :) “

Seulgi: “bye :)”

(…)

Yerim: "sup losers"

Yerim: "guess who's got a study date with Saeron"

Sooyoung: "lol the only kind of date you ever go on"

Yerim: "one more kind of date than you"

Yerim: "anyway"

Yerim: "it's tomorrow after her class"

Seulgi: "that's great :D"

Seulgi: "what are you studying?"

Yerim: "I'm doing physics I guess"

Sooyoung: "also known as the worst decision of your life"

Yerim: "and she's doing theater history"

Sooyoung: "lmao kind of a pointless study date if you're just doing different things"

Yerim: "we don't have any classes in common this semester ok"

Yerim: "she said she just needs some help actually sitting down and studying"

Yerim: "I don't need to know theater history to do that"

Seulgi: "sounds like she really wants to spend time with you Yerim"

Sooyoung: "yeah not to sound too encouraging or anything but"

Sooyoung: "sounds like she's more focused on the date part of study date than the study part"

Sooyoung: "wink"

Sooyoung: [gif of Seungwan with a smug grin and brows animated to move up and down]

Seulgi: "wow how did you make that gif?"

Sooyoung: "well I am"

Sooyoung: "pretty proficient in image editing software"

Seulgi: "that's so cool!"

Sooyoung: "I made an edit of Yerim when she finally asks Saeron out"

Sooyoung: "want to see?"

Yerim: "wtf"

Seulgi: ":O"

Sooyoung: [completely black image]

Seulgi: "it's just a black square"

Sooyoung: "that's because it's so dark"

Sooyoung: "because the universe will reach heat death before she gets the nerve to ask"

Sooyoung: "gotta keep it realistic"

Seulgi: "I doubt it'll take that long ahah"

Seulgi: "but that was kind of funny"

Seulgi: "I'd love to actually see your editing work, now I'm kind of curious"

Seulgi: "I'm sure you're great :D"

Sooyoung: "I'll link you my portfolio ;)"

Yerim: "yeah you're so funny"

Yerim: "and you know so much abt physics"

Yerim: "and you're such a supportive friend"

Sooyoung: "lmaoo"

Sooyoung: "you made bad life decisions now you deal with them"

Yerim: "I had to take a science class"

Yerim: "it was mandatory"

Sooyoung: "you should have picked an easy one lmao"

Yerim: "physics was easy in high school"

Sooyoung: "then you're already better at it than me"

Sooyoung: "sorry can't help"

Seulgi: "sorry Yerim I would help but I'm also bad at physics"

Seulgi: "I only passed because of Seungwan"

Sooyoung: "hear that Yerim you should ask Seungwan"

Sooyoung: "like maybe some people have already suggested"

Yerim: "lol"

Yerim: "ask Seungwan"

Seulgi: "Seungwan helped me a lot in college"

Seulgi: "she's really good at explaining stuff"

Yerim: "i said"

Yerim: "LOL"

Yerim: "ASK SEUNGWAN"

Sooyoung: "suit yourself"

Sooyoung: "better hope Saeron is a science genius"

Sooyoung: "bc it's down to her and Joohyun lmao"

Yerim: "fuck it I'll just do it myself"

Seulgi: "it's okay to ask for help Yerim :)"

Seulgi: "that's what friends are for"

Sooyoung: "aww sweet"

Yerim: "gross"

Yerim: "I'm leaving"

Seulgi: "bye :)"

(…)

Sooyoung: “why is Seungwan going on blind dates again?”

Sooyoung: “does she not realize how this would be an impediment to her getting with Joohyun”

Yerim: “plus I think she’s giving her whiplash”

Sooyoung: “she’s giving everyone whiplash at this point”

Yerim: “I’m good”

Sooyoung: “yes yes we all know you don’t care”

Seulgi: “hi I’m here”

Seulgi: “umm wan has a little trouble with feelings and stuff”

Seulgi: “but I’m trying to get her there”

Yerim: “I thought you were the one who arranged the dates”

Seulgi: “well yes”

Seulgi: “but I’m uh”

Seulgi: “making them bad on purpose”

Sooyoung: “oh you sneaky saboteur”

Sooyoung: “I love it”

Seulgi: “I don’t :(“

Seulgi: “I don’t like lying to her about something like this”

Seulgi: “feels like I’m manipulating her”

Yerim: “she can just go on her own dates, you don’t run her life”

Sooyoung: “that’s true”

Sooyoung: “plus she shouldn’t be going on dates in the first place and she knows that”

Sooyoung: “but sometimes people will act dumb so they can keep doing dumb stuff”

Yerim: “did you just butcher an east of eden quote lmao”

Sooyoung: “if this is the only way to keep her focused then you’re really doing her a favour”

Seulgi: “thanks Sooyoung, that helped me feel a little better abt it”

Seulgi: “that’s why I was doing it but I just hate lying to her :(“

Sooyoung: “hopefully it won’t be a problem much longer :)”

Yerim: “at this point I actually want them to get together”

Yerim: “I just can’t take the drama anymore”

Seulgi: “anyway I have to go, I was on my way to meet some friends”

Seulgi: “but thanks for cheering me up Sooyoung”

Seulgi: “you’re really good at that :D”

Sooyoung: “why thank you ;)”

Sooyoung: “I just love spreading joy”

Sooyoung: “in fact that was my nickname in high school”

Yerim: “Joy? I thought it was chubby cheeks”

Sooyoung: “and what was yours Yerim?”

Sooyoung: “devil spawn? :-)”

Seulgi: “I think joy suits you better :)”

Sooyoung: “:D”

(…)

Sooyoung: "so Seulgi"

Sooyoung: "as someone who has recently come to a deeper understanding of her sexuality"

Yerim: "well I'm leaving"

Yerim: "text me when this conversation is over"

Sooyoung: "bye Yerim"

Sooyoung: "so I was wondering if we could maybe talk about yours"

Sooyoung: "if you're okay with that"

Seulgi: "yeah no problem :)"

Seulgi: "what did you want to know?"

Sooyoung: "well you're ace so"

Sooyoung: "you feel no romantic or sexual attraction"

Sooyoung: "like ever?"

Seulgi: "yep :)"

Seulgi: "it's a little difficult to explain what it's like because we each only have our own experience"

Seulgi: "I like being close to people and having platonic intimacy, but I never have the types of feelings where you want to date someone or sleep with them"

Sooyoung: "hmmmm"

Seulgi: "ok to give an example"

Seulgi: "think of Joohyun"

Sooyoung: "if I must"

Seulgi: "she's pretty and funny and nice to you and she has a nice job"

Seulgi: "there's not a lot of downsides to dating her I think"

Seulgi: "so would you date her?"

Sooyoung: "lol no"

Sooyoung: "oh ok makes sense"

Sooyoung: "you're just like that with everybody"

Yerim: "lmao how did that take that long"

Sooyoung: "I thought you were leaving :-)"

Seulgi: "hi Yerim"

Sooyoung: "ok so like"

Sooyoung: "when someone has feelings for you"

Sooyoung: "is it like burdensome"

Sooyoung: "like does it make you feel bad?"

Yerim: "wow so tactful"

Sooyoung: "I'm just trying to understand, you butt"

Sooyoung: "but don't answer if you don't want to Seulgi"

Seulgi: "no its okay :D"

Seulgi: "I used to get really sad about it in high school"

Seulgi: "I felt bad that I couldn't return their feelings"

Seulgi: "but then I thought"

Seulgi: "there are lots of reasons to reject someone"

Seulgi: "when two people don't get together it just means they're not compatible"

Seulgi: "it's not the fault of either of them"

Seulgi: "so I shouldn't feel like it's my fault for being ace :D"

Sooyoung: "yeah you definitely shouldn't"

Seulgi: "thanks :)"

Seulgi: "but I'm glad when people tell me they like me"

Seulgi: "I think a lot of times people don't say anything because they're afraid of being rejected"

Seulgi: "so they say they'll just get over it on their own"

Seulgi: "but if they could really believe there's no chance and move on then they wouldn't be afraid of asking right?"

Seulgi: "they just use it as a subconscious excuse to keep some hope"

Seulgi: "I think it's much healthier to get it out of your chest"

Seulgi: "a good friend won't let it come between your friendship and once you've accepted it you can start healing :)"

Sooyoung: ":0"

Yerim: "lmao that is literally Sooyoung's whole life philosophy"

Yerim: "although between you and me"

Yerim: "I think she uses it as a way to keep her feelings at arms length"

Yerim: "and get rid of them before she has to take them seriously"

Sooyoung: "I'm literally right here"

Sooyoung: "and also nice psychoanalysis freud"

Sooyoung: "you should switch your major"

Sooyoung: "to pain in the ass :-)"

Yerim: "no thanks, wouldn't want to share a major with you"

Sooyoung: "..."

Yerim: "actually that would be awesome"

Sooyoung: "ikr"

Sooyoung: "we'd only have to go to half of the lectures each"

Sooyoung: "then we'd just study each other's notes"

Seulgi: "that sounds like a bad idea maybe"

Yerim: "it's a genius idea"

Yerim: "you should have done that with Seungwan"

Yerim: "shows how smart she is not to have come up with that"

Sooyoung: "lmao"

Sooyoung: [slightly out of focus picture of Seungwan looking annoyed, halfway through opening her mouth]

(…)

Yerim: "quick q"

Yerim: "if I write a lit paper abt sci fi"

Yerim: "how likely am I to get points deducted by a pretentious teacher"

Sooyoung: "idk"

Seulgi: "maybe email him and ask?"

Yerim: "Sooyoung?"

Sooyoung: "?"

Yerim: "no more comments?"

Sooyoung: "ur a nerd"

Sooyoung: "winky face"

Yerim: "it takes more time to write winky face than to type the emoji"

Sooyoung: "tru"

Yerim: "you're being weird"

Sooyoung: "busy"

Sooyoung: "some of us have finals"

Yerim: "last semester you texted me pics of your modelling project every 15 mins"

Yerim: "for 3 hours"

Sooyoung: "tru"

Yerim: "Sooyounggggg"

Sooyoung: "sry I'm just busy"

Sooyoung: "Yerimmm"

Yerim: "and why is Seulgi not answering"

Seulgi: "I'm here, I just wasn't sure what to say"

Yerim: "sighhhhhhh"

Yerim: "this is super awkward"

Seulgi: "sorry Yerim :("

Yerim: "meh it's not your fault"

Yerim: "or Sooyoung's"

Yerim: "you're just following your dumb life philosophies"

Sooyoung: "tru"

Yerim: "istg if you say tru one more time I'm coming over to kick your ass"

Sooyoung: "u won't"

Sooyoung: "ur writing ur paper"

Yerim: "tru"

Sooyoung: "ok then"

Yerim: "I mean do you want me to come over?"

Yerim: "I can write the paper later I have some time"

Sooyoung: "nah it's whatever"

Sooyoung: "i kind of want to be alone"

Sooyoung: ";)"

Yerim: "I know the winky face is to reassure me that you're okay and not like super sad but uh"

Yerim: "in context it looks kind of sketchy"

Sooyoung: "well a girl's got to love herself ;)"

Yerim: "gross I take it back I'm not going anywhere near you"

Sooyoung:  [gif of Seungwan with a smug grin and brows animated to move up and down]

Sooyoung: "anyway I am actually busy"

Sooyoung: "so I gtg"

Yerim: "see you never hopefully"

Sooyoung: "bye Seulgi :)"

Seulgi: "bye :)"

(…)

Sooyoung: “hey Yerim just a super quick question”

Sooyoung: “why did I only find out about you dating Saeron when Joohyun called me abt it?”

Yerim: "oh"

Sooyoung: "it was super fun, she kept going on abt it"

Sooyoung: "assuming I already knew since I'm your best friend and everything"

Sooyoung: "I would assume the same, and yet"

Yerim: "no you are"

Yerim: "things have just been kind of awkward lately"

Yerim: "I didn't want to rub it in your face or something"

Sooyoung: "well that's dumb"

Sooyoung: "so I should have expected it really, since it's like your defining characteristic"

Yerim: "I can't tell if you're joking or really mad"

Sooyoung: "good, got to keep you on your toes"

Sooyoung: "in ordinary circumstances I would be very angry"

Sooyoung: "but I can understand how our current situation could confuse your tiny brain"

Yerim: "is this a dumb joke or a short joke?"

Sooyoung: "it's a two for one"

Sooyoung: "I'm just that good"

Sooyoung: "anyway just to clarify"

Sooyoung: "whatever is happening in my love life, I want to know what's going on with you"

Sooyoung: "you're my friend you asshole"

Yerim: "ok then I guess I'm dating Saeron"

Yerim: "sorry I didn't say anything"

Sooyoung: "ok cool"

Seulgi: "um guys just in case you didn't notice, this is the group chat"

Seulgi: "it's also fine if you noticed, I don't mind you talking here or anything"

Sooyoung: "yes that was on purpose"

Sooyoung: "because I have a second clarification"

Sooyoung: "if you think you're getting out of our group chats just because I have a crush on you or whatever then you've got a big storm coming"

Seulgi: "oh ok"

Yerim: "that's her saying she doesn't want you to stop talking to us"

Sooyoung: "thank you for that absolutely essential translation Yerim"

Sooyoung: "and another thing, I'm still waiting on that painting"

Sooyoung: "you said I could have it as soon as you got it framed so where is my Seulgi original?"

Seulgi: "oh it's at my place, I can bring it over"

Sooyoung: "actually I'm with my family right now"

Sooyoung: "but when I come back I want that painting"

Sooyoung: "make it a Christmas gift"

Seulgi: "ok I'll do that "

Sooyoung: "cool I'm done yelling at you now"

Sooyoung: "my mom made chocolate fudge cake so I'll go eat that"

Yerim: "ugh I want that cake"

Sooyoung: "too bad, it's mine ;)"

Seulgi: "have a good Christmas :)"

Sooyoung: "you too :)"

(…)

Yerim: “I am one square away from a bingo and my parents refuse to cooperate”

Yerim: “all my mom has to do is bring up my personal life and then drop the subject awkwardly when I remind her that I’m gay”

Yerim: “she’s done it before, so what’s the hold-up”

Sooyoung: “well she better hurry because I am going out for lunch”

Sooyoung: “and you know what that means ;)”

Yerim: “noo I’m so close”

Seulgi: “why would you want your mother to do that Yerim? D:”

Yerim: “oh hey Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “we’re not pulling you away from your family are we?”

Seulgi: “no, they kicked me out of the living room so they could wrap my presents”

Sooyoung: “someone’s the baby of the family”

Seulgi: “I guess they do spoil me a little bit…”

Seulgi: “but what are you two doing?”

Yerim: “terrible family bingo: hardcore mode”

Seulgi: “what’s that?”

Yerim: “well terrible family bingo is when you make a bingo card out of all the terrible things your family does every time you visit”

Yerim: “like say you should change your major or try to imply to your sisters that you’re not a good role model, etc etc”

Sooyoung: “when you’re trying to get a bingo it distracts you from your family being terrible”

Yerim: “yes, very soothing”

Sooyoung: “except Yerim fills up her card in like 2 days”

Seulgi: “oh D:”

Yerim: “it’s not that my parents are exceedingly terrible or anything”

Yerim: “they’re just very predictable”

Sooyoung: “so this year we’re trying the hardcore mode”

Sooyoung: “if Yerim gets a single bingo she wins”

Sooyoung: “BUT every time somebody in my town sees me and tells me how much weight I’ve lost she has to start over”

Seulgi: “does that happen very often?”

Sooyoung: “pretty much whenever I leave the house”

Sooyoung: “it’s been like 2 years, I don’t know why they keep saying it”

Sooyoung: “anyway if she can’t get a bingo by the end of the trip she has to buy me coffee”

Seulgi: “well I’m sorry your family is difficult like that Yerim”

Seulgi: “but I’m glad you’re making the most of it”

Yerim: “thanks Seulgi :)”

Seulgi: “oh the presents are wrapped, I gtg now”

Sooyoung: “bye :)”

Seulgi: “bye :D”

Yerim: “bye”

Sooyoung: “oh btw my neighbour just came in to return a casserole dish and guess who she saw in the living room”

Yerim: [picture of seungwan looking disgruntled, as though she were halfway through protesting a particularly unfair demand]

Sooyoung: “reset that bingo card ;)”

(…)

Sooyoung: "I would like to announce my wedding"

Sooyoung: "to this digital tablet my parents got me as a late christmas present"

Yerim: "I would also like to announce my wedding"

Yerim: "to the concept of you not bothering me with inane bullshit"

Sooyoung: "lmao figures you'd get married to a figment of your imagination"

Sooyoung: "Seulgi any announcements?"

Seulgi: "oh uh"

Seulgi: "I will be attending both your weddings :D"

Seulgi: "maybe we can get Seungwan and Joohyun drunk on champagne and see what happens"

Sooyoung: "Seulgi you devious soul"

Seulgi: ";)"

Sooyoung: [gif of Seungwan with a smug grin and brows animated to move up and down]

Yerim: "gross"

Yerim: "so did you guys talk or"

Seulgi: "yeah :D"

Sooyoung: "I told Seulgi if she didn't flirt with me I'd run away with Mr Fluffers"

Sooyoung: "I hold it over her like a furry dagger of Damocles"

Yerim: "blackmail huh"

Yerim: "sounds like you"

Seulgi: "haha

Seulgi: "no she just said she values me as a friend and she doesn't want things to be awkward between us"

Yerim: "lmao sounds even more like Sooyoung"

Sooyoung: "I also said I was over you and just wanted to enjoy myself in this post-christmas pre-classes period of freedom"

Sooyoung: "but I guess some of us have selective memories"

Seulgi: "sorry I was going to say that :O"

Seulgi: "but I'm typing with one hand :("

Seulgi: "because I'm doing some work stuff"

Sooyoung: "a likely story"

Sooyoung: "anyway want to see my tablet"

Yerim: "no"

Seulgi: "yes"

Sooyoung: [selfie of Sooyoung in her dorm room with a bit of her desk visible in the corner]

Sooyoung: ":D"

Yerim: "that's a selfie"

Sooyoung: "wdym"

Sooyoung: [same selfie with a red circle drawn around the bit of desk]

Sooyoung: "that's the tablet right there"

Seulgi: "is that a new sweater? :)"

Sooyoung: "christmas present ;)"

Yerim: "don't enable her"

(…)

Sooyoung: “what’s this I hear about you not going to the NYE party Seulgi?”

Seulgi: “oh did Seungwan tell you?”

Sooyoung: “well no”

Sooyoung: “she told Joohyun and Joohyun told me”

Seulgi: “right that makes more sense”

Yerim: “sooo”

Yerim: “why aren’t you going?”

Seulgi: “I just thought it might be a little weird…”

Sooyoung: “is this bc of me?”

Yerim: “I thought you guys talked it out”

Sooyoung: “I thought so too”

Seulgi: “no we did”

Seulgi: “it’s just we haven’t actually hung out since before this whole thing”

Seulgi: “I was hoping we could talk it out between us”

Seulgi: “before we actually met around other people”

Seulgi: “and wan doesn’t even know that we’re friends”

Yerim: “she was fine last time”

Yerim: “she’ll just stick to Joohyun and we can talk about whatever”

Seulgi: “but you’re bringing Saeron right?”

Seulgi: “I don’t want to mess up your first meet the friends thing with her”

Seulgi: “make her think your friends are weird or something”

Sooyoung: “what, like I’m weird for liking you?”

Sooyoung: “which I’m over by the way, so it’s not even a thing for me”

Sooyoung: “but clearly it’s a thing for you”

Seulgi: “it’s not I promise!”

Seulgi: “I just feel like me coming to the party will only make it worse for everybody :(“

Seulgi: “wouldn’t it be easier if I just didn’t go?”

Sooyoung: “well no”

Sooyoung: “bc then you wouldn’t be there”

Sooyoung: “and you’re my friend so I want you there”

Yerim: “usually I would say this is gross”

Yerim: “but on this particular occasion, same”

Seulgi: “oh”

Seulgi: “you guys are my friends too”

Seulgi: “I guess I have to go, huh? :D”

Sooyoung: [candid of Seungwan looking to the right with pleasant surprise, eyes wide open]

Yerim: “ah yes, a straight-forward usage of wan-meme”

Yerim: “very stripped down, very refreshing”

Seulgi: “a true connoisseur ;)”

Sooyoung: “;)”

(…)

Seulgi: “Sooyoung you haven’t told Seungwan about us, have you?”

Sooyoung: “the gc? I guess we could tell her, there’s not much to hide anymore”

Sooyoung: “but I didn’t tell her yet, no”

Seulgi: “no, I meant”

Seulgi: “you and me”

Sooyoung: “oh that”

Sooyoung: “I mean she knows what happened”

Sooyoung: “just not that it was you”

Seulgi: “that’s what I thought”

Seulgi: “she said she talked to you at the nye party and I almost had a heart attack”

Seulgi: “I thought you’d told her and she’d get super mad at me for not telling her”

Sooyoung: “she’d get mad abt that?”

Seulgi: “well we were talking abt something else I didn’t tell her”

Seulgi: “she figured out the date thing”

Sooyoung: “oh yikes”

Seulgi: “but it’s okay now, and she’s not dating anymore, so yay :D”

Seulgi: “anyway I figured you wouldn’t tell her abt me without letting me know”

Seulgi: “but then I got worried that you’d told her abt the gc”

Sooyoung: “sounds like a rollercoaster of emotion”

Seulgi: “but she didn’t know abt that either, so that’s good”

Seulgi: “although maybe I should tell her, I don’t want any more secrets :(“

Sooyoung: “sure, fine by me”

Seulgi: “ok I’ll just wait for Yerim to say something then”

Seulgi: “where is she btw?”

Sooyoung: “hmmm busy probs”

Seulgi: “with what?”

Sooyoung: “Saeron?”

Seulgi: “ooooh okok I got it”

Seulgi: “busy ;)”

Seulgi: “well while she’s away”

Seulgi: “why haven’t you told Seungwan about us?”

Seulgi: “btw that sounded demanding but I’m just asking”

Seulgi: “it’s hard to convey tone over text”

Sooyoung: “very true”

Sooyoung: “idk I figured you’d tell her”

Seulgi: “why?”

Sooyoung: “bc she’s your best friend?”

Seulgi: “oh I thought you’d tell her”

Seulgi: “bc it’s your feelings”

Sooyoung: “so neither of us told her for weeks lmao”

Seulgi: “I guess haha”

Sooyoung: “you can tell her if you want”

Seulgi: “I think maybe you should”

Seulgi: “when you feel like it, I mean”

Seulgi: “it’s kind of a big personal thing, you should get to tell it how you want and when you want”

Sooyoung: “okay I guess I’ll think abt it then”

Yerim: “can you PLEASE talk somewhere else”

Yerim: “my phone won’t stop buzzing”

Sooyoung: “oh look what the cat dragged in ;)”

Sooyoung: “coming up for air?”

Yerim: “coming up to ask you to STFU”

Sooyoung: “make me ;)”

Yerim: “guess I’m muting”

Yerim: “bye”

Seulgi: “bye :)”

Sooyoung: “don’t do anything I wouldn’t ;)”

(…)

Sooyoung: “Seulgi why did you ship something to my dorm room?”

Sooyoung: “you could have just given it to me in person”

Seulgi: “oh I wanted to make it a little more official I guess”

Seulgi: “it’s your Christmas present :)”

Sooyoung: “:0”

Sooyoung: “you know I was just kidding when I said you had to give me the painting for Christmas”

Sooyoung: “acting tough and all”

Seulgi: “I know I know :)”

Seulgi: “but I was going to give it to you anyway so”

Sooyoung: “wow it’s even more beautiful than I remembered”

Sooyoung: “…”

Sooyoung: “Seulgi did you do anything to it?”

Seulgi: “oh yeah I did some touching up after you picked it”

Seulgi: “you chose a really unfinished one, I couldn’t just give it to you like that D:”

Sooyoung: “so what did you change?”

Seulgi: “just little things, pulling it all together. A little work on the trees and the reflections on the river”

Seulgi: “the clouds weren’t fluffy enough”

Sooyoung: “yeah also I’m pretty sure there wasn’t a person in the picture”

Seulgi: “oh yeah that too. She’s pretty small, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice”

Seulgi: “or I guess she’s small at a distance”

Seulgi: “up close she would be pretty tall”

Sooyoung: “Seulgi”

Sooyoung: “did you put me in your painting?”

Seulgi: “I couldn’t give Park Sooyoung a picture that didn’t have her in it :O”

Sooyoung: “wow Seulgi being smooth”

Sooyoung: “never thought I’d see the day”

Seulgi: “do you like it? Is it too much?”

Sooyoung: “it’s perfect :)”

Sooyoung: “I’m going to hang it up by my bed”

Yerim: “ok I’m reading up on what I missed”

Yerim: “and you guys get disgustingly cute when I’m gone”

Yerim: “I’m never muting again”

Sooyoung: “pff you just missed us”

Yerim: “wow you saw right through my façade of coolness huh”

Seulgi: “it’s okay, we missed you too :D”

Yerim: “anyway Seulgi are you free this weekend?”

Yerim: “I still owe Sooyoung that bingo coffee”

Yerim: “I guess I could buy you one too”

Seulgi: “:D”


	27. Act 3 Part 1

_(Joohyun POV)_

Everything felt new and exciting. It was like somebody had thrown a switch in Joohyun’s brain and all the loose cables and wiring, previously arranged in no particular order, had suddenly connected in the perfect pattern and thrown light into her world.

And yet, despite the sudden clarity, Joohyun had never felt so lost. It was the first time she'd felt like this, with no idea what to do. Or, to be more precise, she'd certainly felt confused before, but she'd never been so invested in getting it right. Usually, she just trusted her instincts, but this time she really didn't want to make a mistake.

She was in a delicate situation. All the websites she'd googled - she'd had no choice but to google it, since her friends refused to give her any other advice - agreed that she had to take care with her actions. They insisted that she must make sure of her own feelings, consider the possible consequences and test the waters thoroughly before proceeding.

But in spite of it all, she just couldn't find it in herself to worry. It was difficult to feel too concerned when she was around Seungwan. She was careful, she took it slow, she tested the waters, but she did it all with cheerful enthusiasm. Because it just felt so nice. Everything did.

Seungwan was nice and her smile, so radiant that it lit up her entire face, was nice too. She looked so nice, with her hair that made Joohyun want to run her hands through it just to feel its softness, her warm eyes that always made Joohyun feel welcome. And she smelled nice as well. Over the scent of her laundry detergent, which Joohyun's nose was trained enough to quickly dismiss after identifying it, there was her fruity shampoo, so sweet that she could almost taste it, and something that enveloped all of Seungwan, heady and nearly intoxicating, that Joohyun could only assume was her body wash. Possibly coconut. And when she baked, every inch of her would smell of it, warm and cosy, just like home, and all Joohyun wanted was to bury her nose in her and stay there.

Every moment that they spent together was nice. In the rush of experiencing the full scope of her emotions in every interaction with Seungwan, even those little things that they'd done a million times before but were suddenly cast in a new light, she let weeks slip by before she realized that she was supposed to be doing something about it. It was just so difficult to concentrate on some subtle plan when Seungwan was right there, her shoulder inviting her head to rest on it, her look of concentration, or amusement, or confusion, or anything that animated her face with emotion, impossible to resist, so that Joohyun caught herself staring again and again.

It wasn't simply the way Seungwan invaded her senses with her presence. Thoughts of her were never far from Joohyun's mind. She wanted to know everything, every little irrelevant detail. Most of all, she dearly wanted to see Seungwan's apartment, how she'd decorated it, what personal items she kept around. It felt like an essential part of her identity, yet it was hopelessly beyond Joohyun’s grasp, occupied as it was by that terrifying cat. She’d asked Seungwan to see some pictures of Mr. Fluffers, only to discover that it was even bigger than she’d thought. It looked like it could take off her head with a well-aimed strike of its powerful paws. To her credit, Seungwan hadn’t laughed at Joohyun’s reaction. She’d said Mr. Fluffers got it a lot.

Seungwan was nice like that. Considerate, taking care not to mock Joohyun for the things which even she knew weren’t entirely rational. She was endlessly patient and she pushed herself out of her comfort zone again and again for Joohyun, always willing to return a hug, to let Joohyun borrow an arm to cling to on the sofa, even if she stiffened at first. Joohyun felt a little bad to be so demanding of her physical affection, but more than ever she felt incapable of stopping. She wanted to be close to her, to feel her warmth, to intertwine their fingers and keep Seungwan by her side.

That was the strangest thing, perhaps. That none of this was truly new. She’d always wanted to know about Seungwan, to spend time with her, to hold her close. The only difference was that now her eyes had been opened to the scope of her desire, to the reason behind it. To her true intentions. She wanted to wake up to Seungwan every morning and go to sleep by her side every night.  She wanted Seungwan to feel the same way she did. And she wanted to kiss Seungwan.

She really wanted to kiss Seungwan. Those cute little lips taunted her, drew her in, especially when Seungwan bit them or poked out her tongue in concentration. When she wore makeup, they were tinted a pretty shade of pink that made them stand out even more. She supposed that was the general purpose of makeup, but all the same it felt supremely unfair that Seungwan would walk around looking like that when Joohyun couldn’t simply pull her in and taste that pink against her own lips.

And yes, Seungwan was attractive. Joohyun might be inexperienced, but she was certainly informed and she wasn’t some blushing maiden. She could admit to herself that she liked the way Seungwan looked in jeans, or when she wore particularly tight tops. She knew that when Seungwan’s shirt rode up and a sliver of skin was exposed, she would be only too happy to slip her hand inside and feel the warmth of Seungwan’s stomach, its smoothness against her fingers.

But she tried not to dwell on those thoughts, because it was one thing to have feelings for her best friend, even think about kissing her, but it was something else entirely to start fantasizing about things that could very well make Seungwan uncomfortable if she knew about them.

So whenever she pulled Seungwan closer, she focused on the giddiness bubbling up in her chest and the way their bodies seemed to meld together comfortably. It was easy enough, when their proximity struck her with something so intense that it almost felt like relief. If anything, the real trouble was ensuring that the smile on her face wasn’t too wide, too childish, too revealing. And if it was, just a little, well… That wouldn’t really be the end of the world, either.

Because that was her intention, after all, wasn’t it? What she wanted was for Seungwan to know how she felt. That was what Seulgi had said, that she should show her. And the websites said it as well, that she should test her best friend’s reaction by giving subtle hints. Some of the suggestions were a bit confusing, like using affectionate body language, smiling and complimenting her. She’d been doing those all along, so should she be doing them more often or possibly more intensely? Perhaps if she called more attention to it. But they did suggest keeping it light and subtle, so that might not be the best idea.

Then again, the websites grouped all that under flirting, which she was quite certain she hadn’t been doing. Mostly because she had no idea how to do it. But this suggested that there was some other way of complimenting people and smiling at them other than the friendly one that she was accustomed to. Perhaps she should continue experimenting with it until the concept made a little more sense.

On this particular afternoon, she was bravely attempting flirting, encouraged by the presence of Yerim and Sooyoung. They were very supportive, even if they became frustratingly ambiguous when she asked for any concrete advice. She’d asked them what they thought of her chances, of course, but they’d refused to comment. Then again, it’d be unfair to expect them to know about Seungwan’s heart. She was the one paying closest attention and even she couldn’t tell how she felt.

Seungwan was the last to arrive and Yerim was already dutifully studying her notes when she walked in. Sooyoung had decided against working on Joohyun’s computer for the day and sat next to Yerim, eyes fixed on her laptop, although both looked up at a knock on the door.

Joohyun opened it herself and was greeted by the sight of Seungwan in a navy-blue sweater and a pair of white-washed jeans, looking a little flustered at her own delay but holding up a large plate of golden-brown cookies in compensation. Joohyun smiled widely, stepping forward without much thought to chase the smell that she knew would be pressed to the outfit – cinnamon, from the looks of the cookies -, but the plate was held between them, keeping her from approaching. Seungwan returned her smile, gesturing with her full hands.

“Hi, sorry, I know I’m really late. I had to let these cool down,” she explained, already on the move towards the sofa. She dropped the plate on the coffee table, accepting Yerim’s appreciative high-five after some hesitation. Joohyun followed on light feet, throwing her arms around Seungwan’s back when she was close enough. She started slightly but didn’t pull away, only sighing out the surprise and raising a hand to tap Joohyun’s arm.

“Hi,” Joohyun murmured, as she was far too close to Seungwan’s ear to speak any louder. She dropped her face to the shoulder of Seungwan’s sweater, inhaling slightly in search of the cinnamon, but finding only the smell of freshly-washed clothes. Seungwan must have changed before leaving, then. Any trace of her baking would only be present on her skin, which was unfortunate, because Joohyun couldn’t exactly press her nose against her bare neck. Not that she’d mind it, but she expected that Seungwan might.

Seungwan’s hand returned to Joohyun’s arm, this time pulling it away gently so she could slide down and sit on the corner of the sofa, next to Yerim. The youngest quickly slid closer to Sooyoung, pulling the cookies within her friend’s reach, and Joohyun gratefully took the place she’d left vacant.

“They smell very good,” she commented distractedly. She wondered how to introduce flirting into the conversation. Should she compliment Seungwan on her baking? It was one of her interests, which the websites recommended bringing up, but how could it possibly be taken in a romantic way? All friends complimented their friends on their baking. She was sure Seulgi had done so many times.

Then what else? Perhaps praise some aspect of Seungwan’s face; that one was recommended frequently. But they did mention that it should be weaved into the conversation, so she’d have to find some bridge between the cookies and Seungwan’s eyes. Perhaps her lips, since they were used for eating.

She looked into Seungwan’s face, hoping that a spark of inspiration would strike. Her hand had found Seungwan’s of its own accord and she threaded their fingers loosely together, thumb running over Seungwan’s palm as she mulled it over.

She was beautiful, of course. Her lips were tilted up slightly in the shadow of a smile that seemed permanently fixed to her face whenever she wasn’t actively grinning. Her cheeks were rosy, certainly not from the heat of the oven if even the cookies had had time to cool off. It might be the embarrassment of her delay; Seungwan did have a tendency to become flustered over the slightest oversights. It made Joohyun want to reassure her again and again that it was more than fine, especially when Seungwan herself readily forgave much worse.

Her eyes were luminous, as captivating as ever, sparkling under slightly furrowed brows. Seungwan looked at her with what seemed to be confusion, her head tilted to the side. Apparently she’d said something that Joohyun hadn’t quite caught. She smiled solicitously and hummed to request that Seungwan repeat it.

“I said, if you want some you should probably get them before those two eat them all,” Seungwan repeated with a chuckle. Joohyun laughed along with the funny comment, her grip on Seungwan’s hand tightening instinctively. The websites all mentioned making physical contact when the other person made you laugh and Joohyun had just done it without even thinking. She might be better at flirting than she’d thought.

“Oh, that’s alright. I’m sure they won’t eat every single cookie,” she replied with a smile. Seungwan didn’t seem very convinced, eyebrow raising to show her scepticism, but Joohyun only waved away her concern. The sound of clinking porcelain as another cookie left the plate made her turn around to see that the pile had been significantly reduced. Yerim paused, hand halfway up to her mouth, then scooted even closer to Sooyoung, moving the plate until it was entirely out of reach of Joohyun and Seungwan.

She turned back to Seungwan to find her studying the plate dubiously. “Maybe I’ll bake some more tomorrow,” she suggested with a shrug. Her lips puckered into a thoughtful pout, making her look adorable, but they were soon pressed together as her eyes darted down to their joined hands. Joohyun had resumed the stroking motion of her thumb and it seemed to have drawn Seungwan’s attention this time around. She paused at once and waited for Seungwan’s reaction, but she only offered a half-smile and shifted slightly in her seat, making no motion to pull her hand away.

Still, Joohyun readjusted their hands to let her thumb rest motionless on the back of Seungwan’s hand. There were limits to how far she could invade Seungwan’s personal space and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Her cheeks were growing pink again and this time it surely wasn’t because of her late arrival.

“If you want,” Joohyun offered politely. She would appreciate anything that Seungwan had made, but she wouldn’t force her to bake her weekend away.

“Not a fan of cinnamon?” Seungwan asked, taking her a bit by surprise. She had intended to sound accommodating, but she might have overshot it and come across as indifferent. Seungwan’s smile was already dimming, giving way to the weak imitation of happiness she presented when the real thing was lacking.

“Oh, no, I’m a fan,” Joohyun rushed to reply, her eyes wide as she tried to convey her earnest interest. “I love cinnamon, especially the smell. I just didn’t want to trouble you.”

The clouds on Seungwan’s face cleared, returning her usual brightness as she eagerly assured that baking a fresh batch wouldn’t inconvenience her at all. Joohyun nodded along happily, absently taking a deep breath at the thought of the baked goods. The weak hint of cinnamon that she captured reminded her of her earlier disappointment that Seungwan had changed out of her baking clothes and robbed her of that simple pleasure.

She studied the offending sweater, freshly laundered and looking particularly bright and untouched. Joohyun had never seen it, which by itself didn’t guarantee much, as she couldn’t be sure that she’d seen Seungwan’s entire wardrobe in their time together. But the fact that it was almost completely free of cat fur was a much clearer sign.

“Is that a new sweater?” she blurted out as soon as the thought crossed her mind. Seungwan seemed a bit taken aback at the sudden change of topic, but Joohyun was elated because there it was. The perfect subject for flirting had fallen right into her lap. She might be a flirting genius after all.

“It looks nice on you,” she continued slowly, because apparently doing things slowly made them seem more seductive. The websites said so, at least. She released Seungwan’s hand in favour of running her fingers down the sleeve of the sweater.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” Seungwan replied brightly, pulling her recently freed hand into her lap. “I got it at the mall a few days ago. They probably still have some for sale if you want one.”

Joohyun fought the urge to clench her jaw. She’d thought her meaning had been clear enough, but obviously she still had a few things to learn about avoiding ambiguity. “No, that’s unnecessary. I wouldn’t wear something like that.” There, that should clear things up.

To her dismay, Seungwan only looked confused, a small frown growing on her lips. Had she not understood her flirting? Had she understood it and been put off? Had Joohyun done flirting entirely wrong? Perhaps she was hopeless after all. She should have known better than to have confidence in any form of subtle social skill.

While Seungwan was busy studying her own sweater like she regretted buying it already, Joohyun turned to the other two for support. Sitting next to a nearly empty plate of cookies, Yerim studied Seungwan with a hand covering her mouth and deadened eyes while Sooyoung pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing deeply.

The sight revived Joohyun slightly. Clearly, all three of them were taken aback by Seungwan’s obliviousness to Joohyun’s advances. It wasn’t Joohyun’s fault after all. She only needed to keep trying, perhaps make it a little more obvious next time. In the meantime, there was always the body language and the smiling.

Yes, Joohyun thought as her arms reached out to snake around Seungwan’s until their sides were pressed together and her head rested on Seungwan’s shoulder, she’d just have to keep trying. Eventually, something would work.

(…)

_(Seungwan POV)_

Seungwan felt like an old balloon, one of those that didn’t pop loudly out of existence or slip from careless hands and fly off towards the horizon. The ones that survived to linger in a corner of the room for weeks, changing so slowly that it went unnoticed at first, but changing nonetheless, until they were small and wrinkled and shrinking down to nothing.

Seungwan felt like all the sanity was leaking out of her, slowly but surely, just like an old balloon. If Seulgi could hear her thoughts, she’d probably call her a drama queen, but she didn’t know how else to express it.

Joohyun’s insistent touches, her constant proximity, knocked the breath out of her lungs and made it very difficult to recover it. She spent entire afternoons grasping for anything that could ground her, protect her against the assault on her senses. Joohyun was relentless and more often than not their bodies were pressed together, even when there was more than enough room for distance. Joohyun’s hands were always curled around some part of Seungwan, be it waist, arm or hand, and when they hugged her face would burrow into the crook of Seungwan’s neck until she could feel Joohyun’s breath against her skin.

Seungwan couldn’t breathe. Joohyun’s touches froze her and she looked to the other two for support, but they’d changed too. Instead of smirks and playful winks, they stared her down, like it would be selfish of her to pull away. Like she had no right to do that to Joohyun. Was it really that unfair of her to want some space? After all, they knew how she felt.

But the touching wasn’t the only problem. Joohyun had always been somewhat handsy and Seungwan should have expected that it would escalate as they became closer. On its own, she might have felt happy about it, even as her heart stuttered and she felt simultaneously light and heavy under Joohyun’s ministrations.

No, the real problem was that Joohyun was being weird. She kept doing the strangest things, then studying Seungwan insistently, like she was frustrated that Seungwan had missed something obvious.

She’d look into Seungwan’s face for the longest time, then her brow would start furrowing until she eventually made some comment on Seungwan’s eyes, or smile, or hair. It was always a positive comment, or it seemed to have been intended that way, and in different circumstances it might even have made Seungwan swoon. It certainly didn’t take too much effort from Joohyun to achieve that. It was the way she said it that ruined the effect, the words coming out stilted, like she’d been ordered to do it but wasn’t sure why. Instead of pleasure, it filled Seungwan with uncertainty.

It made her wonder if the demon children were behind it, which only raised the question of why they’d tell Joohyun to compliment Seungwan’s face. The obvious answer was that it was a prank, but whenever Seungwan studied them in the aftermath, they only looked unimpressed.

There was also the thing with her sweater, of course. She still wasn’t sure whether Joohyun had complimented it or insulted it, and it lay in the bottom of Seungwan’s closet while she tried to figure it out. She didn’t want to go out in something that Joohyun had deemed too ugly to even consider wearing.

Another time, Joohyun had asked Seungwan how she felt about the two of them having dinner. They’d done it many times before, so she wasn’t sure why Joohyun would suddenly wonder about it. She’d shrugged, a bit confused, and Joohyun had clarified that she meant dinner at a restaurant. That perked her up a bit and she suggested going to the Nepalese place Seulgi loved. Maybe all three could eat there. Seulgi would probably want to invite Yerim and Sooyoung, which wasn’t ideal, but Seungwan wouldn’t deny Nepalese food to anyone, so they might as well book a table for five right away.

That was one of the times that Joohyun got frustrated with Seungwan for no reason that she could find. She even tried apologizing for not wanting to bring the demon children along, but Joohyun insisted that it was fine. She didn’t complain while they were eating, but Yerim did make more jokes than usual about Seungwan being useless that night, so there must have been something after all.

She was sure that there was something. The problem was that, no matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t figure out what it was. In the absence of concrete reasons, her brain fell back on the usual justification: Joohyun was mad at her or tired of her or on her way to one of the two.

Again, Seulgi would probably say that she was exaggerating and that everything was fine. She’d tell her to focus on how Joohyun clearly seemed pleased to spend time with her, always clinging to her and smiling widely. But she couldn’t explain Joohyun’s strange behaviour either, so her comforting words weren’t completely convincing.

Seungwan was pulled away from her ruminations by the sound of the apartment door opening as Mr. Fluffers excitedly jumped off her, the slam of his hind legs on her chest launching her into a coughing fit. She pulled herself to a sitting position and found Sooyoung, still by the door, pulling off her boots and running a hand through her windswept hair. Her gloves were already on the dining table, along with her bag and the keys she’d borrowed from Seungwan on a more or less permanent basis.

“Isn’t it a little cold to be making house calls?” Seungwan asked playfully. Sooyoung had texted her earlier, letting her know that she’d be dropping by, and she’d been lying on the sofa lazily ever since, awaiting her. Her visitor didn’t respond to the comment, opting instead to make another attempt at fixing up her hair. Her movements were short and snappy, like she was still trying to shake off the cold of the street.

“Come sit down, Fluffy will warm you up,” Seungwan finally added, since Sooyoung kept pacing from side to side instead of sitting and letting the large cat at her heels take his long-desired place on her lap. Sooyoung seemed to snap out of wherever her mind had just gone and followed Seungwan’s suggestion.

“Hey,” Sooyoung offered simply. She focused on running her fingers through Mr. Fluffers’s fur, who wasted no time in purring happily and stretching languidly under the touch.

Sooyoung came over fairly often, but she usually arrived before Seungwan and took advantage of the solitude to study or play video games. This time, even her text had made it seem like she wanted to make sure Seungwan would be there when she arrived, so she deduced that Sooyoung’s motives for coming over must be a little different.

“So, is your neighbour still having loud sex?” she chanced after a moment. She had the feeling that Sooyoung wanted to talk about something and this would do as a conversation opener.

“Not really, it’s been pretty quiet this semester. Either she moved or there was some drastic change in her life.” Sooyoung retorted thoughtfully.

“Maybe she joined a celibacy-focused cult.”

Sooyoung snorted at the suggestion. “I was thinking something like depression or a bad break-up. I guess your thing is less sad.”

“Also less likely,” Seungwan pointed out with a half-shrug.

“You’d be surprised.”

“So, is that enough breaking the ice?” Seungwan asked with a raised eyebrow. Sooyoung landed questioning eyes on her, but she only smirked slightly in response. “You look like you want to talk about something.”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “You think you’re so cool when you do that. You’re not, it’s just annoying.”

“It can be both.” Sooyoung didn’t even bother rolling her eyes again at the sight of Seungwan’s growing smirk. It was fun to act smug with Sooyoung. She knew better than to take it seriously, but she didn’t shoot Seungwan down either. “Now spill.”

Sooyoung’s deep breath took Seungwan by surprise, because she actually looked nervous, and Seungwan couldn’t imagine why Sooyoung would be nervous around her. She ran a hand through her long hair again, her movements stiff once more, and Seungwan began to think that it might not be the cold after all.

“Okay, so you know about our group chat, and that Seulgi and Yerim and I are all friends now, right?” the girl began suddenly. Seungwan nodded obediently and waited in silence as Sooyoung collected her thoughts before continuing.

She thought back to that afternoon, not too long ago, when Seulgi had revealed her final secret and they’d gone back to being best friends with nothing between them. Or maybe little unimportant things. Things like Seungwan’s constant doubts, which she couldn’t keep piling on Seulgi because they only burdened her and she couldn’t clear them away anyway. Nobody could; doubts were an essential part of Seungwan by this point.

She willed those particular thoughts away, at least while she was supposed to be focusing on Sooyoung. She’d come all the way to her apartment, facing the weather that only grew worse as February approached, because she had something important to discuss. The last time they’d had a conversation like this, Sooyoung had concluded that she was bi. Since then, she’d had her heart broken and apparently mended, and now she was back, so what could be this serious?

Seungwan’s thoughts came to a screeching halt and she slapped her forehead with excessive force, the skin prickling unpleasantly as she pulled her hand away. Sooyoung watched her with concern, an unspoken question clear in her eyes. “I didn’t ask you,” Seungwan exclaimed, almost groaning in frustration.

“Seulgi told me I should just ask and I completely forgot, I am the worst friend,” she continued with fervour. She’d been so eager to find it out from Seulgi, but it had quickly been driven out of her mind by the sudden change in Joohyun’s behaviour. She was a selfish, self-involved person who couldn’t even remember to ask her friend about the girl who’d made her realize she was bi and then broken her heart.

“Ask what?” Sooyoung asked sharply, grasping Seungwan’s forearm to catch her attention.

“About the girl, your girl!” She gestured wildly, like her erratic movements could clarify her ambiguous words. Thankfully, Sooyoung seemed to have gotten the message.

“Well, you were busy with yours,” she said simply, a cheeky smile letting Seungwan know that she was forgiven. Her friends forgave her so easily, it almost felt unfair. “And it’s your lucky day, because that’s what I came here to tell you,” she added casually, and Seungwan had to admit that it was impressive how her nonchalance seemed almost natural.

“Plus,” Sooyoung added with a shrug, playing with the fur on Fluffy’s neck for something to do. “if you'd asked me any sooner, I might not have told you. But I talked to Seulgi and - “

“To Seulgi? Why?” Seungwan interrupted with some confusion, although it had morphed into amusement before she was even done talking. “Oh, right, she always ends up playing the romantic advisor, doesn't she?” she concluded with a small laugh. Life was ironic like that, sometimes.

The look on Sooyoung’s face took her by surprise. She made her best attempt at hiding it away under a smile of agreement, eyebrows raised at the subject of silly old Seulgi, but she couldn't wipe it from Seungwan's memory. That flash of stricken guilt, like Seungwan had accidentally hit the bullseye.

“Seulgi?” Seungwan asked in disbelief before Sooyoung could say anything. “Wow, I really am the worst friend.”

“I mean, we weren't exactly broadcasting it for the world to see,” Sooyoung said drily, cutting off Seungwan’s recriminations before she could really get started. “I'm glad you didn't figure it out, it would have been pretty awkward.”

Her face was set, challenging Seungwan to pursue the topic of her own obliviousness any further. Sooyoung’s straightforward dismissal of her worries took Seungwan by surprise and she had no choice but to comply. Instead, she raised her eyebrows, making a show of contemplating the news.

“So, Seulgi, huh?” Sooyoung snorted, clearly pleased at Seungwan's decision to keep things light, even if she might not particularly enjoy her words. “I guess you're into the sensitive artistic types.”

It was a surprise, she couldn’t deny that much. But she knew Seulgi, the way she made everyone feel like they were the centre of her world because, for that moment at least, they really were. And she knew Sooyoung, her hidden softness and the easy flirting that didn’t conceal it as well as she thought. Could it really have gone any other way?

“Yep, so you really have no chance with me,” Sooyoung quipped easily. “I'll give you some time to recover from the tragic news.” She laid her hand on Seungwan's knee, frowning in sympathy.

She knew Seulgi had hidden this from her, but it hadn’t been her secret to tell, after all. She wasn’t upset at either of them. More than anything, she was glad she knew, maybe a little sad that she hadn’t known before, when she might have helped them get through it. But what could she have done? And what _would_ she have done, when all she thought about lately was Joohyun?

She willed away thoughts of her inadequacy before Sooyoung could notice them and scold her for it. It was the least she could do. Instead, she pulled the hand off her leg, making sure that her playful intentions were clear. “You never turn it off, do you?”

 “Please, you're talking to Yerim’s best friend. I could do this all day,” Sooyoung replied with a smirk.

She stayed over for dinner and the two chatted comfortably, mostly about Seulgi. Sooyoung didn't seem to have much of a problem with the topic, happy to praise her artistic abilities at length, complain playfully about her endless optimism or even linger with clear fondness on the ease with which she opened her heart to anyone who came into her life.

In that moment, Sooyoung seemed like the bravest, most impressive person Seungwan had ever met. Because she said it all with wistfulness, but above all she looked happy, determined, even relieved. She'd come through the other side of her rejection stronger than ever and, by the looks of it, without a single regret. Seungwan couldn't even dream of being that person.

As Sooyoung put on her boots and stepped outside the apartment, taxi money already shoved into the pocked of her overcoat by a concerned Seungwan, she paused for a moment and looked her host up and down, her eyes narrowing with impatience.

“Just say it,” she said cryptically, huffing at Seungwan's confusion. “I know you want to talk about Joohyun.”

“I don't - “ Seungwan attempted, but Sooyoung’s glare silenced her.

“You can say it, okay? So just say it,” Sooyoung prodded, running her hand through her hair one more time before she put on her gloves.

“Fine, okay. I just… She's been acting really weird lately and I don't know why,” Seungwan rushed out before her words could fail her. Sooyoung only sighed, like she'd been expecting as much. “Do you know what’s going on?”

The younger woman considered the question, still standing by the door in full winter attire. “She's… trying something new, okay?” she said slowly, measuring her words as she spoke. She took a deep breath and let her eyes wander the room behind Seungwan, like the right thing to say would be hiding somewhere in there. “You should just ask her, Seungwan.”

She cringed at the suggestion, even if she had seen it coming because it was what Sooyoung said every time. It wasn't exactly hypocritical, since she'd certainly followed her own advice. But the thought of approaching Joohyun and possibly confirming her fears, that she was being pushed away or barely tolerated, rooted her to the spot and froze her mouth shut.

Sooyoung must have understood her thought process, because she sighed again and looked down into her eyes, a gloved hand landing on Seungwan’s shoulder. “You're going to have to talk to her eventually,” she said, sharp words tinted with a measure of compassion. She seemed to debate adding anything else, before she decided against it and straightened up, already turning away.

“Why did you tell Seulgi?” Seungwan blurted out before she could walk off. “I mean, you knew she didn't feel the same way, right?”

For a beat, there was nothing but silence in the corridor. Then Sooyoung nodded with a smile that seemed almost sly. “Because if I didn't, where would I be now?” she asked with raised eyebrows, and the look she fixed on Seungwan was scary with the way it tried to communicate something that she really didn't want to hear.

“In love with someone who'll never love me back. Trying so hard to convince myself that every little thing meant nothing, wanting so badly to believe it didn't,” she continued, heedless of the way her words infused Seungwan with painful familiarity. Then she paused, raised her hand to tap Seungwan's chin. “That's not my style, Wannie.”

Sooyoung walked away confidently before Seungwan could react, her hand lifted for a moment as she waved goodbye. “Anything is better than a maybe,” she threw over her shoulder, and Seungwan cringed because Joohyun was only a door away, and what if she heard it?

“Even a no,” Sooyoung concluded, leaving Seungwan standing by her apartment door, still open even as her guest disappeared down the stairs.


	28. Act 3 Part 2

Seulgi and Seungwan had a tentative agreement for their birthdays. Ever since they’d become friends, Seulgi had had a large circle of friends and while for the most part this didn’t disturb their plans, it did mean that she spent her birthday trying to divide her time between as many people as possible. Instead of the day-long celebration with her best friend that she wanted as much for herself as she did for Seungwan, they were usually reduced to a celebratory lunch or dinner.

Seungwan insisted that she had no problem with the situation and she really did mean it. She could spend any day she wanted with Seulgi and they typically ended up spending the day before or after together anyway. Still, Seulgi was inconsolable and the only thing that cheered her up was the promise that they could celebrate Seungwan’s birthday from sunrise to sunset, just the two of them.

So when February came around, Seungwan saw no reason to assume their plans for this year would be any different. On Seulgi’s birthday, they had lunch at a cosy place near the hospital and Seungwan gave her the camera lens she had bought after extensive research and a lot of questions. She had the feeling that even Seulgi should have been able to see right through her sudden, very focused interest, but sometimes a little intentional obliviousness was worth it for the sake of preserving the spirit of birthday gifts.

The rest of Seulgi’s day was packed tightly with celebrations, but she did find time in the afternoon to slip out for a quick coffee with Yerim and Sooyoung, as she mentioned to Seungwan later. She even received a congratulatory message from Joohyun, which she answered happily. Probably with many smiley emojis, if Seungwan knew her at all.

And then the days flew by, cold and short and stark, just like every winter, and her own birthday arrived. She left the apartment in the morning, tightly bundled up in protective layers of warmth, to find Joohyun right outside with a wide smile.

“Happy birthday,” she said cheerfully, leaning forward to wrap Seungwan in a hug that she could barely feel under all those clothes but somehow managed to send tingles all the way to the tips of her toes.

“I was hoping to catch you before Seulgi stole you away,” Joohyun continued with a conspiratorial smile. Seungwan had already told her about their birthday tradition and Joohyun had been adamant that nothing had to change this year. “I have a present for you, I’ll give it to you later,” she added as she patted down Seungwan’s scarf, tucking it in more tightly where it disappeared under her large coat.

She brushed something away from Seungwan’s shoulders then let her palms rest against them, eyes moving up to meet Seungwan’s. After a short moment, she broke into an excited grin and her hands tightened slightly, like she was a heartbeat away from shaking her own giddy energy into Seungwan’s frame. “Happy birthday,” she repeated.

“You said that already,” Seungwan pointed out, some part of her amused at Joohyun’s childish enthusiasm, another part slightly dazed by her focused attention. A small smile made its way to her face as Joohyun scrunched up her nose in a poor attempt at contriteness.

“I like birthdays,” she admitted in a whisper that almost tempted Seungwan to move closer so she could catch it better. Before she could move, or at least decide whether she should, Joohyun’s hands were moving down her arms until they were nearly at her wrists. “You look nice,” she said simply, her smile a little smaller but still radiant.

Seungwan raised a sceptical eyebrow. “I look like an overstuffed sausage.” She pulled up her arms to showcase the similarity, caused by all the layers protecting her from the winter cold. Joohyun’s hands slid off her sleeves with the movement and she brought them to her face to stifle a laugh.

“But a very cute one,” she riposted, giggling as she was met with Seungwan’s confused sputtering.

The sound of heavy steps preceded Seulgi’s huffing figure that emerged from the stairway soon after, taking a few more rushed steps until she stood in the middle of the hallway. “I’m here! I’m not late!” she gasped out.

Seungwan smiled fondly at her best friend, even though she had interrupted a rare moment of Joohyun complimenting her without sounding creepy about it. She hugged her neighbour in farewell, patiently waiting as Joohyun adjusted Seungwan’s beanie so that it covered her forehead nearly down to her eyes, then walked off to go to work with Seulgi.

 She’d managed to shuffle things around so that she only worked a half-day and soon after lunch she and Seulgi were free to celebrate to their hearts’ content. As usual, it was too cold for any outdoors activities, so they ended up at an arcade, nearly empty in the early afternoon. They both loved this kind of place, from the shooters with pink and blue guns to the racing games set inside vehicles that jostled them from side to side, but especially the dancing games. Those they played again and again and by the time they stopped for a breather they were both sweaty and red-cheeked.

After some refreshing slushies that allowed them to cool down enough that stepping outside wouldn’t shock their system too severely, they rushed to Seulgi’s place. There, Seulgi insisted that she had to take a hot shower so she wouldn’t get sick. When she stepped out of the bathroom in fresh clothes that Seulgi had leant her, feeling undeniably better, there was a wrapped object on the sofa that definitely hadn’t been there before.

“What’s this?” she asked slowly, circling around to take a seat next to her present.

“Oh, that?” Seulgi replied with a careless wave of her hand, her attempt at sounding casual failing against the smile she couldn't suppress. “I didn’t notice it there; someone must have snuck it in when I wasn't looking.”

Seungwan lifted a foot to poke at Seulgi’s leg, but her attention was drawn to the present which she carefully unwrapped. It was a picture frame, containing a photograph of a large, furry cat reclining regally on a pillow and gazing to the side with an alertness that suggested the presence of an assistant with a squeaky toy.

“It's a picture of Mr. Fluffers!” she gasped out. Seulgi shifted on the sofa, moving closer to where she sat to study the photograph over her shoulder.

“Do you like it?” she asked with anticipation, her chin brushing against Seungwan’s arm as she spoke.

“I love it!” She set it down with care and turning around to envelop Seulgi in an appreciative hug. “How did you even take it?”

“Oh, well, the lens you gave me for my birthday is really good for these kinds of shots,” Seulgi explained happily once they'd parted. “And Sooyoung helped me set everything up and get him into position and stuff.”

“She's really something, huh?” Seungwan commented thoughtfully. Seulgi perked up and she knew right away that she hadn't interpreted her words the way Seungwan had intended them.

“I know, right? She says it's because she's a college student with a lot of free time to kill, but I think she's just really nice,” Seulgi said with a lowered voice, like Sooyoung might pop up from some corner of the room and deny it.

They'd talked about Sooyoung’s feelings a few days after she'd stopped by Seungwan's apartment. After her initial worry at how Seungwan would take the news, Seulgi had been nothing but cheerful. Sooyoung was as eager to spend time with her as ever and Seulgi was overjoyed that their friendship was that precious to her. She really liked her, and Yerim too. Seungwan was glad things had worked out for them, one way or another.

“So,” she carried on, happy to go along with Seulgi’s misunderstanding and drop the more serious subject, “how did you get him to pose all fancy like that?”

“Well, we dropped him on the pillow and he just sat there,” Seulgi said with a shrug. That certainly sounded like him.

The day would end with dinner at Seungwan’s place, so as night fell they made the short trip over, stopping on the way to pick up food from the local Thai place. Seulgi kept ordering more and more dishes until Seungwan had to physically pull her away from the counter.

“Seulgi, we couldn’t eat all this if we had dinner three times over,” she tried to reason, but Seulgi only shrugged and said that all that dancing had made her extra hungry. They left with bags so full of food that Seungwan figured she’d be eating Thai leftovers for a week.

And then, walking down the hallway and mere steps away from her home, Seulgi suddenly turned around and knocked on the wrong door.

Seungwan liked to think that she put the pieces together fairly quickly, so that she was frozen in confusion for only a second and had managed to correct her trajectory and turn her feet towards Joohyun’s door before it eventually opened, revealing three smiling faces. She smiled awkwardly at the chorus of happy birthday wishes that greeted her, trying to dismiss the words with a wave of her hand.

“I’m guessing this is why we bought enough food to feed an army,” she joked in an attempt to change the attention away from herself. Seulgi assented with a nod and the three people by the door finally dispersed, moving away to allow Seungwan and Seulgi to enter. On their way to the kitchen to put down their bags and sort through the dishes, Seungwan caught Seulgi’s eye and gave her a small smile.

“I thought my birthdays were Seulgi days, from sunrise to sunset,” she quipped, recalling the words of their birthday agreement. Seulgi bumped against her with a smile of her own.

“The sun set a while ago, Wan-Wan,” she pointed out smugly, clearly proud to have found such a loophole. Seungwan couldn’t argue with that, not that she particularly wanted to anyway, so she just rolled her eyes and set the bags down on the kitchen counter.

They had a loud, animated dinner, all side by side on Joohyun’s sofa. As usual, Joohyun sat next to Seungwan, as close as she could be without outright sitting on her lap, but this time she didn’t let her head rest on Seungwan’s shoulder. Instead, she kept just enough distance between them that she could look in Seungwan’s face whenever she spoke but still remain unnervingly close.

Despite the Joohyun-shaped distractions, Seungwan still managed to enjoy her time with her friends, happy that Seulgi had helped them arrange it, but especially glad that all five of them were celebrating together. It really should happen more often.

Not too long after they’d finished eating, Sooyoung and Yerim were already shrugging into their coats, claiming that it was a weekday and they had 8 am classes the next day. Before leaving, each of them pulled out a bag of candy from their coat pockets and handed it to Seungwan with renewed wishes of a happy birthday. She wasted no time in popping a piece into her mouth, savouring it slowly as she waved them off.

Seulgi left a bit later, because she too had to get up early next morning. That left only Seungwan and Joohyun and even though it was already past her own bedtime, something in Joohyun’s eyes kept her from leaving.

They stood in front of each other, still near the door from when they’d said their goodbyes to Seulgi. Joohyun looked at Seungwan with nervous eyes, lips pressed into a thin line, and Seungwan was reaching out to her before she even thought of it, taking her hands and holding them in an attempt to comfort her.

Joohyun turned them around distractedly and studied them. Her face cleared a bit as her attention fell to Seungwan’s hands and she pulled back slightly so that she was holding on to her fingers instead.

“Your hands are nice,” she said quietly, the slight tremor of her voice subdued under a dreamy haze. Seungwan found it hard to hear her, given that her heart suddenly felt like it was beating in her ears.

“I’d bet you’re very good with them,” Joohyun added after a moment of silent examination. Seungwan felt like her stomach had dropped down to her feet, or maybe her lungs had jumped up to her throat, or her heart had hit her ribcage with such force that it had popped right out. Either way, she was struck speechless, desperately trying to keep her jaw from dropping.

Joohyun seemed to notice her reaction and she was confused for a moment before she broke into light giggles. “At your job, I mean. You have long fingers, that must help in handling surgical tools,” she clarified with an amused smile. Seungwan wanted to dig a hole somewhere and crawl into it and die because she wasn’t sure how to keep being alive after this moment of humiliation. “Although I’m sure you’re perfectly skilled in other departments as well,” Joohyun added, and somehow that made everything even more embarrassing.

She pulled back her hands in one quick motion then held them uselessly in front of her body for a moment before sliding them into the pockets of her jeans. Joohyun followed the movement with her eyes but didn’t protest it, only giving Seungwan a tight smile as the subject of her worries seemed to return immediately to her mind.

“I’m… Well… I’m also good with my hands,” she said after some hesitation. Seungwan held off on a reaction until she’d elaborated, unwilling to humiliate herself further. “And I… I haven’t given you your birthday present yet.”

Nope, not reacting until she knew what was happening. She wasn’t a complete fool. She knew she was reaching the wrong conclusion so she wouldn’t allow her legs to turn into jelly quite yet, even if they were already trying to. Her hands were getting sweaty inside her pockets but she refused to pull them out either, afraid that their shaking would give her away.

Joohyun reached for her arm, pulling her towards the bedroom by her elbow. Seungwan’s mind whizzed through so many scenarios so quickly that she was surprised her head didn’t fall off. The door opened and Joohyun turned on the light to reveal an impressive number of candles standing on every surface of the room. Then she turned to Seungwan with uncertain eyes.

Joohyun bit her lip as Seungwan took in the room, clearly waiting for Seungwan’s eyes to return to her, but the truth was that she’d already scanned every corner of the room and now she was just trying to avoid looking at Joohyun. She couldn’t even imagine how red her face must be, but she was sure it would only get worse if she got caught in those eyes.

“What’s…” she managed to croak out, still looking at a point between the bedside table and the closet. She didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure she even could, and just waited for an explanation. Because she had absolutely reached a conclusion, despite her best efforts, and now she was floundering.

“I noticed that you’ve been a little on edge lately,” Joohyun began carefully, like she was afraid she’d spook her away, and Seungwan could imagine why. She took a deep breath then continued. “I give very good massages. I took classes.”

Seungwan blinked so many times that it felt like somebody had installed a strobe light in Joohyun’s apartment. “Massages?” she asked simply. She thought back fondly to a time when she could build sentences with more than one word. “Massages,” she repeated, like she was feeling her way around the concept.

“Yes. I could give you one,” Joohyun finally supplied once it became clear that Seungwan wouldn’t be getting beyond the one word any time soon.

“Oh! Okay!” she replied with an artificial excitement that only sounded hollower given the quiet that enveloped them. She hoped some vigorous nodding would help her appear more genuine.

“That’s nice, let’s do that,” she added quickly, taking a few steps into the room. She needed a few seconds away from Joohyun’s questioning gaze that she was sure must see right into her perverted core.

“Great!” Joohyun’s voice sounded from behind her. The relief was almost palpable and it was enough to make Seungwan feel vaguely guilty that Joohyun could have been that nervous because of her. “Take off your top, then.” The guilt was immediately flushed out of her system, along with every known human emotion except possibly panic.

“Take – What?” she asked in a squeak, turning on her heel to fix pleading eyes on her captor. Joohyun smiled, holding a bottle in her hand.

“This is a proper massage. With oils and everything.”

“On my skin?” Seungwan returned redundantly.

Joohyun seemed amused by the question. “Well, yes. Unless you’d like the oils somewhere else?” Seungwan’s eyes widened even further and her hands finally slipped out of her pockets as her arms crossed over her stomach. Joohyun’s brow furrowed slightly at the action and, incredibly enough, guilt managed to leap across the terrified chaos that was Seungwan’s entire brain and land right back at the forefront of her mind. “Only if you want to,” Joohyun reassured slowly.

“No, I do, let’s do it,” Seungwan’s mouth blurted out without her permission. She immediately pulled her sweater up to cover her face before Joohyun could see her wincing at her own words. Throwing it away towards Joohyun’s desk chair, she raised her fingers to fiddle with the buttons of her shirt. Joohyun took a single step towards her and she willed her hands to stop shaking and start unbuttoning a little faster, before Joohyun could get any ideas of helping.

Thankfully, that was the moment she remembered all the candles and quickly turned her back on Seungwan to busy herself with lighting them. She paused after each one, adjusting it carefully, so that Seungwan was already undressed and lying face-down on the bed by the time Joohyun’s job was done.

Then she settled on top of Seungwan, straddling her back and running her hands along its length. She paused along the way, testing different spots with a warm and soft palm and nimble fingers.

“You’re even more tense than I’d expected,” she finally concluded, almost drawing a laugh from Seungwan, because of course she was tense. Joohyun was on top of her, she wasn’t wearing a shirt and every inch of her back was about to be carefully prodded by her apparently very skilled hands. With oils.

The laugh turned into a gasp when Joohyun’s fingers brushed against the strap of her bra. “Would you mind if I open it? Only if you want,” she added as soon as she’d made the request. “It would improve the experience.” Seungwan was glad her face was hidden from view because every one of Joohyun’s words only deepened the blush that set her entire face on fire.

She hummed something that she hoped Joohyun could decode, not very confident in her ability to speak. It seemed to work, as the small click and the sudden feeling of Joohyun’s hands running unimpeded across her back indicated. Then the hands were gone for a moment, returning coated in something smooth and cool that quickly became pleasantly warm as they moved in soothing circles.

Time moved at an agonizingly slow pace as Joohyun’s hands moved from spot to spot, pausing to work at a particular point before making another sweeping brush across the full surface of Seungwan’s back and settling somewhere else. She clenched the pillow tightly under caresses that only inflamed instead of relaxing.

Joohyun hummed. It was hard to interpret it, but she didn’t sound pleased. After another round of kneading the flesh between Seungwan’s shoulders, she huffed softly as she dragged her knuckles up and down her spine. “You’re so tight,” she muttered unhappily. Seungwan nearly choked on nothing at all. “Try to relax your muscles a little, it seems like you’re clenching them. I know that you’re a bit uncomfortable but I promise my massages can be very pleasant if you let them.”

Her hands paused on the small of Seungwan’s back as she thought. “Try to abstract yourself from the sensation. Think of nice, relaxing things,” she suggested, hands hesitantly resuming their movements. “Like your cat. Mr. Fluffers is big and furry. Think of running your hands through its fur. _His_ fur,” she corrected after a moment. Seungwan muffled a giggle at her efforts.

“His fur is very soft. When you run your hands through it, the sensation would be familiar and pleasant. And I read that cats have high internal temperatures, so he’ll be very warm as well. That should be nice at the end of a cold winter day. Think of your warm soft cat, sitting on your lap as you pet him. He might even purr. Does he purr?” Her voice was soft and she enunciated every word carefully, so that her speech had a measured, constant cadence that soothed Seungwan in its monotony.

She hummed in agreement, opening her mouth to reply with actual words but only letting out a soft sigh. Joohyun’s hands suddenly felt much better, much less like a fiery brand across her back. The attempt at relaxing her was working, even if Seungwan wasn’t thinking of Mr. Fluffers at all. It was the hypnotizing lilt of Joohyun’s words that drained away the tension in every inch of Seungwan’s body.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Joohyun said with a chuckle. She redoubled her efforts and Seungwan felt her body melt into the mattress like a hot stick of butter. She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt this good in her life and yes, that included –

She froze as a moan escaped her lips. She squeezed her eyes shut like that would somehow make the situation go away. As expected, it didn’t work. Above her, Joohyun’s hands stilled, then started moving across her back, softly, lacking any of the pressure required for a massage. Seungwan couldn’t tell whether that was good or bad.

“You’re tensed again,” Joohyun pointed out simply. Her hands continued to flutter up and down as she sighed quietly. Was she frustrated at Seungwan? She sure had a knack for eliciting that particular response lately. Joohyun’s hands paused by her shoulders and she rubbed her thumbs across the skin, the touch too light to be anything other than comforting.

“Don’t be embarrassed to make… sounds,” she said, a little hesitantly, and Seungwan could relate, because this was a very strange situation to be in with a friend. “I’m used to getting them. My massages are very good,” she added teasingly, bringing her hands back down with a little more force. Seungwan suppressed a shiver, unsure whether it was Joohyun’s touch or her voice that caused it.

“Do you want me to talk about your cat some more?” Joohyun asked softly. No, she didn’t. What she wanted was for Joohyun to flip her over, finish what she’d started with her bra and put those heavenly hands to good use. But those were very bad thoughts to have, especially with her friend still on top of her, dragging her hands along the sides of her ribs and making it increasingly harder to keep in another moan, one that would have a much more ambiguous cause.

“I think maybe,” Seungwan began with a croaky voice, only then realizing just how dry her throat had become, “that’s enough massaging for today.” She felt Joohyun’s hands pause and her index finger tap thoughtfully against her skin.

“Was it… Did you like it?” she asked after a moment of silence that felt unbearably loud.

“Yes, definitely. It was very nice.” Seungwan tried her best to keep her voice even as she waited for Joohyun’s weight to shift off of her. Instead, she felt it settle forward until Joohyun’s hair was falling over her ear and tickling her nose. “Is this part of the massage?” she asked awkwardly.

“No, this is a hug.”

“You’re going to get oil on your shirt,” Seungwan pointed out, unsure of whether she actually wanted her to move away.

It was a strange sensation to feel Joohyun shrug on top of her like that. “It’s going in the laundry anyway,” she said in a low voice. Seungwan didn’t offer up any more arguments, settling for breathing in and out slowly and letting the smell of Joohyun’s hair fill her lungs.

Eventually, Joohyun slid off her back, pausing to snap Seungwan’s bra strap back into place before getting up off the bed. Seungwan followed suit, albeit a little slowly. She felt tired and sluggish and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and wake to a less eventful day.

She shrugged into her shirt as Joohyun cycled around the room once more, putting out every candle as carefully as she’d lit it and finishing by retrieving Seungwan’s sweater and handing it to her.

They walked towards the apartment door in silence, Seungwan’s hand tightly held in Joohyun’s. Before she could leave, Joohyun pulled her into another hug, this one vertical. “Are you sure you liked your present?” she asked near her ear, hands clenching a little tightly at the fabric of her sweater.

“I did, I promise,” Seungwan replied without hesitation to ensure that Joohyun didn’t worry on her account. Joohyun seemed to accept her words and pulled away slightly. She paused halfway out of the hug and leaned to press a kiss to Seungwan’s cheek.

“Happy birthday,” she murmured, oblivious to the way Seungwan’s mind was running at full speed trying to pull her away from doing something stupid like kissing Joohyun right then and there. She took a step back and smiled shyly, just as Seungwan finally managed to inhale again.

“Yeah,” she said dazedly, turning around and nearly walking into the front door, which she hadn’t actually opened yet. She managed to stop herself before impact and get out injury-free. She waved dorkily at Joohyun as she crossed the hallway, then took a very long and tired breath as she collapsed against the door of her apartment, safely inside.

Joohyun really was going to be the death of her one of these days. One way or another.


	29. Act 3 Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads-up before we get into the fun stuff: I'll be going on vacation soon and so I won't be able to update for the next three weekends. MAAN will be back on August 24!

It took Seungwan a great effort to stop thinking about Joohyun's hands all over her naked back. It took an even greater effort to avoid imagining them anywhere else. When they spent time together and Joohyun ran her fingers over the sleeves of her sweater or clasped them around her waist so that the slightest shift could have them splayed on the sensitive skin at the small of Seungwan's back, it really took all of her willpower to keep herself composed and not slip bonelessly to the floor under the weight of her wild imagination.

Inevitably, this left her a bit more distracted than usual. Sooyoung had taken to waving her hand in front of Seungwan's face with the pained expression of someone who knew exactly what she was thinking and wished she didn't have that information. Yerim just snapped her fingers really loudly.

And of course, when Joohyun delivered another one of her strange compliments or got frustrated for no clear reason yet again, Seungwan was even more powerless than usual to study her actions and find what she'd been missing. So she nodded along, a little desperate, a little dazed, and hoped that they'd soon come back to more comprehensible topics.

It didn't help that her mind had strayed so far out of her control that she'd started seeing things. She'd look into Joohyun's eyes and see, hidden deep inside, underneath all the layers of normal human emotion that were probably actually there, a hint of something else. A little spark, so tiny that she might not even have noticed it if she hadn't been so intimately familiar with it by then. A microscopic point right at her core that whispered, “I want you, so please want me back.” She guessed that was the first sign of her slipping sanity.

They must have made for a funny sight in those moments. Joohyun with that look of frustrated concentration, carefully enunciating confusing words as she fixed demanding eyes on Seungwan, and Seungwan herself, who studied those eyes searchingly, brow furrowed, head tilted, thoughts further and further away from anything that resembled normal human logic. Not that Yerim and Sooyoung ever seemed to be having any fun with it.

But the worst part was that it had only started after that damned massage, which Seungwan still couldn't find it in herself to regret. What did that say about her? The fact that she'd been painfully in love for months, yet it was only when her libido was activated that she lost it. What kind of person did it make her? When she saw that lying little spark telling her that Joohyun wanted her, what kind of wanting was she thinking of, dreaming of, hoping for?

This wasn't what she wanted for their friendship. What if those thoughts never went away? What if she was never able to hold Joohyun’s hand and just feel happy about it? What if this was what doomed her? What doomed them? How pathetic, how utterly selfish and immature, how downright ungrateful would that be?

She had to make it up to Joohyun and push it all away. She knew she could if she tried hard enough, the only trouble was that she didn't really want to. But some things were more important than her fantasies. Joohyun was more important than anything else.

She was on her way home, late again after there had been some disruptions with her subway line. The delay meant that she wouldn't be seeing Joohyun that day and she considered the thought with a mixture of relief and disappointment.

She paused in front of her apartment door. She shouldn't be relieved that she wouldn't be seeing her friend; that was what the selfish Seungwan would feel. Good friend Seungwan would want to see Joohyun. Good friend Seungwan would go over and knock on her door and not feel like she was knocking away another piece of her sanity.

Good friend Seungwan shoved her keys back in her purse and crossed the hallway in three decisive steps. Then she took a deep breath and knocked.

Joohyun opened the door, looking fully prepared for lounging at home, in sweatpants and an unbuttoned flannel shirt over a loose t-shirt imprinted with her company logo. Her face was bare, covered only by a large pair of glasses and the few wisps of hair that had escaped her messy ponytail. She looked as beautiful as ever.

After a distracted greeting, she padded back to the sofa and recovered her laptop, which she'd left on the coffee table. Seungwan was about to apologize for intruding on her work when she realized she was watching a movie. And not just any movie.

“Are you watching The Notebook?” she asked in what she hoped was a neutral tone. She would absolutely not comment on how she'd recognized the movie in about three seconds.

“Sooyoung said she loved it,” Joohyun threw over her shoulder. Seungwan nodded from her place near the front door. She stood there awkwardly, unsure whether she should stay or leave Joohyun to her epic romance.

“Would you like that?” Joohyun asked after a pause. She studied the screen of her computer intensely. “If someone intentionally risked their life so you'd go on a date with them,” she elaborated, sounding like she was thinking out loud more than anything.

Nevertheless, she looked in Seungwan's direction, so she must be expecting an answer. Seungwan quickly deduced that she was referring to the Ferris wheel scene. “Not really? Maybe if it was Ryan Gosling,” she added with a chuckle, but that only increased the intensity of Joohyun's glare.

“What does that mean?” she almost growled, and Seungwan began to think that a confused Joohyun was a very scary Joohyun. The movie was still playing but she didn't seem to be paying any attention anymore.

“I was, um, joking. Because he's hot and sometimes when hot people do dumb stuff it ends up looking… Not as dumb,” she explained hesitantly. Joohyun's eyes were still piercing her and she'd miss half the movie at this rate. “Not that threatening suicide would ever be a good seduction technique,” Seungwan added hurriedly. It was possible that Joohyun hadn't heard that last part, given her next question.

“What if I did it?”

It was funny, because it would have been such a perfect line in a romantic movie, but the way Joohyun said it, all demanding and almost angry, like Seungwan was purposely denying her the answers that would finally make The Notebook make sense, only succeeded in infusing Seungwan with a sense of unease.

She rummaged through her mind for something to say, which was a little difficult, because how was she supposed to answer that. “Is that… Are you asking me if you're hot? Because I'm not sure if I, um, like, how to answer that?”

Joohyun sighed and finally looked away, although still not at the movie. Seungwan snuck a little relieved exhale that she hoped her neighbour wouldn't notice.

“I know what you're doing,” Joohyun said with a voice that no longer had any sharp edges. Seungwan started at her words. “I told you before, I'm not as oblivious as you think.” She fiddled with the end of her sleeve for what felt like an eternity and Seungwan suddenly wished that she’d look up at her, that her eyes would betray what was going on in her head.

“You all do it,” Joohyun continued in a clear effort at sounding casual. The relief at the knowledge that her secret was safe was followed by guilt that it had been her concern in the first place, especially when she’d clearly upset Joohyun in some way. “You look at me like you’re thinking ‘what’s that strange person doing now?’”

 A barrage of excuses and denials tried to make its way past Seungwan’s lips, but she opened her mouth to find she couldn’t say a word. Joohyun was right. She hadn’t meant any harm by it, she’d really only been trying to wrap her head around Joohyun’s actions, but she couldn’t deny that she’d done it. That she’d been doing it only moments before.

“You can just tell me what I’m doing wrong. I won’t bite,” Joohyun added with a weak chuckle, like the attempt at humour was mostly for Seungwan’s benefit. It felt weird to be having this conversation across the room, one of them sitting and the other standing, The Notebook still playing on Joohyun’s long-forgotten laptop.

Seungwan took a deep breath and resisted the urge to turn on her heel and run away from her fears. “I guess you’ve been a little… Erratic lately. It’s like you’re nice one second and then mad at me the next and I can’t figure out why,” she blurted out, and the urge to run was so much stronger now that the words were actually out.

“Oh,” Joohyun replied simply. She blinked, then she pursed her lips and nodded a few times. Her eyes were fixed on a corner of the room as she remained completely silent, completely still. Then she nodded again. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to stop doing that. Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No, no, just a little… confused.”

“I’m sorry for that. It won’t happen again,” Joohyun reassured stiffly. It was hard to tell whether she was angry at herself, or at Seungwan, or simply embarrassed. Maybe a little bit of all of them? She turned back to her laptop after a brief moment and finally returned her attention to her movie.

“It’s fine,” Seungwan mumbled, but Joohyun probably didn’t hear her. She stood in place, still a little unsure of Joohyun’s reaction. Was she mad? Should Seungwan leave? It was hard to tell what Joohyun was thinking when she could only see her profile, illuminated strangely by the unnatural light of her laptop screen.

“Um, Joohyun?” she called out hesitantly. She got her attention as she looked up to face Seungwan. She didn’t look mad, she looked…

“Do you… I mean, you probably don’t, but… Do you want some company watching the movie?” Seungwan offered, because Joohyun looked vulnerable and maybe a little upset, and of course she did. How would Seungwan feel if her friend had just told her she was some weirdo who behaved erratically?

“Sure,” Joohyun sighed out. Seungwan took a seat next to her and for once she didn’t come any closer. The few inches of distance between them suddenly felt like miles, strange and uncomfortable. Seungwan tried to focus on the screen and not think of anything else.

“Maybe you should rewind a little. You missed a couple of scenes while we were talking,” she suggested uncertainly. Joohyun only shrugged.

“I’m sure I can infer them from context,” she replied without much interest. Joohyun clearly didn’t have a lot of patience for movies.

The silence, oppressive despite the sounds of the movie cutting through it, lasted long enough for Seungwan to start nervously tapping out the seconds on her leg. Then it lasted a few minutes more. “Are you?” she asked after she couldn’t take it anymore, turning to Joohyun to see the confusion on her face. “Mad at me, I mean. Or tired of me, or something like that.”

Joohyun’s face softened a little at her words and she finally reached out, her hand landing on Seungwan’s leg and giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze. “No, of course not,” she said softly, smiling a little at Seungwan before turning back to the screen. Seungwan reached for Joohyun’s hand and grasped it tightly before she could pull it away again, a wave of relief flooding her chest when Joohyun smiled happily at the contact.

“Then you can keep doing it, if you want. As long as it’s not because you’re mad or anything,” she mumbled with some embarrassment.

“No, it was just a silly thing. Why are you sitting so far away, anyway? Can you even see the screen?” Joohyun quickly added, clearly intent on changing the subject.

“Well, your laptop is turned towards me so yes,” Seungwan replied amusedly. Joohyun took one look at her then began to rotate the computer away from Seungwan until she could only see a darkened screen showing an image irremediably distorted by the angle. She smirked at Seungwan’s offended huff and waited patiently until she closed the gap between them, letting her head rest on Seungwan’s shoulder with a contented sigh.

“I doubt it’s silly, though,” Seungwan tried again. She wanted to comfort Joohyun, beyond offering her hand to hold and her shoulder to lean on, but she wasn’t sure what to say. “You’re not the type to do silly things.”

Joohyun didn’t bother moving away from Seungwan’s shoulder to answer. “Well, I’ve done many silly things since we’ve met so that’s just bad logic on your part.” She gently squeezed Seungwan’s hand to soften any bite that her words might carry.

“What can I say? I’m a rebel like that,” Seungwan quipped immediately, eager to bring laughter to Joohyun’s lips. Instead, she only hummed thoughtfully.

“It’s not Ryan Gosling hanging off a Ferris wheel, but it’s a start,” she finally remarked, clearly teasing but still managing to bring a giant goofy grin to Seungwan’s face. She was suddenly glad that Joohyun couldn’t see it in her current position.

“Wow, that almost sounded like flirting,” she said, trying to keep her answer quick so Joohyun wouldn’t notice the effect her words had had and only really processing what she’d said when it was too late to take it back. Joohyun snorted like she’d said the funniest thing. It kind of was, when she thought about it.

“This movie is very confusing,” Joohyun complained, mercifully deciding that her snort would be answer enough for the flirting thing.

“Well, you did skip like ten minutes of it, that might be why.” Joohyun huffed out her disagreement but didn’t bother contesting Seungwan’s words. She seemed content to forget the movie entirely and settled for playing with Seungwan’s fingers while their owner gathered her thoughts. The insecurity and nerves were set aside for the time being and she basked in the comforting warmth of Joohyun’s proximity. She felt a little reassured, now that Joohyun had confirmed that they were fine. She wouldn’t lie about something like that, so they really must be fine.

As she wondered whether Joohyun would like it if she stayed around and cooked them dinner, absent-mindedly wiggling her fingers to entertain her, Seungwan realized that no distracting thoughts swarmed through her mind. Pressed against Joohyun, the only thing she felt at the moment was relief that nothing was wrong, happiness that she was wanted there.

And yet the wanting pulsed inside her, stronger than ever, constricting her heart. And she didn’t want to do anything to Joohyun, didn’t want to be taken to her bedroom or undressed right there on the sofa. She just didn’t want to go home alone at the end of the night. She wanted to stay.

(…)

Seungwan was an idiot. She'd like to consider herself an intelligent woman, but her actions insisted otherwise. What other explanation could there be for an inveterate pessimist like herself to take one look at the first clear sky of the year and decide to leave home without her overcoat? There was no way around it, she was an idiot.

She knew she’d made a mistake right away, but it was only when she got home at the end of the day and a change of clothes and a warm drink did nothing to ease the cold in her bones that she realized its extent.

The next morning, she managed to drag herself through breakfast and a hot shower before she finally gave up and crawled back into her bed. She called in sick and texted Seulgi, then fell asleep almost immediately.

Seulgi would be working through the evening and well into the night, so she came around before her shift to bring some lunch and check on her friend. As expected, all Seungwan needed to recover was bed rest and lots of fluids. In the meantime, she could take something for the stuffy nose and sore throat.

After Seulgi left, Seungwan turned to her only company, which consisted of a very comfortable cat, happily snuggled under the pile of blankets on Seungwan's bed, and the large Totoro that Seulgi helpfully brought in from the living room. She curled herself into these sources of fuzzy comfort and let time pass as she fell in and out of a fitful sleep, occasionally interrupted by bouts of coughing. In the early afternoon, she got up to eat what Seulgi had brought her, although it was hard to feel hungry when her head felt so heavy and she had to juggle breathing through her mouth and chewing.

She moved to the sofa, where she tried to pay attention to anything playing on the TV but wasn’t very successful. Eventually she gave up and picked a channel at random, gazing at the screen distractedly through watery eyes that she couldn’t manage to clear no matter how many times she tried to blink the tears away.

One good thing about being sick was the fact that her inability to follow a thought process for too long made it difficult to ruminate. All her thoughts about Joohyun either stuttered away to nothing as she found herself staring at the wall and wondering what she’d been pondering or devolved to simple considerations of how pretty and nice Joohyun was, and of how her house smelled so nice, and of how Seungwan wished she was able to smell anything at all at the moment, and then she’d turn around to blow her nose and forget what she’d been thinking about.

After some time, the TV started to hurt her head, so she returned to the bedroom and dimmed the lights, shuffling back into bed and closing her eyes to hopefully ease the pressure building behind them.

She must have fallen asleep, because when she next opened her eyes the living room had been plunged into darkness and the half-opened bedroom door only let in shade. The arrival of night meant she’d have to get up and do something about dinner soon, but she wasn’t too worried about that when the strange noises coming from outside had all her attention.

She kept hearing little yelps, punctuated by something that sounded like someone having a lot of trouble opening a sandwich they’d wrapped in aluminium foil. But it must be the world’s largest sandwich, because it just kept going, and why would someone break into Seungwan’s house to eat a sandwich?

Then she heard Mr. Fluffers meow with interest, immediately followed by an even higher-pitched yelp and some more crinkling, and she realized several things. First, that Fluffy was in the living room with the stranger. Second, that there was no sandwich and the stranger was just crinkling foil for some reason. Third, that the stranger was Joohyun. That explained the yelping.

As if on cue, Joohyun stepped into Seungwan’s bedroom, hurriedly turning around to slam the door closed. She carried a couple of plastic bags in one hand and a sheet of aluminium foil in the other and she let out a relieved sigh as soon as she confirmed that Mr. Fluffers hadn’t followed her inside.

“Um…” Seungwan attempted, not sure how to approach the situation and hoping to avoid speaking as much as possible, given the state of her throat. Nevertheless, it was enough for Joohyun to jump in place and fix wide eyes on her.

“You’re awake,” she pointed out breathlessly, still standing by the bedroom door with her bags and her… Well, Seungwan wasn’t entirely sure, but possibly her tool for distracting Mr. Fluffers? After a pause where Joohyun made no attempt to move or say anything, Seungwan nodded awkwardly to confirm that yes, she was awake.

“I was… Did I wake you up?” Joohyun asked, looking a little embarrassed. She finally started walking, taking a few steps until she was standing by Seungwan’s side, then bent down to drop the bags on the floor. She left the foil on the bedside table then straightened up and ran a hand through her hair, studying Seungwan expectantly.

“No,” she lied quickly. That seemed to bring a small smile to Joohyun’s face. “What’s with…?” she asked, pointing towards the new object on her bedside table.

“Oh, that. I saw online that cats don’t like the sound of aluminium foil, so I was hoping it would keep Mr. Fluffers away.”

Seungwan wanted to ask why Joohyun had put herself in a situation where she’d have to keep Mr. Fluffers away in the first place, but she didn’t want Joohyun to think she didn’t want her in her apartment and she didn’t know how to wrap all that in a relatively short sentence that spared her throat.

A sudden bout of coughing convinced her to drop the subject entirely and she settled for keeping quiet and listening to whatever Joohyun had to say. Her neighbour started forward worriedly at the outburst, then turned to the bedside table, where a box of tissues and a bottle of water were placed, and reached for them. Seungwan tapped on her arm and smiled reassuringly when she got Joohyun’s attention, trying to signal that she didn’t need anything.

Joohyun understood the message and retracted her arm. She sat down on the bed and captured Seungwan’s hand, patting it gently as she spoke. “Sooyoung told me you were sick. I had an extra key that she made for me and I thought, well, I’m your neighbour and your friend and I should come check on you.”

Seungwan smiled at the thought that Sooyoung had made a copy of her keys without even telling her and given it to Joohyun. Then again, she probably should have done that herself a long time ago, so she couldn’t blame her.

“How are you feeling?” Joohyun asked quietly, still holding Seungwan’s hand between both of hers. Seungwan tilted her head to the side as she shrugged, contorting her face into a slight grimace, and Joohyun seemed to understand. She leaned closer to Seungwan, inspecting her face for the marks of illness. “Do you have a fever?”

Seungwan shook her head slowly, to avoid bringing on a headache, but Joohyun didn’t look very convinced. “Did you check?” Seungwan had to shake her head again. With a huff, Joohyun brushed Seungwan’s hair away from her forehead and moved in to press her lips against it. The pressure wasn’t quite a kiss, but it was soft and comforting and Seungwan only wanted to close her eyes and fall asleep to such gentle touches.

Unfortunately, Joohyun moved away as quickly as she’d approached. “No fever,” she said approvingly. Her hand lingered behind to pat Seungwan’s hair back into place, then began to run through it, smoothing it as it must sorely need after so many hours in bed. Seungwan knew it was silly, but she felt so small and tired that she couldn’t help staring up at Joohyun with adoring eyes that implored her not to stop. Her hands twitched as she resisted the urge to pull Joohyun down by her side and snuggle against her.

“Do you want something cool on your forehead? I can go wet a towel,” Joohyun suggested after a moment, cupping Seungwan’s cheek to feel its temperature. Seungwan didn’t want her to leave so she grabbed Joohyun’s wrist as she shook her head. Joohyun smiled, dropping the topic easily, and moved her fingers back to Seungwan’s hair as she looked around the room. Her eyes landed on her own plastic bags.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, breaking contact with Seungwan to lean towards the bags and pull out their contents. “I wanted to bring you soup but I don’t have any and it takes a long time to cook. So I got some from the Chinese place next door,” she admitted sheepishly, pointing out the container. Then she waved towards the remaining boxes of food. “I also got you dinner. Since I was there already.”

A large smile grew on Seungwan’s face. Joohyun was just too nice. She was still in her work clothes and full makeup, like the only thing she’d done since getting home was free her hair from its professional ponytail, yet her actions were anything but professional, her movements and words a little shy and uncertain. And she was here, in Seungwan’s apartment. She’d braved Mr. Fluffers armed with nothing but a sheet of aluminium foil just so she could bring Seungwan some Chinese food and check her fever.

It was all too much. Affection bubbled up inside Seungwan as she looked at Joohyun. Her gentle touches, her caring words, the way she studied Seungwan expectantly, even now, like she was hoping she hadn’t messed up any of the steps in taking care of her sick friend. It all flooded Seungwan with warmth and tenderness until she could almost cry.

“I love you,” she croaked out of a scraped throat. It was only a split-second later that the words registered and the surprise threw her into a renewed coughing fit that at least gave her the opportunity to hide her face from Joohyun’s scrutiny.

“Wow, you really must have been hungry,” Joohyun joked, drawing Seungwan’s attention. She was looking at her with a teasing half-smile, ready to pass the situation off as some funny slip, even though the slight tint of her cheeks suggested that she’d been caught at least a little off guard.

On any other day, Seungwan would have laughed it off, eager to pretend it had never happened, but she was sick and she felt fragile and the thought that Joohyun would ignore her confession, accidental though it might be, brought her heart plummeting down to her feet. She struggled not to let her face show it, but Joohyun must have caught it because right away her half-smile was turning to a full smile, elated though still a little teasing as she reached out to pinch Seungwan’s cheek.

“And I love you too,” she said simply, so easy and careless that it felt like she would have finished the sentence with “obviously” if it didn’t make her sound a little callous. It almost made Seungwan wish she hadn’t responded after all, because it made it so glaringly obvious that they meant very different things. She hid her face under the bedsheets, hoping to pass it off as embarrassment, and let her disappointment show freely under the protective cover.

Joohyun’s hand landed on her hair, the only part of her head that was still exposed, and patted it a few times as Joohyun let out a small chuckle. The comforting touch pulled Seungwan out of her thoughts and she wished yet again that she could pull Joohyun to lie down beside her. Everything would be so much easier if she could just rest in her arms for a little while.

“Now I’ll go get a spoon so you can eat your soup. I’ll be right back,” Joohyun added with a gentle voice, anticipating Seungwan’s whine of protest. She did try shooting out a hand blindly and stopping Joohyun in her tracks, but she dodged it easily, or maybe she’d never been in its path in the first place, since she was already halfway across the room when Seungwan peeked out from under the covers.

When Joohyun opened the door, a plaintive meow sounded from the cat that was firmly stationed on the other side, demanding access to the room where all the people were. She jumped with a screech, which startled Mr. Fluffers so badly that he took off towards the kitchen at full speed. In a flash, the door was slammed shut again and Joohyun leaned against it, looking like she’d just faced death.

“Why was he right there?” she asked with barely concealed terror. Seungwan couldn’t help but smile slightly at the sight as she brought herself up to a sitting position.

“We’re here,” she explained in as loud a whisper as she could manage. She reached for the water bottle on her bedside table in the hope that it would soothe her throat a little.

“Well, that’s no reason for him to come in. Aren’t cats supposed to be wary of strangers?” Joohyun complained, babbling a little in her panic. In the meantime, Seungwan finished drinking and turned to swing her legs off the bed. “Wait, you can’t get out of bed, you’re sick!”

She paused, halfway into the movement, and looked quizzically at Joohyun. “He’s in the kitchen,” She hoped the short statement would be enough for Joohyun to understand that yes, Seungwan did have to get out of bed, because she was the only one of the two capable of occupying the same room as the cat and, as luck would have it, all the spoons in the apartment had been stored in the kitchen.

Joohyun’s eyes widened a little, but she didn’t move away from the door. “No, stay there. I can do this, I just need a minute,” she insisted, even as she took large calming breaths that seemed to be doing nothing to ease her panic.

Seungwan wasn’t sure whether Joohyun was more stubborn or more afraid of cats, but she did know that they didn’t have enough time to wait for the two sides of her to battle it out, not if they wanted to eat their dinner before it had gone completely cold. She reached out to pick up the aluminium foil, then paused just as she was going to crumple into a ball.

“Open the door,” she commanded, pointedly ignoring the way Joohyun immediately opened her mouth to protest it. She only looked her in the eye, eyebrows raised in expectation, until Joohyun relented, or maybe assured herself that Seungwan wouldn’t get up if she did, and slowly pulled the door open. “Now, uh, hide behind it,” she added a little more uncertainly. Joohyun’s brow furrowed and she looked vaguely betrayed, but she obeyed quickly enough.

“And please don’t yell,” Seungwan finally requested as she started to crumple up the foil into a small ball. In a couple of seconds, Mr. Fluffers was back from the kitchen and studying the noisy object with interest. Seungwan bounced it from hand to hand, scraping her nails against it from time to time as Fluffy took slow, cautious steps into the room. Finally, she threw it a short distance, so that it landed by her side on the bed, and Mr. Fluffers pounced on it with enthusiasm.

“Go now,” she said in a neutral voice, trying not to draw the cat’s attention. From the corner of her eye, she saw Joohyun dash out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Fluffy jumped at the sound, then lost all interest in his new toy as he found a closed door, his greatest enemy. With a sigh, Seungwan got out of bed and scooped him up before he could start crying at his cruel fate. She slipped back under the sheets, still cradling him, and dropped him by her side.

“We have a guest, so you have to behave, ok baby?” she asked in a whisper that barely made any sound. There was no point in straining her throat to talk to a cat. Instead, she focused her efforts on petting him softly and regularly until he seemed a little more conformed to his fate. He’d probably get up once Joohyun arrived, but she could always try.

They’d both settled back into bed by the time the door opened and Mr. Fluffers barely bothered to crane his neck at the sound. On her part, Joohyun was able to come in without any yelping, even though she almost fell back out of the room when she saw him curled up on the bed. She brandished a spoon, looking a little pale as she edged her way around the room until she reached Seungwan’s side.

“If you let him smell you, he won’t bother you anymore,” Seungwan tried in a soft voice. She held out her hand, hoping that Joohyun would trust her enough to take up her offer. Although her eyes never strayed from the dozing form in the middle of the bed, Joohyun eventually allowed Seungwan to take her hand and guide it closer to Fluffy. He opened his eyes lazily and watched the approaching limb with little concern. As it neared his snout, Joohyun’s grip on Seungwan so tight that it was a little painful, he raised his head and gave it an experimental whiff. He seemed satisfied, as he licked the hand a couple of times then returned to his nap.

“He likes you,” Seungwan concluded with a smile. Joohyun didn’t seem even close to convinced, but she nodded stiffly. Trying her best to avoid all noise, she gave Seungwan the container of soup and the spoon.

Instead of eating, Seungwan shifted to the side until there was enough space for Joohyun to squeeze in. She tilted her head towards the rest of the food and waited for Joohyun to join her, hand hovering above her soup. Seeing that Seungwan wouldn’t eat without her company, Joohyun gave in and sat by her side with a carton of food and a pair of chopsticks.

The soup was warm and delicious and it made everything inside Seungwan feel a little more settled and a little less sickly. Even her throat seemed a little soothed as she swallowed it down. After eating it, she felt too comfortable and satisfied to move on to anything more solid, so she just let her head fall back against the pillows that were stacked behind her as Joohyun finished her noodles.

“How do you feel?” Joohyun asked softly, her words piercing through the haze of sleep that had descended on Seungwan the moment she’d closed her eyes. Opening them again, she found Joohyun studying her, the cartoon of food already on the bedside table. She wore a small smile, fond but concerned. Seungwan wanted to wipe away the worry and in her half-asleep state she almost pulled up her hand to physically wipe at Joohyun’s lips. She realized the futility of the action as she was halfway to Joohyun’s face and let out a giggle that must have confused Joohyun. She settled for curling her arm around Joohyun’s and moving a little closer to her.

“Better,” she whispered then, resting her head on Joohyun’s shoulder to mirror their usual position. Her friend raised her free hand to comb through Seungwan’s hair slowly, the motion soothing in its regularity. “Thank you,” Seungwan finally added, with little hope that Joohyun would understand what she meant.

She wasn’t just thanking her for the soup or the company or the shoulder under her head, but most of all for caring enough to do all she did and looking at Seungwan like she really, honestly liked her. And, of course, for always making Seungwan feel better so easily, like her mere presence was enough to push everything else away. But she doubted Joohyun would get all that from a simple thank you, so she squeezed her arm a little tighter and burrowed a little deeper into the crook of her neck, hoping that maybe Joohyun would feel her gratitude in the contact of their skin.

Seungwan’s body pivoted slowly until she was turned completely in Joohyun’s direction, her face so close to Joohyun’s neck that the tip of her nose brushed against it. She would have come even closer, but she didn’t want to get snot on Joohyun so she settled for this short distance. The woman in her arms was strangely tense and Seungwan worried that she’d overstepped somehow. She was sick, after all, and breathing her sickly breath right into Joohyun’s neck, which couldn’t be a very nice sensation. In general, she was much closer than anyone would like to be to an ill person. As much as she wanted to lean into Joohyun and fall asleep against her, she couldn’t be selfish like that.

Slowly, she disentangled her arms, which had somehow found their way around Joohyun’s waist, and began to move backwards, away from the enticing source of comfort and human warmth. Joohyun’s hand slid down from her head, halting its caresses, and it lay uselessly on her lap for only a moment before it was reaching out for Seungwan.

“If you want, we can keep…” she began hesitantly, and the pause in her words only confirmed what Seungwan had predicted. Joohyun would stay unpleasantly close to her if she really wanted it, especially willing to sacrifice herself to bring some comfort to her sick friend, but Seungwan wouldn’t do that to her. She slid down until her whole body rested on the mattress, then leaned her head forward just enough to brush against Joohyun’s thigh. That would do, although she wouldn’t say no if Joohyun’s hand returned to her hair.

“Are you going to sleep now? Should I go?” Joohyun asked in a low, worried voice. Seungwan’s brow furrowed unhappily. Why would she go? She lifted her head to communicate her displeasure with the suggestion and saw that mixture of fondness and concern, now shining in Joohyun’s eyes. She gripped the hem of Joohyun’s shirt, balling it tightly in her fist to ensure that she wasn’t going anywhere. Joohyun’s eyes cleared at the action and Seungwan couldn’t stop herself as the fist pulled Joohyun down, inexorably, not stopping until she was sliding down to face Seungwan on the bed.

Yes, she was selfish. But she was also sick, and maybe that was one of the few times when she got to be selfish. So she burrowed into Joohyun as soon as they were side by side, sighing in contentment as she felt arms enclosing her in a safe cocoon of Joohyun, letting her eyes slip shut as a hand returned to the top of her head and began scratching gently.


	30. Act 3 Part 4

When Seungwan awoke, Joohyun was fast asleep, still encasing her in warm arms. Her work clothes were wrinkled and she’d never taken off her makeup, which couldn’t be good for her skin. The cold light drifting in from the living room hinted at the coming sunrise. They’d slept through the entire night like this, in each other’s arms. They hadn’t even remembered to put the leftovers in the fridge and now she’d have to dump it all in the trash.

She shifted a little, testing the strength of Joohyun’s grip and the odds of escaping it unnoticed. As soon as she’d moved, the arms around her tightened and a low sound of protest escaped Joohyun. Seungwan’s face was still burrowing into Joohyun’s shoulder, so she couldn’t see her expression, but she could imagine the furrowed brows, the eyes scrunching up in displeasure.

“Joohyun,” she began softly, her voice a little muffled as she spoke into Joohyun’s shirt. Her captor hummed in response but made no move to release her. “You have to go to work,” she tried, pulling back an arm so she could poke Joohyun’s side for emphasis. Joohyun barely seemed to register the words, muttering something about skipping it then pulling Seungwan closer. She stretched her legs and reached out to entangle them in Seungwan’s.

That was around the time that Seungwan shed the last of her sleepy haze and suddenly became very aware of their position. Joohyun was warm from sleep and the heat emanating from her skin made Seungwan’s thoughts fuzzy and disjointed, all of her attention focused on the sensation. Her own pyjama top had ridden up slightly during the night and now Joohyun’s hands rested just above bare skin, so that every move she made to tighten or readjust her grip drew a thrill of something between anticipation and panic in Seungwan’s chest.

And then Joohyun’s legs started brushing against her own as she attempted to bring their bodies even closer together and this was definitely not something Seungwan’s heart could handle. She was glad she was the one with her head by Joohyun’s chest and not the other way around, because she could feel her own heartbeat in her ears and it didn’t sound healthy at all.

“Joohyun,” she tried again, a little embarrassed at how her voice came out in a thin squeak. At least her throat seemed more cooperative than the day before. “I, uh, I think it’s time for my medicine.” She couldn’t actually see the clock from her current position, but it was an excuse and that was all that mattered at the moment.

Joohyun’s arms immediately jolted aside, allowing Seungwan to shift backwards until she had enough space to sit up. A quick sweep of the room let her know that Mr. Fluffers had moved to the sofa, which was probably for the best. A glance at her bedside table informed her that Joohyun would definitely be late for work.

Her neighbour remained horizontal, only rolling over on her back and raising her hands to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “Sorry,” she finally said, a little sheepishly, but Seungwan barely registered the word. Joohyun’s voice was rough from sleep, a little lower and huskier, and it sounded absolutely sinful. “I got a little clingy, didn’t I?”

Seungwan hummed distractedly before she realized that she should be disagreeing. “No, it’s fine. I mean, I kind of started it last night,” she rushed to add, inwardly groaning at the way her voice dipped back into a squeak at the last two words.

She quickly moved on from the subject, getting up from the bed to take her medicine and making a few teasing comments about how Joohyun seemed to be putting on her best impression of Sleeping Beauty. Her neighbour endured it peacefully, only really reacting when Seungwan informed her of the time, at which point she jerked upright, paused for a second to study her wrinkled clothes with a frown, then jumped off the bed entirely and hurried to her own apartment after checking that Seungwan was alright. Judging by the silence as she left, she probably didn’t even notice the cat that must be on the sofa.

Alone again, Seungwan picked up her phone to answer Seulgi’s messages, sent after her shift had ended. There was also a text from Sooyoung, letting her know that Joohyun would be dropping by. That had been nice of her, even if Seungwan hadn’t noticed it at the time. She quickly answered it to thank her, then left the bedroom to make some breakfast.

As she munched on a piece of toast, taking small bites to spare her throat, her mind returned to Sooyoung’s text. There was a time when she wouldn’t have said anything at all, letting Joohyun invade Seungwan’s apartment with no warning, so it was certainly nice that she’d thought to let her know.

But it was a little… short. Dry. It conveyed the necessary information but carried no particular tone. There were no innuendos or winky faces. Which was such a dumb thing to worry about that Seungwan couldn’t even say it out loud. Sooyoung had probably been busy, working on some project or attending class or just chatting to someone else.

Yet she worried. She couldn’t help it; she’d been spoiled by years of friendship with Seulgi and now any text message that didn’t come with emojis seemed cold and detached.

It was probably nothing. It would be dumb to ask. She’d sound like some insecure high-schooler, asking her friends if they were mad at her. Besides, what would Sooyoung even be mad about?

Well, Joohyun. Not mad, but definitely frustrated. Seungwan saw it in her eyes, in Yerim’s too. They were tired of waiting and Seungwan couldn’t blame them. She’d promised Seulgi she’d try, hadn’t she? And Sooyoung, kind of. Even on that evening weeks ago, when Sooyoung had told her about her feelings for Seulgi, the last thing she’d told her before she’d left was that she had to try. To tell Joohyun.

And she hadn’t. In fact, she was becoming increasingly convinced that she couldn’t. Just the previous night, she’d said the words out loud and immediately fear had gripped her heart at the mere thought that she might lose Joohyun. Besides, Joohyun had been quick to assert her friendly affection, so wouldn’t it just be reckless of Seungwan to keep trying? She wasn’t Sooyoung, she couldn’t risk losing a friend or ruining a friendship just so she could get something off her chest when she already knew she didn’t have a chance.

The truth was that, no matter what she told her friends, she had already more or less made up her mind. She just didn’t want to tell them because they’d try to argue, they’d get frustrated, they’d insist. And she really didn’t want them to insist because she was tired and scared and not very good at this and they kept pushing.

She knew they wanted her to be happy. She knew they thought she’d find that happiness if she only told Joohyun how she felt. She knew they were only getting upset on her behalf, because they thought she could do better. But she didn’t think she could do better and they just kept pushing.

Mr. Fluffers had gotten up from his nap and he stepped onto Seungwan’s lap tentatively, trying to reach the plate with her half-eaten toast. “That’s not for cats,” she said distractedly, lifting it out of its reach. He lay back down, his back paws on the sofa and his front ones on Seungwan’s leg, and fixed his unimpressed eyes on her.

Reaching out with her free hand, she petted his head gently until his eyes slipped closed. “I wish people were more like cats,” she sighed out, keeping her voice low for his benefit. “You might be a little hard to read, but you never do anything you don’t mean.”

People were so much scarier. They could be lying, not necessarily out of meanness or coldness or selfishness, but even in an effort to spare her feelings. She couldn’t really trust that they meant it when they said they cared, that everything was fine, that she was worth it – whatever _it_ might be at the time.

“I guess Joohyun is a little like you, isn’t she?” she mused. Joohyun didn’t really lie, even if she might say some pretty confusing things and spring some unpleasant surprises on Seungwan. When she said something, Seungwan believed that she meant it. She sighed again, letting her head fall against the back of the sofa. “I’m the one who isn’t.”

She wished she could will away all the lies and secrets. She wished she could start over and make all the right choices, the ones that would land her just where she was but without any of the pesky feelings that kept getting between her and her friends, in one way or another.

She wished Joohyun felt the same way. She wished it so very badly. She wished it with every inch of her body. So maybe she was just a hypocrite.

(…)

It was Joohyun’s birthday. For Yerim’s, earlier in the month, they’d had a surprise party. They’d even contacted Saeron, so that they could all act like they hadn’t prepared anything, which supposedly was what Yerim wanted, or so she stubbornly insisted. By the end of the day, when Saeron dragged a sulking Yerim to the park by the campus to find Sooyoung, Seungwan, Joohyun and even Seulgi casually waiting for her on a bench, she’d let out a squeal that she insisted was a surprised yelp. Then they’d gone out for dinner and ice cream afterwards.

This wouldn’t be such a good idea for Joohyun, since she didn’t really like going out and she particularly disliked surprises. Instead, they settled for the usual plan of spending the evening at her apartment, although this time the food and drinks would be provided by the guests. It fell on a Friday, so at least they could celebrate for as long as they wanted and nobody had to think about early classes or work the next day.

Seungwan was worried. Joohyun had claimed that she knew just what she wanted as a birthday present from her and that Seungwan shouldn’t bother getting her anything because she’d let her know on the day. This was exactly the kind of thing that kept Seungwan up at night, especially after she’d tried to insist and Joohyun had flat-out told her that she’d get upset if Seungwan showed up on the day with anything resembling a present.

Her only concession was that Seungwan could bake her birthday cake, which she happily did, because then she’d at least have something to soften the blow when Joohyun asked her for something that she had no idea how to do or that she was terrible at. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure what she should be worried about, since she couldn’t begin to imagine what Joohyun would request. Her brain helpfully took this as a cue to worry about everything, of course.

Soon enough it was Joohyun’s birthday and Seungwan walked into her apartment carrying nothing but the cake and a lot of stress. Joohyun greeted her excitedly, replied effusively to her wishes of a happy birthday and took the cake from her hands, but she didn’t mention the subject of a birthday present. For a brief, horrible moment, Seungwan wondered if she’d dreamed up the whole thing and now she was just the idiot who hadn’t bought her friend a gift, but then Joohyun was back and whispering in her ear about how she was glad she didn’t have to get upset at her and she breathed out with relief.

With all five of them present and alcohol available, the topic of drinking games didn’t take long to arise. Seungwan had reached a point in her relationship with the demon children where she knew better than to argue these things, so she only shrugged as they went over the full list of suggestions. It did help that Seulgi was there, sandwiched between them, ready to keep them from ganging up on her best friend.

“Never have I ever!” Yerim exclaimed excitedly, and even Sooyoung looked dubious at that one.

“I think you’ve already drunk enough if that’s what you’re going to suggest,” Seungwan said, entirely unimpressed. She really liked her newfound confidence around the youngest two, born out of their growing proximity and also a little out of the alcohol she’d had.

“What’s wrong with it?” Yerim riposted with petulantly furrowed brows, gripping her beer a little tighter just in case somebody had any ideas.

“Well,” Sooyoung cut in with a look of boredom that seemed carefully cultivated to annoy Yerim. “I for one am not particularly interested in playing a game where we learn all about people’s past experiences. And I’d think that you, as the only one of us currently in a relationship, would be the most invested in picking something else to play.”

“Me? What about Seungwan?” Yerim asked incredulously. “She’s the one with all the past relationships,” she added, aiming an antagonistic glare at the subject of her accusations. Seungwan immediately snuck a glance at the kitchen, where Joohyun was getting a refill of her gin and tonic. She needed to change the topic quickly.

“Yes, and do you really want to know more about them?” she pointed out with a raised brow. “Remember the hot tub?”

Yerim’s features crinkled into a grimace of disgust. “Now I do!” she complained unhappily. “Fine, we’ll play something else. You didn’t have to stoop so low.”

“It’s literally the point of the game,” Seungwan said tiredly. Sooyoung snorted at that and Seulgi smiled in amusement.

They eventually decided to play more innocuous drinking games, spending an impressive amount of time playing fizz buzz and never actually managing to get through a round successfully, even as they set the target number lower and lower. The main problem was Yerim, who never managed to grasp the rules and kept losing on the first round.

“Yerim, for the last time,” Sooyoung growled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You say fizz on multiples of three and buzz on multiples of five. That’s literally the only rule. How do you keep messing this up?”

Yerim shrugged, a little unsteady from all the penalty drinks she’d taken. “I don’t know, numbers are dumb, okay?”

“That’s it, I call a vote to kick Yerim out of the game,” Sooyoung said, already raising her hand. Joohyun’s hand shot up after her, the frustration at their string of failures obvious on her slightly tipsy face. Seungwan shrugged and joined them, leaving a hesitant Seulgi alone on Yerim’s side.

“The people have spoken, you’re out,” Sooyoung told Yerim, who only shrugged again and slumped against the sofa to watch the other four give it another try.

The game continued for a few more rounds, most of the drinking falling to Seulgi, who wasn’t very good with quick thinking and numbers. The others also had their share of losses, even Joohyun, who looked absolutely disappointed in herself whenever it happened. Seungwan suspected that she’d be a lot better at the game if she weren’t already halfway to drunk when they started.

During a pause, Sooyoung poked at Yerim, who sat slumped to the side, hunched over her phone as she typed an endless string of messages. She smirked evilly and pulled the device from her hands, holding it above her head so Yerim couldn’t retrieve it and inspecting the screen.

“Wow, you are not afraid to double text,” she commented with a giggle. Instead of replying with her usual aggressive posture, Yerim only rolled over on the sofa and whined, wiggling her arms in the direction of the phone. “How does Saeron put up with this? You sent her like 15 texts in a row.”

Sooyoung scrolled through the messages, feigning disgust as she read them. “’Saeron, I’ve been ostracized’. Except she spelled it really wrong. How do you even get it that wrong?” She turned to Yerim questioningly, but the latter only widened her eyes to point out that it was a difficult word and she was drunk.

“’Saeron you’re the only one who really cares about me’. Then a couple of messages with just heart emojis. She basically cycled through them all.”

Seungwan looked between the two, torn between amusement and concern. “Hey, uh, is this cool? To be reading Yerim’s texts out loud?” Yerim turned to her and shrugged, muttering something that sounded like “s’okay”. That settled it. She leaned against Joohyun and continued to watch the show.

Sooyoung giggled before continuing. “Then she sent an emoji of a parabolic antenna and said ‘why does this emoji even exist lol’ and then another message saying ‘hey honey brb just going up to the roof to fix the’ and then the parabolic antenna emoji again.” She narrowed her eyes in confusion, moving her head a little closer to the screen. “There’s just a lot of typos, wow. This is barely legible.”

Seungwan felt the vibrations of Joohyun’s giggles and turned to her curiously.

“Aren’t they cute? Yerim and Saeron.”

“Well, so far it’s just been Yerim,” Seungwan pointed out with a smile.

“It’s not just the messages. It’s cute how they care about each other and are always texting back and forth,” Joohyun carried on, a little spark of affection in her eyes. “And it’s nice, how open she is with Saeron. She clearly makes her very happy, I’m glad she has someone like that in her life. That she’s not afraid to show vulnerability with her.”

“And then Saeron texts back to say ‘I’m guessing you’ll be hungover tomorrow’ and Yerim says ‘Saeron you’re here finally I love you so much’ and then more heart emojis,” Sooyoung’s voice cut in. Seulgi had moved to Yerim’s side and rubbed her arm gently as Yerim seemed to be over the babbling phase of her inebriation and moving towards sleepy.

“Aww, Saeron said ‘I love you too’ and sent a bunch of heart emojis back,” Sooyoung cooed as a peaceful smile spread on Yerim’s face. “I’m going to text her that we’re bringing her girlfriend back. And then maybe we should go?” she added, looking questioningly at Seulgi. They were much better off than Yerim but they had all reached a tolerable level of drunk and would be safer leaving it at that.

Joohyun’s smile grew wider as she watched the other three, the older two doing their best to convince Yerim to leave the sofa and stand upright long enough to put on her coat. She reached over with her free hand to entangle her fingers in Seungwan’s. On her part, Seungwan had been careful not to drink too much, ensuring that she could maintain a grip on the situation and keep her thoughts from straying too far. She squeezed Joohyun’s hand and gave her a reassuring smile, proud of how functional she still was.

After they’d said their goodbyes and managed to pry Yerim away from Joohyun, whom she insisted on hugging again and again because it was her birthday, all three walked out, Seulgi and Sooyoung supporting Yerim between them. The two college students would take a taxi home, stopping by Seulgi’s place on the way.

That left only Seungwan and Joohyun in the apartment, the sudden quiet somehow setting Seungwan’s nerves on edge. Joohyun turned to her, face set in eerie purpose, and she suspected that her fears were about to be confirmed.

“Now we can talk about my birthday present,” Joohyun said with a blinding smile, the flash of white teeth reminding Seungwan a little too much of a predator cornering its next meal.

“Are you sure? It’s a little late. Maybe tomorrow –,“ she attempted, but Joohyun’s index finger tapped on her lips to silence her and she could do nothing more than obey.

“No, it has to be now,” Joohyun explained with wide eyes. “I want you to sleep over,” she finally requested, growing giddy at her own words.

Seungwan’s heart fell to her feet. She really should have seen it coming. Ever since the time Joohyun had fallen asleep at her apartment and they’d spent the night in Seungwan’s bed, she’d tried again and again to get Seungwan to return the action. Seungwan had always refused, of course, because it had only been the drowsiness of the medication and her sick state that had allowed her the peace of mind to fall peacefully to sleep in Joohyun’s arms. In any other situation, she knew it could only go as poorly as it had the last time she’d tried it, when she’d considered locking herself in Joohyun’s bathroom until morning.

But it was Joohyun’s birthday and she’d brought her nothing else, so how could she refuse the one request she had? She gasped in horror at her predicament. “You did that on purpose! Now I have to say yes or I’ll be the horrible friend who didn’t get you a birthday present!” she complained loudly, smacking Joohyun’s shoulder so gently that she barely felt it.

Joohyun’s smile grew, her eyes glinting with mischievous pride. “Yes,” she admitted easily. “So come on, I’ll get you something to sleep in.” She got up, putting an end to the discussion as she pulled Seungwan towards the bedroom.

She spluttered uselessly, trying to pull back, but Joohyun was surprisingly strong. “Wait, wait, I’m not – Are you sure you don’t want anything else? Like some really expensive jewellery, or maybe a pony? I can get you a pony, everybody wants a pony,” she rambled desperately. Joohyun stopped in her tracks.

“I’m afraid of animals, Seungwan, why would I want a pony?” she asked with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Seungwan deflated under her gaze, looking dejectedly towards the bedroom, and Joohyun followed her eyes with a sigh. “Of course, you don’t have to sleep here if you don’t want to. You can get me something else, I won’t mind,” she said in a sad voice, eyes downcast.

“But… It’s my birthday, and I’d really like for you to stay here and sleep with me. Just tonight?” she requested one final time, her hands on Seungwan’s and her eyes wide and pleading. Her lips jutted into a slight pout and Seungwan melted like putty in her hands.

“Fine, okay, just tonight,” she grumbled, and she knew very well that it wouldn’t be just tonight if Joohyun really set her mind to it, because she was incapable of denying her anything when she made that face.

So quickly that Seungwan felt like she might have been tricked, the clouds in Joohyun’s eyes cleared and she was beaming brightly, turning back around to continue their trek towards the bedroom.

“And I get to do whatever I want to you,” Joohyun declared merrily just as she opened the door. Seungwan froze in place, legs suddenly deciding that they didn’t know how walking worked anymore.

She cleared her throat before speaking, hoping that she wouldn’t squeak out her words. “What does that mean? Exactly?”

Joohyun had taken a few steps into the room and now turned back to face her with curiosity. “Well, what’s the point of having you in my bed if you’re just curled up in the corner?” she said like it was a rhetorical question. Seungwan would have liked to ask what was the point of being in her bed at all, but she refrained from posing another question that Joohyun would have laughed off as obvious.

“I mean,” she continued after a pause, seeing that Seungwan remained rooted to the spot. “That you’re going to be my little spoon. Unless you have strong feelings about being the big spoon, in which case go ahead,” she added pleasantly, then turned to her dresser to find sleeping clothes for Seungwan.

There was no way out of it. Not unless she wanted to hurt Joohyun’s feelings. She could always sneak back to the kitchen, find that gin and ensure that she became too drunk to even feel Joohyun’s hands on her. The fact that she entertained that idea at all told her that she’d already had enough to drink. Plus, she might overshoot it and pass out or, even worse, undershoot it and do something she’d regret.

Then again, she was already doing something she’d regret, so maybe that ship had sailed. She sighed and stepped forward to receive the pair of sweatpants and long-sleeved t-shirt that Joohyun handed her. They were softened by frequent use and smelled strongly of fabric softener, flowery and gentle on the senses and just familiar enough to lull her to sleep with a single whiff.

Dropping the clothes on the bed, she reached for the hem of her sweater and began to pull it off. She was too tired for modesty and it wasn’t like Joohyun would care. She’d certainly seen it before. The sweater went tumbling over her head, the sloppy motion leaving her hair in disarray, and she put on the t-shirt in its place, hands reaching out to pat down stray strands of hair as soon as she was done.

She looked behind her to find that Joohyun had disappeared. “Joohyun?” she called out as she folded her sweater to put it away on the desk.

“In the bathroom,” Joohyun’s voice drifted in from outside the bedroom, and the sound of running water finally filtered through Seungwan’s distracted mind. “I’m washing my face, you can come brush your teeth when you’re done changing.” After she spoke, there was a series of splashing sounds then the slight squeak of a closing tap as the water trickled to a halt.

Seungwan quickly stepped out of her jeans and into the comfortable sweatpants, thankful that Joohyun was as short as her, then joined her in the bathroom, where she was offered a toothbrush. She suggested going across the hall to get her own, but Joohyun immediately clung to her arm like she suspected that Seungwan would take the opportunity to escape her predicament.

Too soon for Seungwan’s taste, they were curled up under the sheets of Joohyun’s bed, Seungwan near the edge with legs protectively pulled up to her chest, Joohyun behind her with an arm thrown over her waist and her face just close enough to Seungwan’s back that every breath hit her neck even if no actual physical contact was made.

She wanted to lean into Joohyun’s comforting warmth and let it ease the tension away from her limbs but her mind, fuzzy with alcohol and fatigue as it was, refused to stop whirring away.

She’d always liked being held, the way the physical sense of security would compensate for the uncertainty that chased her through every relationship. In those moments, she could close her eyes and pretend that they’d remain that way forever, focus on the arms around her and not on the questions in her mind. The way Joohyun’s arms held her close enough to feel her steady breathing on her back, smell her shampoo, hear the steady cadence of every inhale and exhale was strikingly familiar, almost deceptive. It made her feel like she could curl back, rest her hands on the arm keeping her in place and twist her head to land a good night’s kiss on waiting lips.

It made her feel a lot more. Like muscle memory, it reminded her of hands that started out gentle and still but soon began to draw circles on her stomach, to burrow under her shirt and reach ever higher. The hot air hitting her neck brought with it ghost lips, pressing against the sensitive skin with pecks that grew to kisses, until teeth and tongue were involved and she couldn’t help tilting her head backwards and reaching out behind her with jittery legs. Then the wandering hand would slowly make its way downwards, or maybe she’d simply be turned around to meet shortened breaths that matched her own, eagerness that felt electrifying even before it was put to action.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun asked softly, right near her ear, and she nearly jumped off the bed. Her throat felt dry and the hand on her midriff seemed to be branding unbearable heat on her skin. She hummed to confirm that she was listening. “Is everything alright?”

The question was ominous. Had Joohyun felt her racing heartbeat? It certainly seemed like it was thrumming through her entire body. She took a silent breath and willed her body to release some of its tension, relaxing the muscles.

“With us,” Joohyun added in a quiet voice, and it took her even more by surprise. She wanted to see Joohyun’s face, to check what emotions might be showing on it, but she was too afraid that she’d turn around and be faced with something she couldn’t resist.

“What do you mean? Of course we’re alright,” she assured quickly, hesitantly bringing up her hand to pat Joohyun’s arm. She felt an exhale that must have been a sigh, then she was pulled in a little tighter against Joohyun as her face burrowed into Seungwan’s back.

“Are you sure?”

She fidgeted, guilt returning to settle in her chest. This was her fault. She couldn’t keep pushing Joohyun away, acting like her touches were unwelcome. Running away to the edge of the bed like Joohyun had cornered her. “Sometimes it feels like… Like I push too much. Like you want space, but you don’t know how to say it without hurting my feelings.”

Her free hand curled into a fist by her side. She shouldn’t do this now, it was a bad time. She was tired and not entirely sober and in Joohyun’s bed. But Joohyun’s words felt like needles sticking to her skin. Jabbing at her. Guilt, blossoming freely.

“Joohyun,” she started uncertainly. Then she paused, just long enough to gather her thoughts and slow down her racing heart. “I love you.” She tried to infuse every word with her feelings, to let it out into the silent darkness of the room, until the confession spread to every corner and saturated the air with inevitability.

The hand on her waist tightened, crumpling the fabric of her t-shirt into a fist. “I know that,” Joohyun replied in a watery voice, and Seungwan could swear that the pain was actually physical, like a blow to the chest. “But I -“

She couldn’t let Joohyun keep talking, because she knew that whatever she said would only feed the void chewing up her heart. “And you love me too, right?” she asked to cut her off, trying her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice. It was selfish, selfish, selfish to take it out on Joohyun. To act like this was anyone’s fault but her own.

“I do,” Joohyun replied quickly, already sputtering syllables to get back on track because Seungwan’s confession did nothing to assuage her fears, because it wasn’t even a confession to her.

“Then everything’s fine,” she continued, voice a little louder to overpower Joohyun’s soft protests. “If that’s how I feel, and that’s how you feel, then everything has to be fine, doesn’t it?”

She patted the arm around her waist for emphasis, letting her body inch closer to Joohyun’s in a sacrifice that she hoped would silence her. She needed Joohyun to stop arguing before she started crying, before she humiliated herself.

Joohyun kept quiet for so long that Seungwan began to hope she’d fallen asleep. Then there was a tap at her waist and she held her breath in fearful expectation.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun asked in such a soft voice that Seungwan could barely hear it. She sounded painfully timid and it tugged at Seungwan’s heart, made her regret words that she clearly hadn’t wiped of all bitterness. “There’s something else I wanted for my birthday.”

“What is it?” she asked quickly, eager to please Joohyun, bring a smile back to her voice.

“It’s spring now. Can we go back to the park? Take another photograph?”

“Of course. But that’s not a birthday present, that’s the promise I made on Christmas,” Seungwan pointed out with a tap on Joohyun’s hand. Maybe she should let her hand rest over hers. She’d like that.

Joohyun giggled and a smile spread itself over Seungwan’s face without warning. “Of course, you’re right. I was just…” Checking, Seungwan thought, and the smile faltered. Checking, because Seungwan had promised but now she was pulling away. “Reminding you.”

Seungwan only hummed, accepting Joohyun’s explanation. She settled her arm over Joohyun’s, thumb brushing over the back of her hand, and let silence wash over them as she waited for sleep to come. It was hard to tell whether Joohyun’s breathing had acquired the steady cadence of sleep, so she remained motionless on her corner of the bed as the hours passed, thumb still moving slowly across the soft skin. Eventually, the movement faltered as her eyelids fluttered shut for the last time. She fell asleep to the sound of a soft sigh that she didn’t remember letting out.


	31. Act 3 Part 5

The next weekend, Seungwan borrowed Seulgi’s camera and she and Joohyun went to the park again. Spring had only just arrived, chasing out the last hints of frost with light steps. Everywhere, life began anew with timid but unmistakeable bursts of green that coated the trees and the ground in long-missed colour.

Seungwan took deep breaths that no longer burned her lungs with cold and let the smell of nature invade her. Not yet heavy with the aroma of dozens of different flowers, it was the sharp scent of a dormant world awakening from a deep sleep, stretching out limbs that were brimming with energy.

Everything seemed fragile, like it was only in the moment of awakening that the frailty of that deathly sleep truly became evident. She was almost afraid of stepping on the newly-sprung grass, fearful that the slightest setback would throw off the whole balance of life and leave the park to wither, grey and dying even as the world around it grew warm and bright.

Joohyun barely spoke, her attention drawn to every sight. She gazed with adoration at each trembling leaf, each sprouting blade of grass, sweeping every inch of the park with searching eyes. She wondered aloud whether there would be any flowers yet, her voice barely above a whisper to avoid disturbing the peaceful world around her.

Seungwan reached out to take hold of her hand, gently guiding her to their usual spot before she got completely carried away with her observations and wandered off. The contact seemed to snap her out of her distracted state somewhat and she turned to face Seungwan with an excited smile. It was wide, as beautiful as always, but it awakened the same sensation of frailty in Seungwan, like Joohyun’s happiness was also suspended by a thread. Like a single misstep would stomp it out.

They spent hours in that small clearing by the lake, taking picture after picture, unable to decide what they wanted. Should one of them be in the photograph, or neither, or both? Should they try to recreate the winter picture or go for whatever looked best now? It wasn’t the gut-wrenching kind of indecision, the one that taunted Seungwan with the weight of consequence. It was light and airy and harmless, born from being equally happy with all possibilities. From having no particular interest in cutting their time short.

So they chased each other around the lake, moving between the dappled shade of the half-naked trees and the weak sunlight, not quite warm enough to provide unpleasant heat, but still chasing away the numbing cold of winter.

They stopped when the sun set and the park grew dark around them. They had far too many photos to choose from, so they decided to leave the selection for another day. Seungwan felt giddy, filled with the silly glee of having an excuse to see her friend again, even when they’d clearly moved past needing a reason to meet. She let their intertwined hands swing between them as they walked, her happy energy infecting Joohyun and leaving them both with wide grins on their faces.

After a dinner of take-out, they rested on Joohyun’s sofa, sitting side by side. This time, it was Seungwan’s head that rested on Joohyun’s shoulder, just like when she’d been sick. She felt tired and full and all the excitement of the day slowly drained away, leaving her in a strange mood.

Relationships were strange things. They weren’t linear, never made sense in the way that they should. Some of the happiest days she’d ever spent with her exes had been when she was already certain they were going to break up. In their final stretches, when she saw the dark day growing near, felt them getting tired of her, pulling away, there’d sometimes be a day when everything went right. When they went out and had fun and didn’t once argue or lapse into awkward, strained silence.

Maybe it was the knowledge that it was inevitable. The comfort of no longer wondering when and how she would mess up. She was finally able to relax and let things run their course. In those moments, she almost wanted to hang on, to fight for what they had, or what they _could_ have if only the happy days weren’t so rare. But it was better to accept them as they were and let them grow into happy memories, instead of ruining them with more worrying, more uncertainty.

Sitting on the sofa with Joohyun, lethargic in her warm comforting presence, Seungwan knew that the feeling wasn’t exactly the same. It couldn’t be, when they weren’t even dating. When Joohyun showed no sign of wanting to leave. But it was the same foreboding kind of happiness. It made her restless, even as her body rested lazily against pillows and Joohyun’s pliant frame.

And suddenly, without any warning, a million thoughts began to swarm in her head, jump-starting her heart. Thoughts of Seulgi, Sooyoung, Yerim, even Joohyun herself. All telling her to do it. Hurry up and do it. Just tell her. Trying her best not to startle her human pillow, who sat looking off into nowhere with an arm wrapped carelessly around her waist, she took a few uneven breaths and clenched her hands into tight fists in a vain effort to fight the sensation.

Her heart hammered against her chest with sudden intensity, fear rising up out of nowhere and nearly choking her. She needed to tell her, everyone said she did, but the mere thought of it froze her in place. She couldn’t do it, she wasn’t brave enough, she simply wasn’t. She was just Seungwan, small and scared and with no idea how to do any of this.

She couldn’t do it and they’d all hate her for it. They deserved a better friend, a better person. Especially Joohyun. She deserved someone who loved her the way she should be loved, someone who loved her enough to try. Someone who knew how to get out of this limbo of knowing but not knowing, someone who was smart enough to stop lying to herself, or at least to stop believing it so readily.

She felt the tears begin to gather at the corners of her eyes and she blinked them away furiously. She’d done it, in a way, hadn’t she? She’d said it twice. And maybe Joohyun hadn’t understood it because she didn’t want to understand, had given her a graceful way out on both occasions. Maybe it was reasonable to give up now. Maybe she could tell Seulgi about it and she’d agree and the pressure always building in Seungwan’s chest would ease a little.

She hadn’t been talking to Seulgi about any of this. Any of her clumsy confessions or confused feelings or constant cold feet. The rational part of herself told her that Seulgi wouldn’t blame her for it, that she was being a bad friend by even considering it. But she felt guilty for always pushing back against Seulgi’s well-meaning advice, guilty for not following through, guilty for hiding her failures. It all grew into a thick knot in her throat that she could barely swallow around.

The tears returned and she blinked even harder, clenching her jaw at the effort to keep them at bay. Joohyun finally seemed to notice her fidgeting and was about to turn her way, so she slid her face to burrow into Joohyun’s neck, protected from her questioning gaze. The room was dark enough that a glisten in her eyes wouldn’t give her away, but she worried that any prodding would push her over the edge.

She took a moment to collect herself, then wrapped both hands around Joohyun’s and hummed into her shoulder. “I should go home, it’s getting late,” she said in a low voice, trying to keep its roughness concealed.

“Oh,” Joohyun replied, like the suggestion had caught her by surprise. She tried again to look at Seungwan, but she wouldn’t budge, only tightening her hold on Joohyun’s hand to hopefully signal something positive. That she was alright, or that _they_ were alright, or something like that. “You can stay here, if you want. Not sleep, if that’s not... But stay a little longer. If you want.”

Her voice was low as well, but it didn’t really make sense to speak any louder anyway; they were the only two in the silent apartment, inches away from each other. Seungwan finally pulled back, quickly turning to face away from Joohyun, whose eyes were still fixed on her.

“Actually, I’m a little tired. It’s been a long day,” she tried, her voice a little more even than before. As long as she didn’t look at Joohyun on her way out, she was sure she could make it. “I kind of want to be alone for a while.”

She got up from the sofa, waiting for the shuffling sound of Joohyun following suit and trailing behind her. She barely managed a couple of steps before Joohyun’s voice sounded at her back.

“I thought being with me was better than being alone,” she said playfully. Seungwan froze at the words, reminded of a time long past, when they were still getting to know each other. When she began to feel like Joohyun actually wanted her around. She wished she could go back to how she’d felt then, to the excitement at a whole new world of possibilities unfolding before her eyes. But she knew, she’d known it even then. There was no going back to those peaceful beginnings.

“I guess it’s not that simple,” she tried to quip back, but her voice couldn’t quite dip into lightness. The words weighed between them, hollow and lifeless. Heavy with finality. And there was no answer from Joohyun, who only stood motionless.

She knew it had been a mistake right away. Because Joohyun remembered, she’d committed those words to memory, they meant something to her.

Panic and uncertainty returning in full force, she hurried to the exit, but she was stopped in her tracks by a hand clutching her arm tightly.

“What does that mean?” Joohyun asked as she pulled on her arm, forcing her to turn around and finally face her. And it was like something had snapped. She looked… Seungwan wasn’t sure what it was because she’d never seen it before. She looked hurt and sad and angry and impatient all at once and it was honestly a little scary.

“I don’t…” she began, but never finished the sentence. She only gazed at Joohyun with wide eyes, arm hanging limply in her grip.

Luckily, the silence only lasted for a second before Joohyun carried on. “Do you really think you could just say something like that and it wouldn’t have an effect on me? Don’t you realize how that would hurt me?” she demanded with an anger that now seemed entirely superficial, spreading only far enough to conceal the pain underneath.

“You keep pushing me back and acting like I won’t notice. But I do notice, Seungwan. How could I not?” Joohyun continued as the anger slipped away entirely, and now it was in her beautiful brown eyes that the tears began to glisten. Her hand released Seungwan’s arm like she finally noticed she’d been gripping it, but the fingers remained wrapped loosely around her wrist.

“I have feelings too,” she concluded softly, looking down at the ground like she was embarrassed of her outburst. But she was right. Seungwan had been so preoccupied with fighting her own treacherous emotions that she hadn’t stopped to consider Joohyun and how she might feel in all this. She only ever thought of it to punish herself, never to correct her course, to soften her actions.

She didn’t have to be so evasive, to always pull away at the last minute. She could be honest. She could set boundaries instead of squirming as she let Joohyun step over them. She could have said that she didn’t want to talk, that she wanted to go home and cry alone. But she insisted on leaving things half done. On putting up her walls half-built, so that Joohyun could still leap over them if she tried. On hoping that she’d leap, instead of just tearing the whole thing down or building them all up or something. Instead of just doing something.

She realized that she was crying when her vision began to blur. Joohyun didn’t notice right away, still avoiding her gaze. It was only when her knees grew weak and she let herself drop to the floor that Joohyun finally started to life, the hand that was holding a wrist suddenly grasping at air. She knelt down at once, hands resting on either side of Seungwan’s face as her thumbs wiped away the tears.

“I’m sorry,” Seungwan mumbled in a thick voice, trying to look anywhere but Joohyun, which was hard because her face covered nearly her entire field of vision. She settled for focusing on her nose, because at least she could avoid those eyes filled with concern. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated with a sob.

“Seungwan, it’s alright,” Joohyun immediately reassured. She clearly hadn’t expected such a strong reaction, but she quickly adapted, murmuring soothing words as she continued to wipe away the endless tears. “It’s alright, everything’s fine.”

Seungwan shook her head, unwilling to accept the empty platitudes. It wasn’t alright, she knew that much. Everything was ruined and it was her fault. “It’s all my fault”, she added out loud, clutching at Joohyun’s wrists to pull the hands away but then not pulling them away at all, only clinging to them like a lifeline.

“I’m so sorry, Joohyun. I’m just so tired. I’m so tired,” she breathed out in a trembling voice. Her stuffy nose and the hiccupping sobs that she couldn’t prevent made it so that she could only breathe in sharp, irregular gasps.

“Don’t worry, everything’s fine. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay,” Joohyun repeated gently, her thumbs no longer wiping at tears but simply caressing her cheeks softly. She leaned forward to press a kiss to Seungwan’s forehead, the pressure grounding if only for that moment. Then she let her hands fall to grasp Seungwan’s. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? I don’t think you really want to be alone right now.”

The sobbing stopped, as did the tears. Seungwan felt like maybe even her heart stopped for a second. Because Joohyun was just too good. She was too good to be real. She was too kind and gentle and selfless. Even after all Seungwan had done, she was still right here in front of her, offering her presence, her comforting words, her help. Even after Seungwan had hurt her so badly that she’d finally let it show.

She clung to Joohyun’s hands tightly and let her eyes drift up to meet hers. She looked so soft in the near darkness, soft even in her confusion and concern. She looked so beautiful and sweet. Seungwan leaned forward, using her grip on Joohyun to steady herself. And she kissed her.

The first contact of their lips sent a shock through her entire body, but it wasn’t the pleasant sensation of finally getting something she’d wanted for so long. In this instance, it was pure, unadulterated panic and instant regret. It jolted her body into action, so that she nearly fell over her feet as she pulled herself up clumsily. She could only hope that Joohyun would be frozen by surprise and then she could escape without dealing with this and possibly book an overnight flight to Iceland or somewhere equally remote.

She had no such luck. A hand wrapped itself around her arm yet again, but this time it didn’t simply hold her in place. It pulled her back until she was staggering away from the door and deeper into the apartment.

“Oh no you don’t,” Joohyun huffed out, sounding almost indignant. The back of Seungwan’s knees hit the edge of the sofa and she fell backwards, landing on the cushions she and Joohyun had been sitting on not long ago. She only had the time to scoot down the sofa’s length before Joohyun landed on top of her, arms and legs keeping her trapped in place. “Will you stop running away from me?” she asked, a little breathless after her attack.

When Seungwan looked up at her, she could only think that she looked beautiful. Her hair fell in curtains around Seungwan’s face, a little mussed by all this moving around. Her eyes seemed to shine in the dark room and her lips glistened as she licked them. Seungwan wanted to look in her eyes and figure out how she felt about the kiss, she really did, but she couldn’t look away from those lips.

“Am I dreaming again?” she asked hazily. It really began to seem like she might be, with the way Joohyun still hovered above her and only looked at her without a word. Those alluring lips began to curve into a smile. She finally looked up and saw Joohyun’s brows furrowed in confusion, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Again?” she questioned in a voice that seemed suddenly light. At least she wasn’t angry. That was probably good. Unless Seungwan really was dreaming. Then she supposed it didn’t matter.

But it didn’t feel like a dream. Joohyun’s limbs looked solid enough, her hair tickled Seungwan’s face, she could even see the subtle way her chest rose and fell as she breathed. And usually when she realized she was dreaming she’d wake up, so this might not be a dream after all. So she really had kissed Joohyun. And now she was lying underneath her on the sofa.

“It’s… a long story,” she finally remembered to answer. Her gaze fluttered between Joohyun’s eyes and her mouth, which remained curved in a small smile.

“Well, here’s a shorter story,” Joohyun replied quickly, and it wasn’t the smoothest thing to say, but it was Joohyun saying it, on top of her, so it still sounded more eloquent than Shakespeare.

“I’m in love with you,” she added after a pause. Seungwan was fairly certain that she’d have fallen down if she weren’t already completely horizontal.

“Oh,” she said after a few moments of soundlessly moving her lips as she searched for words. Joohyun looked into her eyes with unnerving intensity and it was making it very hard to focus on putting words next to other words and saying intelligent things. Honestly, she’d settle for intelligible.

“You’re way better at confessing than me,” she finally managed.

Joohyun’s lips stretched into a bright smile. She hadn’t said anything that amusing, had she? “Why are you smiling?” she asked self-consciously, but Joohyun’s smile only grew.

“You’re smiling too,” she answered simply, and Seungwan realized that she was right. She was smiling so widely that her cheeks hurt, but she simply couldn’t stop.

“I guess I’m happy,” she said with a chuckle of surprise.

The arms on either side of her began to tremble and she finally noticed Joohyun’s awkward position. She reached out to her waist, wordlessly pulling her in, and Joohyun lowered herself until she was comfortably settled, half on the sofa and half on top of Seungwan.

Then she wrapped arms and legs around her and squeezed tightly, like she was making sure that Seungwan wouldn’t run off again. Seungwan let herself be crushed under those thin arms without a complaint, even hugging Joohyun back as best as she could with one arm pinned against her body by Joohyun’s embrace.

After a moment of silent hugging that felt too short to even begin thinking about what had just happened, Joohyun released her grip and pulled back to face her. Her eyes twinkled with barely contained happiness and Seungwan was sure she’d never looked so beautiful. Then she noticed them drifting to her lips with increasing frequency and her heart began to pick up speed alarmingly.

“May I kiss you?” Joohyun asked in a whisper, her eyes now permanently fixed on Seungwan’s mouth as its owner struggled to process the words. As soon as she did, she nodded with probably excessive enthusiasm, but Joohyun didn’t seem to notice. She only leaned in, slowly, hesitantly, to close the space between them.

The amount of emotions that had taken hold of Seungwan as the day passed was almost mind-boggling. She’d gone from energetic and happy to deflated and hopeless, to stressed out, to guilt-ridden and panicked, to perplexed, to this. Whatever this was. There had to be a word stronger than happy, because happy didn’t begin to cover it. It’d probably be easier to come up with the right word if she weren’t so busy being consumed with feeling it to the utmost.

It would be reasonable that after all the exhausting events of the day, after she’d broken down crying and been given the shock of her life with Joohyun’s confession, she might be a little numb to new sensations.

It would be reasonable but entirely incorrect. Because she felt that kiss more vividly than any other in her life. It was like she’d never kissed anyone before. Like she’d been doing something else, not quite the same, and now that she felt the real thing it became obvious that she’d been settling for a cheap imitation all this time.

It felt perfect. Joohyun’s lips were soft and supple as they pressed against hers, the very first touch bringing forth a burst of joy from the depths of her chest, so that she could barely resist smiling into the kiss. Still, Joohyun seemed to be doing just the same, so she didn’t feel too bad about the impulse.

A hand rested against her cheek, pulling her even closer as Joohyun’s head tilted to further the kiss. Her tongue brushed against Seungwan’s lips and wow, she was more confident than Seungwan had expected. Not that she’d ever thought about it with too much detail, of course. Entirely by instinct, Seungwan’s lips parted in response and Joohyun pressed even closer to her.

Seungwan began to feel dizzy. She tried to take a deep breath, but was only met with a strange resistance. Right. She pulled away from the kiss, breathing heavily through her mouth.

“Stuffy nose,” she explained between gasps. She expected a giggle or some sort of amused response, but Joohyun only blinked at her, looking a little distant. Eventually, she recovered enough to flash her a shy smile and Seungwan felt a strange sense of pride at the thought that she’d managed to daze Joohyun.

“I should go blow my nose. And wash my face,” she said after a few seconds of comfortable silence broken by short pecks. She grimaced as she remembered that she probably looked all puffy and red. She was not looking forward to seeing that in the bathroom mirror.

She began to move out of Joohyun’s embrace, but she was pulled back into another deep kiss that left her even more breathless than the first, mostly because she herself didn’t want to pull away.

When she did break the kiss, no longer able to put off the need for oxygen, she remained so close to Joohyun that their breaths mingled. She watched wordlessly as Joohyun gazed at her with the same dazed eyes as before. Would it always be like this? Or would she eventually grow used to Seungwan’s kisses? She couldn’t imagine that a person could go their whole life losing functionality after every kiss.

Joohyun licked her lips and Seungwan already wanted to kiss her again. “You’re staying the night,” she suddenly announced in a voice that Seungwan had never heard before. It was low, breathy and absolutely irresistible. And then she noticed that Joohyun was staring at her lips again and the panic came back, just a little.

“I, uh, maybe that’s going a little fast?” she squeaked out, pulling away slightly and trying not to look as nervous as she felt.

Joohyun looked confused for a moment, then laughed lightly, trying to pull Seungwan back into her arms. “Oh, I didn’t mean that,” she said in a clearer voice, sounding amused but looking a little flushed at the suggestion. Of course, Seungwan was sure that she was blushing much harder because how embarrassing was it that she had misunderstood it like that?

“I meant sleep here with me,” she added, giving Seungwan a quick kiss for emphasis. Or maybe just because.

“Oh, okay, sure, sounds good,” Seungwan fired off quickly, eager to escape the topic. “Now I really should go blow my nose.” Joohyun whined and tightened her grip around her. “If I blow my nose, we can kiss properly,” she offered placatingly, and this finally made Joohyun release her.

“I’ll go with you,” she declared as she got up to follow her.

“Uh, I’d rather you not see this face in proper lighting,” Seungwan retorted in a joking tone.

 Wow, not even an hour in and she was already resorting to self-deprecating humour. She disguised the momentary insecurity with a grin, but Joohyun didn’t seem fazed.

“I’m sure it looks beautiful.”

Seungwan couldn’t suppress a snort at the casual words. “Why?”

Joohyun shrugged, absently brushing away the wrinkles in her clothes. “Because it always does.”

Oh.

The full incredibility of Joohyun’s feelings for her began to hit her. Joohyun actually liked her. Wanted to kiss her. Thought she was pretty, beautiful even. How could that have possibly happened?

“Now I believe you said something about kissing properly,” Joohyun pointed out with a crooked grin, snapping Seungwan away from her train of thought. She reached for her hand, easily intertwining their fingers, and pulled her to the bathroom with an enthusiasm that Seungwan couldn’t help but mirror.

She was happy. They were happy. She could worry later.


	32. Act 3 Part 6

Seungwan woke up to find Joohyun looking at her. She lay in bed, head resting on her hand and eyes half-opened as she gazed at Seungwan’s face lazily. At her first stirrings of wakefulness, a smile grew on Joohyun’s face and she reached out to help brush messy strands of hair away from Seungwan’s eyes.

“Good morning,” she said gently, her soft voice flooding Seungwan’s chest with warmth. “You look cute when you sleep,” she added with a shy grin, stopping her grooming of Seungwan’s unruly hair to rest her palm against her cheek. Pulling her in softly, she leaned forward for a kiss.

Seungwan’s stomach somersaulted in anticipation as she studied the approaching lips. She felt like she still hadn’t woken from her dream, everything too comfortable and nice to be true. She let her eyes slip closed then suddenly froze as a thought hit her. Ducking backwards, she pulled up the sheets to cover her mouth.

“Morning breath,” she explained quickly, her voice still rough from sleep and nearly breaking as she spoke the two words. She cleared her throat and looked at Joohyun sheepishly. Her brow furrowed cutely at Seungwan’s rejection, eyes twinkling with petulant displeasure, but she didn’t pursue it, settling instead for cuddling against Seungwan and letting their legs intertwine.

“And, um, good morning to you too,” Seungwan added after a moment. She probably should have started with that. Joohyun hummed against her chest and squeezed her a little tighter. “Did you sleep well?” she asked once silence began to settle. It felt like comfortable silence, but it might be awkward silence and she didn’t want to risk it.

“Very,” Joohyun replied with a satisfied sigh. Her foot brushed gently against Seungwan’s ankle, drawing slow circles against the skin. Seungwan waited for further elaboration, but Joohyun seemed happy to rest on top of her silently, occasionally reaching up to press her lips against Seungwan’s neck in short, chaste kisses.

The initial indecision eventually melted away and Seungwan shrugged off her doubts in favour of returning Joohyun’s tight embrace, closing her eyes at the tingles that spread from her neck and all through her body every time Joohyun kissed the sensitive skin. They remained in that comfortable position, limbs entangled and bodies moulding perfectly together, until Seungwan felt her mind slowly drift back to sleep.

She was almost startled by the sudden noise of Joohyun’s gurgling stomach and had to suppress a giggle at Joohyun’s embarrassed groan, her muffled voice vibrating against Seungwan’s neck where she’d hidden her face.

“Do you want to go have breakfast?”

“No,” Joohyun replied in a grumbling voice, tightening her hold to keep Seungwan from escaping the bed. “I want to stay in bed with you forever,” she continued playfully, even as she pulled her legs free from Seungwan’s.

“You’ll starve,” Seungwan pointed out gently, a smile growing on her lips. She tugged at Joohyun’s arm, which lay wrapped around her, managing to free herself without much force as Joohyun offered very little resistance.

“It’ll be worth it,” the latter replied with a cheeky grin as she pulled herself up to a sitting position and squinted at Seungwan. Her words had Seungwan’s heart faltering and beating with breath-taking force, all at once, and she was glad that Joohyun wasn’t wearing her glasses and couldn’t see the way her face clearly betrayed her flustered state.

She mulled it over all the way through their breakfast preparations. Joohyun was in love with her, or at least she’d said as much the previous night. Even if the words had come out in the heat of the moment, she definitely felt something, enough to wake up happily by Seungwan’s side and even want to kiss her again.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Joohyun was startled by the bread popping out of the toaster like she hadn’t been using it for years. Seungwan wrapped a protective arm around her, bravely taking charge of the toast portion of breakfast and leaving Joohyun to prepare their drinks in safety.

Sitting down with her food, she bit into a piece of toast covered in strawberry jam, trying to return to her previous train of thought. Joohyun sat in front of her, large glasses fogging up as she took a sip of her freshly-made tea, and the adorable sight made it hard to focus on anything too complex so she settled for vague musings on how Joohyun was cute and liked her and wanted to be with her.

“So,” Joohyun began, smacking her lips with satisfaction at the pleasant taste of the tea. “We should talk.”

Joohyun was done with her. She was going to break up with her and they weren’t even officially dating yet. This was terrible. It was even worse than getting rejected straight away. Now she’d had all this time to build up hope, like an idiot.

She tried to nod like panic wasn’t washing over her in chilling waves, but she mustn’t have been very convincing because Joohyun’s eyes widened a little behind the oversized lenses. “It’s nothing bad,” she quipped lightly. Would ending things with Seungwan be considered something bad? It made sense that it would, right?

“Right, sorry,” she tried, chuckling to emphasize how much she wasn’t spiralling into the worst-case scenario. “My brain must still be waking up.”

Joohyun accepted the weak explanation without much questioning, suddenly looking a bit uncertain. She bit her lip, which might be sexy if Seungwan weren’t still trying to recover from her overreaction.

“I just, I was wondering. Are we… dating now?”

“Do you want to be?” Seungwan blurted out, probably sounding a bit too defensive. That was a dumb thing to say. She was really on a roll with the dumb reactions this morning. Joohyun’s brow furrowed slightly as she took in the words, looking more confused than offended.

“I meant, there’s not really a protocol. We kissed and all, but that doesn’t necessarily mean… Anyway, if we want to be dating then we are and if we don’t then we aren’t, I guess.”

Joohyun nodded as Seungwan spoke, as focused as if she were attending a lecture, but she didn’t say anything in response. She only sat in silence, waiting for Seungwan to continue. She wasn’t sure what else to say. “So, um, do you want us to be dating?” she tentatively added.

“Why am I the one who has to say it?” Joohyun asked. She didn’t sound upset by the situation, only genuinely uncertain regarding the proper way to proceed, asking questions in hopes of finding some logic to the whole thing.

“Because,” Seungwan replied eloquently. She paused in a desperate search for excuses. “I liked you first,” she added as quickly as it popped into her head.

“You don’t know when I started liking you.” Damn Joohyun’s quick thinking.

“I know when _I_ started liking you.” Seungwan strongly doubted that Joohyun could beat her there. Her feelings had started before they’d even met, although admittedly the whole love thing only began later.

“Oh, when was it?” Joohyun asked curiously, their back and forth momentarily forgotten. Right, she shouldn’t have said that. Joohyun couldn’t know the embarrassing truth.

“Well, you know, those things are never really linear,” she began with no idea where she was going. She scratched the back of her neck as she babbled on. “It’s, uh, between liking and realizing you like and then loving and… All that, it’s…”

“I confessed first,” Joohyun suddenly declared with triumph. After a confused instant, Seungwan realized that they were back to their strange competition, thankfully. “Well, you kissed me, but you just said that doesn’t count. So I confessed first and you didn’t confess at all,” she added with finality. It was a little cute how she got so into it.

“Actually, I confessed first.”

Joohyun quirked a brow, clearly lost. “I said I loved you. Twice. You just didn’t realize I was confessing,” Seungwan concluded in a voice that trailed off to nothing as she avoided eye contact. Remembering her toast, she eagerly reached for it and took another bite just to have something to do.

There was a moment of silence. Seungwan looked up to see Joohyun’s eyes widened in realization, but they quickly narrowed so that she looked almost indignant. “Well, that doesn’t count. I love you is ambiguous. Friends say I love you.”

Joohyun paused her agitated arguing and took a calming breath. “This is dumb.” Seungwan had to agree. “I want to date you,” Joohyun mumbled, indignant energy suddenly gone. Was she nervous? Why would she be nervous?

“I want to date you too.”

“Alright, so we’re dating,” Joohyun said, even as she looked to Seungwan for confirmation. She nodded and the small furrow in Joohyun’s brow cleared. “Right. That was a bit anti-climactic.”

“Should I start crying again?” Seungwan offered with a relieved smile. She felt a new round of giddiness bubbling up inside her. Suddenly she couldn’t imagine eating another bite, stomach too full of butterflies and whatever else it was that made her feel like she was riding a rollercoaster while sitting at the kitchen counter.

“Please, not on my account,” Joohyun answered with a smile of her own. She tapped her fingers against the cup of tea and bit her lip again. Now it did look a little sexy. Seungwan swallowed drily.

“So when can I kiss you?” It was like Joohyun had read Seungwan’s mind. Or maybe she was just thinking the same thing. That was a uniquely distracting possibility. “What is the etiquette in that department?” she continued in an almost professional tone.

“There’s no rule, I think. Whenever you want to? I mean, when we both want to, obviously, but I’ll probably want to so just, as long as I’m not sending out signs that I don’t want to, you should be safe.” Seungwan felt like somebody had taken out her brain and replaced it with something fuzzy and uncooperative that just wanted Joohyun to shut her up in some fun way.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Joohyun definitely had to be reading her mind at this point. Seungwan nodded weakly and Joohyun was quick to get up and settle on her lap, arms wrapped around her neck. She moved in to kiss her. Her girlfriend moved in to kiss her. How had this happened? She had a girlfriend and it was Joohyun. Joohyun was her girlfriend. She was Joohyun’s girlfriend.

Yerim and Sooyoung would never believe this. Some part of her mind relaxed and took a long-needed breath at the thought that she wouldn’t have to worry about them anymore. That her feelings were out there, even reciprocated by some happy miracle, and now this source of pressure was gone from her life.

And then another part of her mind screeched to a halt as she reached a particular conclusion. “Wait,” she said hurriedly, stopping Joohyun inches away from her lips.

“You’re giving me very mixed signals,” the latter complained lightly, tapping her fingers against the back of Seungwan’s neck.

“Did you tell Yerim and Sooyoung about this?” she asked a little breathlessly. Joohyun’s face was still very close to hers and she wondered if this couldn’t wait until after the kissing, but now she needed to know.

“What do you mean? My feelings for you? Yes, of course I did. Is that a problem?”

Seungwan was quick to shake her head, squeezing her waist to reassure that she’d done nothing wrong. “No, it’s just that I told them about my feelings too. Well, more like they figured it out and teased me about it.”

Joohyun furrowed her brow. “So they knew about both of us and never said anything?”

“Yes!” Seungwan exclaimed with indignation. She paused as an even more inflammatory thought came to mind. “Seulgi definitely knew too, they would have told her!”

She carefully pushed Joohyun off her lap so she could get up and stride off to the bedroom. “I’m going to call her right now,” she announced as she walked.

A hand wrapped itself around her arm in what was beginning to feel like a familiar action. “Wait,” Joohyun called out in a worried voice. Seungwan immediately stopped in her tracks, turning to comfort her. “If you call her, Seulgi will know we’re together.”

Right. She hadn’t seen that one coming. She struggled for the appropriate response, brain frozen somewhere between confusion and a growing feeling of betrayal. Her hand was still in mid-air, halfway to Joohyun’s, but Joohyun didn’t seem to notice it in her agitation.

“We can’t tell her before Yerim and Sooyoung. But you probably don’t want them to know before you tell her. Maybe we should tell all three at the same time,” Joohyun quickly blurted out, looking genuinely distressed at the logistics of it all.

“Seungwan?”

Seungwan blinked as she realized that she still hadn’t moved and now Joohyun had finished talking and was studying her dubiously. She forced a smile on her face and continued the movement she’d paused, reaching for Joohyun’s hand and gently tugging at it to pull her closer. The contact helped dispel the ominous feeling that had begun to grow inside her and her smile became a little less strained.

Joohyun’s face brightened in response, pushing away the dark clouds even further until the sun was shining again inside Seungwan.

“I think that sounds good. We can invite them over and then lock the doors and confront them on all their dirty lying,” she suggested casually.

“Yes, or,” Joohyun retorted, dragging out the last word with a playful smile. “We can politely ask them about it without trapping them,” she offered in alternative, slowly swinging their linked hands back and forth.

Seungwan nodded at her words, feigning thoughtfulness. “We should also bar the windows. The apartment’s not that high up and Yerim seems like a wild card in these situations.”

Joohyun couldn’t help but giggle at her ridiculous suggestion, which made it entirely worth it. She studied Seungwan with soft eyes, making her feel a bit too exposed. It was a dangerous sensation for someone who still had so much to hide, but something about it had her knees going weak so that she didn’t particularly want to avoid it.

“We’ll discuss the details later,” Joohyun concluded agreeably. “First, there’s something very important to take care of.”

Seungwan studied her curiously, but she didn’t offer up any explanation. Instead, she flashed a mischievous smile and stepped forward, releasing Seungwan’s hand to settle both hands on her waist and pull her into a kiss.

“Hmm, very important,” Seungwan agreed, her voice muffled by Joohyun’s lips pressing against hers. They shared matching smiles of amusement mixed with pure happiness, although they eventually faded as the kiss deepened and it became too hard to even concentrate on breathing properly.

Loose thoughts flitted through Seungwan’s mind, most of them entirely nonsensical, the remainder more vague concepts than anything. Then one of Joohyun’s hand landed on her ass and suddenly all her thoughts were more or less about that.

(…)

For the first time in her life, Seungwan wasn’t entirely happy about having a cat.

She’d never blame him, of course. Poor Mr. Fluffers had been prepared to support her as she grew old and lonely and really, none of them could have expected things to stray from this plan. Yet somehow, miraculously, Seungwan was now dating Joohyun and the fact that she owned a cat cruelly prevented her from just spending all her free time at Joohyun’s place.

It would have been easier if Joohyun could come over to her apartment, but unfortunately fate threw yet another wrench in their plans by making her deathly afraid of animals. If Fluffy had been one of those tiny, cuddly breeds with big round eyes that looked all harmless and furry she might have tried to do something about it. But of course he was about as big as a cat could possibly get, with a tiger-like face, an impressive mane and powerful paws. Nothing short of life-threatening illness could apparently get Joohyun to return to Seungwan’s apartment.

So it was with a heavy heart that Seungwan had to decline Joohyun’s invitation to come in for dinner in favour of going home and paying some attention to her neglected child. Joohyun pouted adorably at the rejection, but she didn’t push it. After all, they’d been spending every evening together and she was too selfless to deprive Mr. Fluffers of company forever.

“But you’re mine for the whole weekend,” she declared, her gentle tone communicating that the statement was far from a demand. Still, she seemed so excited at the prospect that Seungwan couldn’t have argued against it even if she’d had any problem with the plan.

Instead of turning to open her apartment door, Joohyun leaned against it and smiled lazily at Seungwan, hands wrapping loosely around her waist as she pulled her closer. Seungwan stumbled forwards, caught by surprise, and nearly banged her head against Joohyun’s, which had her girlfriend giggling silently. She barely had the time to ponder how she’d completely ruined the moment before Joohyun’s hands were moving up to lace behind her neck.

“I like you,” Joohyun whispered against her lips, pulling her in by the neck for a long kiss. Eventually, Seungwan’s hands grew tired of lying uselessly at her sides and reached for Joohyun’s waist, although she was fairly certain her brain hadn’t been involved in that decision. Mostly because her brain couldn’t be involved in any decision at the moment, already struggling with the essential tasks like breathing and maintaining a healthy heartbeat.

With a whine that made Seungwan a little worried she’d actually lose control of her legs and flop down in the middle of their hallway, Joohyun pushed herself off the door and closer to Seungwan, pressing their bodies together. Her tongue slipped into Seungwan’s mouth as her fingers ran up Seungwan’s scalp, nails pressing lightly against the skin.

Powerless to resist and slightly afraid to take control of the kiss, Seungwan followed Joohyun’s lead as they continued to make out in plain sight of anyone who might walk by. A distant, apparently still functional part of her brain insisted that they should probably stop at some point, but the voice grew weaker as time passed and soon all she could focus on was Joohyun.

And then Joohyun pulled away, letting her head rest against the door, and gazed at Seungwan with dark eyes that took a distractingly long time to clear. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in for a little while?” she asked, still a bit out of breath.

Seungwan knew she didn’t mean what it sounded like she meant, but her body reacted nonetheless, stomach lurching in a way that wasn’t entirely pleasant nor unpleasant. She swallowed drily, momentarily unable to respond, but Joohyun only let out a light laugh that immediately dispelled the thick atmosphere.

“Don’t worry, I know you have to go see Mr. Fluffers,” she said with an understanding smile. “I was just trying my luck,” she added with a wink.

Seungwan nodded distractedly, trying very hard to process what seemed to be Joohyun flirting. She was aware that she was failing as Joohyun’s eyes squinted in a mix of amusement and confusion at her speechless gaping.

She attempted words. “I’m sure you’ll get lucky soon enough.”

Her attempt was terrible. She was almost glad that she had to end this interaction and go home alone.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Joohyun replied, her crooked smile bearing a distinct hint of mischief. How could she say these things and expect Seungwan to carry on being a functional human being?

“I should… I have to… Uh, cat.” Joohyun’s smile grew. This was beyond embarrassing. Why did she keep talking?

“Go on, then,” Joohyun said mercifully. She pulled Seungwan in for one last quick kiss then turned her around towards her own apartment, setting her on her way with a tap on the backside. Seungwan swallowed down a surprised yelp. “I’ll miss you,” she added playfully.

Crossing the hallway and rummaging in her bag for her keys, Seungwan tried to calm herself, soothing her wild thoughts. It shouldn’t have come as such a surprise, given how touchy Joohyun had been before they were even dating, but she really couldn’t wrap her mind around how much and how often Joohyun wanted to kiss her.

She wasn’t complaining, far from it, but it was a strange situation nonetheless, and one that she wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate. The thing was that she was definitely aware of how physical intimacy evolved and what followed what, and so whenever their kissing grew a little heated or Joohyun’s hands started roaming towards her ass her body helpfully provided all the reactions that had become muscle memory by now.

And this wasn’t ideal when she was sure that Joohyun was exploring physical intimacy for the first time with her and her mind definitely didn’t jump straight to sex whenever she groped Seungwan.

She just didn’t want to put any pressure on Joohyun or unwittingly guide her towards something she wasn’t ready to do yet. She worried that she might keep things going for longer than Joohyun was comfortable and make her feel like she had to keep up. And to be quite honest, she also worried that Joohyun herself might go a little further than she was ready for and it would be up to Seungwan to stop them.

Her hands trembled slightly as she turned the knob and entered her nice, quiet apartment. She could use some quiet, it might help her stop thinking about stressful things like sex with Joohyun.

Only the apartment wasn’t quiet, because the TV was on and something quite loud was playing. And sitting on the sofa was Sooyoung, watching the show with interest, Mr. Fluffers spread luxuriously by her side as she petted his head. Now Seungwan really needed to stop thinking about sex with Joohyun.

“Hey, did you run into Joohyun?” Sooyoung asked casually. It was an innocent question, probably, so Seungwan just needed to relax and try not to act suspicious.

“Yes, I did do that. We both got home at the same time, you know how it is,” she attempted, immediately concealing a cringe. She wasn’t usually this bad at lying, really. She was just at a particular disadvantage this evening, what with the distracting thoughts and all the kissing she’d just done and she really should stop thinking about the kissing now.

“Okay,” Sooyoung replied, dragging out the word as she raised her eyebrow at Seungwan. “Anyway, I came to visit Fluffy. I think he missed me, he’s been super clingy ever since I got here.”

“Yeah, he really likes you,” Seungwan offered neutrally, turning to put away her things and avoid incriminating eye contact for as long as possible.

“So, how’s Joohyun?” Sooyoung carried on in a careless tone. “I tried to come over but she’s been busy all week, you know anything about that?”

“Um, no, not really, why would I know?” She pretended to be looking for her slippers, which happened to be right by her feet, to conceal the way panic had suddenly seized her features. With a discrete sigh, she relaxed back into an innocent expression.

“Because you were just with her?”

Right, she had said that.

“Yeah, but we didn’t talk about why she was busy.” She put on her slippers and reluctantly padded towards the sofa. “We talked about other stuff.”

“Oh, what did you talk about?” Sooyoung lowered the volume on the TV, which was a bad sign because Seungwan would prefer for Sooyoung’s attention to drift further away from her and not the opposite.

She paused in search of a valid conversation topic that wouldn’t completely expose her. “Other stuff,” she finally repeated.

Sooyoung narrowed her eyes at her. “You’re acting weird,” she said slowly.

This was bad. Being accused directly like this made her nerves skyrocket until it was impossible to pretend she wasn’t lying.

“Did you embarrass yourself in front of Joohyun again?” Well, she had, kind of. But she didn’t want to admit that. But it was better than admitting the full truth.

“Maybe,” she replied dubiously. Sooyoung nodded wisely and returned to the TV. Crisis averted.

Seungwan’s phone began to ring and she dug it out of her pocket to find Joohyun calling. Of course this would happen to her. She weighed her options. She couldn’t just not answer her girlfriend and she couldn’t run off with the phone without making Sooyoung suspicious.

She put the phone to her ear with an inward groan.

“I miss you,” Joohyun’s voice said sweetly, sounding a bit distorted over the line. With a herculean effort, Seungwan resisted the smile that tried to take over her face.

“Oh hey Joohyun,” she said brightly, not sure where she was going with this. But if she acted weird enough Joohyun would catch on, right? Unless she already thought Seungwan was weird and this didn’t even register, which was a distinct possibility.

“Yes, it’s me,” Joohyun replied after a pause. Sooyoung’s eyes were on Seungwan again. “Did you not check your phone before answering?”

Joohyun definitely wasn’t catching on. “Sooyoung and I were just talking about you, she’s here at my place,” Seungwan attempted, opting for a more direct approach.

“Oh, I see.” Good. The issue of Joohyun thinking Seungwan was being weird or blowing her off was solved. Now she just needed to find a reasonable explanation for why Joohyun would call her right after they’d seen each other.

“So why are you calling? Did you forget to tell me something before?”

“Did I tell you you’re cute? Because I definitely meant to say that.” Seungwan wished she’d stop saying things that made her feel all giddy and dumb in front of Sooyoung. “But you probably want an excuse to offer Sooyoung, don’t you?”

Seungwan hummed noncommittally and snuck a peek at Sooyoung. She studied her with amusement. The TV was turned off, which was probably a terrible sign.

“Why don’t you tell her you left something at my place and I forgot to return it to you?”

Because she wasn’t supposed to have been at Joohyun’s place this week, Seungwan thought but didn’t say for obvious reasons.

“Oh, right, I forgot about that,” she said instead. She needed to end this call as soon as possible. Squinting at her watch, she furrowed her brow before continuing. “It’s kind of late now, but maybe you can give it to me next time?” she blurted out without thinking and immediately felt like she’d talked herself into a corner.

“Alright, let me know how it went with Sooyoung after she leaves,” Joohyun replied, understanding Seungwan’s intention easily. “Also, you sound nice on the phone and I still miss you, so call me.”

“Right, sounds good, bye.” She hurried to end the call, nearly cutting off Joohyun’s “I love you,” then struggled to maintain a stony expression even as a blush crept over her cheeks. Damn Joohyun and her sweet words and compliments.

When she finally turned to face Sooyoung, she looked right back with expectant eyes, head slightly tilted. “She, uh, I was going to borrow a book but then we forgot,” Seungwan explained weakly.

“You two are either together or planning something dumb,” Sooyoung deadpanned. The look on Seungwan’s face must have been answer enough, because Sooyoung’s jaw nearly dropped as she studied her.

“When?” she immediately demanded. “How? Which one of you confessed first? Was it you? I may or may not have a bet going with Yerim.”

“Who did she bet on?”

“Neither. She said you’d be oblivious idiots forever,” Sooyoung admitted with a shrug. “I bet on you, though.”

“Oh, thanks. I’m actually not sure which one of us confessed first, it depends on your definition.” Sooyoung grimaced at that, probably wondering how likely it’d be that Yerim would pay up in these conditions.

“So you two finally did it. Never thought I’d see the day”, she quipped after a moment of thoughtful silence, sounding only somewhat joking. “I cannot believe you thought you could keep this from me. Seulgi or Yerim, maybe, those two aren’t the brightest, but me? I know everything that’s going on.”

Seungwan considered protesting the statement, but it wasn’t entirely wrong. She’d more or less known she was doomed from the moment she opened the apartment door and saw her inside.

“I’m happy for you guys,” Sooyoung said, pulling Seungwan away from her thoughts. “Now tell me everything, obviously.”

“Actually… We’re telling everyone officially on the weekend, so maybe you could save the questions for then?” Seungwan suggested cautiously. “And also maybe pretend like you don’t already know so I don’t get in trouble?”

“Give Joohyun some credit,” Sooyoung scoffed, her voice light with amusement. “You won’t get in trouble over something like this, she’s like super into your nerdy butt.”

“Right, obviously,” Seungwan riposted with an eyeroll, trying to sound more confident than she felt. That was a topic she didn’t feel like unravelling at the moment. “But she’ll be upset, which is even worse.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll act so surprised she’ll never suspect a thing.” Sooyoung threw her hands up in the air for emphasis, then paused as a thought occurred to her. She narrowed her eyes at Seungwan. “So, you probably figured out that-“

“That you knew about both of us? Yes, as a matter of fact we did. And we’ll definitely get into that on the weekend,” Seungwan quickly replied, attempting to sound menacing as she shut down the topic.

“Okay, got it, no more talking about your relationship until this weekend.”

Sooyoung slumped back on the sofa and returned her attention to the TV. “So, if that’s off the table, do you want to watch Pretty Little Liars with me? It’s kind of dumb, but they’re really pretty.”

“Oh, uh, it’s getting a little late and I was mostly just going to eat something and go straight to bed, so…” Seungwan mumbled, trailing off weakly.

“Are you trying to get rid of me so you can call your girlfriend or go over there or something?”

“Maybe?” Sooyoung only sighed, already getting up from the sofa. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be that lame person who only talks to her girlfriend, it’s just she asked me to call her and I didn’t want to –“

“Please, one time I walked in on Yerim and Saeron making out even though I’d texted her that I was coming over and she’d answered that it was cool,” Sooyoung cut off with an eyeroll. “As long as you don’t manage to top that, you’re still the less annoying couple.”

“I don’t think I want to top that.”

“That’s all I ask for,” Sooyoung said with an exaggerated grimace. Seungwan followed her to the front door, where she paused before leaving. “Have fun with your girlfriend,” she added in a tone halfway between teasing and fond. Then she walked off, turning at the stairs to give Seungwan a thumbs-up and a wink.


	33. Act 3 Part 7

“What should we tell them?” Joohyun asked from where she stood in the middle of the living room. Seungwan gazed up at her from the sofa, not sure whether she should get up and join her. Why had Joohyun even gotten up in the first place?

“Well, I was thinking something along the lines of ‘Hey, we’re dating now,’” she offered gently. Joohyun’s eyes bore into hers with exasperated confusion.

“I’m serious.” Joohyun’s voice was tense and Seungwan resisted the stupid impulse to cringe at the reaction. Joohyun was just nervous, it didn’t have anything to do with her.

“So am I,” she opted to say. She got up to approach Joohyun, who didn’t shy away, and wrapped her in a side-hug, letting her chin rest on Joohyun’s shoulder. “They’re our friends, it’ll be fine. We don’t have to prepare a speech,” she added with a grin.

Joohyun didn’t respond, only holding onto the arm around her waist as she pressed her lips into a thin line. After a moment where they simply melted into each other, some of the tension seeming to seep from Joohyun’s frame, she opened her mouth again. “Do you think they’ll be shocked?”

“Only in the sense that it’s you, dating me,” Seungwan replied jokingly. She pulled back to kiss Joohyun’s cheek as her girlfriend frowned at the comment.

“What do you mean?” she asked with genuine confusion.

“Nothing, I was just kidding.” She pressed her lips to Joohyun’s cheek again for good measure, then turned her around so they were facing each other. “They already knew we had feelings for each other, right? At most they’ll be surprised that we actually got together, but I think they’ll just be happy for us.”

Joohyun looked away, a self-conscious smile on her face. “I suppose you’re right,” she agreed hesitantly. “That would be nice. I want us all to be happy,” she added, still avoiding Seungwan’s gaze as she swung their hands between them.

“Well, I’m happy,” Seungwan volunteered, immediately rewarded by the dazzling smile that took over Joohyun’s face.

“You are?” she asked shyly.

“Of course. Who wouldn’t be with a girlfriend like you?”

Joohyun’s smile grew even wider and Seungwan’s own lips quirked up in an instinctive response.

“I’m happy as well,” Joohyun admitted, finally looking into Seungwan’s eyes again. She took a step forward and guided Seungwan’s hands to rest on her waist. Just as she thought she was going to be kissed, Joohyun’s head ducked down to nestle into her neck as she pulled her into a tight hug.

“Is it very silly that I’m nervous about this?” Joohyun asked, her voice muffled against Seungwan’s neck. She rubbed her nose against it softly as she awaited Seungwan’s answer.

The feeling of Joohyun’s breath hitting her skin made it a little difficult for Seungwan to focus, but she rallied as best as she could to dispel her girlfriend’s concerns. “It’s not silly at all. This is a big deal, it’s normal to worry,” she breathed out in a voice that was only slightly unsteady.

“You’re not worried,” Joohyun countered, lips brushing against Seungwan’s neck as she spoke. Her voice was lower, down to a shy whisper.

“Yeah, but, uh,” Seungwan began, struggling to find words. After an awkward pause where her brain absolutely refused to cooperate, she brought up her arms to grab Joohyun by the shoulders. “Sorry, it’s a little hard to focus when you’re doing that.”

 Joohyun ignored Seungwan’s hands and their silent suggestion. “Oh,” she said softly, but she didn’t sound nearly as nervous. Her face burrowed even deeper into Seungwan as she kissed the skin where her neck met her shoulder. “What am I doing?”

“You’re, uh… distracting things.”

Joohyun hummed, kissed her again. Seungwan’s hands, still on her shoulders, gripped a little harder as she tried to function despite the distracting sensation.

“Shall I stop?” Joohyun offered, showing no intention of doing so. Her kisses grew less innocent, lips parting to press wetly against Seungwan’s increasingly flushed skin.

Seungwan’s own mouth opened to let out a sound much breathier than the noncommittal hum she’d been aiming for. Joohyun’s kisses stopped abruptly, her mouth seeming to freeze in place as Seungwan fought down the sudden urge to run off in mortification.

“Sorry about that,” Joohyun finally said, breaking what felt like a centuries-long silence where neither of them moved. “I seem to have become a little distracted myself.” Her fingers tapped out an irregular beat against Seungwan’s back, the motion unusually jittery for Joohyun.

Seungwan’s brain slowly disentangled the meaning of Joohyun’s words and she nearly choked on her own spit. Thankfully, her girlfriend didn’t seem to need reassuring, sounding more flustered than embarrassed when she spoke next. “I find it very hard to keep focus when you make…” She paused, took a fluttery breath. “Sounds. Like this.”

Seungwan’s legs grew a little weak. Maybe they should have this conversation with a little bit of distance between them.

Just as this thought occurred to her, Joohyun pulled her in a little closer, and perhaps she had a point. If Seungwan could see Joohyun’s face as she said things like this she might pass out on the spot.

“When I gave you that massage on your birthday, and you…” Joohyun continued to Seungwan’s surprise, pausing mid-sentence to clear her throat rather than elaborating on what Seungwan had done exactly. She was a little glad the word wasn’t actually spoken out loud. “I thought I was going to die,” she admitted with a sharp exhale. Seungwan thought she would pass away at this very moment, as Joohyun confessed how deeply she’d been affected by Seungwan’s moaning.

She finally pushed away from Joohyun, gripped by a slightly more innocent thought. “Wait, so you already liked me by then?” Joohyun nodded, a little taken aback at the unexpected eye contact.

The shy moment of absurd pride at the information was quickly cut off by the realization that Joohyun had been attracted to her when she’d given her that massage. The touches that had already seemed maddening by themselves suddenly took on a whole new meaning and her entire body heated up at the notion that Joohyun’s hands had run over her bare back while thoughts very much like Seungwan’s ran through her mind.

And she’d unclasped her bra.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun asked with some concern. She could only imagine how red her face had grown by this point.

“You… My bra,” she blurted out inarticulately. Joohyun’s eyes widened.

“That was really only for the massage,” she rushed to explain, taking a step backwards. “And I turned around when you were getting dressed and undressed and I really tried not to think anything inappropriate or-“

“But you did when I moaned,” Seungwan pointed out eagerly, temporarily emboldened by her discovery.

Joohyun narrowed her eyes at Seungwan as she realized that there was no need to apologize or explain herself. “So did you,” she replied, her competitive side emerging at the challenge.

“Oh, I don’t know if I’d say that,” Seungwan lied transparently, a smug smile on her face as she teased Joohyun.

“You don’t?” Joohyun questioned, matching her playful tone. She closed the short distance that had formed between them, hands wrapping loosely around Seungwan’s collar to guide her to the sofa. “Oh well, I suppose it has been a while.” She pushed Seungwan down to a sitting position and settled on her lap, taking a moment to gaze at her face, which Seungwan could only assume was frozen in an expression of flustered surprise and lust.

“Perhaps a repeat would jog your memory,” Joohyun leaned in to whisper in Seungwan’s ear, bringing a shiver down her spine. Before she could question what exactly Joohyun intended to repeat, her neck was being attacked anew, this time with kisses that involved teeth and tongue and oh my, Joohyun really hadn’t exaggerated because Seungwan truly felt like she was going to die.

She didn’t die, of course. But every single moan she choked out under Joohyun’s expert caresses played over in the movie reel of her mind for hours after her girlfriend had stepped off of her lap and settled by her side.

And now that it was about time for their friends to arrive, she really wished that the memories would fade enough for her to not introduce her new relationship looking as red as a tomato.

Some of Joohyun’s nerves had returned, but Seungwan managed to keep her from pacing around the living room by tapping out a soothing rhythm on the palm of her hand. “It’s going to be fine,” she repeated gently, letting their fingers entangle for a moment before she resumed her tapping. “And if it doesn’t, we can always make out to cheer up.”,she added jokingly.

“I don’t think making out could help with that,” Joohyun replied in a soft but strained voice. Right, she probably shouldn’t have made that dumb comment. “But we should definitely try. Just in case,” she continued with a crooked smile.

It was impressive how Joohyun managed to stay in control of her worries, snapping out of them so easily to return Seungwan’s flirty banter. Was she really that much braver than Seungwan or were her fears simply easier to manage? Either possibility seemed enviable. She wondered, not for the first time, how and why Joohyun had ever fallen for her.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door that startled Joohyun nearly out of her seat. Seungwan offered her a reassuring smile and watched in awe as she composed herself and walked to the door with confident steps, swinging it wide open with the same easy smile she always wore on their weekend hangouts.

Sooyoung and Yerim stepped in, the youngest immediately heading to the kitchen after a quick round of hugs. Sooyoung sat down next to Seungwan on the sofa while Joohyun hovered in Yerim’s proximity, listing the snacks available.

“Nervous?” Sooyoung asked casually. Seungwan shrugged and Sooyoung looked up from where she’d been fiddling with her phone, showing a face that was uncommonly tinged with affection. She really did care about Seungwan, about both of them. Knowing how they both felt must have made the situation even more frustrating for her.

“Not really, it’s actually kind of a relief.”

Sooyoung seemed surprised, which was fair enough. Nervous was Seungwan’s default reaction to most situations.

“Now I don’t have to feel guilty about it anymore. You know, not telling Joohyun how I felt for so long. You guys must have been getting pretty tired of me,” she joked about the very real yet admittedly unreasonable concern.

“I could hold out a little longer,” Sooyoung said lightly, playing along. “I’d be pretty mad if you never said anything and I lost my bet with Yerim, though.”

Seungwan chuckled, well aware that it was just a joke but still struck by a little jab of guilt over a situation that didn’t even matter anymore. Anyway, she’d managed it in the end, so all she should be feeling was pride. Even if she’d been ready to run out of the room and avoid Joohyun forever. Even if Joohyun had had to physically trap her in place to get the truth out of her.

“And what are you two talking about?” Joohyun asked fondly. Seungwan’s head whipped around to face her girlfriend, mind completely blank of excuses.

“How nice Yerim was to bring us chips,” Sooyoung cut in effortlessly. She reached out her arms to the youngest, who immediately clutched her bag of snacks to her chest, glaring at her.

“These are mine, get your own,” she spat out. Sooyoung got to her feet and sprang on her, tugging at the bag until it popped free from Yerim’s protective embrace. She smirked as she held it up, out of the shorter girl’s reach.

“Looks like I just did,” Sooyoung said smugly, waving the bag from side to side and snorting every time Yerim jumped up to recover it.

“That is so,” a jump, “kindergartener with a crush.” Another jump. Yerim huffed, crossed her arms, seeming to give up the direct approach for now. “Should Saeron be worried?” she asked mischievously.

“She chose to date you, she should be worried about many things,” Sooyoung riposted at once, letting her arm relax a little. “Her eyesight, her mental state, her ability to make logical decisions…” She looked nowhere near finished when Joohyun suddenly came up from behind her and snatched the bag out of her hands with a well-timed jump that was admittedly adorable.

“You girls behave or neither of you gets snacks,” she declared with finality, cutting the argument short. Sooyoung seemed mostly amused at the turn of events, but Yerim immediately looked offended at the suggestion.

“I didn’t even do anything,” she argued in a high-pitched voice that had even Seungwan suppressing a smile.

“You refused to share with your bestest friend,” Sooyoung pointed out with a pout. “You call that nothing?”

Yerim seemed ready to contest Sooyoung’s status as her “bestest friend”, but Joohyun only glared at both of them.

“Girls, really.” She opened the bag and looked between the two troublemakers before sighing and handing it to Seungwan, who wasn’t entirely happy with her sudden role as mediator.

Surprisingly, both women accepted the decision and simply sat on either side of her, taking turns to reach into the bag and munching the chips in silence. Joohyun returned to the kitchen to prepare their drinks and the three of them sat in comfortable peace for a few moments before their final guest arrived.

Seulgi walked into the apartment with a wide smile, beaming brightly at everyone in the room. She seemed happy simply to see her friends. Seungwan shared the feeling, realizing how long it had been since she’d spent quality time with Seulgi. She’d been more or less avoiding her, but hopefully that would all be over now.

“Seulgi!” Yerim called out dramatically, leaping out of the sofa to hug her. Sooyoung rolled her eyes at the exaggerated display of affection, but didn’t protest when Seulgi opened her arms in her direction, quickly getting up to accept her greeting.

Leaving the two youngest to shortly bicker by the entrance, Seulgi sat down next to Seungwan.

“Hey Wannie,” she said simply, and suddenly Seungwan really was nervous. She felt bad for not telling Seulgi right away and she began to worry about how she’d react to the news that Seungwan had lied to her, or at least concealed the truth for almost a week.

“Hey Seul,” she greeted awkwardly. She studied her hands, not sure how to act casually or what to say, then settled for tilting the bag of chips in Seulgi’s direction. “Chips?”

Seulgi’s hand immediately dove into the bag, the previous bright smile still on her face. At least Seungwan could count on her to be a little oblivious.

Still, her best friend could be surprisingly observant when given the opportunity, so Seungwan hurried to drop the bag in Seulgi’s lap, instructing her to keep it from the demon children before heading to the kitchen, where Joohyun had returned after opening the door for Seulgi.

The tea was ready and a few glasses of soda sat on the counter, yet Joohyun still milled around the kitchen aimlessly. As Seungwan walked in, she opened the cutlery drawer and stood gazing at the spoons without making any move to pick one up.

Seungwan reached out, letting her arm brush against Joohyun as she took a spoon and dropped it in the tea mug, then gently closed the drawer. She couldn’t hug Joohyun with those three right outside the kitchen, so she chose to lean against the counter by her girlfriend’s side.

“It’s going to be fine,” she said in her best effort to sound convincing. Joohyun looked up to meet her gaze. “No reason to be nervous, really. If anything, it’s exciting. It’s good news.” Her fingers began tapping out a rapid beat and Joohyun’s hand landed lightly over them, muffling the sound.

“You’re worried,” Joohyun whispered, sounding almost relieved.

“Maybe the tiniest bit,” she admitted in an equally low voice, somewhat confused by Joohyun’s reaction.

“That helps a little.” Joohyun wrapped her fingers around Seungwan’s with a small smile. “I don’t quite know what I’m doing, sometimes I worry that I might… You’ll tell me if I’m being very ridiculous, won’t you?”

“Oh, uh, of course, but it’s not… You’ve been fine so far. Or, I mean, not fine. Better than fine,” Seungwan rambled on in her haste to reassure Joohyun.

“Good?” Joohyun suggested, slightly amused by Seungwan’s difficulties with vocabulary.

“The best.” A smile grew on her face as Joohyun looked away, shaking her head at the dramatic words while she fought off her own smile. “Anyway, we should get back to the living room before the tea gets cold. Uh, do you want to tell them? Or should I?”

Joohyun’s smile was replaced by a more serious expression. “I don’t know, what would you prefer?” she asked, looking like a deer in the headlights.

“Whatever makes it easier for you.”

Joohyun didn’t seem certain of what that might be, as she only studied Seungwan in silence.

“I’ll do it. It might come out a little awkward, because that’s how I do pretty much everything, but it doesn’t really matter how we say it, right? Right.”

She barged out of the kitchen with the drinks before Joohyun could protest and joined the other three, who barely paused their conversation as they accepted the soda and tea.

“So, now that we’re all here, with our drinks and our snacks and everything,” she began, slowly capturing their attention as they fixed her with equally confused looks. Sooyoung was a really good actress, her fake confusion as convincing as the very real one showing on Seulgi and Yerim’s faces.

Joohyun stood somewhere behind her, close enough that Seungwan could smell her flowery fabric softener. She could do this. There was bravery, somewhere deep inside of her. There had to be, because she’d managed to approach her crush, befriend her, even kiss her. Because she’d faced down Sooyoung and Yerim, no matter how reluctantly, and now they were actually her friends. She could do this.

“Joohyun and I are dating,” she blurted out, words stumbling out so quickly that they were barely intelligible. Still, they must have been clear enough, because everyone in the room reacted at once.

Joohyun gasped, possibly affronted at the graceless way Seungwan had dropped the news. Seulgi’s eyes widened more than Seungwan had ever thought possible as a smile began to grow on her face, almost in slow motion. Sooyoung’s mouth popped open and she blinked a couple of times before letting out a demanding “What?” that had Seungwan wondering, just for a second, if maybe she hadn’t told her after all and just imagined the whole thing.

Yerim choked on the mouthful of soda she’d just drunk and almost coughed it out all over Sooyoung, which distracted her enough from the news to push Yerim away with a look of disgust.

“Yeah, what she said,” Yerim wheezed out after a few raspy breaths, pointing vaguely in Sooyoung’s direction. Seulgi still smiled in elated silence.

Joohyun finally stepped forward and into Seungwan’s field of vision, fingers wrapping themselves around Seungwan’s in a tight grip.

“We’re dating,” Joohyun echoed, just as Seulgi’s smile grew so wide that it must surely be painful by now.

“It sounds even weirder when she’s the one saying it,” Yerim whispered loudly at Sooyoung, who swatted her arm impatiently.

“I’m so happy for you!” Seulgi exploded, leaping into a hug that captured both Joohyun and Seungwan. She squeezed them tightly as Seungwan raised her free arm to awkwardly return the embrace.

“Oh, Wannie, I’m so happy! This is wonderful news,” she squealed in excitement. Ironically, Seungwan felt a weight lift from her chest despite the crushing pressure currently being applied to it by her best friend.

“I’m happy for myself,” Yerim muttered from her corner of the sofa. “Now I don’t have to deal with you two idiots being oblivious all over each other.”

“Yerim, you can’t call them idiots,” Sooyoung exclaimed with feigned shock. “Those are our moms!”

“Oh, ew!”

Seungwan was actually a bit relieved at how easily those two could get off topic, although she suspected Sooyoung was encouraging these distractions for her benefit. As she considered this, Seulgi released them from her suffocating hug and sat back down, looking a little embarrassed.

“Are you guys mad?” she asked apprehensively. “That we knew about you and we didn’t…”

“No, not mad,” Seungwan quickly answered, eager to calm her best friend’s fears. “But kind of confused? You knew how much trouble I was having with this, why didn’t you say anything?”

Joohyun didn’t intervene, apparently leaving the conflict to be settled between the two friends, despite the fact that all five of them were involved.

“Well, think about it a little, Wannie. If I told you about Joohyun, would you believe me?”

Oh. “I guess I wouldn’t,” she admitted reluctantly. She’d barely believed it when Joohyun herself had confessed it. She barely believed it now. She felt Joohyun’s eyes on her, studying her curiously, but she avoided the gaze, only looking at Seulgi.

“And if I told Joohyun about you…” Seulgi paused, looking between the couple a little hesitantly. Seungwan could imagine why. If Joohyun had known and confronted her, she would have panicked. She might have ruined everything.

“It wouldn’t have been right,” Sooyoung cut in. “You guys had to figure things out by yourselves. And look, it worked out perfectly. Here you are,” she added, probably just flattering them to change the subject, which wasn’t really a problem for Seungwan. She’d love to move on to another topic, one which wouldn’t expose her failings to Joohyun so early in the relationship.

The conversation moved to the typical questions of how and when, both of which were answered a bit ambiguously as Seungwan wasn’t too fond of letting people know how she’d broken down crying in front of Joohyun over essentially nothing and especially how that had progressed into making out. Then Sooyoung and Seulgi kept asking questions about anything and everything, their inner hopeless romantics coming out in full force.

Somehow, Seungwan found herself sitting by Yerim’s side as they watched the other three excitedly discuss the details of the newfound relationship. The bag of chips sat on the coffee table, nearly empty, and Seungwan reached in for one of the few remaining chips.

“I still can’t believe you did it,” Yerim suddenly said in a low, casual voice. Seungwan glanced at her, but her eyes were focused on her phone.

“I know,” she replied simply, trying not to let her surprise show. Was she really having a moment with Yerim?

“You made me lose a bet and everything.”

“I know,” she repeated with a chuckle.

“And I almost got soda on my jeans.”

Seungwan laughed at that, careful to keep her voice quiet. She was sure that, like a wild animal in a rare moment of proximity to a lone human, if Yerim attracted the attention of anyone else she would scurry off back to the woods. Or, in this case, to her phone and her mask of indifference.

“I know,” she said again, and reached for another chip. She chewed it slowly, let her eyes wander off to the side to study Joohyun’s profile. She was beautiful and somehow dating her and the thought still made her heart beat at double speed.

“Anyway, if you ever hurt her I’ll come into your house and beat you up, I don’t care if you have a giant scary cat,” Yerim suddenly added, and there was a fire burning underneath the casual tone with which she conveyed the threat.

Seungwan fought back her fear of a child who was nearly as short as her and seemed to live on a diet of chips, cookies and pizza. “Please, how could I ever do that?” she questioned with a snort.

“Well, not on purpose, obviously. You’re Seungwan, all you do is try to make people happy,” Yerim said in a strange tone that left Seungwan feeling she’d missed something. She stirred uneasily, not sure she liked where this conversation was going. “But sometimes, through a string of decisions calculated to make everyone as happy as possible, you end up in a worse place than if you’d just been a little selfish.”

She blinked at nothing in particular. Was it rude that she was surprised at Yerim saying something like this? After all, she was a lit major. There had to be deep thoughts somewhere in that head. She was just more used to jokes of varying meanness and bickering.

But Yerim was familiar with issues of sacrifice and egoism and making people happy, wasn’t she? That was how she’d ended up studying literature and not engineering. By being selfish. And Seungwan couldn’t disagree, there was certainly a value to it. She just didn’t see how the advice applied to her. Being with Joohyun made her happy. If anything, dating her was the selfish thing to do, not the opposite. Dating Joohyun, who could do so much better and had chosen Seungwan of all people to be with.

She didn’t have the time to come up with a response, because suddenly Joohyun was calling out to her. “Seungwan, were you really that worried about my Christmas present?” she asked from her place on the other end of the sofa.

“She asked everyone,” Yerim cut in with a smirk, all traces of the previous seriousness gone.

“Why would you tell her that?” Seungwan nearly shouted in mortified shock, barely resisting the instinct to smack Yerim’s arm. She felt that, close as they might be, that wouldn’t be the wisest course of action.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Joohyun said sweetly, getting up to move closer to Seungwan and then sitting on her lap. “I think it’s cute. And I liked it very much,” she reassured with a crooked smile as her hands move to rest on her shoulders.

Seungwan lost the ability to speak, enraptured by the vision in front of her, the warm and comforting weight settled against her. All she managed was some nervous chuckling as her hands lay limply on the sofa.

“You two better not kiss in front of me. I have an airhorn in my bag and I’m not afraid to use it,” Yerim said much louder than was necessary, like she wanted to make sure that her voice would penetrate the lovers’ dreamy haze.

Seungwan shook her head in confusion, then turned to Yerim, partly to challenge the statement but mostly to avoid losing herself entirely in Joohyun’s eyes and becoming unaware of everything else. “Why do you have an airhorn in your bag?”

“I don’t know, why do you ask stupid questions?” Yerim’s smug face contorted into affront as Joohyun reached out to smack her arm in Seungwan’s stead.

“Hey, be nice to my girlfriend,” she scolded with a voice that was too light to carry any real sternness. The giggles that sounded from behind them, where Sooyoung and Seulgi sat, were probably more of a punishment to Yerim anyway.

After a few more rounds of embarrassing Seungwan and a blessed interval where they talked about something other than the new couple, the two youngest left together, followed after a brief time by Seulgi. Joohyun busied herself in the kitchen to give the two friends time to say their goodbyes in private.

“Wannie, I really am happy for you. I’m glad everything worked out for the best,” Seulgi said with a smile. Then it faded as she studied Seungwan seriously. “Are you sure you’re not mad at me? It’s fine if you are, we can talk about it.”

Seungwan smiled sincerely, trying to dispel her concern. “I promise it’s fine. I’m happy. And you’re right, everything worked out just fine. Nothing to be mad about,” she assured as she grasped Seulgi’s hands for emphasis.

“Good. Great. But, you know, we can talk anyway. Call me or something, okay? We haven’t hung out in a while.” She leaned forward, lowered her voice as she started down a path Seungwan had really hoped she wouldn’t. “I really think things are going to be different this time. Joohyun’s really great. Just… Try not to, uh… Don’t just…” She seemed to be having trouble getting the words out so Seungwan provided them for her.

“I know, I know. I won’t spend all my time with her. I won’t forget my best friend,” she said lightly, trying to pull them away from the topic.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Wan-Wan. You just- you isolate yourself. And you’ve been avoiding me for a while now,” Seulgi said in an almost sad voice. She grabbed Seungwan’s hands a little tighter.

“That’s different,” she immediately argued back, lowering her voice as she worried that Joohyun would overhear somehow. “I was just feeling guilty about lying to you and covering things up. But it’s all settled now, so no more avoiding. I’ll call you and we’ll hang out, just the two of us. I promise.”

Seulgi’s face cleared as she seemed to accept Seungwan’s promise. “Great! And Wannie, I think you’re going to do great. She really likes you and I know you like her.” She paused, took a deep breath that did nothing to calm her down as she only carried on. “I’m so excited. I’m so happy for you. I’m just…” She finally caught herself and slowed down a bit.

“But no pressure, okay? You’re the one who knows if you’re happy. And you can talk to me about anything. And, uh… Don’t push yourself. It’s okay if it takes time to get over stuff. I’m sure Joohyun will feel the same. You’re worth it,” she concluded with a wide smile.

They were nice words, but Seungwan wasn’t sure she believed any of it. Still, she offered Seulgi what she hoped was a reassuring smile as their hands separated and they said their goodbyes.

As soon as Seulgi was out the door, Joohyun was behind her, enveloping her in a back hug so that her head rested on Seungwan’s shoulder.

“That went well,” she said with a voice that was overflowing with happiness. It was impossible not to smile at the sound and all of Seungwan’s thoughts faded away as she melted into the embrace.

“I think so too. I just hope Seulgi and Sooyoung didn’t share too much embarrassing information about me.”

“There’s nothing embarrassing about you liking me,” Joohyun replied easily. “It’s sweet. And it makes me happy to hear it.”

Seungwan tried to turn her head away, suddenly shy, but her girlfriend was quick to pull her in with one hand while the other remained wrapped around her. Then she leaned in until their noses were touching. “I missed kissing you,” she sighed out, her breath hitting Seungwan’s lips.

“Did you?” Seungwan asked in a faltering voice, mouth so close to Joohyun’s that she could almost taste it.

Joohyun hummed in confirmation. “I almost braved the airhorn,” she added with a seriousness that hardly matched such a silly statement. Seungwan couldn’t help but ruin the moment, bursting into loud laughter at the words. She doubled over and Joohyun wisely stepped back before a stray elbow could strike her by accident.

She sobered up when a hand gently reached for hers, pulling her to the sofa. They sat side by side, Joohyun’s legs draped over Seungwan’s lap and her arms around Seungwan’s neck. Then they did kiss, for a very long time, until Joohyun repositioned herself to sit more fully on Seungwan’s lap and her hands drifted to her waist, then up under her shirt, roaming over the sensitive skin of Seungwan’s stomach.

She felt self-conscious, not really confident in that region of her body. She was far from having toned abs and she was sure that Joohyun’s hands could feel every inch of the soft, yielding skin. She held her breath, not quite able to focus on the pleasant sensation of Joohyun's fingers brushing across her stomach.

Joohyun broke their kiss to lean close to her ear. “I could kiss you forever,” she whispered, then pressed her lips to the skin beneath Seungwan’s ear. She shivered almost convulsively at the touch and Joohyun reacted with a satisfied hum, digging her fingers into Seungwan's stomach. “I could touch you forever,” she added in a breathy voice. Seungwan no longer had the brainpower to be self-conscious as the caresses continued.

Her hands found their way to Joohyun's thighs and she squeezed them almost without noticing as Joohyun’s mouth returned to hers. As they continued to kiss, a soft, pleasant fuzziness settled deeper into her brain until she could barely register anything aside from the places where Joohyun's hands rested, her lips brushing against Joohyun's, her lower lip being gently tugged by Joohyun's teeth. Every part of her body that pressed against Joohyun's.

She felt a familiar tingling sensation travelling slowly down her body to settle at the pit of her stomach. Joohyun's nails raked across her skin. The tingling sensation travelled lower.

Her hands flew off Joohyun's thighs to grab her girlfriend’s wrists and freeze her in place. She chuckled nervously as she thought of a way to defuse the situation, but her treacherous brain offered nothing except a vague suggestion to maybe just keep going and see what happened.

Joohyun pulled back, slowly breaking the kiss. She opened dazed, almost impossibly dark eyes, which she blinked a few times before they seemed capable of focusing on anything at all.

“Hi,” she said in a husky voice. Seungwan's fingers, still wrapped around Joohyun's wrists, clenched a little tighter before she remembered she was holding them and slowly lowered them to her waist.

“Hi,” she replied, because she couldn't think of a single other word, even though she knew that they must surely exist. The urge to push Joohyun's hands back up her stomach and pick up where they'd left off was taking much longer to fade than she’d hoped.

“That was…” Joohyun said slowly, then paused as she seemed to search for what to say. She appeared just as affected as Seungwan, although to be fair she had managed twice as many words so far.

“You’re very distracting,” she concluded with a chuckle. She brought her hands away from Seungwan’s waist to carefully tuck her top back into place, smoothing the wrinkles she’d left on the fabric with light fingers.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun asked as she finished adjusting the shirt. She still looked at the fabric held between her hands, a small furrow between her brows. “Why wouldn’t you have believed Seulgi if she’d told you I had feelings for you?”

Seungwan wished her brain had recovered a little more before the question was posed. As it was, she found it hard to find a way to nicely phrase the truth. A way that didn’t sound too off-putting.

“Well, you’re… You’re really out of my league,” she finally said, trying to sound playful but not too playful. Just the right amount of self-deprecating humour.

Joohyun blinked a few times as she processed the information. Her brow furrowed further. “What do you mean?” She sounded truly confused, like this was a foreign concept to her. Did she really not know how much better than Seungwan she was?

“Well, you’re you. You’re amazing. And I’m… me.”

Joohyun nodded in agreement. “And you’re amazing,” she added, still confused by Seungwan’s explanation. “More than amazing. You’re beautiful and funny and smart and kind and caring and selfless and sweet…” she slowly enumerated, pausing between each adjective to drop a kiss somewhere on Seungwan’s face.

She pressed her lips to each cheek, her forehead, the tip of her nose, her chin and each of her eyelids. “And you’re very good at baking,” she added with a grin, leaning forward for a chaste kiss on Seungwan’s lips.

Seungwan stretched her lips into a fake smile, pouring as much honesty into it as she possibly could while clawing at the edge of panic. This was bad. Joohyun thought she was all these good things and she was completely wrong and eventually she would begin to realize her mistake and grow more and more disappointed until one day she’d wake up and look at Seungwan and see her for who she really was.

How had she possibly fooled Joohyun into thinking that this was what she was? Sure, she’d tried to conceal her bad side, but she never thought she’d succeed to such an absurd degree. Then again, why else would Joohyun have fallen for her?

“I, uh, I have to go to the bathroom now,” she blurted out, weakly pushing Joohyun off her lap and getting up from the sofa as naturally as she could. She just needed to hide for a couple of minutes while she calmed down a little.

“Why don’t you think about dinner? What should we eat?” she threw behind her back while she walked away and into the protective solitude of the bathroom.

There was nothing to be done about it now. She’d accidentally tricked her girlfriend into thinking she was some great person who deserved her. Now she’d just have to play along, try to let her down easily.

She sighed, leaned against the cold tiles. She should have known the whole thing was too good to be true. She was an idiot.


	34. Act 3 Part 8

When Seungwan awoke in Joohyun’s embrace, the familiar feeling of safety wasn’t quite as overpowering as before, its effect weakened by her doubts. Joohyun was still asleep, her breathing soft and steady as it hit Seungwan’s back in little puffs, one arm curled between their bodies and the other wrapped around Seungwan’s waist so that they were pressed together.

She hadn’t succeeded in keeping her fears entirely concealed. Joohyun didn’t notice right away, but when they were halfway through dinner and Seungwan zoned out yet again, she finally paused the conversation to ask if everything was alright. Seungwan dismissed Joohyun’s question with a reassuring smile, claiming that she was just distracted, thinking about work and their friends.

When Joohyun frowned, not entirely convinced, she sheepishly admitted to be suffering from some delayed stress over the afternoon’s events. This did the trick and Joohyun was quick to reassure her with comforting words and soft brushes of her thumb against the back of Seungwan’s hand.

After dinner, they cuddled in Joohyun’s sofa with some mindless show playing on Joohyun’s laptop providing the background noise and an occasional distraction. Seungwan let Joohyun take over the conversation, focusing on the cadence of her words in an attempt to calm down her fears. Joohyun’s warmth against her helped, as did the way her fingers rubbed slow patterns on Seungwan’s arms.

Despite being the source of her unease, Joohyun’s presence still managed to be soothing, something stable and reliable, at least for the time being. When they went to bed, Joohyun pressed a single kiss to Seungwan’s shoulder, seeming to be awaiting her lead. She pulled her in for a few light kisses, then slowly disentangled their limbs to turn around. The knot in her stomach had been loosened, but she felt exhausted and frail and not up for anything heavier than that. Joohyun understood at once, arms moving to pull her close.

She was surprised at how easily she’d fallen asleep. Joohyun’s warmth and smell and mere existence were infinitely comforting, or maybe she had just been that tired. But the morning came at last and she met it with a coldness in her heart that didn’t match her warm limbs, bundled under cosy sheets and pressed against a cosy girlfriend.

The nauseating pressure at the pit of her stomach refused to lift no matter how much she tried to distract herself, not even when she returned Joohyun’s lazy morning kisses with an enthusiasm that easily grew contagious. She let her hands slip under Joohyun’s pyjama top, embrace skin still heated by sleep, her motions carried by an edge that hadn’t been there last time, but still she couldn’t shake off that ominous feeling.

At breakfast, Joohyun joked about how it was their one-week anniversary and Seungwan said something cheesy like “first of many” or “best week ever” or possibly something else entirely. The truth was that she forgot it nearly as soon as she said it, her mind far away from the conversation. She knew her excuse wouldn’t work forever and soon Joohyun would be worried, so she cut their weekend short right after lunch, claiming that she had to clean her house.

It wasn’t a complete lie. There were plenty of things to take care of, from having a look through the fridge for anything expired to doing a load of laundry to deep-cleaning the bathroom. There was always something when you lived alone. For once, it would work in her favour instead of just being something that she ended up doing against her will when it got too bad to tolerate.

Joohyun accepted the reasoning easily enough, not even protesting that the weekend Seungwan had promised her was cut short. She said something about catching up on some laundry, then set Seungwan free, requesting only that she keep her updated with a text every once in a while.

As soon as Seungwan was safely home, she picked up Mr. Fluffers and buried her face in his thick fur, ignoring his protests. The familiar action, together with the sight of her apartment, with the same old sofa and the same old coat hanger in the corner, and the same not-so-old Love Live poster by the TV, helped to slow the whirring of her mind. She took a deep breath and cleared her thoughts.

She might as well clean the house now. She’d already become a liar, but she could at least avoid being a lazy one. The heavy ball of fur in her arms reminded her that brushing Mr. Fluffers should be in the list, but she’d have to leave it for later since she’d just disturbed him quite radically. She’d leave him on the sofa and come back when he’d fallen asleep.

The kitchen was as good a place as any to start. She rifled through the fridge but didn’t bother with the freezer, moving straight to the counter, which she wiped down. Then she emptied the dishwasher and filled it with the few items she’d left in the sink, so that she could wipe that down as well. She finished up by mopping the floor, realizing about halfway through that her head was beginning to clear.

Back in the living room, Mr. Fluffers lay on the sofa with stretched out legs. She snuck her way to her bedroom to grab his brush then sat quietly by his side. While she brushed him, not receiving many protests from the sleepy figure, she remembered Seulgi’s words.

She’d told her not to isolate herself. Was Seungwan doing that? Maybe she should call her. Maybe her fears were dumb and Seulgi would realize it for her. Maybe she’d overlooked something that would allow her to breathe a little easier.

She took out her phone and dialled Seulgi’s number, putting it on speaker so she could keep brushing Mr. Fluffers. After a few rings, Seulgi picked up.

“Wannie!” she immediately exclaimed. Seungwan could hear muffled conversations in the background and she was quick to realize that Seulgi must be busy.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“No, no, no, it’s fine,” Seulgi assured her as every sound but her voice grew distant. She must be walking away from the crowd. “I'm really glad you called. What's up?”

“Oh, nothing,” she replied evasively. She tapped her fingers against her thigh, the cat temporarily forgotten. “I just said I would, so here I am. Calling.”

Seulgi laughed at the awkward phrasing, more than used to it by now. “I kind of missed you,” she admitted after a pause. “I know you need your space sometimes, but I'm happy you're not avoiding me anymore.”

Her tone was bright, but Seungwan still felt guilty. She hadn't considered that her friend might miss her, not when Seulgi had so many friends and acquaintances to spend time with.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, voice so quiet that she wondered if Seulgi could even hear it. The tapping resumed, a little faster and more insistent.

Seulgi laughed again and the lightness in it cut right through Seungwan's guilt, encasing her in a bubble of safety for the briefest moment.

“It's fine, Wannie. Best friends don't have to see each other all the time,” she declared happily. “But! You did say something about hanging out!” she added with dramatic intensity, making Seungwan laugh.

“I did say that.” She forced her hand to sit still, if only to prove to herself that she was calm. “I guess, whenever you’re free?” she added uncertainly.

“How about now?” Seulgi offered without hesitation. Seungwan cringed at the thought of shooting down her friend’s eager readiness.

“I was actually cleaning up around the house,” she admitted with a groan. Seulgi seemed amused at the information.

“Wow, the place must look pretty bad if it even dragged you away from Joohyun.”

Right. Joohyun. Her girlfriend with whom everything was supposedly fine. The reason why she’d called Seulgi in the first place. But now that she was brought up so lightly, like Seulgi couldn’t even imagine a cloud in the horizon, the thought of confessing her baseless insecurities seemed almost childish. Joohyun hadn’t done anything, Seungwan was just making up problems where they didn’t exist. She should just distract herself and stop thinking about it instead of burdening everyone around her with something that was her own fault to begin with.

“Well, I already skipped the cleaning last week,” she replied, letting the topic of Joohyun drop for the moment. She didn’t want to discuss it over the phone anyway, it would all come out wrong. Maybe she’d change her mind by the time they met in person.

Seulgi hummed to acknowledge her words. After a short pause, she spoke up in an almost mischievous tone. “You know what might help get things done a little faster?”

Seungwan could imagine what she was about to suggest and the thought alone brought a smile to her lips. “If maybe your best friend dropped by to help out and provide moral support,” Seulgi concluded as she’d expected.

“Past experience argues that it actually takes much longer when my best friend helps,” she countered with amusement.

“Well, are you in a rush?” Seulgi asked simply. Seungwan laughed, providing answer enough. “Okay, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Seungwan ended the call actually feeling a little better. She was about to spend some quality time with Seulgi, which was long overdue, and for a little while she was sure she’d be able to forget about her issues with Joohyun and just be happy and carefree with her best friend.

She suddenly remembered Joohyun's request for updates. She looked at her phone for a moment before composing a quick message.

« Still cleaning away! I recruited Seulgi’s help, but I'm not sure it'll get the work done any faster. I'll text you when we're done :) »

She read it over, unsatisfied with how dry it looked. It sounded like she was texting her parole officer or something. She tried again.

« Hey, how's your afternoon going? I'm still cleaning away. I recruited Seulgi’s help, but I'm not sure it'll get the work done any faster :p Love you <3 »

She spent a few more minutes performing minor edits before she was satisfied enough to send it. Seulgi arrived before Joohyun could respond, probably because she was still busy with her laundry, and Seungwan did her best not to worry. After all, she was the one who had wanted to avoid Joohyun so she should be relieved to be getting space.

It took less than an hour with Seulgi to distract her entirely from her worries. As predicted, they took a very long time getting the house cleaned up, but in their defence, it was only because they weren't very efficient and not at all from lack of effort. At some point, Joohyun answered her text with an apology for the delay and a confirmation that the cause had indeed been the laundry. She was happy that Seungwan was with her friend and hoped they would have fun.

When they finally stopped cleaning, night had fallen completely. Seungwan offered dinner and Seulgi hesitated for a moment, looking towards the front door. She knew what her friend was thinking right away and while it might have phased the Seungwan of earlier in the day, evening Seungwan was happy and relaxed and she didn't think twice before suggesting that they grab some take-out for the three of them and join Joohyun for dinner.

The meal was fun, full of lively conversation and anecdotes, most of them about Seungwan, who had fallen upon the unfortunate role of being the common link between Seulgi and Joohyun. She laughed at the jokes being traded, even finding the humour in all those stories that were usually nothing but embarrassing.

She loved her best friend and she loved her girlfriend and she was so happy that they seemed to like each other and get along. She was in such good spirits that when Seulgi left she didn't even worry about suddenly being alone with Joohyun. She let herself be wrapped in Joohyun's arms, a silly smile drawn on her face as her cheeks were peppered with kisses.

“I'm glad you had fun with your friend,” Joohyun said softly, face by Seungwan's ear as she still held her close.

Seungwan nodded in agreement. It had been exactly what she’d needed. She hadn't even discussed her concerns but already they seemed so trivial and exaggerated. So what if Joohyun had said all those things about her? She'd probably just meant them as compliments, nice things that Seungwan would want to hear. She surely didn't actually believe all of them. She might have an inflated opinion of Seungwan, but she wasn't delusional. She just liked her.

“You know, I'm a little jealous,” Joohyun confessed in a whisper. Seungwan was almost startled by her words, unable to understand why Joohyun would be jealous of her friend. Maybe she was jealous of Seungwan for being close to Seulgi.

“You two have known each other for so long. Compared to that, it's like I don't know you at all.”

Oh. She was jealous of… their relationship? Their history? It was a strange concept to Seungwan, one she'd never considered. She'd never envied Yerim or Sooyoung for knowing Joohyun longer. She'd met her when she did and she'd get to know her as time went by.

“Sometimes I wish we'd met sooner,” Joohyun continued. “That I'd already had more time with you. Is that greedy? That I want so much of you that all the future won't do?”

Her words were dreamy, like thoughts spoken out loud without a filter. Seungwan could see how the words would sound romantic, but there was nothing in her past that she wanted Joohyun to see. She liked where they'd met, after all the mess.

“We could have met later,” she joked in response. She ran her hands up and down Joohyun's back to make sure her words didn’t come off too aggressive. “Like, what if we met when I was 30? You’d already be so old by then,” she added teasingly.

“I’d be 33,” Joohyun immediately replied, sounding affronted at the suggestion that this would be considered old.

“See? Ancient,” Seungwan giggled as Joohyun reached for her arms to immobilize them and pulled away only far enough to make eye contact. Her face was serious, but her eyes twinkled in a way that showed she was only playing along.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to be calling your girlfriend old?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. Seungwan bit back a smirk.

“Well, I’m not calling you old _now_ ,” she reasoned, trying to pull her arms free without much effort. “Only, you know, when you’re 33 and I’m still young and fresh-faced at 30,” she concluded quickly. Without warning, Joohyun launched herself forward to tickle her, not stopping even when Seungwan squirmed and squealed.

When she was finally released from Joohyun’s grip, she panted and held her side dramatically. “You know, you’re very sprightly,” she pointed out.

“For my age?”

“You said it, not me.” She smirked at her girlfriend, quickly reaching out to block any possible tickle attacks. Joohyun looked beautiful in her false indignation, eyes bright and cheeks tinged with a slight flush. “I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid you’ll tickle me again,” she confessed around her smile.

“And it would be entirely deserved,” Joohyun replied with narrowed eyes. “But luckily for you, I also want you to kiss me, so I’ll allow it.”

She happily leaned in, yelping when Joohyun reached for her waist before realizing that she only intended to rest her hands there. The devious smile that pressed itself against her lips as Joohyun kissed her let her know that the deception had been completely intentional.

But then they were kissing and she didn’t really mind anymore, not when her thoughts were too full of Joohyun and how easily she melted into Seungwan, arching her body to press more fully against her. Her hands were under Joohyun’s shirt before she’d even processed it, splayed against her back to pull her in as her girlfriend offered no resistance to that particular suggestion.

Joohyun smelled good, the scent of fabric softener stronger than usual. It was almost intoxicating, although this particular sensation of dizziness, almost like Seungwan was soaring, might have less to do with the pleasant smell and more to do with Joohyun’s hands creeping up her stomach, nails scraping against the skin as Joohyun’s tongue brushed against Seungwan’s lips, gently coaxing them open.

She moaned at the touch, something inside her erupting in euphoria at the way Joohyun froze for just a beat before carrying on. Joohyun’s hands continued their path, far beyond where Seungwan had expected them to settle, until she felt fingers brush against the underside of her bra.

The dizziness intensified and she felt her heart hammering in her chest, in her throat, in her ears. Joohyun broke the kiss, leaving Seungwan to wonder if she’d even been kissing back at that point.

“You should spend the night,” Joohyun suggested in a hoarse whisper.

“We have work in the morning,” Seungwan reminded her weakly. Her hands, still on Joohyun’s back, now served mostly as an anchor to keep her from losing herself completely.

“But if you stay, we can have fun,” Joohyun said slowly, every word dropping on Seungwan’s stomach like a bowling ball. She knew what Joohyun meant. She was enjoying herself and she wanted to keep going, to explore these interesting new sensations and find out what else would draw a moan from Seungwan’s lips or cause her brain to stutter and shut down.

But Seungwan’s instincts were sharpened by experience. Every touch of Joohyun’s was special and nothing like what she’d felt before, every sensation was unique and she did want to fully enjoy every step of the journey along to its inevitable conclusion. But she couldn’t pretend that she didn’t know very well what that conclusion would be. That years of experience didn’t converge to provide a very clear picture, one that was uniquely motivating.

And the truth was that already Seungwan’s entire body was tingling, screaming for relief, for Joohyun’s hands mapping every inch of it and finally travelling where they were so sorely needed. Spending the night would be a terrible idea.

She cleared her throat. “I don’t… I don’t think I should do that,” she admitted in an unsteady voice.

“Why not?” Joohyun asked, appearing genuinely surprised at the rejection. Then she looked in Seungwan’s eyes and slowly grew redder than Seungwan had ever seen her. “Oh. I see. Yes, that’s… Right. Yes,” she said in quick succession, seemingly unable to form longer sentences.

Seungwan felt vaguely embarrassed that the truth had been read so easily in her eyes, but she was mostly relieved that she wouldn’t have to come up with some reasonable excuse and risk hurting Joohyun’s feelings.

She turned around to leave, pulling Joohyun with her to the front door for their goodbyes. Before she could open the door, however, she was stopped by a gentle hand on her arm. Joohyun looked hesitant as she turned to face her more fully.

“Perhaps…” she began, then paused as she looked around the room like she was hoping to find the right words. “Perhaps you could spend the night next time.”

Seungwan’s stomach jolted in place, but she ignored it decisively. “We don’t have to. There’s really no rush,” she said as gently as she could manage.

“Well, yes, but… I do trust you and I love you and I don’t see any reason not to –“

“There doesn’t have to be a reason,” she quickly cut in, affection flooding her body and chasing away the last of the distracting tingling. “The only reason is how we feel. So let’s take our time, okay? Kissing is fun too. And groping,” she added as she waggled her brows, making Joohyun laugh while cringing at the performance. She slapped her arm with no real force, which only made her waggle with even more enthusiasm.

“But, you know,” she carried on once she was sure she’d distracted Joohyun from her worries at least a little. “They’re not just stepping stones to something else. They’re their own thing. So there’s no expectation or anything. It’s just fun,” she finished after a moment, unsure of how to phrase what she wanted to come across. Joohyun seemed to understand, as she took in the words with a steady nod and a thoughtful expression.

She went home feeling a little more confident. She worried about some things and Joohyun about other things, it was only normal in the starting stages of a relationship. As long as she kept Joohyun happy and her concerns didn’t get too out of hand, everything would be alright. After all, it didn’t matter if Joohyun was too good for her. In the end of the day, she’d still chosen Seungwan and all she had to do was ensure that she didn’t regret that choice.


	35. Act 3 Part 9

It had been a week since Seungwan’s embarrassing moment of panic and so far, she’d managed to avoid a repeat. She was keeping on top of her insecurities, making sure not to blow them out of proportion, and she was careful not to dwell on any negative thoughts whenever she spent time with Joohyun, devoting all her attention to her girlfriend.

On Joohyun’s part, she had slowed down her physical advances after their awkward discussion of sex where even the word had been carefully avoided. She seemed more aware of where their actions could take them and had adapted accordingly. This was a relief for Seungwan, who had begun to fear that she’d have to be the one to pace their moments of intimacy against all requests by her own libido.

All in all, everything was going great, and Seungwan felt happy and relaxed as she accompanied Joohyun up the stairs of their apartment building. They chatted about nothing in particular, and Joohyun was mentioning how a co-worker had returned to work after some health issues when she was interrupted by a notification on her phone.

“Sorry, that’s just my mother,” she excused herself distractedly as she tapped out a quick response.

“Oh, you text your parents?”

Seungwan avoided it with her own family, among other reasons because their excessive use of ellipses made all the messages sound passive-aggressive, which was a bit uncomfortable.

“Sometimes. I do prefer calling them.” Joohyun put away her phone and reached in her purse for her apartment keys, finding them easily. “We talk once a week, but when it’s something small they’ll just text me about it. How about you? Do you talk to your parents often?”

“Oh, uh, not really. Mostly just on birthdays and holidays,” Seungwan said, trying not to show her discomfort. She didn’t want Joohyun to think she was a bad daughter or that she didn’t care about her family. It was just that those conversations always ended up somewhere she didn’t want them to go, like her subpar job or her subpar love life, and her mother didn’t sound disappointed so much as sad for Seungwan. Like she could only imagine how unfortunate Seungwan’s life must be. But she didn’t want to tell Joohyun that, either.

“Sometimes it can be hard to keep in touch when you’re busy,” Joohyun remarked simply, shrugging off the issue. She turned away to open the apartment door and they stepped inside, an invitation for Seungwan not really necessary anymore.

Seungwan followed behind her, a little uneasy. Was Joohyun really not judging her or did she just not want to talk about it? Before Seungwan could decide whether to justify herself further, Joohyun’s phone lit up in her hand.

“Oh, my mother again,” she said with a slightly embarrassed smile. It grew a little more natural as she read the message, looking almost endeared at whatever her mother had said. “My parents have been a little excited ever since I told them I was dating,” she added with a chuckle.

Seungwan tried not to make the surprise too obvious on her face. “You told your parents?” she asked neutrally, even though her heart was beginning to hammer in her chest.

“Well, they’ve known about you for a while. Then last week I suppose I was a little too obvious when I mentioned you,” Joohyun admitted freely, a shy smile on her face as she paused on her way to the kitchen to turn to Seungwan. It fell slightly when they locked eyes and Seungwan immediately knew that she wasn’t being entirely convincing. “No pressure on your side, of course. You can tell your parents on the next birthday-slash-holiday or whenever you feel comfortable,” she quickly added, bringing a hand up to caress Seungwan’s arm supportively.

“No, I’m comfortable,” she reassured Joohyun, the words sounding entirely false as she said them. “It’s just, I don’t really talk about relationships with my parents,” she added in the hopes that it would explain her sudden nerves. If her mother had known about all the failed relationships in her past, Seungwan could only imagine how much worse her pitying comments would sound.

“You know, I call them to let them know and then two months later it’s over and I have to call again and they get all sad for me and it’s just…” she trailed off awkwardly, embarrassed that she’d nearly started complaining about her parents to Joohyun, right after finding out how close her girlfriend was to her own parents. She’d sound completely ungrateful, like talking to them was some chore.

Not to mention that this particular line of complaint led right to a discussion about her romantic past, which she’d been careful not to mention because nobody wanted to know about all the people she’d dated disastrously and all the ways she’d been dumped and what if Joohyun pitied her like her mother did?

“Is that the plan?” Joohyun asked, voice a little strange. Seungwan snapped out of her thoughts with confusion. She couldn’t believe she’d managed to fall right back into her insecurities, just as she’d been congratulating herself for avoiding such thoughts around Joohyun.

“Is that the plan? Dating for two months and then it’s over?” Joohyun repeated harshly. Was she angry? Seungwan felt something hard and nauseating drop into her stomach as her thoughts began to grow fuzzy with panic.

“What? No, not-,“ she began to refuse, but froze at her slip. She didn’t want them to break up after two months. She didn’t want them to break up ever. But her lips had worked too fast for her brain and had spilled what she was entirely convinced was the truth.

“Not two months, then?” Joohyun completed the sentence for her, and Seungwan could only look at her with wide eyes, because there was nothing to deny. That was exactly what she’d been about to say. “So, what will it be? Three months? Six? And when were you going to let me know that?”

Joohyun’s voice was hard, so unlike the soft low tones that Seungwan had grown used to. It hit her like lightning, filling her entire body with nervous energy, and she began to feel the familiar pinprick of tears gathering behind her eyes. She blinked against them, willing them away.

She always did this. She panicked and cried and it made it impossible to argue with her. She was well aware of that, having been informed enough times by upset exes, but she just couldn’t help it.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that,” she stuttered out, forcing the sobs out of her voice. “I was just b-being dumb, I’ll call my parents, I’ll tell them,” she assured Joohyun, already patting down every pocket she had for her phone.

“Not if you’re just going to break up with me later!” Joohyun spat back, making a move to approach her then seemingly changing her mind and beginning to pace at a distance.

“Me?” Seungwan exclaimed with surprise. “I’m not-,“ she began, words once more pouring out of her mouth before she had a chance to filter them. All the fears that she’d kept at the back of her mind so she wouldn’t worry Joohyun. Now she was doing worse than worrying. Now she was ruining the first good relationship she’d managed to find herself in.

“Oh, I’m breaking up with you?” Joohyun asked in feigned surprise. She crossed her arms, paused her pacing for a moment to look at Seungwan with an anger that she’d never seen in Joohyun before.

She pressed her trembling hands against her body, trying to still them, trying to resist the urge to run to Joohyun and turn to a sobbing mess in her arms.

“I wish someone would have warned me,” Joohyun added sarcastically.

“That’s not what I meant,” Seungwan tried again in a wavering voice. “I meant- you- you don’t-,“ she stumbled over her words, finding it hard to phrase it so that Joohyun wouldn’t get mad again. How could she say that Joohyun would eventually see that breaking up was all Seungwan was good for without making it sound… Wrong? Like it was Joohyun’s fault or something.

“You just don’t know… You don’t know yet… But…” She squeezed her hands together desperately. The right words evaded her just as she reached for them and all she had were half-sentences that only made everything worse.

“Right, I just don’t know what I’m doing,” Joohyun cut her off darkly. It was hard to read her face, since Seungwan’s sight had begun to grow hazy and wavery with unshed tears.

There was an awful moment of silence as Joohyun only stood there, arms still crossed defensively over her chest, making her look so terribly unapproachable. “Why are you even dating me if you think I’m going to break up with you?” she finally asked.

Seungwan didn’t know the answer to that question herself, but Joohyun wouldn’t stop looking at her like she had to say something and she couldn’t think of anything beyond keeping the tears from falling, keeping her lower lip from trembling too noticeably. “I d-don’t know,” she finally admitted, looking down to avoid Joohyun’s angry eyes. “I wasn’t going to date anymore, I-I always mess it up.” Her voice that grew lower and lower until it was barely audible. She felt like a child trapped in a lie, finally confessing the awful truth.

“You were going on dates long before we got together!” Joohyun pointed out in a surprisingly loud voice. Seungwan cringed at the volume, wishing she could curl into a little ball and disappear. But she couldn’t just drop the argument like that, she couldn’t just break down and force Joohyun to push back her problems to deal with hers. That was selfish and childish and a grown adult like her should be able to have an argument without falling apart.

“I w-wasn’t… I-I was avoiding m-my feelings for you,” she choked out as her shoulders rose to shield her against Joohyun’s fury which was sure to come. She stood in place, staring at the floor and clenching her trembling fists. Joohyun wasn’t saying anything. She looked up, blinking the mist out of her eyes for at least a moment, and saw the way Joohyun’s face was no longer set in anger. She looked hurt, her own eyes distant and her jaw clenched tightly.

“Alright, then. I pushed you into this relationship, I don’t know what I’m doing and one day I’ll break up with you. That’s how you feel,” she enunciated slowly. Seungwan wished desperately that she could disagree, but she knew that she’d never be able to explain the subtleties of what she’d meant, how exactly it wasn’t Joohyun’s fault at all. How it was Seungwan who had pushed herself, Seungwan who had counted on Joohyun’s inexperience, Seungwan who would inevitably disappoint.

“I think I’d like you to leave now,” Joohyun said in a neutral voice, sounding painfully cold. A fresh wave of panic spread over Seungwan and her body began trembling so strongly that she thought she’d fall over right there on the carpet.

“Are you breaking up with me?” she finally asked, in a wisp of a voice. Joohyun looked at her with such a look of contempt that she immediately regretted the question. But still, like an idiot, she felt the need to ask again. What if Joohyun really did want to break up? And who wouldn’t, after this shameful display? After Seungwan had said wrong thing after wrong thing and hurt Joohyun, insulted her and wrongfully accused her.

Instead, she hung her head and turned to leave. Joohyun didn’t say anything else, not even as she faced her to close the door behind herself. She stepped into her own apartment quickly, before her legs could fail her, and fell heavily on the sofa, immediately breaking out in deep, heaving sobs.

She fumbled for her phone, paused as the sight of it reminded her of how all this had begun. Her vision grew entirely blurry for a second, then hot tears rolled down her cheeks, one after the other without pause. Through the haze, she found Seulgi’s name and called her, eyeing the phone lifelessly as it rang.

“Hey, Wannie, what’s up?” Seulgi’s effortlessly chipper voice sounded through the receiver. She tried to choke back a sob at the words, but it was in vain and immediately that carefree tone was gone from Seulgi’s voice.

“Wannie, is something wrong? What happened?”

“It’s Joohyun,” Seungwan mumbled into the phone, voice unreliable from crying. “I think I messed it up.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, Wan-wan. Can you tell me what happened?” Seulgi’s voice was gentle as she tried to reassure her, despite Seungwan’s certainty that it really was that bad.

“I don’t know, we were walking home and talking and then suddenly we were arguing because I said something dumb about my parents and relationships and Joohyun got upset and then I just kept saying the wrong things and upsetting her more and she got angry and told me to leave,” she managed to explain, pausing after every other word to sob or sniffle or take a gasping breath.

“I think she’s going to break up with me now,” she whispered after a pause. The words seemed to rip into her throat as she said them and a fresh wave of tears sprang to her eyes.

“Wannie, she is definitely not going to break up with you over this. You two just need to take a breath and then talk about it calmly.”

Seungwan tried to take the words to heart but all she could think of was Joohyun leaving her and everything between them just being over in a second, which only fed her panic.

“What did you argue about? Can you tell me?” Seulgi carried on, her voice keeping Seungwan from losing herself completely in the feeling.

“I don’t even know,” she admitted somewhat truthfully. “I guess… I said I didn’t tell my parents about my relationships because they always end and she thought I meant that our relationship would end and then I couldn’t tell her no because I _do_ think she’ll break up with me. I mean, why wouldn’t she? But it sounded really bad, like I didn’t trust her or I didn’t want to date her in the first place,” she recounted, speaking a little faster as if pushing the words out of her mouth would push the thoughts out of her head.

“Oh, well, that’s just a misunderstanding,” Seulgi commented after a slight pause where she must have been estimating whether Seungwan would keep talking. “I mean, she’s mad now, but she knows about your dating experience, she’ll understand that it doesn’t mean anything but residual insecurity,” she added in what she was sure was a great encouragement.

Except it wasn’t, because Joohyun didn’t know. She couldn’t know. It was terrible and embarrassing and if Seungwan told her then Joohyun would surely realize the truth. She dug her fingers into her palms and remained in guilty silence.

“Seungwan? Does she not know about that?” Seulgi asked suspiciously. She sighed slightly as Seungwan kept quiet. “You’re not in trouble, Wannie, you can tell me.”

She let out a nervous breath, well aware that Seulgi wouldn’t get mad at her over this. But the tender part of her, the one that was still hyperventilating over Joohyun’s reaction even if Seungwan herself had managed to slow down the sobbing, insisted that today was the day she burned all her bridges.

“She… doesn’t,” she admitted slowly as her nails dug deeper into her palm.

“That’s okay, Wannie,” Seulgi replied immediately, her voice even softer. Seungwan hated being so sensitive about these things, how fragile and unsure she became whenever she started a relationship, like some terrible auto-pilot kicking in. “I understand why you wouldn’t want to tell her. But I think you have to, or she won’t know how to help you.”

“Why can’t I just get over it on my own?” she asked, feeling pathetic even as she said it.

“It doesn’t matter, because you don’t have to,” Seulgi said simply. It managed to make her feel simultaneously comforted and embarrassed. She wished she wasn’t in this situation. She wished she wasn’t like this.

A ringing sound right by her ear startled out of her thoughts, confusing both her and Seulgi.

“Wait, I think someone’s calling me,” she informed pointlessly. Pulling back the phone, she saw Sooyoung’s name flashing on the screen. She felt a different kind of panic, not the existentialist dread of being alone and unloved, but rather the instinctive fear of bodily harm that was innate to all living creatures. “It’s Sooyoung,” she said in a dull voice.

“You have to answer that,” Seulgi stated at once, something comically close to fear tinging her voice. It seemed fear of Sooyoung was also innate to all living creatures.

“Ok, I’ll call you when I’m done, I guess.” She resisted the urge to say something dramatic regarding the possibility of her not coming back out alive, then ended the call with Seulgi to answer Sooyoung.

“Oh hello, Seungwan. Do you happen to know why your girlfriend just called me in tears about how you didn’t believe in the future of your relationship?” Sooyoung immediately asked, cutting off any greeting that Seungwan might have been about to say.

Seungwan barely had the time to cringe at Sooyoung’s aggressive tone before the meaning of her words hit her. “Wait, Joohyun was crying?”

“No, not at all. She was totally cool with the first argument of the first relationship she’s ever had. She just called me to go get lunch tomorrow,” Sooyoung replied sarcastically. There was a beat of silence where Seungwan genuinely considered asking for clarifications, only held back by her slight fear of the woman on the phone with her. “Yes, she was crying! She was very upset, obviously, you idiot!”

“She wasn’t crying when I left,” Seungwan defended herself weakly. She heard a strangled sound, like Sooyoung had stopped herself from starting another angry tirade. Then a heavy sigh.

“Okay, idiocy aside. I told her you loved her a lot and there must be another explanation for what you said. So now I’m calling to get that explanation.”

“You did?” Seungwan was honestly surprised that Sooyoung had taken her side like this. After all, she was Joohyun’s friend first. Seungwan had just kind of come around and awkwardly joined the group.

“Well yeah, I know how much you care about her. And you wouldn’t be an asshole about this. At least not on purpose,” Sooyoung added in an incriminating tone. Before the guilt could begin to settle, Sooyoung was already talking again. “So what exactly did you mean when you said she was going to break up with you?”

“I don’t know, that sooner or later she’ll realize she can do better and end things,” Seungwan eventually replied, once the silence made it clear that she wouldn’t get away without an answer.

“You’re right, you don’t know. What you just said is dumb and makes no sense,” Sooyoung deadpanned without hesitation. Now she was just being mean.

“Come on, Sooyoung,” Seungwan insisted, a little hesitant at the thought of refuting anything her scary friend said. “I know you’re trying to cheer me up, but you know what I mean.”

She didn’t want to say the words out loud, but Sooyoung insisted on remaining silent, awaiting Seungwan’s elaboration.

She sighed, feeling herself deflate as she spoke. “I just- I suck. You guys know that, but Joohyun doesn’t yet. She hasn’t seen that side of me like you have.” It was hard to explain without sounding like she blamed them or thought they mistreated her or something.

“I don’t- Is this because of our teasing?” Sooyoung asked, sounding genuinely puzzled. Seungwan didn’t have to speak, because only a second later she sighed deeply like she already knew the answer. “Seungwan. There’s a difference between thinking you’re kind of a nerd and thinking you’re unlovable,” she said slowly and deliberately, her voice betraying some frustration.

“You’re just saying that,” Seungwan immediately replied, insecurities winning over her fear of opposing Sooyoung.

“No, I’m not. Listen to me. There is no doubt in my mind that you’re good enough for Joohyun, just like she’s good enough for you,” Sooyoung insisted, pausing to let her words linger. Seungwan cringed, unwilling to contradict her friends but equally unwilling to accept their words as truth.

Sooyoung sighed again, filling the silence that stretched between them after her statement. “Nobody ever believes they’re good enough for the person they love. That’s because they love them and they see the best of them and they don’t see the best of themselves. But it’s not the truth,” she said in a slightly gentler tone.

Seungwan listened with a heavy heart, the two sides of herself fighting a raging war. She knew, like an established fact, that she wasn’t good enough. But Sooyoung kept saying all these things with such conviction that she had no choice but to go along. She felt torn between two irreconcilable realities. She took a shaky breath.

“What is there even to love about me?” she finally asked, in a low, wavery voice. She fiddled against the fabric of her sleeve as she awaited an answer that she doubted she’d believe.

“I think that’s a question for Joohyun.”

“But that’s scary,” Seungwan complained childishly, unable to properly express how the suggestion filled her with uncertainty and dread. She didn’t want to expose her insecurity and need for reassurance like this, to show Joohyun just how needy she was.

“Look, Seungwan. You need to stop putting Joohyun on a pedestal because it’s unfair to both of you. You’re not as flawed as you think you are and she’s not as perfect as you think she is. You’re both just human beings in a relationship. If you have a problem, you need to tell her about it. Even if it’s scary.” Sooyoung’s voice had grown a little rougher, but Seungwan could tell that it was the tough act she used when she was trying not to get too sappy.

“Now do you want to know what’s really scary?” she continued, her tone definitely becoming more aggressive yet somehow sounding less terrifying than when the phone call had begun. “Me sneaking into your house in the middle of the night to beat you up for refusing to talk to your girlfriend.”

Seungwan managed a chuckle at Sooyoung’s well-meaning threat.

“I’m serious, I told you I could physically overpower you and I stand by my words,” Sooyoung insisted, though her voice was tinged with amusement.

“Okay, I’ll go,” Seungwan gave in, any trace of enjoyment quickly fading from her words as she was reminded of just what she had agreed to do. The little confidence she had managed to grow seeped out of her in an instant. “But, uh, first I have to call Seulgi back. You kind of interrupted our conversation and-“

“I’ll call Seulgi,” Sooyoung interrupted, her tone strict and allowing no room for argument. “You go. Talk to Joohyun. Everything’s going to be fine.”

After their quick goodbyes, Seungwan hung up and stared at the phone for a very long time. She knew she had to go over there. She had to tell Joohyun everything, even the humiliating things that she’d hoped would remain in the past, because it was becoming clear that they wouldn’t. And the thought of saying those things out loud, of telling the one person that she wished would never find out, was absolutely terrifying.

But she’d made Joohyun cry. That was what hiding things had achieved. And beyond all the worries and doubts that constantly plagued her mind, she knew one thing for certain. She never wanted to make Joohyun cry again. So she put her phone back in her pocket, got up and walked out the door.

Joohyun opened the door to her apartment after a few seconds of waiting. Her face was blotched and marked by the tears that had streaked through her make-up, and her glasses, which she must have put on after Seungwan had left, were slightly fogged over. She barely spared a glance at Seungwan before she was throwing her arms around her and sobbing into her shoulder.

“Oh, Seungwan, I’m so sorry,” she gasped out in a thick voice, gripping so tightly that Seungwan couldn’t pull her away.

“It’s not your fault,” she immediately reassured Joohyun, giving up on her attempt to look her in the eyes and settling for caressing the back of her head comfortingly. “I’m the one who-“

“I yelled at you. I made you cry,” Joohyun cut off in a desperate voice. Her fingers nearly clawed at Seungwan’s back in their attempt to cling to her.

Seungwan was shocked into silence for a moment. The thought that this was what Joohyun would care about after everything Seungwan had said, that her first concern would be to apologize, only made her feel guiltier. “You’re crying too,” she pointed out hesitantly, even though she was mostly sure it wouldn’t bring Joohyun’s anger down on her.

“I just,” Joohyun began, pausing to let out a hiccupping sob. “I don’t understand why you’d say those horrible things. Is that really how you feel?”

Her first instinct was to deny it, to insist that of course she didn’t. But she did, and she couldn’t lie anymore. “It’s… complicated,” she admitted, hating the way Joohyun’s fingers slackened in their grip. “But it has nothing to do with you, I promise, you’re doing everything right. It’s, uh, I’m the one who…” she trailed off.

She didn’t even know how to finish the sentence without repeating what she’d been telling Sooyoung and Seulgi just moments before. That she was terrible and irredeemable and unworthy of Joohyun’s love in the first place.

Joohyun tried to pull away then, but she couldn’t handle seeing her quite yet, so she tried to keep her in place as she continued to talk to the back of her head. “Do you remember when you told me you wished you’d met me sooner? It’s not the same for me. I’m glad you didn’t meet me at sixteen, or eighteen, or twenty, because I was a mess. And I thought I wasn’t a mess now, but I guess I still am,” she said quickly. Then she released her grip, shakily lowered her arms to let Joohyun move away.

She looked confused, a little uncertain, a little worried. But she didn’t look angry. She seemed to be waiting for Seungwan to elaborate, but there were so many thoughts in her mind, so many things she needed Joohyun to understand, things that she didn’t particularly want to share.

She bit her lip, willing the words to spill out, to form a coherent picture out of the jumble of memories that she struggled through. Without a word, Joohyun reached for her hand and led her to the sofa, where they sat side by side, hands still linked.

“Right, uh, I guess I’ll tell you about my first boyfriend?” she asked more than stated. Joohyun only nodded with incredible patience. Seungwan really didn’t deserve her. Willing those thoughts away, she continued her story.

"I was fourteen, I think. He was an older kid. Not, like, weird old. Just fifteen or sixteen. He got my number through mutual friends or something and we started texting.”

Joohyun didn’t make any move to interrupt, silently listening along. Seungwan began to wish she would say something. She felt silly for talking about this like it was some big thing, but at the same time she began to feel incredibly vulnerable. Like she was sharing an intimate secret.

“Then one day we met and we talked about whatever. I don’t even know anymore, TV shows or something. Suddenly he leaned in to kiss me and somehow, I hadn’t realized that that was what we were doing and I was so surprised that I just backed away. He laughed and apologized for startling me and just kept talking like it was fine. Then a while later he leaned in again and I thought, I’m not surprised anymore and it’s not like I’m scared of him or anything. He’s older and cool and he likes me. And so I… let him kiss me,” she said as casually as she could manage. Why was she already feeling like this? She hadn’t even gotten to the bad part yet. She clutched at an invisible thread on the sofa with her free hand until Joohyun’s gentle pressure on the other caused her to slowly relax her fingers.

“After that, we started dating. And then, after a week, he broke up with me. He said I was, uh, childish and clingy,” she slowly recalled, like the words weren’t fresh in her mind. “And I guess I’ve been proving him right ever since.”

She only realized she’d begun crying again when Joohyun carefully disentangled their hands to brush away the tears. “I just keep ruining all my relationships and I don’t even… I don’t know, I can’t help it. I’m clingy. I cry too much and apologize too much and I stress out over dumb stuff and have to be reassured all the time,” she enumerated around the knot in her throat, blinking rapidly to stop the tears.

Joohyun had a frown on her face, her brow furrowed with concern, but still she said nothing, like she sensed that Seungwan wasn’t done yet. She supposed she wasn’t. “Then I met Seulgi and that was the first time I felt good with someone. Confident. So I stopped dating and since then I figured I’d gotten over it but I’m starting to suspect that maybe I didn’t.”

She forced a chuckle at her own understatement, trying to inject some humour into the heavy atmosphere. Joohyun smiled a little, but it was still tinged with worry.

“Okay, so that’s my tragic past,” she said with forced cheer. She patted Joohyun’s hand, which had settled back on the sofa by hers. “Now I can explain what I meant when I said those, uh, horrible things,” she concluded with a slight wince.

“I think I know what you meant,” Joohyun finally said. Without further elaboration, she leaned in for another hug, gently caressing Seungwan’s back and nape. They remained in that for a moment, Seungwan desperately fighting off the urge to break into large, ugly sobs, until finally Joohyun moved back.

“I’m sorry for the way I reacted, Seungwan. I really am,” she began softly. “If I’d known about all this, I would have done things very differently. But the truth is that I didn’t know, and in that moment it only seemed like you didn’t take us seriously. I’m fully invested in this relationship and it hurt that you would be dismissive of it. And it was… humiliating, that going all in from the start might be some naïve mistake born out of my own inexperience.”

Seungwan shook her head hurriedly, eager to dispel this idea. Joohyun had done nothing wrong, nothing at all.

“I don’t blame you, Seungwan, really. And I wasn’t trying to justify myself, only explain why I reacted that way,” Joohyun quickly added, hands reaching up to caress Seungwan’s cheeks. The stress and nausea were still there, but the gesture somehow managed to reassure her despite everything.

“I love you, alright? I love you so much. And if there are ever any problems, then I’ll deal with them. But I need to know that they’re there. I need you to tell me,” Joohyun said, hands still on Seungwan’s face, keeping it in place as she gazed deep into her eyes.

“I don’t want to ruin this,” Seungwan breathed out, then she bit down on her lip, hard, to keep herself from crying.

“You won’t,” Joohyun insisted with certainty.

“I always do,” she pointed out. She wanted to look away, but Joohyun was still holding her face and the movement would have broken her grip.

“It sounds like that might be your side of the story,” Joohyun suggested sweetly. She let her hands drop to toy with Seungwan’s fingers.

She took a deep breath. The thought of doing this, of really trying, of showing Joohyun all of her fears and vulnerabilities, filled her chest with something painful, paralyzing. But it also lit up a spark of something that she hadn’t imagined she could still have.

Hope. Hope that this would really be it. It had been so long since she’d actually hoped that a relationship might work out. She squeezed Joohyun’s hands as the tears finally won over, but she stubbornly looked down, avoiding all of Joohyun’s attempts to see her face.

“You don’t know what I’m really like,” she whispered in a vain attempt to conceal the crying. “I’ll get really clingy. I’ll apologize for dumb stuff and ask if something’s wrong all the time.”

“And if there is, I’ll tell you,” Joohyun replied simply.

“And you’re not mad?” Seungwan added after a nervous pause. There it was, the question that she’d avoided asking for as long as she could. But she was supposed to be honest, so she couldn’t not ask.

“I’m not. It’s fine. Or, obviously it’s not fine for you. I’d prefer if you didn’t feel this way, because you’d be happier and I want you to be happy. But I meant for me. For me it’s fine. It doesn’t- what?” Joohyun finally demanded, flustered at the way Seungwan had begun to smile at her through the tears. It must be a strange combination.

“I just really like you,” she admitted shyly, endeared at the way Joohyun had been ready to ramble on forever. It was strange to consider that Joohyun was insecure as well. Of course, nobody could be confident all the time, but it was still an odd notion.

“Oh,” Joohyun said, the momentary embarrassment fading. She smiled at Seungwan with her own shy grin. “I really like you too.”

They sat there, playing with each other’s fingers and avoiding eye contact like lovestruck teenagers. Seungwan felt a strange mix of relief and pressure that was hard to digest.

Communication. That was the thing. Sooyoung, Seulgi, Joohyun, they had all insisted on that. Communication. Right.

“Joohyun?” she began hesitantly. “Why do you... I mean, you already answered that, but I didn’t… Why do you, um, like me?” she stuttered out with an inward groan.

Joohyun seemed to be mulling over her words. “You didn’t believe me?” she asked very gently, clearly trying not to spook Seungwan or sound imposing in any way.

“It’s not that I think you’re lying or something,” she quickly explained. “It’s hard to put it into words. It’s like I know that you know me and that you’re a good judge of character and that you wouldn’t just say that stuff, but at the same time I also know that I’m not those things. It doesn’t sound anything like me. It feels like there has to be a loophole somewhere.”

Joohyun hummed thoughtfully. Then she shifted in the sofa, straightening herself. “Alright, I’ll try again,” she said simply, a small smile reassuring Seungwan that there was no resentment in her words. Or trying, at least. “I like you because… your sense of humour matches mine and your jokes make me laugh. Because you don’t make fun of me for being afraid of your cat, or push me to get over it so we don’t have to spend all our time at my place. Because you put everything aside to help Yerim when she asked you. Because you shared your experiences with Sooyoung to cheer her up and encouraged her to accept herself. Because you dared to befriend Sooyoung and Yerim in the first place,” she added with a giggle.

Seungwan only tried to hide her face at each statement, offering weak counter-arguments such as “it’s the least I could do” or “she bullied me into it,” which Joohyun waved away with an amused smile. Finally, she clung to Joohyun’s hands and silenced her with a worried look.

“What if I never do those things again? What if, from now on, I just do boring and terrible things and you stop liking me?” she asked with her heart in her throat.

“Of course I can’t predict the future. But you do those things every day. Even today. Even just now.”

Seungwan gazed at her in confusion. All she’d done was make Joohyun mad and nearly ruin their relationship.

“I know you were very afraid to confront your fears and this entire situation, but you still didn’t give up on us. You came back and you talked to me.”

“What else could I do?” she mumbled awkwardly.

“You could refuse to face this. You could close up and say that you’d been wrong to start this relationship and let things end,” Joohyun’s voice trembled slightly as she suggested it. “But you didn’t. That was very brave of you.”

Seungwan sighed deeply, holding Joohyun’s hands tightly for support. “I just get worried that one day you’ll wake up and realize I’m not that great and that you can do so much better.”

Joohyun smiled sadly at her words. “I don’t think that there’s anything I can say to convince you otherwise. From what you told me, I feel like this concern doesn’t stem from my own behaviour so much as your past experience,” she pointed out with a sympathetic squeeze of Seungwan’s hand. “The only thing I can do to prove I’m not going anywhere is to not go anywhere. But that’s going to take time.”

Seungwan tugged on Joohyun’s hand to bring her closer so she could burrow into her shoulder. “Promise not to go?” she requested in a muffled voice.

“I pinky-promise,” Joohyun said with amusement. “You can sic your cat on me if I do.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to sic Mr. Fluffers on anything,” Seungwan replied with a one-armed shrug.

“Well, he’s very large, so just dropping him on me would already be very scary.”

“Okay,” Seungwan relented. “But I’d prefer it if you just didn’t leave.”

“I won’t.” Joohyun suddenly sounded gravely serious. “I won’t,” she repeated, pulling Seungwan back until their eyes met. Then she leaned in for a gentle kiss, finally resting their foreheads together as her fingers caressed Seungwan’s temple. “I won’t.”

Seungwan closed her eyes, letting herself be enveloped in the comfort that Joohyun’s words afforded, even if it was only temporary. She fought back tears because she refused to cry for what would probably be her fourth time that day.

“You know what else I like about you?” Joohyun asked out of the blue, her tone suspiciously playful. Seungwan hummed, trying to convey her suspicious assent, which admittedly was a tall order for a mere hum.

“Well… You poke your tongue out when you’re concentrating and it looks very cute and very distracting. And you scratch the back of your neck when you’re embarrassed. And you smell nice, like coconut. And you have these adorable cheeks, like a little chipmunk.”

Joohyun paused only long enough to pull away and poke her finger into one of the aforementioned cheeks, earning an exaggerated groan from its owner.

“You look so peaceful when you sleep, but every once in a while, you’ll scrunch up your eyebrows like you’re so offended,” Joohyun added with a chuckle, while Seungwan reached for her wrists and struggled to pull her hands away from her face, where they now attempted to poke at her forehead.

“And your smile is more beautiful than I can describe,” she concluded, taking advantage of Seungwan’s moment of surprise to break her defences and land a finger right on Seungwan’s lower lip.

“Are you done?” Seungwan grumbled while she reached for Joohyun’s hands and laced their fingers together.

“Not even close,” Joohyun replied with a crooked smile. “But I can stop, if you want,” she added cautiously.

“I suppose it would be a little… rude not to let you finish.”

They both grinned at Seungwan’s words and Joohyun took the time to settle more comfortably on the sofa, pulling Seungwan to cuddle against her side, before carrying on with her assault of compliments.

Seungwan listened patiently, trying her best not to blush at Joohyun’s apparently endless praise of everything from her ears to her fingers and even her ass. And for once, it actually made her feel good, rather than stressed at the thought of her secret being found out. For once, she actually believed one or two things. Her ass was definitely one of them, Joohyun’s hands were always landing on it.

For once, she felt happy without any lingering worries to cloud her mind. And for the first time in so long, even if it was just a little, even if it was just in the tiniest corner of her mind, she began to feel safe in someone else’s arms.


End file.
